Empathy and Irony
Many people state that my kind and me lack empathy. I don’t like that attitude. First of all it amounts to a criticism and I am not to be criticised. Secondly, empathy is regarded by some as the ability of blurring the line between self and other. The handy dose of empathy pictured above underlines this. In fact I am amongst the best at blurring the line between self and other. I am a champion at it. One of my killer lines of seduction is to declare
“I don’t where you end and where I begin we are merged into one.”
If that is not a blurring of the line between self and other I do not know what is. I repeatedly explain that I see people as extensions of myself, they are objects that become subsumed within what I am as I swallow up their identity and use their traits as my own. Blurring of lines? I would argue that that is an obliteration. By that definition I am absolutely oozing empathy aren’t I?
The third reason that I do not like the suggestion that I lack empathy is that empathy is the ability to understand the feelings of others. Again, I understand the feelings of others to a high degree. How can I manipulate those feelings if I do not understand them? Some of our kind instinctively behave in a manner which causes manipulation. They do not have much thought behind the process but they act in this fashion because it is all they know. It is all they have been conditioned and programmed to do. They do not need to consider what they are doing because it just happens and then the manipulation unfolds. Those of us at the greater end of the scale of narcissists do consider what to do in terms of our manipulation. We are always plotting and scheming as we reflect on the best way of manipulating you to do what we want and provide us with our precious fuel. I sit and consider the most effective ways of wielding my devilish toolkit in order to provoke and engender the most rewarding emotional reactions from you. I work through the schemes and machinations as I dream up new ways of provoking you. I analyse your life, what you do and what you say and then work out how I can then use that material to make you react.If I did not understand how certain things would make you feel, how can I know how best to manipulate you? I understand all about your feelings because I watch you and I observe and I remember. I have done this many times to your type and therefore I have built up an acquired knowledge of the ways that people such as you will react. I sit and consider what I can do to make you hurt, make you cry and make you frustrated. I know you so well I know exactly which buttons to press. I know which emotions to coax from you and because I understand this I know precisely what to do to achieve this. For some of you a cold front of silent treatment will make you pour forth that fuel as you frantically call and cry, worried as to why we have stopped speaking to you. With others a prolonged period of triangulation brings out the emotional response required because you always compete with someone or something that you perceive as a threat.
The fact you show your feelings so readily is joyously received by us. You provide us with a manual from which we can learn. We can mimic your emotions so our fakery continues to draw you in, make you feel sorry for us and have you focussed on us. Your exhibitionism in this regard allows us to understand which emotions run deepest in you and also the ways in which these emotions can be brought to the surface. We have to know how you feel so we can then influence how you will feel. I understand your emotions. That is demonstrating empathy is it not? Would you now say that we lack empathy?
You cannot say that we do not care about your feelings either. We care about them because we need those feelings because they provide us with fuel. We need to know that you will feel and show those feelings to us. We care very much about your feelings as without them we would be denied our fuel and that is fatal to us. We care about your manifestation of those feelings and that they are directed towards us. What we do not care about is their effect on you. That is of no interest to us because it serves no purpose to us. If you are left anxious, unable to eat or sleep then all we care about is that your anxiety is shown to us. The impact on your health and well being is of no concern to us because that does not provide us with fuel. It is not our role because of the way we are to make you feel better (unless of course that is required in order to obtain further fuel) but it is our role to make you feel so you give us fuel. We have no interest in the day-to-day or long-term effects of how you are feeling just so long as you can keep showing your emotions to us and giving us fuel. We have nothing to gain in alleviating your sadness. We have no interest in offering solutions to make your pain and misery go away. That is the brutal truth.
Don’t say however we do not understand how you feel. We most certainly do because we have to know this in order to exploit your feelings further. Indeed we often make you feel that way on purpose so we know exactly how you feel. We need to know the best way to pull on your strings and this means understanding how you will feel and react. So that is empathy for you indeed. Who would have thought it? Empathy from the devil. How ironic.
34 thoughts on “Empathy and Irony”
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Guess I’m the only one to venture out here on this one for now…honestly I loved this!!! Such wit and sarcasm I did indeed laugh – brutal yes but your unique style made it digestible! Your take on empathy and mine are so different but you made it almost the same….damn you’re good!!!!
That whole “ merged into one” load of bollox. He tells all his targets that same ridiculous line , including me .
I thought it was such a strange thing to say ( amongst other things) , but I never told him I thought it was BS .
Another one that I loathe, “ soul mate” . I believe in synchronicity and destiny, but not the soulmates crap.
He was telling me those things as recently as a year ago, all the while plotting and scheming, and looking for his next target.
What a feckin’ prick!
HG, did you have to base the title puns on that tooth-grindingly awful song?
Now I’m hearing it.
You really are a sadist.
V
Haha, I hear it too and it is annoying. Perfect title for this article though.
Look who’s talking! You inserted the Sweet P song virus in my head and it’s gonna stick there all night! Oh, Sweet P…
Better Tommy Roe than that Up-With-People-style tolerance-fest.
Ever see Jack Black’s riff on sappy Stevie Wonder songs? (Like Elton John, his early stuff was best.)
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-ECyX8A3iP0
Here’s one for That Other Thread:
Baby Narc…Doo doo doo
Hahahahaha noooo!!!!
Yesterday was my first anniversary since my first comment in the blog, which was precisely on this article on November 22, 2018. HG liked my name and recognized it was a track from Violator (but, of course he did). I’m happy I found this blog despite the bad catalyst that caused me to end up here. Always see the silver lining! Love you guys ♥️
SweetP
Happy Anniversary
Thank you dear!
Oh, Sweet P
Come on and post with me
Come on come on come on and post with me
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=JCKXxJRgVgc
(I secretly love bubblegum.)
Understanding and caring about someone’s feelings for the sake of manipulation is not true empathy. Being able to put yourself in another’s shoes and feel what they feel is true empathy.
My understanding of empathy relates to the ability to put oneself in the shoes of another person and therefore imagine how they are feeling. It is the inability of people to do this that frees them from remorse or conscience as they might be able to see the tears, name the emotion, recognise signs etc. But will never be able to understand how it feels for the other person. Of all the defence mechanisms, I think this is the most powerful and the background for all of the problematic behaviours.
In an autistic person who has no empathy, they can’t conceive of or imagine the thoughts of someone else, not only their feelings. I wonder if this is why they don’t engage in the manipulations of Narcs?
An autistic person can learn to recognise the signs of strong emotions in others, name them and learn appropriate responses to a degree. While they too may be focused on their own needs, think of other people as objects and also quite enjoy strong emotional reactions in others etc. Their behaviour is quite different and the lying and manipulation isn’t there. I wonder if that relates to tjeir self-esteem is necessarily bound up in the validation of others?
* correction * relates to their self-esteem not necessarily being bound up in the validation of others?
I know people on the spectrum. They have trouble expressing their emotions and recognizing those of others, but they do feel them.
One self-described Aspie told me he loves the old-fashioned rules of etiquette, because they tell him what to do in every situation; he doesn’t have to guess.
The significant thing is he WANTS to know what to do.
Some people on the Spectrum give up out of frustration after their clumsy attempts to make friends bring too many rejections, especially while growing up, but that’s not the same as Narcs who don’t give a toss how people feel as long as they get what they want, or actively enjoy the misery of others. An ability to read people isn’t necessarily empathy. As HG has demonstrated, some narcs read people remarkably well.
Hi Violetta
I wasn’t suggesting that an autistic person doesn’t feel emotions or isn’t able to read people in some circumstances. More wondering if their inability to imagine another persons thoughts AND feelings (social imagination) is why their lack of empathy doesn’t result in similar manipulative behaviours to Narcs. Or whether it is more to do with their sense of self and self-esteem (possibly) being intact.
I suspect there’s a different neurology. A lot of high-functioning people on the spectrum become loners or confine their socializing to online gaming, etc. Few of them go out and shoot the world they feel has rejected them, although those are always the ones who make the news: Elliot Rodger, Adam Lanza, David Katz.
A good thought Violetta. A difference in neurology (particularly mirror neurones perhaps) rather than a psychological construct/defense mechanism
Is it true in an entanglement that the narcissist sees us as the toxic one? Even you, who knows better. The Empath is the one with no understanding of how you feel and comes to expect the golden period eternally. When you can’t deliver they are disappointed and furious when part of them knows the Golden period isn’t sustainable.
I am not trying to blame the victim here. Just pointing out that our perspective is just that and it’s one sided. This article is a nice logic bomb.
Owing to the narcissistic perspective, you are the problem, hence why you are subjected to malign manipulations in order to control you.
You have no empathy in the sense that you cannot feel the way someone else is feeling. Your heart does not hurt when someone else is in pain. You do not cry when someone else is grieving. You do not feel happy to see someone else experiencing joy.
You understand but from a distance, as though you are looking through a glass window or reading a text book.
Just because a mechanic knows how a car works—and knows how to make a car run optimally or knows how to fix it when it’s broken down—does not mean he or she empathizes with cars.
You are a mechanic of the heart.
A mechanic of the heart! I like that Lisk.
Greaters working for mclaren, lessers kwikfit.
No wonder many of tend to consider our narcs to be Greaters—we like to see ourselves as the McLaren F1 rather than the Ford Focus!
Addendum:
. . . that is, before we realize we do not want to be a car at all . . . .
The problem is that narcs eventually make everyone feel like a Ford Pinto. (Or an Austin Allegro, if you’re British.)
Mine made me feel like a robin reliant hahah but I made myself feel like a Ferrari post escape!
Violetta. I want to feel my inner Tesla Truck. I am a little bit shy, so that is why I say, inner. Secretly, I would love to mow about NYC driving that. I feel bad though, because this design has just made many other trucks` design look absolute. It is evolutionary. And unfortunately, competing businesses hate when an exciting and obvious outlier hits the market. And, they usually immediately scramble and put up a frantic smear campaign. I have seen it happen too many times. But, I admire the truck. I am sure the design created competitive business enemies, right away. Will the truck make its sales, like I desire? Will its enemies prevail? Who knows. But it is amazing! I was shocked when I saw it on TV last night. I could not believe what I was looking at. I just stared at it. Speechless. And the price? I was shocked, was actually reasonable. https://i.cbc.ca/1.5369331.1574430987!/cpImage/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/16x9_780/aptopix-tesla-pickup.jpg
PSE:
You know perfectly well there’s no place to park a Tonka Truck in NYC, let alone a Tesla Truck.
Hg,
If narcs aren’t supposed to be aware of what they are or what they do , how can they plot and scheme?? My narc is plotting and scheming against me, and I’m fairly certain it’s calculated,and he knows exactly what he’s doing .
It seems that way to you because you are not an expert and because you impose your own worldview on his behaviour, it is a common mistake. The obscuring effects of emotional thinking will not assist either. I can explain this to you so you understand this key concept, through consultation.
HG,
Thank you.
Looking forward to our consultation, hopefully after the new year.