The Trio of Infatuation
Sharpen your Logic Defences and recognise how infatuation manifests in the mind of the narcissist with these intriguing portrayals.
Understand how infatuation manifests, how it is the preserve of the narcissist and so you recognise it, should it be used against you or have been used against you.
Understand how it is different from love which is founded on emotional empathy.
Use your acquired knowledge and narc craft to ascertain who the narcissist is infatuated with and what school of narcissist is infatuated.
74 thoughts on “The Trio of Infatuation”
I can’t remember which of your posts I left a comment on. Reading your posts make me realize how vulnerable narcissists are, and how easy it is to move and control them. Could you imagine a world that knew the narcissist (and sociopath/psychopath) existed? And how broken, fragile, and deranged they are? What if? What if the “predator” was in fact the “prey?” Because, the enlightened non-narcissist/cluster B, can hurt the cluster b disordered person quite badly, and what a willing and easy puppet they are. There is no power in the narcissist, just illusion. Once the magic trick is revealed, well, the end.
More emotional thinking which disobeys the first golden rule of freedom.
I think the comment you are referring to is on this thread.
I’ve read that Narcissistic personality disorder is very similar to Borderline personality disorder with the main difference being that narcs are incapable of experiencing real empathy. Do you agree and if so how can you tell the difference between the two since empathy can be faked by the academy award worthy narc
Narcissists have no emotional empathy, that is correct.
Is it true that some Narcissists have cognitive empathy and that its hard to distinguish between the two. Putting on a good act and you cant tell the difference?
Yes Mid Range and Greater have Cognitive Empathy.
Thank you for clarifying Mr. Chutty!
You’re welcome Putty
Ha ha HG!I bought Putty for my daughter its fun to play with,much better than slime.
Most of them it is very obvious it is cognitive empathy Pati. They think they’re doing a great job at demonstrating empathy but it’s usually over the top for the situation or there is a roboticism to it.
My UMR sister, over the top’, I get the same reaction from her if I’ve just pointed out a very large spot (pimple) on my face as I would if I had just told her I had been diagnosed with some awful disease.
I find the less over the top ones believe they are better at it but when you observe very carefully you will detect the roboticness in their voice and mannerism. Some are very obviously robotic. Some flit between the two. I guess it depend how practiced they are at given scenarios.
I struggle to display cognitive empathy with Ns. I have zero Emotional empathy for them. They Don’t seem to pick up on this. Probably why most of them are unable to spot each other.
Wow, thank you for explaining, I just cant believe it thats all. Unbelievable!
I think that you would find that in such an individual who exhibits traits similar to both bpd and npd that when push comes to shove the need for control usurps the ability to demonstrate cognitive empathy. And as an observer, one can see the difference if watching closely.
Dbo—and this is for HG too because I really want to caution (if HG ever writes about..) BPD and similarity to narcissism. NOT everyone diagnosed with BPD is a narcissist. If they are they are either a very damaged and hurt empath, or, a narcissist based on the inclusions of behavior HG discusses. Why am I saying this? Because it is a highly undesirable condition for the majority of the medical community. Many providers can’t stand BPD patients. Why? They are a pain in the ass generally because many are narcissists! It is the manner of their fuel acquisition that they require that compels ridiculous behaviors that are quite disruptive.
There are also individuals that cut for instance to relieve anxiety, that will sit in a corner and cry and it appears perhaps similar, but they do indeed have emotional empathy. Often suffering long term abuse creates coping skills which look similar, but the flavor is different and the degree of histrionics is not consistent in the same manner. I have patients I adore that have a BPD diagnosis. I would trust them with my children when they are doing well. That is the extent of faith I have in their capacity for warmth. I also have patients diagnosed with BPD that come in only for fuel. Two days ago I walked in my exam room. Lobby is packed and I really needed my room. Here this man lays on the floor having a histrionic “medical” presentation. I know the patient quite well. I closed the door and he did not respond to my firm instructions to get in a chair. (He was pretending to be post seizure) Guess what he always wants? Food. I am not legally allowed to withhold food generally speaking, but guess who can declare someone medically unsafe to eat and withdraw meals? Me. I said, “Well unfortunately your seizure activity will not allow for a meal because I have concerns you may aspirate if these seizures keep happening..” (he’s pretending to be unconscious)
Narcissists have needs and have decision making capacity. I did not challenge him—I met the obligations of my professional ethics. Basically he got up—no more pseudo seizures and he ate. Think smarter and the work isn’t as hard basically.. An empath is very unlikely to perform similarly as BPD traits are an aggregate of behaviors just as HG illustrates for narcissism. The spectrum of traits will feel different to a skilled practitioner. There are some off putting behaviors, but please don’t assign a label of narcissism to a BPD individual. It is a red flag—not an absolute. Also, there are narcissists I would trust my children with. Absolutely. This disorder is complex and the behaviors are so diverse it is an explosion of knowledge on Narcsite. Would I trust HG with my children? Yes. (They are spending the summer with him—he just found this out but it’s ok) I’ve never met him. Would I trust Taylor Swift? Yes. Would I trust my father if he were alive. Absolutely not. I know I’m adrift a bit but please just be very dimensional in thought on these labels/diagnostics.
That’s OK, Lorelei, the kids can help HG take care of all the kittens you sent him.
Unless he’s already had them made into tennis rackets.
I really like cats. And dogs and birds. And monkeys and fish.
What about a catogbirkeyish?
HG—I have three very meek appearing beam boys here. Would you be uncomfortable for having confronted a worker in your home for poor punctuality and communication? Or, would you simply not experience any discomfort, after all—I was correct. Does the blame shift (even when appropriate) diminish the capacity to feel awkward? Do you ever feel “awkward?” That’s my inquiry..
I do not feel awkward. I neither have the capacity for it or err.
Just curious if it falls in the spectrum of emotion. What if you fell down in front of SM on date 2? That would not embarrass you?
It would not happen.
Falling down? Omg HG. Anyone can fall down. I was intoxicated once and slid off a bar stool at a holiday party. I think it was funny though. What about developing an embarrassing rash? I had eczema near my eyes despite my moisturizer which required immediate correction with Rx cream. You are in a human shell!
Violetta—kittens are adorable.
I always want to chew on the backs of their necks.
I have just spent 6 years fighting a psychopath who’s stalked me, hacked me, pushed me around, pretended to be my husband/boyfriend, called employers and family members, bitched me out online, smeared me, and would not leave me alone for any sane reason at all.
@foolme1time @HGTudor I’m documenting this toxicity on your site.
Dear Mr. HG Tudor,
Speaking of love, I do have a few general questions about my ex-boyfriend narcissist which always puzzled me, which I will post here. If you could answer without knowing the specifics about the situation.
I believe my ex-boyfriend was a mid-range victim narcissist as he exhibited all the abusive behaviors . He mentioned to me that his father was abusive and neglectful toward his family, but that people outside of the family loved him because he was so generous and caring, etc., so I believe his father to be a narcissist. I don’t know much about his mother other than she was a social worker. She died during our relationship.
My boyfriend said a few times that he hated his parents, but he often singled out his mother and said that he hated his mother. He never said that he hated his father and I heard him multiple times on the phone with his father and before hanging up he always said “I love you dad”.
Can you answer;
(1) Why did he express hatred toward his mother, yet not his father, who was the actively abusive/neglectful parent by his own admission?
(2) Did he really love his father or have some sort of bond with his father that he did not have with his mother?
(3) Does his “love” for his father and hatred of his mother have anything to do with his being a man and wanting a bond with his father, or something similar to that based upon his sex?
1. You do not know for certain that the father is the abuser. He may have told you that as part of the Pity Play. Remember, the narcissist will do and say anything to assert control. Even if his father is the abuser, owing to compartmentalisation and black and white thinking, he can declare “love” towards his father as part of controlling his father and facade management with regard to you as you heard the conversation.
2. He cannot love his father if he is a narcissist.
3. See above.
Interesting, thank you. I expected a different answer.
That’s why you require my expertise
Yes. I require your expertise.
Can a Narcissist fall in love, HG?
I disagree but I don’t feel like elaborating. I also believe in free will.
You are wrong.
HG do you believe in some cases, not all, that what the empath is feeling is also infatuation, because of perhaps the trauma they have gone through previously or simply for the attention they are craving?
No, it is the product of the addiction and emotional thinking, FM1T.
“ No, it is the product of the addiction and emotional thinking, FM1T.” So you’re saying it is not love or infatuation that the empath is feeling HG?
An empath feels love. You asked if it as infatuation, I explained it is not, if the empath behaves in an obsessive manner, that is the ET.
Thank you for clarifying that HG.
You are welcome.
You’re entitled to your opinion.
I know and better still, it is entirely correct, Pamela.
I knew it was her! When will I learn not to doubt my instincts?! HG, please shut that window, they are flying in from every direction!
I agree you more experience and research on it. I still think differently only because I think love is a different life experience than average emotions. I think the narcissist feels love but has a distorted way of showing it to other people learned from flawed parental units.
They say that you are a “Mid-Range Narcissist” but you can’see it because your Narcissism doesn’t allow you to see what you actually are.
So you truly believe you are a good and empathic person but you actually are an evil bitch and you will never be able to see it. Indeed, the person you think is your Narcissist is really your Victim because you are the actual abuser and your Narcissism doesn’t allow you to see it.
It is what they all believe about you.
What do think you about this theory honey?
Is this the same as “Is is Love?”
No, MB, it´s not.
So this is new HG?
Thank you HG. Purchasing as soon as I pick up a new gift card.
Haha! I love when you say that!( write )
Making fun and money with my personal situation once again. Aren’t you?
Narcississus—I’m still waiting for my golden period?
Sounds like the sort of thing that warrants a visit to a gyn. Especially if it started with Nerdcissus.
My chances of contracting an STI from a narc are much higher than this Coronavirus situation that is messing up
my life. Correct.
There are narcissists at the gym Violetta. Many. But lots of nice guys too. Several have done some things around my house for me and it really isn’t facade or benign manipulation oriented behavior. Just nice people and it’s easy for a guy that dead lifts 1,000 lbs to move furniture. My mother’s death has just floored me though, and I’ve not been working out. I have to get moving again, it makes me depressed not to be active. I was traveling all day yesterday to work on clearing out her home—it’s just like the single worst thing. I feel like I’m throwing away her life by dismantling it. Sorry—didn’t mean to meander into something more serious. I’m just coping poorly and the gym/lack of exercise isn’t helping —and a correlation in my thoughts was made.
Re: house clearance
Be gentle with yourself lovely. You’re doing a very big emotional thing.
I cant imagine doing it for my parents. As they are both narcs, the ever presence there would require a full Hazmat. There would be no good memories. None. And the stuff theyve kept!
There would be NOTHING I would want to keep except for photographs and jewellery which belonged to my grandparents.
In fact, I know what I’ll do if I’m ever in that position, I’ll get those items then get a professional house clearing service in.
Thank you for the thoughtful reply Renarde.
Pleasure is mine x
Gynecologist, Lorelei. A Golden Period after encountering a Nerdcissus could mean something like MRSA.
Since you said you’re “waiting for it,” I do hope you haven’t helped Nerdcissus breed..
I am probably worrying for nothing. I know your taste for narcs, like mine, needs work and is getting it, but I’ve seen no evidence that your aesthetic sense would lapse to an extent that you’d let a Nerdcissus into your world.
Making fun and money with my personal situation once again. Aren’t you?
Aww! Why are you picking the lovely Lorelei over me?
What’s wrong with moi?
Please clarify to me what part of this topic Nerdcissus thought related to him. I am having trouble seeing the connection.
Honey – I have no idea.
Loving Nerdcissus though!
Actually, can I suggest NerdSissy? Or will the fragrant Julie P have a snowflake fit?
I really had some doubts about myself when I read the following passage in “The Support Forum Fraud”:
“The Lessers will see it as an excellent opportunity for some verbal abuse provocation. The Mid Rangers will see it as a chance to curry favour with the host and demonstrate their own credentials as a ‘good’ person. The Mis-Guided Victims (often newbies) are still very hurt by their experience and their inexperience and current world view causes them to lash out at someone who they have mistakenly seen as a narcissist.”
That puts me squarely in the camp of the Lessers. Correcting troll prose styles or just rankin’ on their mamas gives me way more joy than is compatible with empathy.
Violetta—I’m almost certainly already colonized with MRSA due to my work. A nasal swab would likely confirm. If I were to say, have certain elective surgical procedures, I would wash daily with pre-surgical grade antimicrobial soap and use Rx ointment nasally. The problem is increased susceptibility to an active infection vs. colonization.
Snowflakes are unique and beautiful so thank you : )
They also melt away very quickly…
Renarde, your comment doesn’t affect me,
Remember too that whilst snowflakes can melt away as nature has designed them that way, too much of them can kill you. There is also power in delicate things.
You are about as delicate as a nettle patch.
I mislike your words on ‘killing’.
Goodness me. You really are quite silly. Very silly indeed. First rule of poker is BLUF. You’ve just revealed your hand.
I’ll leave to ‘figure out’ what I mean by this.
P.S Never signpost your intention. It makes you look like a fool. Hot tip.
It amuses me when ‘sensitivity’ is confused with fragility or a lack of resilience. The same with ‘delicacy’ being mistakenly considered to be ineffectual or lacking depth or substance.