Santa Tudor – Final Day
(Offers from 2019 : offers at that time have now been removed)
Ho ho ho!
No, for once I am not issuing a Corrective Devaluation by calling someone a dirty ho, but instead I am mirroring that fellow from the North Pole with his distinctive laugh, although it is nowhere near as good as mine.
Yes, it is Christmas time and despite providing you with the bounty of the world’s best information about narcissism, answering your many thousands of comments throughout the year and continuing to inform and entertain, I have donned the red suit with the white fur trim and stocked up my sleigh with some presents for you all.
From now until December 25th, a whole host of my products and services are available at reduced prices. I recommend that you make use of this offer NOW (even saving them for future use of obtaining them for other people) because these reductions will not happen again. There will not be these reductions in the future. Ever. At all.
If you want to understand more about each product, just use the menu bar or the search facility on the blog. Otherwise, you can purchase using the PayPal buttons below and the material will be emailed to you in the usual way.
Xmas Listening Delights – options are Advent Surprise, Another Slice of Advent, A Further Slice of Advent, The Grinch, Twas the Night Before Christmas, The Narc before Christmas
82 thoughts on “Santa Tudor – Final Day”
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Thank you for this sale Santa HG! 🎅. I was able to purchase something that I have always been a Ted to get sans guilt (as I am just a homemaker and not the breadwinner in the family). Merry Christmas to you and Shieldmaiden!
Oops, I didn’t notice the autocorrect autowronging my words. I meant *I was able to purchase something that I have always been wanting to get sans guilt.
I’m in such pain with Christmas HG. I’ll follow your work and take it day by day.
I am so sorry to hear this, Whitney. You are a sweet soul and I don’t want you in pain at Christmas. We are all here for you. Day-by-day or moment-by-moment is a good plan. In each of those moments, give yourself permission to stop thinking about the N or anything related to the N. Choose instead to think of all the things you are grateful for regardless of the N (e.g. HG, your physical health, nature, a kind person you encounter, a pet if you have one). Hold on to these point of gratitude so your feelings of pain can not overwhelm you. And please reach out and talk about it. We are all here for you. Your future will be far brighter. Sending you hugs of comfort and cheer.
Sending you love Whitney. Each day counts. Each progress will take you farther and farther away from being a victim and towards being a conqueror. I’m just thankful that this Christmas is far better than my last Christmas and my last Christmas after reading from Narcsite was far better than a lot of my past Christmases. It only gets better Whitney. ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Thank you so much FYC and MommyPino 💝🌻 I didn’t expect a reply! You are such beautiful ladies and so intelligent and wise.
It’s just fantasy that hurts me. The insidious midranger with his abuse wrapped in fake kindness and helpfulness to confuse me.
I already read your replies many times and I’ve screenshoted them so I can remember 💝
Dear Whitney, your are so sweet. I never want to see you in pain, especially at Christmas. Sending you more hugs and one of MB’s famous glitter bombs. You are wonderful and loved by many, never forget that. The N is but an illusion. Thats okay. So is Disneyland. Looks fantastic, but when you get closer, your realize it is only a 3/4 scale facade with rides that promise delight, but are over in a flash and your shelved in line with a hundred others. The ride may be exhilarating, but if you keep going round and round you are bound to get sick and leave with your neck out of whack or worse. Instead, opt out. Remind yourself you are worthy of someone genuinely are all that they seem. Also keep in mind, your N took nothing from you. You are lovely as ever. Time to arm yourself with zero impact. Have a wonderful day Whitney. Merry Christmas!
Thank you so much FYC. That was a great analogy, and they don’t need to create an illusion, I create it myself with my imagination.
I believe everything they think of themselves. I even extrapolate and enhance their delusions 😄 And occasionally they shock me to such an extent that truth contrasts with my false beliefs and then I experience cognitive dissonance.
Do you know what type of Empath you are FYC? 💖 Mommypino I remember you’re a Geyser Empath and ENFP!
Hope today finds you feeling a bit better, Whitney. It seems to me by your comment that you are pretty self-aware. Knowing that you innocently accept the facade and augment it through your kindness and desire to please and be supportive, is a huge win. Honestly, knowing your own tendencies is half the battle. From there you can make the changes you desire. You are in no way stuck. Next time you will choose.
I completely understand the devastation of cognitive dissonance. This is just a battle between what you thought was true (or wanted to believe about this person) and what actually turned out to be true. Don’t be hard on yourself. Just accept the facts and let go. I know letting go of the illusion can be painful, but know this: What you gave was true and genuine (even if augmented, you did so to be supportive and kind). You will never lose who you are or what you hope for, and there was no shame in what you gave. All of that was beautiful and real. The fact that it was not and could not be reciprocated is no statement on who you are; it is the unfortunate side effect of the complete defense of the N.
Hi Whitney, I agree with the advice of FYC regarding the illusion and also of Notme regarding the hole that the N left being ready to be filled with genuine people who will not harm you.
I just want to add that I can relate so much with what you are saying that you made the illusion yourself with your imagination and you even and enhance their delusions. That is a very well articulated description of what I tend to do too and it has always frustrated me when that cognitive dissonance arrives or what is described in my home country as a reality head bang. Basically we ‘project’ to the narcissist who we are and what are our ideals are. We make assumptions (dangerous assumptions) based on this. And I think that HG has been addressing this by calling this tendency as Emotional Thinking. I think that for the most part it can be lonely to be an empath because most people (normals) are not as intense as we are so being in a relationship with them (friendships or romantic) can feel like even though relationships with them seems perfect because there is rarely a conflict and conflicts get resolved fast, it can feel like something is missing. Then a narcissist comes in with that intensity through the love bombing and you think that you have found your kindred spirit and it makes you feel free to be as intense as you have always wanted to be because the narcissist doesn’t think it’s weird or different but even welcomes and relishes it. And so the blow of the cognitive dissonance is even more painful in the end because we have put a lot of faith into it, more than the faith we had with healthy relationships with normals, only for it to be revealed in the end as all an illusion.
Yes I am an ENFP and a Geyser. I’m sorry I thought that you were a counselor. You had a conversation with PSE a while back in which I misunderstood the context of what you said that you’re a counselor by taking it as literal as in your job. I think it was in a Narc Magnet article as you were describing also how you attract narcissists and not normals or empaths. But now I understand that you were describing your trait of people coming to you to tell their problems and you being willing to listen and counsel. I think that you are absolutely right that we can be counselors by nature.
Merry Christmas Whitney. The hole left by that twatish MRN has made room for more positive and genuine people in your life. Time will come that it is filled with the light from them and not his darkness. The energy, emotion and time you used to lavish on him can be invested in things that make you feel good and people who add something real and worthwhile to your life. Peace and love to you xxx
FYC, Mommypino, and Notme! thanks for replying! You are such kind people to help a stranger. I hope you extract the Vulture-Parasitic-Scum Narcissists from your lives. They wouldn’t even help family because they are completely self-focused, like toddlers.
I enjoyed reading your very wise thoughts!
Mommypino there are many things I like about Narcissists. They have raw emotion, like they are surviving on this Earth. They are at odds with society. They make their own rules. They are bold. We have the same humor… they are wacky.
I’m INFP Mommypino. I normally get ENFP on the test, but I’m introverted. And I’m Geyser/Carrier type. All my friends are Geyser types and INFP, INFJ, ENFP, or ENFJ. My Enneagram type is 2 (The Helper).
I like HG’s classification system for personality the most!!! Because it’s the most accurate. And his system judges people as Good and Bad! (Empaths vs Normal vs Narcissists). I love it. It’s my identity. That’s why I said “I’m a counsellor!” A positive outcome after Narcissistic abuse is to define yourself positively using HG’s Empath classification.
You’re most welcome Whitney!
I was wondering if you are also a Geyser. Thank you for confirming my suspicions. It sounds like we have a lot of similarities. My second biggest cadre is also Carrier. I think my husband has a lot of Geyser qualities as well but I’m thinking he’s more of a Normal than an Empath. We are both animated towards each other and our kids so at our house it almost looks like we are in our own sitcom. And I suspect that my husband is an INFJ although he never took the test. He doesn’t like taking any tests that define or categorize what he is. He is an introvert in that he prefers to stay home with me and the kids but he looks like an extrovert when he’s in public as he is a funny guy.
“ Mommypino there are many things I like about Narcissists. They have raw emotion, like they are surviving on this Earth. They are at odds with society. They make their own rules. They are bold. We have the same humor… they are wacky.”
Whitney there are a lot of things that I like about the narcissists that I have dealt with in my life. But the major characteristic that they have makes me want to keep my distant from them. They have raw emotion, like they are surviving on this Earth: I saw that from my mom and that is probably part of the intensity that I was used to. But her raw emotions like she was surviving was based mostly on fear. So much fear about people betraying or abandoning her. She was surviving life instead of living and enjoying it. I remember she told me that she had a dream where there was a very narrow and scary bridge and she couldn’t cross it and was just too afraid and then I crossed it so easily and I was telling her how easy it is to cross and I was showing her by going back and forth how easy it is and was even giving her my hand but she just wasn’t able to cross it in her dream. They are at odds with society: it is attractive to me too because they don’t always go with the flow and that makes them not boring and the high functioning ones trailblazers. But they are at odds with society because they want to be the one in power and not the one subservient to power. There isn’t really anything deep or magnanimous about it outside of their need to be the one in control and in power. And they are not loyal to anyone but themselves. If you are their partner it can feel like it’s you and him against the world at first which feels like your bond is unbreakable until it doesn’t serve him anymore then it becomes it’s you against him and the world. They make their own rules because of a rule doesn’t serve them then it’s a useless rule to them. That includes whatever promise they gave you which they will easily forget if following through that promise will not serve their interest. Or not paying you back even though societal rules say that you’re supposed to pay back what you owe. Just the thought of nothing that I will ever do with a narcissist will produce a solid foundation to anything makes me not even waste my time on them. And also I apologize if this is too forward but I think that you shouldn’t disqualify Normal and Empathic men nor believe that they will not be attracted to you. Normal and Empathic men are also attracted to kind and empathic women like you, it’s just that their attraction is coming from a different place than narcissists. I was asking my husband the things that he like about me and they are the same things that Narcissists like from a target. It’s just that Narcissists like those traits for them to exploit (consciously for the aware ones and mostly unconsciously for the unaware ones) while Normals and Empaths like those traits because those traits make them admire us as a person. You’re a beautiful person and you deserve real love and admiration and you deserve an abuse free life. 💕💕❤️
Thank you for the kind words Whitney. You are super welcome and you are also a very beautiful and wise person. I have read your comments here and you have a very kind heart; always wanting to help. And I think you may have mentioned that you are a counselor as well. The manipulations do hurt and it is the opposite of everything that we value. But thankfully we are now armed with the truth of what they are and how they operate. Eventually it becomes just a matter of fact acceptance for us and it takes away the impact. But it takes time to get there. You will get there. 💜
Thank you Notme! that is really wise. I relate to what you’ve said. My life is empty and fake, since it’s been wrapped up in Narcissists, and their delusions. There is so much more depth my life could have- like love.
Thank you Mommypino that’s so kind of you 💜I’m not a counselor but that’s a job we’d be good at as empaths.
Merry Christmas
To all cadres
May next year
Not suck as badres
HG, for this selection, “Xmas and the Narcissist includes renditions O Come All Ye Empaths, Slay Ride, Silent Night, In The Bleak MidWinter, Hark! The Somatic Narc and the First No Contact” the PayPal button does not create a charge to be paid on PayPal. Please advise. Thanks in advance.
It works, do try again.
Will do, HG. Thank you.
HG, what you do is wonderful. You help a lot of people. You do have empathetic traits somewhere.
I do not. I do this because it serves my legacy, however, you win also, but understand, I do it because I win first.
So true HG, you are so right! We all win in the end then!
I’d love to see you outline the vision for the legacy as you see it. I win each day I have a new epiphany or insight. Not only me—but people in my life. I enrich those close to me by being richer in content. I never thought this bananas situation could result in positives.
😜 you are honest
It would be awesome if all is Empaths (angels) could meet. We would light up the sky!
Santaann—it wouldn’t really be a love fest! We would still be among empaths that have traits of jealousy, catty tendencies, and on and on. It isn’t really as innocent as it could be based on a multitude of personalities. Sadly.
You are absolutely correct!
Interestingly Santaann—this tendency we have to think this way.. (it’s my more natural thought too) is nothing more than a conduit for mistreatment. I’ve said repeatedly that this “empath” thing is in no way or form a benefit. One big piece I’m working on is extending a ton less of myself where it’s frivolous frankly anyway. I’m under zero obligation to be charitable with my energy or money or spirit to anyone except for those I’ve identified as close which include family (I have an excellent family) and some friends. For them my charity is unlimited. I am actively not being so accommodating, overly thoughtful, etc. I think a more “normal” department of oneself can even instinctively keep some narcissists at bay—they instinctively don’t see as much of a target. I owe little in the overall picture except to myself after what I’ve experienced. Even here—the “friendship” element is fickle at best. (An exception has been made as one is excellent) What I mean is that very few things are solid enough to invest forward. Normals seem to just get this and do it. HG seems to feel that narcissists have a lot of advantages and he is correct. Although, I don’t need to feed off people unlike a narcissist. I am quite content alone unlike someone that needs fuel which is my plus over a narcissist, but tempering “empathic-ness” is essential. No one can tell
me at this point that being an empath and taking it up the ass for pricks is a plus. I don’t even have a desirable “spread” of empathic traits that makes any sense to me so the more I can tamp it down the better. It’s basically an aggregate of traits that allow pain/abuse/misery. It’s impossible to completely eradicate so it’s not like I’m going to stop loving those close to me!
I understand 💯 percent! I am very content alone as well, for me it makes me sad sometimes because I have so much to offer. I to have a wonderful family and a handful of great friends as well. HG happens to be extremely grand at what he does especially in here. Sometimes I don’t know who is sicker Empaths or the Narcissist, it is very good education in here. Understanding the “why” is known to be as a double sword, like one feeding off the other. I will say I have always thought of myself lucky not to be an addict, but realize now it’s not only drugs we humans can be addicted to. Life goes on as always I will carry on with a smile on my face. Knowledge is power. Thank you very much for your reply.
Thanks Santaann—I often think if I had a heroin addiction it would encompass less of the almost post traumatic elements I am in the throes of. They tend to unravel quicker. I hung in there and just kept being drowned which is absolutely sickness. I did what I was taught to do—take it and take it. I recognize this but feel culpable at the same time. It takes two to live in sickness. I know HG is excellent in what he does here. I just hope he also recognizes now that there is no real strength exhibited by abusing people. That to ever do it just to do it is a weakness in fact. I’m sure he understands this to be a view at least.
I like how our names are in Triangulation! 😘 Santa -Tudor fun fun.
Wonderfull
Dear HG,
So happy you do this!
I have questions about the empath detector. Do you have experience with autistic empath’s? Becouse Iam autistic, and i realy want to know what kind op empath Iam. Thank you.
That will not present a problem
Thank you for you’re answer.
Lots of kindness going on! Merry Christmas to all
Merry Christmas santaann 🎄🎁
Merry Christmas FM1T, i am responding to this one. I would give anything to be Normal too especially this time of year.
My emotions are sky high and i want to switch them off but I cant
Big Hugs to you and your family and your grandson
Thank you Pati! I hope you can find some peace this holiday season! I know to well what you have to go through! Enjoy your children and think ahead of next year and the freedom you will find through HG and all of his knowledge. I will be thinking of you sweetie! Merry Christmas!
FM1T, thank you so much this mean a lot to me.
I do thank HG as well as he is the one keeping me going on my day to day living He will be in my prayers before dinner on Christmas Day.
Its funny how us strangers mean the most to us. FM1T i will never forget it was you who gave ne the courage the Narc Detector test for my husband. I will be forever grateful !
No need to thank me Pati. You deserve a life of peace and happiness. We are all family here. 😘💞
FM1T, you are all my family and I know i will get through this ! I still want to thank you for all your advice and for caring. 😘
You are quite welcome Pati, you have a very beautiful and kind heart. Enjoy the Holidays dear. 😘
Thank you FM1T, its all about being kind and giving. I wish I can have you all over to my house !!!!! It would be My Big Fat Greek Christmas ! Lots of food and drinks!
That sounds wonderful Pati! I’m waiting for something that happens on the blog every year, I’m not sure if she is going to write it this year or not? NA writes a wonderful story of a Christmas party at Tudor Mansion! If she writes it I will donate $20 to the Angel fund in her name. How about it Sista? 😘🙃
FM1T, i didnt know NA did that. Well here ia an idea maybe . I will donate too. I think that would be fantastic. Ditto to you SiSTA! 😉
Love it! That’s wonderful! I’m not sure if she will do it this year or not? But it is worth a try? 😘💞
Hey,why not,it will very entertaining thats for sure !
Absolutely Pati!!
It was so nice talking with you today! I wish uou nothing but the best FM1T!
I always enjoy talking to you Pati! I am always here kee
i appreciate it very much. I hope Santa is good to you this year. You deserve it.!
Thank you Pati.
Sorry my finger slipped! I am always here watching over you Pati. 🥰
Merry Christmas
Thank you Santa Tudor, I’ve been hoping the empath detector would go on sale!
Mercy—if you’d like to take the empath detector I’ll cover half of it for you as a Christmas gift. HG knows where to find me. 💕
Make the contribution Lorelei and I’ll ensure Mercy receives the service with her half.
I didn’t get a notification for this HG on WP—just randomly noticed a reply. Weird. Ok, done.
Lorelei, I’m absolutely speechless and emotional and grateful. I can’t explain how much this touches my heart. Thank you ❤️
No problem Mercy. Have a nice rest of the day.
Thank you Lorelei. Merry Christmas.
Lorelei, I’m nervous to do the ED. What if I’m normal? There are empaths here that tell about their emotions and sometimes I think they are much more sensitive than I am. I cry about weird stuff though like when I watch Ellen videos on FB or when we sing Happy Birthday to my kiddos. I can be a complete bitch at times and not feel bad about it for a few days but I’m usually only a bitch when I’m sticking up for myself or others. I don’t know, im overthinking it I guess. Normal isn’t bad. It’s just boring.
I’d give an arm to be normal. Sadly I’m not. Normal people don’t have a bullseye on their back for narcissists to exploit. I’m a total bitch and HG never changed the evaluation!
Mercy,
I have to agree with Lorelei on this one! I’d give anything to be normal, especially on days when my emotions are running all over the place.
FM1T, I still have my emotional days but Ive put alot of work in this year identify and redirecting the emotions. It’s starting to become a natural thing to do. I like what Desiree said about being a weaponized empath. It fits for me.
Agree Foolme—I see none of this as a blessing or a good club to be in. It’s caused nothing but misery. There is an overwhelming physical condition it reminds me of. Say, you are young & healthy. Vibrantly healthy. You get the flu and within 24 hours you are nearly dead. Why does this happen? Why is the older mildly to moderately unhealthy person sometimes fare better? The young & healthy person sparkles almost. Because their health works against them. Same as these traits that we have work against us. Their immune system is so robust it allows a cascade for sepsis and inflammation. The good stuff or the immunity doesn’t know when to quit and it actually causes death to the host. (I won’t go into the science here) They kill themselves essentially. Did my ex or my dad or my other ex’s do all of this damage or did I?
Wow this is incredible said. I have much trouble explaining myself. It’s all in my brain what to say but I find finding the words to write are very trouble some. I worry about my daughter who has inherited my traits and now is suffering from it with her emotionless so called boyfriend. I explain to her what I learned after 35 years but she doesn’t understand but he is slowly destroying my daughter of 20. I do tell her I was in the same place at her age. But as I had no direction or answers at that age. I spleen my knowledge to her and pray something clicks!
Santaann—it’s interesting you
mention your daughter. My 13-year-old is bringing conversation to the forefront at times. I’m thinking it won’t suffice to wait until she is an adult to explain some things to her about her father on some level. It’s requiring some thought—my best friend and I discussed this past week. We have strategized to encourage her observations so she has a form of expression only at this point. I may touch on how a certain behavior impacted me. For instance, the yelling.. I can tell her it exhausted me. Period. She saw me be spoken to poorly. The situation most recently was that she was harangued by me re, cleaning her messy room and I further chastised her for getting into some paint and making a mess for trying to be creative with some items she destroyed in her room. She was on the defense and threw a blow that “until her dad left I never cared for the house.” I had to restrain myself from saying he was an abusive prick who rendered me useless. I said to her that we had a weekly housekeeper at that time so all of her needs were met. She could not argue this point but then indicated things were messier. (All around) I took a deep breath and explained it is a small house and her fathers stuff no longer occupies space so it is naturally tidy at this point and that everything was just remodeled so it’s sparkly and new. She was told if her comments persisted her phone would be removed from her possession—maybe I didn’t have to threaten this but her room was to be cleaned because I’m in charge ultimately. Not her. It’s a simple enough scenario but she is picking on things and bringing up the before/after. She is intuitive and probably the most impacted by the divorce. Conversation is inevitable. It’s going to grow in what is brought up and what is beneficial to reveal. This is not easy. I really hope your daughter hears you plant seeds. Kids suck the life out of us at times. I can’t imagine how miserable it is to see your daughter with what you state is an emotionless boyfriend because you now know too much.
Mercy
Welcome to the Bitch Squad. Spent the past week trying not to throw knifes or run people over with my car on purpose, Emotional Empathy running a tad low these days. The Empath Detector takes such things in consideration and it will not affect your results. It’s a great Test and I’m sure you will find it helpful
Lorelei
I keep reading “Satan Tudor”…where did the name Santa come from, after all.
Normals are okay but rarely shake things up or do anything of significance, I’d take being a weaponized Empath anyday. Not easy to cope with at times but when things are good, things are fantastic. Maybe we should stop referring to ourselves as Bitches, NA as well. Or maybe we should get T-Shirts printed.
I just replied to Foolme on this.. It’ll take some convincing for me to ever feel this is desirable!
Just remember:
Scarlett was the Bitch. Ruthless flirt, but saved Melanie and the baby because she promised. Also saved the plantation, and everybody on it. Capable of Grandeur.
Suellen was the Pill. Achieved nothing but whining throughout the entire Civil War and Reconstruction. Petty to the Core, which is about 2mm. below the surface.
– Per Florence King
HG, Santa is not even a distant second to you. Thank you for everything! You have been beyond wonderful this holiday season and you are so very appreciated.
You are welcome FYC.
I think HG does plan to be a little bit of a HO HO HO this year. Love ya HG! 😘
No no no.
You are so generous! Thank you for all you do for us!
You ARE in a festive mood, HG. What a fun Christmas this is at Narcsite this year!
HG’s Festivus for the rest of us!! And don’t forget to air your grievances.