Point Askew

In a discussion with Dr E we were engaged in one of the sessions where he invites me to consider the situation from the point of view of those that I interact with. On this particular occasion we were discussing situations where a victim wishes to cease interacting with me and he wanted to know if I could understand why they might form that view. Since I am a clever chap I am able to work out how people might feel about being on the receiving end of my behaviour. I understand that anxiety and hyper vigilance, misery and upset follow the way I treat people. As you know though I do not care. People make the mistake that I am dismissive of the way people feel. It is not that. I can see that they are upset. I can see that they are angry. I know all of that. What people often fail to realise is that my needs have to come first. I need my fuel. If that means you standing there sobbing at me then that has to happen so I get my fuel. If there was a different way of getting that fuel then I would use that method. If that alternative method did not leave you upset then I would take it, but there is no other way, not when I grow tired of you. I need the fuel and that means you have to suffer as you supply that to me.

I do understand how you feel because I have seen the reactions over and over again. I know what anger looks like, I know what misery is and I have seen despair so often. I can understand your point of view when you stand arguing with me, but I will not concede to it. I want you to keep arguing as that gives me fuel. I will deploy a circular argument to keep the drama going. I want you to explode through frustration and shower me with your attention as you do so. I hear everything you say to me (although I will wind you up by saying I cannot hear you, so you speak louder and become exasperated). People suspect that I cannot appreciate what your view is. I do but it must always be subservient to my desire for fuel. Of course, by telling you this I can extract even more fuel from you because now you know that I understand your views but I wont pay any heed to them and that will infuriate you all the more.

3 thoughts on “Point Askew

  1. Susan says:

    I think the only safe place to have fun with one of these is on this site with this one (HG)

  2. surfinsybil says:

    This sounds so much like the mid level narcissist that I dealt with. He used circular arguments and then an extended silent treatment. Then he would get back in touch with me and act like nothing happened. I kept my mouth shut because I believed that peace was better than upsetting him again. Of course I didn’t realize until after getting away that I was never at peace… for over 3 years he ran me down.

    On one occasion he threatened to break things off with me when I expressed displeasure with his mind games. Being in the state that I was, I cried all night. By morning I was exhausted and dehydrated because I had no sleep and I dried myself out crying. He showed up to personally tell me that he was never going to see me again. His first comment when he saw me: “I’m surprised that you aren’t more upset,”

    That comment confused the heck out of me. I didn’t understand anything about narcissists or fuel. He thought that he was going to show up and get a tanker full of fuel. I understand now that I really disappointed him. Knowing what I do now, I will have some fun with one if I’m forced to deal with one in the future. I know that I have that neon sign over me… so I need to protect myself somehow.

    Thanks for the armor and sword HG. And thanks for making this learning process fun too!

    Love and fuel to you.

  3. Susanne Amor Propio says:

    πŸ“ƒ “I do understand how you feel because I have seen the reactions over and over again. I know what anger looks like, I know what misery is and I have seen despair so often. I can understand your point of view when you stand arguing with me, but I will not concede to it. πŸ“ƒ

    Hi HG, I like to give my personal view on this after been doing some study about it from this side of the fence.
    (ENGLISH IS NOT my Mother language, I hope I do express my self properly.)

    I Used many many different sources, works, books YouTube Facebook suportgroups, of course your work based on your experiences and expertise and my own “work”, my experiences.
    It is not my intention to offend anybody, less You HG…

    Here goes…

    If… you understand us (you in you and all the narcs) then you know what it is to feel “it”.
    But you DON ‘T!

    ONE Thing is seeing us behave on certain emotions, and that can can name them..
    Another thing is understand them, because for that you need the capacity to feel.

    As long as you have never ever felt them it is imposible you can UNDERSTAND what we feel and go through. IMPOSIBLE..

    Is that not the issue, that you are not able to feel those emotions because of the lack of empathy.
    Because of this lack you need others to provide you with the fuel, the energy created by these emotions?
    That is what makes “us” feel so alive.

    Is that not in a way giving away your power to others, “us”, your state of well being depends on what is outside of you?

    Is that not the shadow side of the narcs?
    We empath have our shadow side, thanks to all this I am learning that.

    If we start to understand that the persons that come into our lifes are there or for a reason a season or a life time… Then we can decide what to make of the persons who come in our life.
    I decided that my ex partner was there for a reason. I took that change to work on myself and grow. One of the things I needed to accept and recognise is that dark side of mine… That goes very deep and profound…

    “You” need people for their fuel, that is called depending on, you can’t be without.
    It is sad though, like “our” dependency…

    So that means that for feeling good you look for it outside and Therefor you give away your power.
    I have done that a long time, I created a high dependency. I needed others validations and aprobations to feel valued and loved etc.

    Though now I am learning that my feeling-good is only depending on myself.
    Therefor I don’t want to give that power away anymore.

    The narcs,you write, are capable of seeing our state, right?
    You know that we are not doing ok when we cry when we are sad when we are afraid or in despair…

    Though, understand us???

    Or could there be deep down in your subconscious a source where you without knowing ore understanding conect with these feelings… And Therefor you use the Word understanding?

    This is not me, reacting from my emtional thinking for to try to convence that there is a posibilty that he can be safed, or whatever.
    Yes this is me writing, Susanne, who believes in incondicional love and who believes in the law of the Mirror and who is studying now the book: a course of miracle (just some inside info)
    And is learning and growing…

    What my experience, I got him out of my sisteme. Took 101 %responsibility of my recovery, and I am doing GOOD so far and have all faith that I will in future time being, inclyding my ups and downs..

    SO, COMING BACK to that subconscious part of that we all have. .. After all you are aswell a human being, right…

    So being called a Narc because of your behaviour does not take away that you have a body, mind and soul.

    And Therefor a conscious and a subconscious part inside of you…

    And like all humans the acces to our subconcious is veryyyy y limitated and there is like a 95% of our way of behaviour that is “control Led” by that part.

    So imagine that there is the key to it all, I know mine is…

    So what if, you being aware of so much….
    Dived into there and you open up for New perspectives.
    Not for any healing after all for to heal we need to be willing and aware of what we like to change….

    Just out of curiosity, like you shared you are a very curious Man…

    Do you HG, know about the theory, the law of the Mirror, I find it so interesting. It helps me so much to step out of being a victim and to start to rebuild again my life and show up as I never did before

    The law of the Mirror says that “Everything I see in you, I have it, whether I like it or not.” Faced with this situation, we can ignore this “morse code” that our subconscious uses to communicate with us, and the situation, instead of getting worse or diluted, can become greater and more intense, or we can begin to enter in the parameter of not reacting or being defensive out.

    It is important to stop and tell us:
    This is mine πŸ’― %
    the mirror always tells me about how I behave with myself
    The outside shows me how I relate to myself.

    Your exterior shows you and tells you about what is hidden in your unconscious.

    And what is hidden? It is hidden what I do not want to recognize in myself, what I do not support from myself, what I do not accept from me, the wounds pending to be resolved, the judgments and claims towards my past, and the parts of ego (of personality) that have been hurting along the way.

    If you want to redirect your life because you are suffering, in whatever degree,
    you just have to be aware of what you have around you.
    Looking at the type of relationships you live, the type of work, couple or life you lead, you can become aware of what you have inside.

    Going to leave it with this… πŸ˜‰
    I see I got carried away, just a little bit πŸ˜„β˜ΊοΈπŸ˜‹

    Thank you for letting me share this from the way I, at this moment, live it all.

    Don’t know what might happen tomorrow though who does know.

    I never wrote down anything, I never was a writer but It seems that with the day I write more and more, it helps me amazingly! πŸ˜ƒ

    With love Susanne ✨

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