HG Interview – The Words Over Ice Show
You really are being spoiled this week, Christmas Recitals, an intriguing The Creature – An Introduction article and ANOTHER interview which you can listen to using the link below.
70 thoughts on “HG Interview – The Words Over Ice Show”
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Ive said to myself stop when partner claims how much they love me.Mine is a great in acting.
🙄
Thank you H.G. This was really useful and informative. I enjoyed listening.
I am pleased you found the interview to be so.
Ha. Love this interview. Once again you master this said and done. No one will completely understand nor know how to question you correctly. You always are several octaves above the questionnaire/questioner. So entertaining to listen too…knowing you know he/she does not know who/what /how he or she should respond to you. Love.
Thank you.
Thank you for your insight on the dirty empath. I am one since I had an online affair with my ex lesser while married. I always learn new things about myself (and narcs of course) when I read or listen to your work.
When they say love at first sight I think they should actually say lust at first sight or infatuation.
Fantastic interview HG! As always I can’t get enough of your voice!!
Thank you
Hello HG.
Thinking about the addition we empaths have to N’s.
If an empath was in a relationship with a normal who just happened to be a manipulater, abuser, kept her isolated….all the things a N does, could be potentally become addicted to him?
Thanks
Normals do not behave in the same way as a narcissist, therefore it is not a situation that would arise.
Amazing interview! Indeed HG, you spoiled us this week, thank you so much!
Shall I say , you weaponised and entertained us more than ever!
I personally wish to thank you demythologising the lie “ love at first sight “ . Your clear, logical explanations made me shred some tears and in the same time, I felt some additional strength inside me. It is a paradox but there is a reason .The tears dropped from the realisations that 99% of my relationships were with ones of your kind . I have heart those almost in every relationship “ I felt in love with you since I saw you” or “ “ I never had met a girl / woman like you before “ followed by flattery.
I thought they were genuine words because I was so naive to believe that people are honest and open.
Yes , facing the reality hurts but even the most brutal truth is sweeter than any sugar coated lie.
And the strength I felt came from your wise, transparent explanation why love at first sight does not exist.
You know, not only the mass media promotes the lie but even the spiritual books that I used to read.
Now I am much more educated from your marvellous work and won’t fall in the traps again .
I would like to second NA request if you could please provide your insights about the modern dating jargon in relation to the narcissism.
Noted, something for the New Year.
Great, thank you HG!
I still need to listen to this but I have a question from the other recent interview. You said the doctors said your narcissism actually impeded (?) the “psychopathic” description you have attributed to behaviors. Excuse me if I’m juggling the lexicon a bit. I was confused by this. Meaning the need for fuel suppresses the “work” required to fulfill certain (more) malicious behaviors? An almost distraction? What did that comment mean? What exactly is the psychopath element verse just narcissism? You also (I think) suggested a psychopath is outside the box of just plain narcissism. They quit at some point on the spectrum requiring fuel? They can be more isolated and therefore effective in calculating behaviors? So curious what the reference meant, even if not intended to generate these questions..
The need for fuel “gets in the way” of my single-minded behaviour driven by my psychopathy.
An example would be helpful HG. It’s interesting certainly to me as I’m asking but anyone reading I would imagine. Even a hypothetical view into this.
Loved it HG. You packed a LOT of information in the time allotted. The best interviews are when they introduce you and get out of the way in my opinion. I especially loved the idea of radius in relation to explaining the levels of empathy as it was very visual for me. I do hope you engage with them again for purposes of explaining the current dating terms in relation to narcissism (ghosting, bread-crumbing,etc) as it seems their listeners might be an excellent demographic for that to be addressed.
Yes I suspect their audience fall into that demographic NA and thank you.
Another excellent interview. So much good information.
I loved that you mentioned grandiose wedding proposals that seem to be so prevalent and are a personal pet peeve of mine.
You are welcome.
That makes two of us.
Njfilly, the saddest thing about the grandiose wedding proposals is that some people that don’t receive them on that scale feel cheated. Not the best way to start a marriage, already feeling that you’ve settled for a subpar partner.
MB,
Yes, it seems everybody is trying to out do everybody else with their grandiose proposals. It is all very sad to me. Not because of what you stated that people feel cheated if they don’t receive such a proposal, but because it cheapens and theatricises what should be an intimate moment and decision between two people.
Personally, I don’t think there should be proposals at all. It should be a discussion between two people about to enter into a partnership agreement. Just as if they were entering a business transaction; which is basically what it is. (With sex included!).
As for somebody who would feel as if they have settled for a subpar partner due to not having received a grandiose proposal; that person is not yet mature enough to marry.
If a man ever proposed to me in this way I would most certainly say no because (1) he knows nothing about me to think I would like this or that this would impress me (2) because he must certainly be an idiot.
njfilly
Yes! I loved that bit! Made so much sense.
I had a ‘friend’, female, who staged her own proposal. Had another friend drive to see them to take photos. Looking back on it, was sickening. She only wanted him for his money and estate.
I thought their relationship was queer from the off. Poor guy. He has a decent heart.
Yes, sickening is the word I would use. Also, pathetic.
It’s the facade. I’ve known for such a long time I was damaged goods on that friendship group when I became a single mother.
Sorry to hear that. I hope it worked out in your favor.
Merry Christmas!
Great interview. I just had a chance to listen. There is always something new to learn with each appearance. I look forward to the day that HG Tudor is a household name.
Thank you MB.
I finally had the opportunity to finish listening. You packed a lot of knowledge in that interview. I have seen a definite change in your interviews and question answering through the years. You have developed a way of explaining the complexities of understanding narcissism into such an easily digestible form. Someone who knows nothing about the subject can listen to this interview and leave with a good knowledge and understanding of it.
I’m late finding out about you, but I’m excited to see the evolution of this domain that you have created and overseen. I look forward to seeing your dominion expand and your “spheres of influence” reach the world.
Giving more holiday love and fuel to you!
Thank you, I am pleased that you found it informative.
What I am personally taking away from this interview is ‘sugar-coated bon mots’
Brilliant! I shall thusly appropriate.
Fantastic interview, HG. When you think you know it all, you learn again. That is the mark of a superlative educator.
The hosts let you speak. I liked that even if one repeated a question you had already answered. But then, don’t we all?
Thank you very much.
The lack of basic knowledge and preparation from the interviewer was exhausting.
At least you never disappoint Mr Tudor.
You made the most of it.
PS . I like your hmmmm. Hmmmmm?? Hmmm!!
GREAT interview! So entertaining, captivating, I am learning more and more, I am speechless… Thank you so much, HG. I really appreciate it.
This is prime material and a fantastic Christmas present!
Thank you EB.
Bought Creature just now , will listen to the interview until it arrives. Will come back with any q or thoughts . Thank you HG
Another great interview HG, it made me laugh that you could almost hear their jaws hit the floor at times. With that and Christmas Recitals I’ve fed my addiction for today.
Hello my name is Notme and I’m a narcoholic.
Either that or HG is like my narcadone programme.
Thank you MM
I learn something new every time I read your blog or listen to you. I immediately listened to your latest interview you posted and enjoyed it very much. Then I ordered “The Creature – An Introduction” and immediately consumed that as well. As a book lover and audiophile, I really enjoy your writing. I read it to educate and gather strength in my current situation, but also find you quite entertaining and a great storyteller. I think now I understand why I’ve always been drawn to my favorite characters, Tony Soprano and Frank Underwood. I am attracted to dark comedies and characters that are probably narcissists or have narcissistic traits. I would probably, and this annoys me, act more like a Hallmark TV character in life because I often put others before myself. However, I don’t enjoy that type of TV show or movie. I am eager to read your book. I think it would be amazing if you were able to have Audible versions, you have a great voice for narration. Happy Holidays and thank you for your very helpful resources.
Thank you Raquel and I am pleased you are enjoying my material. There is much more to come.
Well, HG, you definitely blew the hosts’ minds with that interview. Fantastic job from start to finish, and so much packed into one interview.
I originally rejected your assertion that we empaths are addicted to narcissists (denial), but now accept that kernel of truth, but I want to know what created this addiction and why does it persist?
This addiction, coupled with naturally attracting narcissists, and becoming weaponized and more aware of the Ns I encounter was leading me to believe there may be a much higher percentage of narcissists than 1 in 6. Thank you again for clearing that up and thank you for sharing this interview. I highly recommend it to anyone.
Thank you FYC. They are pleasant chaps and readily allowed me space to speak.
True, HG, there was great rapport, and the hosts drank deep of the knowledge imparted.
Do you mind directing me to further information regarding the addition of empaths to Ns? It was a sincere question, not rhetorical. Thank you.
I don’t understand your question FYC, could you expand?
I’m sorry, HG.
Why are empaths addicted to narcissists in the first place? Why does this addiction persist? I think part of my addiction in the past was my ridiculous notion that there could be a different outcome, but now that I know there cannot be, why would the addiction persist? What is so compelling to an empath (post HG enlightenment) that it would feed an ongoing addiction to Ns? Many thanks in advance.
This is something I explain in consultation as it is detailed.
Thank you HG, I shall schedule one after the holidays at your convenience.
Do you explain this beyond the zero impact discussion? The addiction piece..
Yes.
A logic bulletin? Mwah x
HG
Is it your opinion that empath behaviours are determined by a type of seed and environment as it is with narcissists, or all learned/manipulated by external forces?
Seed and environment.
“Seed and environment.”
Great question NA. HG, I cannot wait to read more about this, I hope to read your new book on the topic next year.
Dear FYC, the information you are looking for is in the Zero Impact AP.
I have a hard time myself accepting this axioma. My body and brains are fighting (and this is not figurativily) against this knowledge of Mr Tudor.
I wish you more luck 😉
Hi Zwartbolleke, I have listened to Zero Impact and love it, but I am hoping for a bit more information. Like you, I initially rejected wholesale the notion of addiction, but then realized it is true, but always? Now I want to know everything. Thank you so much for your reply.
Hi FYC
I think what creates this addiction is the narcissistic cycle of love bombing and devaluation. The initial “soul mate” phase is what gets us attached to the narcissist and then the crumbs of affection between being devalued is what gives us hope. We also become addicted to experiencing the two extremes; “when it’s good it’s very good and when it’s bad it’s very bad.” This is known as trauma bonding, a type of Stockholm syndrome. When a narcissist is “kind” to you, it provides you with relief and leads you to feelings of gratitude for your abuser.
Also over time you begin to loose your confidence and individual identity as the narcissist takes possession of you and self-doubt and self-blame takes hold.
I also think for women especially, they tend to believe that by staying with the narcissist they are helping the narcissist (they are with fuel but I mean helping them from our perspective which is very different) and that the narcissist needs them in order to be a better person or to have more self control, and that it’s the job of the empath to build the narcissist up, not yet realising or accepting that they are never going to be rewarded for suffering.
Well put Witch. And it goes even deeper than you have stated. FYC, have you read “Chained”? The answers that you seek are contained there.
Thanks MB
I might have to read chained next.
Falling in love has similar effects on your brain as taking cocaine.
Which means the effects of love in general has inherent addictive qualities. So when you’re experiencing that with a narcissist; the constant blowing hot and cold is probably similar to continuously alternating between a euphoric state and a “come down” as what a drug addict would experience.
Also when we are under threat we tend to respond in 4 ways, fight, flight, freeze or be-friend and based on our early experiences of threat, we tend to gravitate towards one of those survival strategies most often because our mind remembers that when we used that survival strategy the first time, we didn’t die.
So when we are trying to appease the narcissist (be-friend them) we are also trying to survive the threat and we may instinctly keep trying to do that because that’s what are unconscious mind believes will keep us safe.
Witch, Chained is very good. I will buy myself a copy once the paperback is out with the new cover. How is it looking, HG? May not be before Christmas?
And I do think Narc addiction is no different than any other addiction. It is quite potent. We’ve referred to it as Narc heroin on the blog at times.
MB you should be knee deep in diamond glitter by now! Yes, I have read chained. I am not CoD. I do, however, feel some N traits spring forth from the the N parental influence for any ACoN. I also think there is a greater underlying dynamic in every N/E interactions that approaches an addictive quality. My curiosity lies in why such a quality would persist.
FYC, will you be my mommy? My mother did the best she knew how and with the circumstances she had. I just can’t help but wonder how it would have been to have a parent like you. I don’t know if you have children, but if you do, they are fortunate indeed.
Dear MB, It is never to late to give to yourself what your mother could not. Please do. Don’t hesitate or question, just stop believing the shaming lies and love yourself, full stop. You can do this. Your core shame is build on toxic lies and false fears created long ago. Lies and fears do not merit your consideration. Call that BS out for what it is and rewrite the script in your mind. You hold the key. You have the power. Use it. Turn the key. No one else can. The lock can only be accessed from the inside, but I have faith in you. You can do this.
MB, you deserve all the unconditional love that one can bestow and you have mine. Yours may be one of the kindest compliments I will ever receive. I am moved to tears, MB.
FYC, Awww, I didn’t mean to make you cry! Thank you for your loving words of encouragement. I do know that they are genuine. I am saving them to read over and over again. These thoughts and feelings are ingrained, it’s going to take some doing to find the key to unlock that lock. Some days, the strength isn’t there to try. I will turn to your words and to other coping mechanisms that I’m learning during these times. Thank you ❤️
MB, I know they are ingrained. I understand. Those thoughts and feelings were recorded in your brain at a time you had not yet developed your full reasoning power. So when you re-experience those thoughts, you experience (feel) those old fears and lies exactly as you did as a child–taken at face value and believed whole heartedly. This is yet another example of how child abuse is so exceptionally cruel. When cruel things are said or done to a child, even indirectly, they are experienced and believed so completely and there is no escape through logic. When the feeling returns, it is not experienced as an adult, the mind returns to the pain experienced as a child (per what I have read in neuroscience journals).
When you set out to turn the key, you need not make an effort to find the lock, you instinctively know where it is. So when those feelings arise, simply say, “Stop. Those are lies. I (MB) am worthy and loved.” You will be speaking a new truth to your fears. Do this every time and you will build a new neural pathway that eventually becomes an new natural response. Loving and accepting yourself as you would any innocent child is the key. Don’t deny yourself. Much love sent for a Merry Christmas and the most joyful of New Years for you and yours.
Witch, Thank you for your reply. I am asking the question from an ACoN perspective. I understand what you are saying regarding the trauma bond and I am fairly well read on that topic. I have never experienced an erosion of confidence or identity. I am not addicted to my parent, nor any other N in real life. What I find merit in, is the concept of an addictive quality to every N/E interaction. HG frequently mention N/E addiction and I am interested in his perspective. Especially as to why it would persist outside of any relationship.
I think there are many good points in the different responses here. Empaths may be particularly prone to getting addicted to an intimate partner because they usually desire being loved and strong intimate belonging to a partner, and can also be fearful of losing a connection. And the narc’s behavior plays into this perfectly in the initial phase with all the love bombing, putting the person who may have some insecurities and attachment fears due to their own background on a pedestal and empowering them. What I don’t see mentioned, and is a very well-known factor of most types of addiction, is what they call ‘intermittent reinforcement’. All the cycles of apparent closeness, devaluation, disengagement, the unpredictability. Intermittent reinforcement has a more powerful effect on the brain to induce emotional dependency and especially strong desire than any reliable, regular positive effect. So the unreliability and chaotic nature of the relationship plays an important role, in my opinion.
I also believe that the fact that the narc is just as intensely engaged and addicted creates a dynamic where the partners do not think there is anything wrong with the nature of the relationship initially – why worry then? Of course all these things get established in the beginning, it’s a lot like how occasional recreational drug use can slowly and kinda invisibly lead to a habit for people who have a predisposition. And once the habit (addiction) develops, it is extremely hard to break, in spite of all the negative consequences that arise – this is the very definition of addiction. Drug addicts and alcoholics also often think that they can use just a bit, just one more time… but there is no such thing as moderation for an addict who truly wants to recover, only total abstinence is effective. The equivalent of HG’s 100% no contact.
I have never been addicted to a narc but experienced substance addiction and, to a certain extent, a mutually highly addictive relationship once with someone who was a lot like me in many ways (including addictive tendencies). The substance was hands down the most difficult thing to overcome in my whole life but even without full-blown narcissism involved, the relationship was also super hard to break for good. I think the fact that intimacy with a narcissist often involves a lot of fantasy (more fantasy than reality I would say) increases the effect further. The people involved believe it is beyond anything ordinary, truly special, incredible, a unique gift. A lot like getting hooked on a drug that provides a mind-altering experience normal healthy experiences never do, the intensity and all. Once that is known, the person will remember and fancy it even knowing the cost and toll it takes. Just like the narc about their fuel, after they discover how it empowers them. They can’t (and don’t want to) quit either.
There are milder versions of this that can be related to people’s attachment styles even without narcissism involved, when one partner has an avoidant and the other has preoccupied/anxious attachment style.
I could also analyze this forever, it’s a topic I am very interested in!
I can’t think of anything nicer then to be spoiled by an elite such as yourself HG. Of course you would have to be the one to make up for all the bumbling idiots below you! Thank you your Greatness!! 💞
We must all be painted white – tis the season for snow after all.
Spoiled indeed! ❤️
I needed my daily dose of HG… and he delivered. So excited that HG gets the opportunity to enlighten the world even more. He WILL change psychology as we know it!
And I do like the new color scheme. There is less contrast and reading it puts less strain on my eyes.
Sending my holiday love and fuel to you HG.