We are able to do what we do because of a particularly fundamental trait that we look for in the people that we target; trust. We look for those who place particular reliance on trust and then we abuse that trust. Most people operate on a basis of trust. If they did not, the world would grind to a halt. Trust lubricates so many transactions between people whether those transactions are social, financial or emotional. When somebody tells you,

“I like your shirt it suits you.”

You trust them to be telling you the truth. If you did not do so, you would stop and cross examine them as to why they like it in order to evaluate whether you believe their comment to be a true one or not. You trust the company from which you make a purchase to deliver when they say they will and that the product will be fit for purpose. You trust your colleagues to do their jobs effectively so you can also fulfil your obligations. You trust the police to maintain law and order, if you did not, there would be anarchy and rife vigilantism. It is axiomatic that there has to be trust otherwise everything would be slowed down or stopped as people evaluated, analysed, questioned and verified. Trust is evident everywhere and there is no greater trust than that which is expected in an intimate relationship.

People trust their partner to have their best interests at heart, to trust them not to do something to hurt them, to trust them to be faithful and loving. We know that in order for you to love in the way that you do, that deep and unconditional love, there must be trust. You approach your relationships with this trust held out in front of you, a symbol of good intent. You presume that everyone else that you will engage with will also adopt a similarly trusting stance. You expect them to reciprocate this trust. You trust that they will trust.

You are not a cynic. You do not operate in the realm of suspicion and mistrust. To do so would be admitting defeat and would tarnish the ideal of love that you are committed to. You accept much at face-value. That is not to label you as naïve, that would be unduly harsh, for as I have mentioned, many people operate on the basis of trust and so they must. You apply this trust to your dealings with those that you fall in love, led to believe by us that this trust will be reciprocated, that it will not breached, betrayed or damaged. You are a truth seeker. You apply honesty in all your dealings and the taint of lies and dishonesty offends you considerably. The stench of our deceit, the rank odour of our mendacity is great but the perfumed veil we cast over such dark and dangerous deceptions is such that the malodorous warning never nears you. You are conned into believing that we tell you the truth when we first encounter you. We behave with such conviction, the air of confidence we exude, seemingly unquestionable and unimpeachable. We look you in the eye, those unseen mirrors reflecting back at you your earnest trust so that you what you require. You look upon supposed honesty, apparent openness and this maintains your sense of trust.

By trusting you believe that you will get the truth. That our love will be true, that our intentions are truthful, that our fidelity is real and we govern our interactions with you under the mantle of truth. You trust that all of this will happen because we make you think you can trust us. We will reference those who have let us down, those who have betrayed us and in so doing we hold up our own reliance upon trust in order to receive your trust. See how we have trusted others and they let us down? We have always trusted beforehand and so you can be assured that we want to gain your trust and you shall have ours. It is all carefully orchestrated to channel one of the fundamental tenets by which you abide. When we gain that trust and we do so easily, you enable us to take this valuable commodity and apply our own veneer to it, reinforcing it and demonstrating to you just how much we value it. As a fellow disciple in trust this enables us to conduct ourselves in a way which ensures we are above suspicion. When we meet with a member of the opposite sex and explain she or he is just a friend and it is a friendly drink you have no reason to think otherwise. You trust us. When we tell you that we are working late. You trust us. When we borrow money from you. You trust us. When we tell you that we are using the contraceptive pill. You trust us. When we tell you that we love you and have never loved anybody like this before – you trust us.

Trust equals the truth. We then abuse your trust by carrying out our treacherous acts. We court other partners and shatter your trust. As you sit at home watching television thinking we are working hard for our future we are philandering and sliding our tendrils around a fresh prospect. When you are making that dinner for us both, looking forward to an evening together, I am showering in a hotel as I seek to wash away the scent of the person I have just coupled with. When you check your bank balance and consider what you will do with the return on the investment that I talked about so you lent me the money, your hard-earned money is being used to impress someone else so that they fall into my clutches. We take this very thing that is of such central importance to you and we abuse it. We disrespect and we trade is just like a commodity.

When you eventually realise your trust has been shattered and this has happened repeatedly. When you finally wake up and join the dots. When you see the flagrant breaches of your trust, when the evidence is irrefutable and painful, we may well have gone. Not only have we abused your trust but we have left without explanation or reason, leaving you to deal with the aftermath alone as we move on to the next target and begin gaining their trust. Like any confidence trickster it is necessary for us to gain trust before we are able to abuse it. Not only do we hurt you repeatedly through these actions we do so to such an extent, with so many people and with so many people aware of it, other than you until the last moment. This wide-ranging and wholesale desecration of trust, this tarnishing and defacing of the truth leaves you broken and unable to face the totality of the truth. You cannot comprehend that you have been conned so extensively and so often. You cannot bear the sensation that arises from having been made to look so foolish. You held your trust up as something to be proud of and now you are left to rue your reliance on this as you hear the repeated comments of “Told you so”, “Didn’t you notice?” and “You are too trusting.” You equate trust with the truth. Our abuse of your trust causes you to not want to accept the truth of what we have done.

35 thoughts on “Violator

  1. Sweetest Perfection says:

    Someone summoned me🌹

  2. WokeAF says:

    “ When you eventually realise your trust has been shattered and this has happened repeatedly. When you finally wake up and join the dots.“

    Do they always? Is it inevitable that the IPPS wakes up ? Is it INEVITABLE that the full horror is revealed ?
    My MMR falls close to the Anchor ,but doesn’t leave the IPPS. Yes the one time hookups, massage parlour happy endings, the S- IPSS’s abs the DLS, but values (esp as he ages) the IPPS. It is unlikely he will look to replace her as long as he keeps her gaslit enough .

    I’m wondering if she will ever wake up.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No, it is not inevitable the IPPS wakes up.

  3. Lucia says:

    I’m sure you’r not what someone would call a flying monkey……
    Best wishes to all!

    1. Violetta says:

      Lucius: “You’re” has an “e” after the “r,” but you did remember the apostrophe this time. You have made progress.

      1. Lucia says:

        Thanks for acknowledging my progress. I enjoy learning. Sorry if I insulted you in any way or hurt your feelings by simply stating my opinion.

        1. Violetta says:

          Lucia: I was only insulted by your assumption that Tudoristas welcome bad writing. You are proof that we do not.

          1. HG Tudor says:


          2. Lucia says:

            “Tudoristas”? I hope you are joking.

          3. Violetta says:

            Oh, you’re still here?
            The Zapatistas and the Sandinistas had nothing on us.

  4. NarcAngel says:


  5. Violetta says:

    HG, you do inspire us.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you. The vast majority of my readers are courteous, sensible and want to learn (with a little entertainment along the way). It is those readers I will continue to assist.

  6. Violetta says:

    Lucia: I have worked in publishing and academia, and I like both HG’s prose style and his content (although it is frequently unsettling to read). He could occasionally use a proofreader, but I know he’s frequently trying to handle both consults and reader conversations in a limited amount of time.

    OTOH, you could also use a proofreader. There are three contractions in your paragraph that needed apostrophes, and there should have been a comma after “narrow,” to set off the dependent clause.

    I will concede that you do, however, give a perfect demonstration of “unappealing.”

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Admission to burns unit.

  7. WhoCares says:


    On the content being “one-dimensional”…
    I’m sure you noticed, in your assessment, that it states this blog is about one topic: Narcissism.

  8. Lucia says:

    I honestly cant believe how drawn to this man and his website I am. Its like addiction. Although I find his writing less than perfect, site unappealing, and content one-dimensional and narrow I just cant stop reading. Fascinating!

    1. Mercy says:

      Lucia, your comment is confusing. It’s like saying I like cake but I don’t like the ingredients.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        One might read it as a back-handed provocation…

        1. NarcAngel says:

          I’ve read more than one that appears provocation on different threads……

          1. HG Tudor says:

            Indeed NA.

        2. Mercy says:

          I assume to provoke a reaction. Shows the intelligence of the deliverer. Fail!

      2. Lorelei says:

        Mercy—she doesn’t like the taste of the topping! I think it has bitter sprinkles sometimes.

    2. Dorion says:

      If you feel addicted but, at the same time, don’t find it satisfying and have negative feelings yet keep indulging regardless, that can be a pretty serious addiction. Or maybe just honest self-awareness. I know very well how easy it is to get hooked on online discussion forums and even use them as a distraction without much practical benefit, so I personally understand. It can be quite hard to moderate or move on once you get into a habit with high frequency, been there a few times myself (not on this blog because I am so aware of my predisposition). I do think many people are not aware of all the different aspects of how and why they are using the internet. The regular commenters here usually describe that they have lots of benefits though.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        That is thoughtful of you Dorion to look at it this way, but the individual concerned is just looking to provoke.

    3. Sweetest Perfection says:

      If there’s one thing HG’s content is not, it is one-dimensional, Lucia. I often mentioned his ability to cover simultaneous perspectives. It is the reader’s responsibility to have the needed competency to be able to appreciate all the nuances though, that’s not on the author’s part.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Thank you SP.

      2. K says:

        Sweetest Perfection
        HG’s ability to cover simultaneous perspectives is absolutely breathtaking.

  9. Mercy says:

    Anyone else having problems with the web site? The font is micro mini and I cant zoom in to read.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are stood too far away Mercy, come closer.

      1. Mercy says:

        Ha ha funny guy.

  10. Janna says:

    Why oh why would you do this?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Why not?

  11. SMH says:

    This is brutal, HG. Even though MRN did violate my trust, he was way worse to IPPS and for much longer. So when I am reading this I am thinking about it as if I were her rather than from my IPSS position.

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