The Desire To Destroy The Narcissist

Add a heading

I know you hate me. Your kind are filled with love and then filled with hate. There is no need to deny it. It is a normal reaction for someone like you and one which I entirely endorse and encourage.

I know you will try and mask that burning anger that you feel by saying you pity me or that you have nothing but contempt for me but I can see it. Those sensational eyes of yours that once blazed with desire, passion and most of all hope, are now filled with the churning, billowing flames of hatred.

Some of you will fight to contain this sensation. You fear that by giving in to this hatred that you will somehow be on a level with me. I can ease your fears in that regard. You are nowhere near my level and nor were you. I placed you far higher than me to begin with. Yes it was artificial and all part of my design but you had no complaint then did you? You did not object or demur when I thrust you skywards and planted you on that pedestal. Of course you did not.

Who would?

Nobody would and least of all somebody like you. Now you are on your true level, way down below me, cast onto stony ground, broken and shattered. Amazing though isn’t it how you managed to summon such an anger from somewhere. How many times had you said to your confidantes that you felt numb (yes they were reporting back to me). Yet now look at you. A seething, glowering fireball of hatred and it is all directed at me. I adore this.

You want to destroy me. I know you do. You all do. The one before you was exactly the same as the one before was and the one before her. The next one will be just the same,although I do still hold out some hope that she might just be different and somehow avoid the mistakes all those who have gone before have made.

I have seen this hatred many times and your desire for revenge is strong. Of course it is. I made it this way. Everything I did as I brought you down low was programmed to cause you to eventually explode into hatred. From elation to despair, through broken to numb. Eventually the switch would be flicked and as puppet master I ignite the fire beneath you which stokes the flames of hatred.

Despise me, go on, do it. Send those wicked words towards me. Tell me what a bastard I am. Keep it coming. Pull your hair, wave your fist and stamp your feet. Tell me how you are going to scratch my car. Feels good does it not? Believe me, it feels even better being on the receiving end of your bile and hate.

Go on, sit with your friends and plot your revenge, I can feel you all huddled around your cauldron as you try and concoct ways at getting back at me. I feel so powerful knowing you are focussed on seeking retribution. This is what I want. I want to bask in the heat of your anger, I want to be covered in the disgust and distaste that you will spew towards me.

I want you scheming, hatching and planning. By hurting you so deeply I plant inside you that overwhelming desire to get even with me. It happens every time and is all part of my master plan to ensure you, my beautiful appliance keep pouring fuel in my direction. I make you seek revenge for in doing so, your planning and ham-fisted execution of the same give me what I want. Fuel.

You are blinded with your hatred so that you fail to realise you will not succeed in gaining revenge, not by shouting, spitting and scratching. Oh no, this overload of howling anger is just a banshee of fuel to me. I will twist and shift as I thwart your attempts, laughing at your pathetic efforts to try and get one over on me. This will spur you on as I lead you on yet another merry dance as I continue to take from you exactly what I need.

All you will do by obsessing over trying to bring me down is remain ensnared. True, we may no longer be in a Formal Relationship as husband and wife any longer, but you are continuing to engage with me. You are thinking about how to bring me down, you are discussing how hateful I am with your friends, you are stalking my online activity, you drive past where I work and where I live to see what I am doing as you plot and hatch.

All you are doing is keeping me alive in your mind, making it easier and easier for me to stay there. Your emotional thinking was too high to begin with as a consequence of the ensnarement and then the unanswered questions when I disengaged from you. You failed to drain your emotional thinking.

You failed to allow your logic to gain any kind of foothold. You have read, watched and listened but there is no room for it to sink in because your emotional thinking was too high and furthermore it remains too high. It remains too high because your desire to destroy me, to exact revenge and see me suffer keeps feeding that emotional thinking.

Round and round your thoughts go. You think you are feeling better, no longer sad, no longer hurting, but the anger that has replaced those feelings (or perhaps has temporarily overridden them) means that you have lost insight.

Your emotional thinking has you in its grip. It, in its usual cunning way, has conned you into thinking that you have moved forward by causing you to think that this anger, this planning, this desire to destroy is evidence of progress and recovery.

It is not.

It is too soon. Too soon from your disengagement. Too soon from your escape. Too soon from the hoovering.

All you are doing is engaging with me once more. My reactions may seem one of anger and irritation, but that is just my self-defence mechanism responding in order to assert my superiority once again as I draw on your Challenge Fuel. You are not wounding me. I repeat, you are not wounding me.

Your attacks against me are surrounded by venom, anger and annoyance. Thus it is Challenge Fuel. This just fuels me and my responses cause you to think you are getting to me, you are not, those reactions are designed, an instinctive response by my narcissism, to make you think you are getting somewhere, to make you give me more fuel and to allow me to assert my superiority over you as that must always be done.

Your desire for revenge is premature. You must reduce your emotional thinking through a robust no contact, you must build your Logic Defences and allow them to gain a foothold and then bring that reduced emotional thinking under control. This takes time, many months, to achieve.

Yet once done, with that emotional thinking at a far lower level and with logic prevailing, any remaining desire to destroy (and often it has now faded with the diminution of emotional thinking) means that it will be deployed from a distance, with cool, hard calculation and if you do so in accordance with the steps set out in my work Revenge then you will avoid being ensnared, you will avoid messing up the revenge campaign and you are far, far more likely to meet with success.

But if you fail to heed these wise words and think you know better. If you think you are ready now to effect revenge, with ill-preparation and rampant emotional thinking then please do seek it.

You will not get it.



13 thoughts on “The Desire To Destroy The Narcissist

  1. Dr. Harleen Quinzel, PsyD. says:

    I think we all feel like we want to get revenge on the narcissist or psychopath. I will admit that it is even hard for me at times to control myself lol! They do the work for you. The problem is you have to be patient and you won’t always see it. Furthermore, living their existence is punishment enough. Sit back and enjoy the shit show if you have front row seats lol.

    These days, I don’t really bother with revenge. I often don’t care enough and know that me leaving is punishment enough lol. Occasionally, I will take the opportunity if it happens to fall in my lap and it can’t be traced back to me. I think there needs to be some feeling of like….justice was served.

    Every trauma and every mistake I have made has made me that much wiser. I mean sure, it hurt me and the experience sucked but it made me who I am today. I can see things clearer.

  2. Kiki says:

    Love this. 100% truth. I developed a theory that both Narc snd Empath need each other to reconstruct childhood trauma. Relive it to understand it. The outcome should be conclusion that there is nothing to change and nothing to forgive. People are what they are, accepting it without judgement.

    1. Desirée says:

      That is not new. It is called Repitition Compulsion, a toxic coping mechanism merely serving as a short-term band-aid to gloss over issues but ending up exacerbating the problem in the long run, as the emotional wounding compounds. Empaths and Narcissists don’t “need” each other to reconstruct anything, Empaths need to break away from narcisstic abuse as a starting point to developing better coping strategies. The Narcissist doesn’t need anything other than the prime aims from the Empath as his new coping mechanism is the narcissism itself and that cannot be changed or altered.

  3. AnneB says:

    Such an accurate piece. For my part, thoughts of revenge, surges of anger and indignation going nowhere, have just kept me ensnared and fed my addiction. I have continued to be addicted to the exSuspectedN two years post disengagement and over a year since last direct contact. I have fed, or more accurately sustained, my completely one sided addiction and obsession through social media stalking, fantasising revenge on both exsusN and some of his other (subsequently discovered) sources, and physically trying to discover who the replacement IPPS or IPSSes is/ are. Although I have still managed to function in the outside world, I have spent a literately mad/crazy amount of time ‘living’ in this fantasised world alone (ie unspoken/unrevealed to anyone), my pre exsusN entanglement sense of reality eroding for the past two years and more intensely for the past year. I do intellectually understand that I created the new reality through my new habits of thought and action, I avoided grief and grieving through these habits. I avoided the actual situation/reality of disengagement. I watched as my post disengagement ‘relationship’ (read obsession) with the exsusN, carried out entirely in my head and supported through what I term ’emotional action’ (playing Columbo), became more real to me than the shared reality/relationships with real others/the world/work and myself.

    KTN had the catalytic effect of pulling me up. Thank effing God (an expression – really it is thank effing H.G. of course: gratitude, appreciation and admiration is what I feel for H.G). I don’t know what I was dealing with yet as far as the ex goes – N or not N and if N, which classification. I have my suspicions but I now know that my ET is such that I cannot trust any understanding that I imagine might actually lurk somewhere inside; as a result of this I am slowly completing the Narc detector, trying to remain as objective as possible re the exsusN’s behaviour. I cannot trust myself but I choose to trust H.G. in this matter. HG.’s work has spoken to me and my experience and begun a validation process inside me. For the past couple of months (since discovering KTN) HGs work has had a *very massive* reductive effect on my obsessive thoughts, has helped me avoid love devotee type ET more regularly, and almost completely desist from emotional actions. I have some real hope, and I mean *real*, of moving forward.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Good to read.

      1. AnneB says:

        It was good to write.

  4. Kelly B says:

    It has been a few years I never have forgotten. Its not fair it boils my ****

  5. A recovering empath says:

    As of late my hate is directed at you HG. You refuse to approve my my responses when even though my response is emotional it is also factual.
    I find some articles amusing in their drivel, to first off spout on about putting the empath on a pedastal. Ha! That would imply you had something of substance to give which you do not. Narcissists are nothing more than mirrors to the ocean…the showing of depth & substance is exactly nothing more than a reflection. To reach for the water would be drinking nothing…not even sand. The fact we believe you when you (narcs) turn on the “charm” (reflection) is on us.
    Often, for me, with my ex-narcs (last three…slow learner here)…
    Its not about hate at first but about being heard.
    Even you HG seem to need to be understood, heard and given credit where its due…..if you (narcs) the greaters anyway who have awareness as you’ve mentioned previously can understand and be aware of how important these values are, why can you not extend to give them? You pretend to but you don’t. Why is that?
    Of course why am i bothering writing as this note too may sit waiting for moderation approval and then disappear from existense.
    With all the awareness you have, and the knowledge…why does it not appeal to you, HG, to apply what you know of yourself to incur change in your behaviour instead of seeking to control everyone else’s?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      1. I am unconcerned by your hate.
      2. See the Rules as to why your post remained in moderation. Just like the comments of other people. You have no entitlement to have your posts moderated and you must wait your turn in accordance with the rules. I recommend you read the rules.
      3. I do not need to change because I am highly effective as I am. It works for me. You think I should change, but that is from your perspective and it is not one which I share.

  6. Esther says:

    Very Good HG! Hate is a strong word. And Besides, it’s an emotional response narcs do not deserve… Seeking revenge will not guarantee success. And it’s not worth the effort.. move on instead.

  7. NarcAngel says:

    “huddled around your cauldron”

    Laugh. Every. Time.

  8. R says:

    I don’t hate my narc. Even when I have to call the police again and again. I am just scary.

    1. Esther says:

      R, same here..I don’t hate my ex either, I just despise him lol

Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.