The Key To Entry
With the brief injunction from my mother to ensure I spoke up or suffer the consequences I returned to the consulting room of Dr M. We took our seats and he smiled before adjusting his suit trousers, pulling them up at the thigh. I cast a quick glance to his nether regions but no hole had yet emerged.
“Now Mr Tudor, we did not make much progress last week. It is of no concern. I wondered if you perhaps felt more amenable to speaking with me on this occasion?”
I started to nod and then spoke.
“Excellent. What would you like to talk about?” he asked.
“Why am I here as in why am I sat in your consulting room,” I clarified before he started providing me with some smart alec response as to the meaning of my existence. I knew why my family had insisted that I see Dr M and more recently underline the necessity of speaking to him, but I wanted to know what he thought. That way I would be better prepared to deflect him.
“Why do you think you are here with me?” he answered casually. Marvellous. He was one of those people who answered a question with another question.
“I asked first,” I pointed out. He nodded.
“Your family are concerned about you.” I snorted which seemed to take him by surprise.
“Those bastards only care about themselves.”
“Why do you say that?” asked Dr M seizing on my remark.
“It does not matter, go on, you were saying.”
“Your family are concerned about you. I met with them and they provided me with background information. I am aware that you are a high achiever and have always been so. Your family are concerned however that you stop at nothing to get what you want, that you have disdain for most people and you leave a trail of carnage in your wake. I think that is a succinct way of putting it. They want me to discuss this with you and to receive my opinion.” he explained.
“It’s bullshit all of it,” I remarked. My voice was low but the venom was tangible. Dr M remained silent.
“I have no idea what they are talking about. I stop at nothing to get what I want? They have never complained about my achievements before. They don’t like it that I am outshining them. That is the problem here. They always do this. Try and make their problems my problems, I am sick and tired of it. I have forged my own path and done bloody well too and all they want to do is bring me down. It is jealousy. That’s why I have little to do with them. Did they tell you that? I bet they tried to make out that I am aloof and never attend family gatherings didn’t they? They never invite me to them. I keep in touch most with my younger brother and he tells me about these gatherings and I always find out after the event. Did my younger brother speak to you?”
Dr M nodded.
“Who else?” I asked.
“Both your parents, your sister, your younger brother and your cousin, Charlotte.”
“Huh, the usual cabal. All of them are liars. Do you have any idea what it is like having to put up with all of them? My god it is a wonder that I am a success. My mother is always trying to pin the blame for her shortcomings on me. She would love to plant a microchip in my head and control me. That would be ideal for her. She has controlled my father for years. He isn’t a bad fellow really but he fell under her spell and believes anything she says and if he dares not to well let’s just say he has suffered the consequences too many times before so he has learned his lesson. It’s weak of him and I hate him for being like that. He should stand up to her rather than be her metaphorical punching bag. Always tries to keep the peace at first and then takes her side. He is brainwashed and my sister is just as bad. Jesus she always defers to my mother, but then she could never make a decision for herself. So Charlie has weighed in as well has she? Do you know why doctor M? It is because she wants me for herself and I won’t let that happen. Bet they did not tell you that did they? She is totally in love with me and because I have rejected her this is how she goes about paying me back by making up lies about me. I would not put it past that harpy to try and section me you know. You don’t want to believe anything that lot say to you.”
Dr M was jotting down the odd note as I spoke. Yes, make some notes Dr M and you can tell them what I think of them. How dare they? How bastard dare they make out like I am the one with the problem. I should be used to it by now but it still infuriates me. I stood up, agitated at this unwarranted attack on me.
“This is what they always do doctor. I am the one who was suffered at their hands. Years of it but they twist it around and try to pin the blame on me. I have made the best of a bad hand and they cannot stand to see me doing well so they conjure up this. Liars the lot of them.”
I was pacing up and down in front of the fireplace and fighting to resist the urge to grab one of the logs and hurl it at the large mirror which hung above the fireplace.
“I wish they were all dead doctor, you have no idea. The times I have wished that they would get wiped out in some car accident or a building falls on them when they are inside. They have made my life hell and just as I am pulling free of them they pull this stunt. I hate them. I am surprised at my brother joining in with this as well, I thought he had some sense.”
“Your brother expressed considerable concern about you and wants to help you,” offered Dr M.
“I don’t need any help. I suggest you fill your sessions with them. You will have plenty of material for your shrink times or whatever publication you write for. My mother is a control freak with a drink problem,my father is spineless, my sister is a professional victim oh yes, ask her about her failed marriage but make sure you have the bleeding heart and violins to hand. My cousin, well as I said, she is a lecherous nymphomaniac and as for my brother, he has gone down in my estimation joining this cabal of perfidy.”
I spat the words out as I waved my arms around, windmilling through the air. I felt a little better for this explosion of annoyance and I returned to my seat and sat down. Dr M was still writing.
“So Dr M there really is nothing to see here. I know you will want to make some money from us and I respect that, you are like me, you see an opportunity and exploit it. Nothing wrong with that. Let me give you a tip. You need to suggest working with those liars and parking your involvement with me. You have nothing to achieve here but as for them, well you will make a fortune sorting out the quagmire that is their lives.”
I sat back and smiled as Dr M continued to write. I had spoken up just as she had urged. I had done as I was told. Again. This time though I was fighting back.
20 thoughts on “The Key To Entry”
Thanks for your reply Violetta, it was interesting. I really enjoyed reading it.
I’m happy for the guy who hit the golf ball from his dad’s grave. Good for him. I don’t even need to learn more, I know his dad deserved much worse.
I hope HG gets all the revenge he wants. I just think her continued control (being able to force him to see a doctor) should be severed. I think her continued control or her existence might contribute to his current “narcissism” and her removal could have a positive impact.
But then I remember, he has a bigger plan in mind- the Grand Design. A plan for revenge, hopefully, if that’s what he wants. I think he loves his mother, in a way. Otherwise he’d have nothing to do with her.
I believe your father has passed away now, but this indicates he was around when you began your therapy, and would’ve known you were diagnosed as a narcissist. I wonder if you ever spoke with him about it, as he seems to be more understanding and caring.
Your wanting HG to free himself from Matrinarc rather than having his whole life be a kind of revenge, symbolic with the IPPS and literal when Mummy’s on her deathbed, is like saying, “Don’t be a narc.”
HG knows perfectly well he might never get the chance to deliver by that last, devastating whisper. Matrinarc may die instantly in a car crash. She might die in hospital when he didn’t get there in time. She might cut him out of her will no matter what he’s been holding in reserve. If he gets his revenge, he might feel rather deflated after–now what? He’s being a narc the way a tiger is a tiger.
Of course, he can always do what many people are starting to.do, now that post-mortem hypocrisy has somewhat faded, i.e., “God rest our dear Auntie Agatha,” while thinking, “hope the old buzzard left me something valuable.” He can revile the corpse, as did the two grown children who said in the obit that since their grandparents had brought them up after their mother abandoned them to run off with her lover, “she has now gone to judgment, and will not be missed.” Then there was the guy who balanced a golf ball on the earth piled on his father’s grave, said, “To Daddy, the meanest sumbitch that ever lived,” teed off, and followed the ball into the woods near the cemetery in front of the shocked mourners.
The Bible says to honor our parents, but it also says in Ephesians that parents should not provoke their kids to anger lest they lose heart. The second is rarely quoted.
Sorry HG, that was a reply to Violetta. I wasn’t sure how her analogy related to what I said to you 💖
Noted, thank you.
I’m not sure how your analogy relates to what I said to HG
If you expand, I will assist.
this is intriguing. I’m thinking it’s an initial session and your diagnosis has not been made ?
You revealed how your family had effected you but the situation looks like you against the world.
Do you think there is any chance he believed you? I looks like your mother chose the therapist which is interesting bc I would never go to someone my mother chose. I suppose you knew you could control the sessions so it didn’t matter?
I think i will purchase the Knowing H G series 😉
That would be a wise move.
HG, I’m sorry to speak poorly of your mother, but she has a lot of audacity. She’s the reason for your “narcissism”.
You wouldn’t mistreat a child, like she did. You’re a Nobel and poetic person. You don’t even date women younger than 23 (the ones men are biologically most attracted to), because you have impeccable morals and standards.
I think you should forsake whatever they are holding over you, and be free from her control.
Oh sorry, I forgot you have the Grand Plan. I’m glad. 😊
Whitney, this like telling a cat if it were a puppy, people would like it better. It’s a cat. It couldn’t be a puppy even if it wanted to.
In this case, a big cat. Like a tiger. They are very elegant–from a distance.
“ . . . you stop at nothing to get what you want, that you have disdain for most people and you leave a trail of carnage in your wake.”
^^^That is the consultation that I want next, mainly because I am so tired of the guilt I feel when I act on my own behalf.
Your entire family had input? So, are they paying for it?
perhaps you are finally figuring it out.
“He was one of those people who answered a question with another question.” The Rogers Method. And my 1st shrink and weekend hippie teachers wondered why I tuned them out.
HG, was that blame-shifting deliberate? Or did you truly believe in all that vitriol?
It is not blame-shifting, it is the attribution of blame to where it belongs.