Infatuation
I have never known anybody like you. You are amazing. You are so loving, so kind and so gentle. Everything you do makes me happy. I didn’t think that was possible, not after the last person I was involved with. I don’t want to go on about that person for too long, why spoil this wonderful moment eh?
Suffice to say they were not what I thought they were, a con-artist and a charlatan who made me think that they were something else and they took advantage of my good nature. I know you will not do that. I know you are too good a person. It is written all over you. I cannot believe how lucky I am to have found you. I wasn’t really looking but I am sure glad that I have found you. You are amazing. Have I told you that already? I can see you nodding.
Sorry, I am just so excited to have finally found you and I am just so excited about all the adventures and fun we are going to have together. You really are everything that I have ever wanted in a person. There are not enough wonderful adjectives available to describe, there really aren’t.
My friends think I am nuts, but in a good way, because all I do is go on about you. I tell them the places we go to, the marvellous days we spend together and just hat a special, precious and loving person that you are. It restores your faith in human nature after all of the terrible things that have happened, sorry I am mentioning them again, I must stop doing that.
I am all over the place, in the good way, this is what you do to me. Anyway, I tell my friends all about you, all of the time and I know that they are delighted to see me so deliriously happy because they have not seen me like this for some time. I have such plans for you and I. Wonderful, momentous and special plans. I want to tell you all about them now because they are that good, but I am not going to. I don’t want to spoil the surprises.
This feels like my birthday, Christmas, a promotion and a wedding day all rolled into one. I know you might think I am going over the top but this is how happy you make me feel. I feel like I am on fire, fizzing with anticipation and joy. It is truly sensational and it is all down to you. You have brought this out in me. If it wasn’t for you I don’t know what I would have done.
You rescued me and made me smile. You are my world. I mean that. I want to be with you all of the time and forever because you are so giving, so warm, so loving, so considerate, so funny, so attractive and well, just the very, very best. I have told my family about you, naturally and they cannot wait to meet you. I think they are nearly as excited as me. I think of you as soon as I wake up and you are in my thoughts all through the day and as I lie down at night I think of you again and wonder what you are doing and wish I was with you right at that moment.
You move me to the extent that I want to do great things for you and I and everyone else. You inspire me, you drive me and you motivate me. I feel completed now I have you, like nothing can ever hurt me and I know I will never let anything hurt you. That can never happen. I need you and I hope that you need me, we are a partnership and cannot be torn asunder, no matter what the world throws at us.
You will probably have seen my Facebook page littered with all those comments about you. I just feel them welling up inside of me and I have to let them out, give birth to them if you will and let them be shared with the world. It is the right thing to do, to allow such joy and happiness to be shared all around. Why shouldn’t other people be happy as well because we are? I want you.
I want you more than anything I have ever wanted before I will do anything with you. I want us to be together, I want us to be one. I want us to grow old together and still be in love in sixty years as we are now. I know what we have is so special that we can achieve that.
I know I am babbling on but it is all good isn’t it? It is right to be this enthusiastic and excited and I know this is always going to be the case. That gives me so much comfort but again it is all because I know that we can rely on one another, trust one another and support one another.
We are made for one another. Your hands fit mine perfectly, we coil together at night, fitting perfectly around one another. You finished my sentences and I know what you are going to say right before you say it. It is as if we have been forged from the same thing all those years ago, then separated and finally we have been put back together again in order to be happy and why not, we deserve to be happy. You make me happy and I will do the same for you.
I want to tell the world how wonderful you make me feel. I want to take out advertisements in newspapers, on YouTube and on television. I want to shout if from the highest mountain and from the rooftops that I love you.
Am I infatuated? Of course you are. Who wouldn’t be so infatuated when being with someone as gloriously brilliant as me. Now, say that all again to me.
30 thoughts on “Infatuation”
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Meh, I don’t think I have the luxury of infatuation anymore
Infatuation is short lived and doesnt last. It feels like a highschool crush. This article sounds like love to me as the person wants to grow old together.
Then again if is short lived why do relationships last years?
Certain relationships last because either
1. The victim does not escape , and/or
2. The disengagement trigger is not pulled.
The IPPS in such a situation has repeated periods of devaluation and respite.
Thank you for answering
So then i take it the Narcissist is still infatuated even after all these years thinking its love.
Yes each time there is a golden period.
Now that makes perfectly sense.
Hi Pati
You ask why these relationships last. You live the answer. Why did yours last?
Hi Kim E,
How are you?
Why did my relationship last?
Excellent question. I will try and answer my best.
– kids (one has a mental illness)
– finances (he worked numerous years on his own while i raised my 3 )
– my 4th one then came
_my background is greek so divorce was an absolute no no
– i loved him there were times that he was amazing !
-knew nothing about NPD and HG
_ i thought his behaviour was normal and thats how he is and i accepted it
– addicted to the Narcissist
_scared
_naive
And many more .
Pati. I am good. Thanks for asking
So the reasons everyone else stays are some of the same reasons you stay
I asked the question of you because you asked the question like “why in the hell do these people stay”.
I think people stay in relationships with normals and empathetic for the same reasons they star with narc’s except for one big difference. Whether they know it or admit it they are addicted to the N. You are addicted. It is not just a matter of I know he is an ass and treats me like shit, you are addicted to him.
And once you decide you are truly finished with the abuse all the reasons you gave me won’t add up to a hill of beans. All your reasons are ET I hope in the future you see this
Not sure if you had your consultation yet with HG but if you did I hope it went well
KIm thank you for your great advice like always.
My consultation with HG went well thank you for asking . Happy Holidays to you and your family!
Hugs xoxox
Brilliant ending!
Thank you.
To me this is quite creepy and repulsive. Does the narcissist actually feel these things in the moment when they say them, or are they mostly made up and exaggerated? If they do feel them, it is interesting that they never get jaded and experience it again and again with different targets; most people grow out of infatuation as we get older.
There is no feeling, that is emotional empathy, which is absent with us. The narcissist believes he or she feels those things but they do not.
HG,
How can they think they feel them but don’t ?? Isn’t that just infatuation, like any new relationship?
My narc expects to ALWAYS feel that , he does not accept that relationships grow and mature . He does not accept that in a long term marriage love changes into a “ mature “ love ( for lack of a better word at the moment) .
He doesn’t grasp that his DLS doesn’t get to see life with him Day to day , cooking, laundry, raising children, home maintenance, etc- ., both he and she are living in fantasy land, where all they have to worry about is having fun . Would be a reality check if they actually lived together.
No, non-narcissists do not engage in infatuation.
HG,
So if it’s not infatuation, do they really think they’re in love , or are they just lying to hook us ?
Why in the world would they get married, have to share assets , etc , if there were no genuine feelings? I find it so hard to believe it’s for fuel only.
Yes they believe they are in love.
I recommend that you organise a consultation with me so I can explain this in greater detail for you to help you understand as it is clear you are (understandably) struggling with the concept.
What’s curious is that they repeat the same grandiosity each time – even when they’re triangulating. “Save me from the ones who don’t know how to love anyone!” It’s just…odd. My first response was “you’re a grown man – save yourself!” I gave him a small metal anchor cos he didn’t seem to have one of his own, but he was greatly offended that I didn’t join him in his fever. I sensed that under this rush of absoluteness was a well of rage and resentment – I also felt manoeuvred like he was trying to force my hand. There seemed to be a game of plausible deniability going on. I just thought “How odd for a man in his 50s to be still playing that nonsense game.”
Guess my questions are: does he know he’s a stuck record, or does he think this is what ‘love’ is? (or what he thinks my concept of ‘love’ is, if he was performing for my benefit). Does he know there are more authentic ways to be (I think he must, but doesn’t care), and lastly, he doesn’t actually want to evolve/grow/mature. There was a coward and a manipulator in there. Am I even sincerely asking, or just listing my own conclusions, because the verdict’s already in? By the time you hit 50, you are whatever you’re gonna be. He may have believed himself in love with me, but could turn on the head of a pin – so much for ‘love’. Learn how to be my friend without agenda, first and foremost.
I’m actually an openly kind and sympathetic character, and I guess they see that and think “Gonna have me some of that!” and get so busy trying to hook that part of me that they don’t spot the detached analyser. I’m energetically generous through choice rather than compulsion, and when I get tired of giving, or feel like generosity is expected of me, I just do something else I enjoy instead.
Oh! here’s a question: why insist on romance and seduction? I know they try to clothe themselves in what they think I want, but that ain’t it.
Why romance and seduction? Because it works.
Lamb let her see what he is really like in reality. They wont last.
Pati,
I know they won’t last, especially if they live together.
she is unaware of his substance-abuse problem, I have no idea how he thinks he would be able to hide that from her living under the same roof.
I tolerated it for decades, mostly for the children’s sake.
Knowing what I know about his DLS from a third-party there is no way she will tolerate his attempts to control her. She also enjoys fancy vacations and Expensive restaurants, jewelry etc. . My Narc watches every single penny. I give them a month if they live together ! Ha !
if he leaves and decides he made a mistake, too bad! No exchanges, no returns, the door is glued shut forever .
I am happy for you Lamb. My husband doesnt do drugs but smokes 2 packs day. I swear i will die of second hand smoke . Maintaining no contact is the best you can do. Dont let him hoover you back in. You are doing the best for yourself and your family. Good luck and hugs to you xoxo
Do they still get butterflies in their stomach,cant sleep ,cant eat and heart races when they see the particular person
I think maybe they do Pati while the other person is idealised at least. I can get my head around that they feel something like that which you describe. That first flush of desire and surging positive regard for the other. And I think maybe it is a chemical thing, all those endorphins flowing at the thought or touch of someone we adore. The mistake, I think is to liken that for what you/we feel. Our surges of joy at the sight of a loved one are about our feelings for them, trouble is, their feelings of elation (power maybe) are about OUR feelings for them too. Reciprocation of feelings isn’t there. We love them and it shows, they love that we love them as it provides them fuel. Our giddiness is about tender feelings and a connection we feel, that answers a need in us to join with someone else. To respect, nurture and support them and to have that in return. Their’s is about fuel for themselves, power and control and validation of themselves. I find it terribly sad at times to think of it this way. But I am trying to stop minimising this stuff. It’s hard isn’t it, to discount all the times they were wonderful? Those times certainly happened, they were real. They just can’t be sustained and the price for them is the misery of when the switch is flicked. Sorry about the ramble, my ET kicked in I think.
Hi Notme!
I feel the same thing my ET is sky high!
Its sad because you know they dont feel the same but they want to extract Fuel
We want love they want Fuel.
Two different worlds
Two different wants
Who would have known.
HG. The line between highly narcissistic vs. narcissist. I feel it either is or is not—not really a grey zone. Correct? These are two totally different things? Highly narcissistic may cheat (for instance) but the usual manipulations are absent?
Correct on all fronts.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=jPdHaNr0OAY
Pretty much all of it, and close to those words, too