They Will Not Believe You
Go on then, tell them all what has happened to you? Go on, here, take my phone and ring my parents, my family and my friends. Ring my colleagues too. Telephone the golf club in fact why don’t you take out an advertisement in a local, no, make it a national newspaper and tell everybody about how badly you have been treated? Climb on the roof and shout it to the neighbourhood, tell everyone who calls at our door and bellow it to strangers as they walk past. Do it, go on, tell them about. Announce it, broadcast it, transmit it, send it out by mail, e-mail ,message and radio signal. Have it blaring from the radio, repeatedly playing on television, hell I will even let you strap a message to a flock of pigeons and you can let them deliver the news that way. Scrawl how badly you have been treated by me on a piece of paper and wrap it around a brick and hurl it through the window at the police station. Scream it long and loud until you are hoarse. Go on, tell them, tell them all.
Tell my parents about their successful son who has studied hard, achieved brilliant results and now excels at work about what I do? Why don’t you gather all my friends around here and announce to them what a bastard I am? I am sure they will be intrigued to listen to you saying that about their loyal and dependable friend who always makes time for them and has helped them out in repeated ways through his largesse and influence. Pop next door and bang on their front door, explain to them with your wild eyes and even wilder hair what has really been happening? After all, I only every show them friendship and politeness don’t I? I don’t think they have heard me shouting at you (I wait until they are away before I raise my voice) but I know they have heard you ranting and bawling. Go to the local shopping parade and mention to the pleasant lady at the bakery what I really get up to behind closed doors. I am sure she will love to hear you tell her all about the charming man who is her best customer and has arranged for her to supply the restaurant of two of my friends. Call my brother and give him chapter and verse. Oh you can’t because he won’t answer the ‘phone to you anymore will he? I know, head down to the gym and see if you can interest any of the regulars with a hysterical rant about the chap who they all say hello to and who works out quietly and regularly. Type out a memo for my colleagues and circulate it to them. I am sure they will be interested to read all about their boss who holds the keys to their future. Declare it to the group I attend football with, they will want to know all about what I do won’t they? What’s that? These are all my people. At last you have recognised the truth of the matter in between your vile outbursts and hateful comments. I know then, ring up your sister and see what she has to say, mind you, I daresay you won’t want to give her the satisfaction after the way she came on to me would you? Tell your friends all about it. Oh wait, they are now my friends and all they have ever seen is how happy I have made you, the gifts, the trips, the presents and the love. What about the vicar? He will listen to you I am sure. It is what he does after all although what he will make of such slander against a regular attendee at his sermons and generous charity donor remains to be seen.
Do it, grab a loudspeaker, create a banner, haul a message behind an aeroplane and write it in the sand on the beach. Do it in this frenzied manner with words spilling from your twisted mouth, a word salad which makes no sense. I am sure the staccato way you spit out your accusations will be well-received. Make sure they look deep into your crazy eyes when you are talking to them, I want them to see who they are really dealing with. Tell your father will you? Ha, he has put up with this for years and was glad to see you leave home, he told me himself. He knows what a drama queen you are and as for your mother well she hates confrontation and she adores me since she knows just how much I have done for you.
Go on, beat your tiny fists about that façade, see if you can punch some holes in it although I know you will not be able to. Shout and stamp and holler all you like. I will enjoy watching you do that and there will be no favourable outcome for you. You are the crazy one and you are trying to unseat the stable, rational, dependable and ultimately far more likeable me. But you keep trying, it amuses and fuels me as your bloodied hands slap against the façade with no effect and your voice becomes no more than a rasp. I will watch as the hope fades in your eyes to be replaced by fear and incomprehension. Keep trying though, keep going and reinforce what I have already indoctrinated them to believe. They believe me. They won’t believe you.
17 thoughts on “They Will Not Believe You”
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Oh but they did believe me HG, and this was thanks to your Revenge book. Executed through 3rd parties, then I heard about the fallout with his work colleagues too via a mutual friend of his boss. No Contact remained intact!
I can take you in very small doses HD before something start to boil and burn inside me. You are not my healer nor principal educator abaut narcissistic abuse but there are aspects of it that can be understood just through reading your work. I’m very grateful for that.
Nagi,
No, I am not your healer.
If I am not your principal educator about narcissistic abuse, I should be.
You are welcome.
Oh HG, this theme is so timely in today’s paradigm on the increase of mental health illness worldwide. A ‘Matri or Papa Narc’ creates rebelliousness and sometime suicide (bullied at school and home)
private journey
That’s not always true. Both my parents are narcs and I was the very model of good behaviour. Exemplary.
It’s true that post 16 I became more independent and I started seeing boys, going out and having fun. But I never went too far, I didnt see it as an act of rebellion and moreover, it was my body and I could legally do what I wanted with it.
I escaped by going to university. But even then I couldnt win because whilst they had bragging rights, PN would have loathed the fact I had achieved something he could never. God he must have hated that.
It took HG and 25 years to fully escape them.
Wonderful article and so true direct from the expert! You really do know your kind inside out HG !
Thank you Pati and indeed I do.
That’s why we are proof seekers and we get it it!
This was definitely true with my narc therapist. I tried to post reviews about him online because I was so angry at how he fools the world including clients, and pretty sure that he can seriously harm vulnerable people. I wanted his dark side to be known. But he got rid of all reviews, not only mine but also others’. I was looking at his online stuff a lot back then and could sometimes see when someone posted negatives and how it never stayed there long. Sometimes before he removed them, he came back with some really defensive, snarky response. I am not even sure how he was able to get rid of some of the reviews as they were on websites I didn’t think would just remove them upon request, but somehow he managed to achieve that. I imagine he convinced the platforms that the reviews came from some crazy ex-patients who tried to destroy his reputation without reason, or that they were just lies by strange trolls. It was totally useless to try to unpack his façade. I definitely know now not to bother with trying to strip a narcissist, it only adds to the frustration and fuels them.
Fortunately, I have proof and witnesses to back up my allegations (Facts).
My narc wouldn’t dare suggest I ring or email anyone to expose him . He knows I have proof, he just doesn’t know what I have.
Exposure and the loss of his currently good reputation is what he fears the most.
No. It’s the loss of control occasioned by those things, Lamb
HG,
I understand the whole “loss of control“ thing, but I will never understand the why of it all.
I was not controlling nor a nag when we were dating, nor once we married. I was never jealous either. He would create triangulations with OW and then accuse me of being jealous. I made it clear to him that I don’t do “competition“ with OW’s. I would always tell him that if he wanted to run off and they wanted him, he was free to go.
I let him take control of the finances, including my own after we were married. I enjoyed not having to worry about sending the bills out, and he didn’t seem to mind . For many years I never realized it was all about controlling me, he wasn’t doing it to make my life easier.
The only thing I Ever “nagged “ him about was his infidelities, I lost trust, who wouldn’t?! I only demanded that he be held accountable for his actions and that he do things to regain lost trust.
It has been repeated over and over and over again.
You do not get it because you are (understandably) assuming he looks at the world in the same way that you do. You expect him to act, speak and behave in accordance with similar standards to you. We do not. Once you understand (you do not have to like it) that we see the world differently you will stop trying to make us accountable, stop trying to make us “see” what we are doing “wrong” and it will enable you to achieve freedom.
Lamb, a consultation would be of considerable assistance to you if you have not already done so. If you have, another would certainly be in order. Their mindset is crazy from our perspective. Once you learn the narcissistic perspective, everything makes more sense and satiates our truth seeker thirst so we can move forward. Best of luck. Keep reading, keep absorbing. It will “click”, I promise. 😊
Lamb, Control is how the narc keeps both positive and negative fuel pumping, so it is ultimately about manipulation (control) in order to get fuel. You say you were never jealous yet you ‘nagged’ about his infidelities? That is how he found your ‘weakness’ to get negative fuel from you – like HG with his ex Sophie. Honestly, it wouldn’t have mattered what you did or how you felt about anything. Eventually, a weakness would be found — jealousy or something else — and you would be devalued for the negative fuel. Hard to get one’s head around it because it is hard for us to make sense of what narcs want and how they get it.
HG,
Loss of control? I thought the thing they fear most is being revealed to others about what they really are without the mask ? Feeling shame.
How does exposure equate to loss of control?
No. Your honestly held, yet mistaken belief, demonstrates once again how much misinformation there is about us.
Everything about us is designed to gain and maintain control. Our responses to the perceived threat to or loss of control are manipulations.
If you try to show or show the narcissist to be something other than the projected image, that offends the narcissists sense of entitlement, sense of superiority and you are trying to hold us to account. All of those things make us feel controlled and thus not in control.
Read To Control Is To Cope.