To Have Not To Hold


You can have our kind but you cannot hold on to us. We will not permit it. We are the archetypal individuals who you can experience, you can love, enjoy, cherish and so many other things but the one thing you may not do is hold on to us.

We allow you to have us because what we give you is constructed and comes at no great cost to us. Instead it allows us to gain. By being generous with our supposed love, passionate with our words, highly desirable with our sexual prowess, charming, flattering and everything else which you associate with out love bombing of you, we want you to have it all. We want you to have all of our charm, our magnetism, our illusion. We want you to drown in it, become engulfed by the blazoning lights and soothing sounds, swamped by the seductive desire that we sweep across you like a tsunami. You can have it all because the more we give you, the more likely you will be carried away by this tidal wave of false love. The more sugar we pour over you, the sweeter the golden period and the greater your addiction to us becomes. Naturally,the extent of how much you can have of us is governed by our energy levels and our capacity for control, so that the experience is all the more fuller should you be ensnared by a Mid Ranger than a Lesser and many times more intense should you fall prey to a Greater.

You can have all of our time because it serves our purposes. All of our focus is yours, you get our near undivided attention as we pull out all the stops to seduce and conquer. You can have our financial resources as we spend money on you (even when we may not have the money to spend on you – incurring debt or using someone else’s resources) , take you to places, book interesting days out, tempting nights out and utilise financial muscle, whether ours or borrowed from  bank or devalued victim, in order to let you have the full on magical experience that is being seduced by us.

We will grant you access to our friends, which of course is just allowing the façade to wrap around you and convince you of our bona fides, our supportive and attractive coterie all so giving of their time to you, praising us and welcoming you.

We will allow you to have a route to all of our favourite things, although of course this is manufactured in order to actually allow you to attach to your favourite things as we mirror your likes, your desires and your hopes back at you, but it is still giving of us.

The Somatic and Elite cadres will allow you to have us physically as the weapon of mass seduction that is sex, is rolled our to delight you. You are apparently given access to our most intimate of levels, in a series of steamy and orgasmic encounters as we utilise our well-practised sexual skills in conjunction with the whole orchestrated seduction of you to create an intense and mesmerising experience.

We may move you in, a supposedly generous act as we allow you to have closeness and regular time with us, all engineered of course to maintain our façade of pleasantry and reliability as you are bound closer to us. In some instances we perhaps allow you to have what could be considered the ultimate act of ‘having’ as we give you our seed or our womb for the purposes of the creation of new life.

Yes, by allowing you to have so much of us, we create the image of someone who gives, someone who sacrifices, who thinks of you before we think of ourselves and thus you, understandably, fall for this and truly believe you have us. You do have us but it is for, in the scheme of things, a fleeting instance. A mere moment in vastness of time and for all of its wonder and brilliance, you are allowed to have us but you cannot hold us.

We cannot allow this to happen because we will turn matters around, in order to ensure that our hunger for fuel is addressed, in order to cater for our slavish devotion to the maintenance of superiority and in order to assert our right to do as we please, when we please, how we please and with whom we please.

You cannot hold us. You cannot keep us. We regard ourselves as that omnipotent force that is not beholden to boundaries, constraints and bondage. You have no say over what we do. You are not there to impose your rules on us, keep us in check or prevent us from seeking out what we need in order to maintain our existence. Indeed, the prevention of you keeping us is material in ensuring that the threat of our departure is something that keeps you working hard to please us,to provide that fuel, be it positive or negative and to allow us to keep you just where we want you. We can keep a hold of you of course, that is the nature of the narcissistic covenant, but as usual, what applies to you will not apply to us and vice versa.

We make the decisions. We choose. We execute and operate. We are not there to be bound to one person and especially one which will invariably fail us. We consider ourselves as beyond such things and therefore the notions of faithfulness, fidelity and monogamy are cast out as evicted tenants from the House of Narc.

We want you to try to hold on to us, that is part of our game playing. We want you to strive to keep us, to exert your every waking moment to clinging on to us but it can never happen. We are programmed to reject that desire to keep us as you want us to be. There is no hope for it to happen, but we will give you that false hope, through the respite periods and the periodic resumption of the golden period. You are led to believe that you have managed to keep us, that you can continue to have us and to hold us, but it will not last and it cannot last because the concept of being beholden to you and just you will ultimately run contrary to our needs and as you are well-acquainted with the idea now, our needs must always come first.

We decide when we come back, we decide when the false love is shown to you again, we decide when you get to see us, get to speak to us and receive our attention, seduction, fury or disdain. We must behave this way to shore up our idea of being the one who calls the shots, who makes the decisions and pulls the strings because we dare not contemplate for too long what would happen if we allowed you to take hold of matters.

We will always let you have us, but you will never be allowed to hold us.

8 thoughts on “To Have Not To Hold

  1. SMH says:

    Quick and related questions, HG. If one does not try to hold or to keep, does the N perceive it as a wounding or is it simply a lack of fuel? Is a lack of fuel also a wounding? Thank you.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      When you wound, there is no fuel provision either.

      1. SMH says:

        Yes, I can see how that would be the case, thanks, but it doesn’t quite answer the question. Let me rephrase it if you don’t mind: would not running after the N but not doing anything to deliberately hurt him either – just being neutral – cause a wound that would make him react? Or would it be the lack of fuel from being neutral that would make him react? Example: when I told MRN that I was fine as IPSS – didn’t want to be IPPS – his tone completely changed. Was that because I wounded him or was it because I was not fueling him?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          If you fail to respond, you wound.

          When you told him you were fine as IPSS and did not want to be IPPS, you Challenged him because you will have provided fuel in conveying them message to him. You need to obtain the 3 Key Interactions bulletin.

          1. SMH says:

            Thanks, HG. I have been meaning to purchase that. I thought I was pretty neutral (did it over email) but maybe I did twist the knife a bit because it meant he could not triangulate me with IPPS. Still, I did not understand why he wasn’t happy that I was giving him what he said he wanted. My therapist at the time said he wasn’t used to being with someone assertive, which I guess is similar to challenging him.

  2. smarinucci1970 says:

    🎅👀 oh honey the red is killing me my poor eyes what is this but I need to tell you everything that you said in this post is 100% true very very good God I wish I knew this stuff in my twenties in my 30s at least in my forties maybe even in my fifties it might be too late now but wherever I go I educate male female young old I get them hooked on you I’m right now for the last year been interested in Lord Lucan and Lady Veronica Lucan the murder and all of that in England around 1968-69 Lady Veronica Lucan is dead now by her own hand because of the rotten narcissus husband that she had .I’m on many of the comments there and lately I’ve mentioned you because Someone brought up the narcissist card , something about her husband . I’ve been mentioning you and a lot of the people male and female are asking me questions I really want their questions answered by you I think it’s better that way I hope you’re well and Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year and thank you for all you do thank you HG 🎄💃

  3. santaann1964 says:

    I’m very interested in the aging narcissist from your point of view in which you have not yet experienced. A topic we will speak on.

  4. Esther says:

    “You can have our kind but you cannot hold on to us.“- that one sentence pretty much summed it up. True…

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