Chained : The Narcissist´s Co-Dependent
Are you or somebody you know chained to the narcissist? Are you a co-dependent? What does this mean? How did you become this way? How does the narcissist know what you are? How does the narcissist exploit this condition and how might you escape him? These questions and more are posed and answered in this fascinating book. Delivered direct from the dark-hearted master, the narcissist provides his unique observations on those who are co-dependent and find themselves chained to the narcissist.
34 thoughts on “Chained : The Narcissist´s Co-Dependent”
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Ugh my mother tries to control everything I do. Absolutely everything. Thankfully I live 35 miles away from her, so when she rings me up (sometimes up to 4 times a day although I only pick up twice at most otherwise I’d go nuts) I listen dutifully to every instruction she gives me, placate her with “yes mam I’ll do what you say”, and then I do whatever the hell I want. Because damnit I’m not a child!
This book is going on my To Buy list.
I told the UMR Somatic I ate KFC the other day and he goes “wtf??????” and started questioning me about what I eat. He said I can never eat KFC again in my life, and if I do he’ll find out. He said “what other fucked up shit do you do that I don’t know about?”. He said he wants to put me on a meal plan. He said I can have 1 block of chocolate per week, and other guidelines.
He keeps saying I should continue riding my bike to work, like I did when I lost my vehicle. He keeps saying it’s good for me. It makes me think he’s empathetic to care about my health. No other narcissist would have cared, because it doesn’t effect them.
Whitney
You’re mistaking control for caring.
Correct, NA.
Thank you NA, why does he care what I eat?
He does not. He is making you think he cares and thus he controls you.
Whitney,
My son’s dad is like that, he’s also a Midrange N. I was already heavily into dance, physical fitness, and a vegetarian diet, so it all seemed innocent as well when he started putting input on my diet and lifestyle. Let’s just say, that relationship almost killed me. It has been about 10 years now since we separated, and, I also indulge in KFC once in a while with my son. KFC is my son’s favorite fast food restaurant, it’s also President Donald Trump’s favorite, and he eats it on Air Force One. So we just tell the narc to stick it, and I forbid to allow him to micromanage my son or I. His dad also has a new girlfriend who is the replica of me when I was in my early 20, except this girl is a body builder instead of a dancer. But he is doing all the same BS to her, as he did to me. Except, I believe it is going to be worse for this girl.
Despite the awful abuse he inflicts on women, I have known him long enough to know, that the abuse is really about his own deep insecurities and problems; and I even wonder if he has sexual orientation identity issues despite his presentation of being so sure of himself.
Anm:
There’s more than one way to take physical control. See if you can get ahold of Meredith Daneman’s novel A Chance to Sit Down. It’s from the ’70s; found mine at a thrift shop. As the protagonist’s live-in boyfriend (a dancer in the same company) is dissolving their relationship, he flaunts his midnight cereal fests with her imminent replacement: a boyish-bodied girl (also in the dance company). The narrator can’t participate, because she’s already fighting the weight gain that can kill a ballet career.
Later in the novel, she encounters her replacement. Her body isn’t so boyish anymore….
Violetta,
Are/were you a dancer? I am going to check this out. Thank you
Hi Anm thank you for sharing. I’m sorry to hear about your abuse from him. He’s a shallow and empty person. Now you can have a meaningful and deep life. You must feel sorry for his new victim.
The one I’m dealing with is possible bisexual but I’m not sure.
Today at a BBQ in front of our friends he said loudly “No Whitney!! You can’t eat cake!!!!”, and other things.
I wasn’t embarrassed. I don’t get embarrassed about anything. But I’m so surprised he said it in front of other people, because he gets embarrassed so easily, and cares so much what people think. He has good social awareness, too. But he made himself look abusive in front of everyone.
I don’t know why he did it.
Also he drove me somewhere as a favour, a long distance, the other day. And he almost crashed because he was trying to stop me from drinking water. I drink tonnes of water, like 3 times more than a normal person. He turned towards me and tried to stop me “Whitney!!!!!! Stop drinking water!!!” and almost crashed into the car in front.
he’s becoming crazier and crazier!
HG why would he tell me not to eat cake in front of people? Isn’t that bad for his facade
Not necessarily, it depends on how it is done, it might be done as part of the facade, “I care about you and your health, so I politely suggest that you step away from that huge slice of Death By Chocolate.”
Whitney and HG,
I agree with HG about the intent. Also, it depends on the culture of the Midranger. The parties my son’s Midranger family host, they expect women to be modest. The men can spoke cigars and drink whiskey, and then the grandma will expect me to make some weak spritzer for the women. As a woman, if someone offers you a slice of cake, the answer is “just a small piece” or you share with someone. For some reason, the Midrangers like to surround themselves with sheep.
*smoke
I also hope that he this narc isn’t monitoring your water weight. Some people will go far enough to dehydrate themselves to be temporarily thinner, but overall, you need to drink plenty of water to support a healthy, fat burning, metabolism
Hi Anm sorry I didn’t see your reply! I don’t know how to be notified about comments.
I just want to assure you he doesn’t monitor my water weight, or my general weight.
He just wants me to eat healthily.
I drink an extreme amount of water and I’ve wondered if it’s too much. He noticed and tries to limit me. He wanted me to go to the doctor, but I already have, and I don’t have any problems.
Thank you Anm!
Oh that is interested to hear about your culture. Behaviour regarding food is such a cultural thing. What he is doing, is not culturally appropriate… at all. haha.
This is the best book I’ve ever read HG.
When I’m with a Narcissist my mind goes blank, and I can’t make minor decisions. That’s a sign the man is a Narcissist, before I take the Narc-Detector.
The Narcissist selects my drinks and food. The UMR Elite has always done it automatically. He selects meals for us from the menu. He even makes sure my plate is the right distance from me, hands me cutlery, portions the food onto my plate, selects our drinks. I’m paralysed. I feel that way now, just thinking about it. He thinks about all my needs. He monitors my physical placement.
The UMR Somatic is the same. We get pizza once or twice a week. He doesn’t ask which flavour, he selects it, and selects my drink. Last time he got me vodka and cranberry.
The other week I asked him “which drink should I get?” and he said “cider would be good for you”, then I said “which cider should I get?” and he told me.
I started following him around as soon as we met.
When I’m not physically with a Narcissist I know exactly what I want and I make lots of important decisions.
This is my favorite book for obvious reasons HG. It answered a lot of questions for me! I ordered the paperwork version of this one a little while ago and cannot wait for it to arrive. Thank you for answering questions that I didn’t even know I had until I read this book!
You are welcome FM1T.
I plan to order and read this one in time. And then that other one about you destroying other narcs.
Hello HG. I understand I should have asked prior to doing it but was excited and just did it – IT is simply I put your blog information on a Narcissist Recovery Group as there is so much WRONG information and SHITTY advise being tossed about on it! My reasoning was purely unselfish – I cannot stand by and let all those hurting people be lead astray due to ignorance! I was one of those hurting and can feel their sense of grief and loss hence I shared your information. If I offended you I am sorry.
I have no problem with readers sharing articles and this site anywhere else in order to spread the word, you need not ask first before doing so. Most sites contain incorrect information
Thank you very much!!
FYI: I deeply believe in you and since it is okay with sharing your knowledge that is exactly what I’ll do! You’re a good man!
HG, someday I’m going to quote you in a paper on Clarissa. It probably won’t be be accepted by any academic lit journals, because they won’t consider you sufficiently “scholarly,” but it will give ME satisfaction. Lovelace’s attitudes towards sex and emotional manipulation make no damned sense without your work. Apply your writings on fuel and wounding, and suddenly, they fit perfectly into a pattern.
Hi HG, is this a revised version of Chained? I have the old one and couldn’t find the martyr cadre in there.🤷♀️
No, it is the existing version.
HG, even though the new cover isn’t showing on Amazon yet, will that be the one they send to me?
If you mean Kindle as per the links shown, yes. If you mean the paperback that has yet to be uplot
I want the paperback
Then you shall need to cultivate patience MB!
HG, you know I try. I really do, but you make it so difficult sometimes with all your teasing and trailers!
I will wait
Sweet! Ordering right now!