MatriNarc
Both Dr O and Dr E (the good doctors) repeatedly like to ask me about my childhood. I do not like to talk about it. I tell them that I do not like to and the reason for that is that I do not remember much about it and therefore I feel uncomfortable talking about something which I do not feel in control of. Everyone is like that though aren’t they? If you are making a presentation but you only have half the material, you feel uncomfortable don’t you? I you are asked a question by somebody but you do not have all the information to hand, you feel uneasy. I explained that was my response and that it was an entirely understandable one. I’m not telling them the real reason behind my recalcitrance. Not a chance.
Unfortunately, Dr O then gets the bit between her teeth in one of our sessions and decides she would like to talk to me about family.
“Who has pinched your bagel this week then? Your brother or your sister?” I shot back seeking to deflect her. She ignored my remark and pressed on.
“Is there anybody in your immediate family you would like to discuss with me?” she asked.
“No.”
“Why?”
Where do I start ? Why would I want to talk about people I rarely bother with (save my brother)? Why is it that these people assume that I have some overriding desire to discuss a group of people who I am related to but have nothing in common with? What is the obsession?
I remained silent.
“Okay, how about I choose a family member and you tell me three things that you like about them and three things that you do not like about them. Just as something to start our conversation?” she suggested.
I remained silent.
“How about your mother?” she asked and looked at me expectantly.
I got up and left the room. I’m not playing that game with Dr O. No way.
8 thoughts on “MatriNarc”
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It’s irritating that they kept pressing you when you made it clear it wasn’t something you wanted. They weren’t even sly about it.
In middle school, I got called to the counselor’s office cause of some depressing song lyrics I wrote on the back of an assignment. I spent the first 10 minutes laughing about it to the counselor and insisting that they had it all wrong–the song actually ended happily, it was an uplifting song, the song guy changes his mind. I just hadn’t had time to finish the lyrics, that’s all. There is absolutely nothing wrong at home–honestly, everything’s fine. Normal.
But the asshole just kept staring at me and pressing, and I finally broke, bawling like an idiot. But I did manage to deflect to some other problem I was facing, this boy who I liked but he didn’t like me and would always make fun of me, yada yada. I was letting out the emotions from home life but didn’t have to talk about home life.
I’ve kept my guard up around counselors ever since.
Mr Tudor.Please tell me more. I mentioned to you yesterday the strange relashionship I’ve noticed between my ex and hes Mother.(she has cancer, he says he adores her he intentionally avoids her knowingly causing her pain)
You say you cant remember much about your childhood. So maybe there was a lot of negligence towards you , your Mother maybe was not to present in your childhood causing you not to have many happy memories? I believe this to be the reason of my Ex’s Narcisism and total lack of empathy which is something I need to understand.Hes upbringing. He himself avoids talking about this matter.I respect your wishes to not talk about your childhood but that speaks for itself as you have no problem about giving total insight into other areas of your personal Narcisism and life. I’m sorry you went through a not so good childhood and I hope this stops hindering your happiness one day❤
HG, if you are uncomfortable with it they should stop being so persistent and let it be.
HG,
My narc does not like to discuss his mother. He knows she was a cold , calculating woman. She lacked empathy, she faked it fairly well though. I think my narc both hated, and loved his mother. My narcs sisters and brothers do not have a problem speaking the truth about their mother. I think my narc is like his mother , and doesn’t want to face it.
His mother really fucked his head up during childhood, and right into his adult years .
I can have sympathy for the abuse he suffered at his mothers hands , but not for him taking that abuse out on me . I am not his mother, I am nothing like her.
When my narc chose me , he chose someone that was raised in a loving family. I had a very happy childhood.
Noting; when you speak of how narcs study victims and gather information to hurt them with later , there was nothing to gather about me , no past abuses, or hurts , nothing. In that respect he has nothing to hurt or embarrass me with. I only provided him with positive things about me . We all have faults or little quirks, myself included, but I don’t have any that others don’t have as well, run of the mill sort of things. I do believe he wishes he had bad things to hold against me.
One thing I have that he’ll never have , plenty of people, family, friends, who know me my whole life and would call him a liar to his face if he attempted to make things up about me.
I am sorry for whatever happened to you during your childhood, HG.
You need not be sorry Lamb, although I understand your sentiment, you were not culpable.
Lamb,
You are so fortunate in one way. You have people on your side and a lot of support.
Me on the other hand do have family ,but they will support my husband. The fascade that he has showed was all fake and they flipping fell for it. He has cognitve function and cognitive empathy Very controlling but not violent towards me or his kids . Each situation is very complicated They have one thing in common they are Narcissist’s.
Pati,
I am so sorry to hear that you don’t have more support, I can’t imagine how much more difficult it must make all of this for you.
The truth always prevails in the end. Someday everyone will know that it was YOU who was the honest one.
He puts on the charm. Good looking guy. My kids love him he spoils them. I knew something wasnt right in my relationship and did the N detector and boom HG confirmed it.