Trapped : The Car
Control.
We need to control everything around us. This must be done so we can gain fuel. This must be done because our natural paranoia causes us to need to exert our will on those around us, before they can do so to us and undoubtedly with catastrophic consequences. Only by exerting control can we be sure and satisfied that the order of things will be as we require it to be. We hate to be subject to the control of others. That reminds us of matters which are best left alone.
This need and desire for control causes us to adjust our manipulations so that we can engineer situations where we can achieve total control. Total control arises when we have you trapped.
This concept of trapping you works on several levels. The widest level is within the confines of the Narcissistic Relationship. This is why we regard your entanglement with us as being permanent. We chose you and now you belong to us. You have no say in this of course, why would you when you are not of our calibre? The idea of trapping you continues in terms of the Formal Relationship. This is why we move swiftly to proclaim you as our boyfriend, fiancee, partner, wife and so forth.
The application of this labelling is more than just a convenient way of referring to you. We trap you during seduction with the illusion that we create. We trap you during devaluation through the application of our machinations to ensure that you remain stuck and confused. We place traps all around you so they snap close and hold you tight. We get you pregnant, we isolate you from your friends, we make you give up your job so you become financially dependent on us (although we will naturally complain about you leeching off us later on), we stop you seeing your family, we smear people to you and you to them so you are cut adrift from your support networks. On and on it goes the placing and laying of these traps at varying levels so you remain trapped.
This trapping continues within the various stages of the narcissistic cycle. Most often this manifests when we are devaluing you. In keeping with the need to have total control, we want to engineer situations where you are under our control, unable to escape us and thus we can exact our machinations against you and extract what we want from you. To do this, we create Situational Traps and there are many of them which I shall detail to you over the course of various articles, but we shall begin with a Situational Trap which is a favourite of ours; the car.
We will naturally be at the wheel after all the car is ours (whether it might be in your name is irrelevant) and so we have to be the one driving. We choose where we are going, the speed at which we go, the controls of the car are under our charge. You are sat besides us, seatbelt on, buckled in to your seat as the world flashes by. You cannot escape us. You cannot jump from the car. You might unclip your seatbelt and climb into the back of the vehicle, if you are nimble enough, although we will stop you from trying to do that. You are in the hotseat, right next to us and we know it.
You may we well cuffed to a chair in some dingy basement, with a single bright light shining in your face for the interrogation and treatment will be of a similar nature. The journey may have begun pleasantly enough but if this is a trip which is taking place during the devaluation period, all it takes is for your to blunder in to criticising us and then our fury ignites and the nastiness commences.
With you trapped we know that we have you all to ourselves. There is nowhere for you to go. With a Mid-Ranger or a Greater, you will be lured into the vehicle purely for the purposes of us being to rely on the Situational Trap. The behaviour which has offended us may have taken place earlier, in some instances days earlier and with plotting mind firing away, we avail ourselves of the opportunity to coerce you to go on a journey with us. It will undoubtedly be under some false pretence; a picnic, a drive to the coast, a trip to the shopping mall. Once you are in, the seat belt is on and the central locking clicks, then you are our prisoner.
The smile we wore fades in an instant and the fury which we have kept under control is now allowed to the surface. This enables us to draw fuel form your reactions, your pleading, your questioning, your puzzled expression, the fright in your eyes and such like. We may well have placed your bag in the boot which contains your ‘phone so you cannot call anybody. If you try to reach for your ‘phone, it will be snatched from you and thrown to one side, quite possibly from the moving vehicle as we ensure that you are isolated and trapped.
You cannot go anywhere. There is nobody to ask for help. You cannot move out of this confined space. Thus we have placed you in this Situation Trap which is allowing us to exert complete and utter control over you, enabling us to do as we please, for howsoever long we choose and accordingly, such total control is very much an outcome that we aim for.
When we have you to ourselves in this manner, so begins the unpleasant treatment which is all designed to ensure you remain subjected to our power and for you to give us fuel. There are many different ways we exert this when we have you trapped in the passenger seat besides us and these are some of those ways:-
- Driving at an excessive speed and/or recklessly;
- Slamming the breaks on causing you to jolt forward, then accelerating, then braking hard again, catapulting you back and forth;
- Braking hard when you are about to take a drink so it spills;
- Turning up the music extremely loud;
- Cross-examining you relentlessly about something you have done or not done;
- Administering a silent treatment;
- Telling you at the outset of the journey that we are going somewhere and then driving in a different direction or past the destination and refusing to explain where we are going;
- Assaulting you physically as we drive;
- Driving at night in an unlit area and switching the lights on and off;
- Swerving violently over the road, overtaking at dangerous places;
- Repeatedly insulting you;
- Shouting at you;
- Poking you as we question you.
- Driving into the middle of nowhere in silence, save for a baleful glare that we keep giving you;
- Threatening to drive us both off a cliff and heading towards such an area;
- Threatening to throw you from the car whilst it is moving;
- Circular conversations;
- Lengthy monologues about ourselves which have you bored to tears.
The effect of this behaviour will vary in intensity. Sometimes it is purely to frustrate you because we have not gone to the place that was promised. On other occasions it is to allow us to talk at you and question you so you are made to feel bored or uncomfortable. Then again, the nastiness and intimidation is increased whereby the intention is to terrify you and have you scared witless.
Having behaved in this manner and left you terrified, shaking and scared, we may well purposefully drive into an area where the traffic is slower and there are other cars around to test you to see if you try to escape us or attract attention from somebody else. We will be waiting for you to test our control and if you do, there will be further repercussions.
Repeated applications of this behaviour will eventually condition you to the point that you dread being told that
“We are going for a drive.”
Since you have come to know only too well that it is far more than just going for a drive. It is placing you in a cell right next to us, a cell from which you are unable to move or escape and thus we can apply our twisted machinations against you all in the name of fuel and further control.
You are trapped and it is to drive you insane.
57 thoughts on “Trapped : The Car”
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My ex used the subject of a car to try to make me feel bad. First he asked me which car he should get out of three options. He was a billionaire at one time so clearly he could buy all of them & my preference would be irrelevant. I think he only pretended to want my opinion so he could say the one I liked was wrong. He told me he wanted a particular sportscar & I would look good in it because I will be smaller by then. He spoke of me as if I were 600 pounds. I replied I know how gorgeous I am so I look beautiful in any car at any moment. Now I know he wanted negative fuel, at the time I was clueless & I never really provided him with negative fuel. I was almost a robot pumping out submission in most circumstances. In hindsight that would’ve been where I should have left him but I was VERY stupidly in love.
“Cross-examining you relentlessly about something you have done or not done”
Yes, 1hr car ride when he found out I’d eaten KFC. I haven’t eaten KFC since.
Whitney,
“I haven’t eaten KFC since.”
Not a huge loss there.
Unfuck him. Eat what you like. He sounds like the mother of this Hindu guy in my home town. He had to give up beef for a month before he visited India, because she used to sniff him to see if she could smell it in his sweat every time he went home.
Haha Violetta I like all your anecdotes 😃 he said if I ever ate KFC again he’d find out, so he does sound like the Hindu mother.
I eat whatever I want but his enormous reaction had some subconscious impact where I’m not into KFC anymore. Like it’s poison
Whitney:
As WhoCares said, no great loss, but find something healthier that he disapproves of for other reasons, and eat that.
Btw, garlic is very good for you. Natural antibiotic, and so forth.
Hi Violetta 🙂
Thanks for the tip. Yes I was eating all kinds of stuff to annoy him (pizza, cheeseburgers, etc). I probably gained weight.
You can’t control another person. It’s a never ending battle and stress the Narcs put themselves through.
HG said not to annoy the Somatic so I’m focusing on No Contact and Logical Thinking.
Oh thank you I’ve heard about garlic and that’s great advice.
But I tried to eat our entire shared pizza while he was talking to someone, to annoy him. That is my defiance trait.
Do not try to annoy him, focus on ignoring and staying away from him. Seeking to annoy him is a form of interaction and is a product of ET, Whitney.
OK HG I won’t try to annoy him. I will focus on No Contact and Logical Thinking.
Good.
That’s horrific.
You like KFC Renarde? 😊
Did you find out your Empath result?
Yes, I’m intrigued as to your EDC Renarde.
Whitney
I did like KFC before I gave up meat.
I’m a CD, Saviour with significant Contagion and some Geyser.
I’m happy.
Did you get the TD results? Mine were fascinating!
Renarde,
Thanks for sharing here. If you for mind me asking, are you surprised by the CD school?
WC
Yes, I was because I think I had preconceived notions. But on reflection, it is the closest to the way I behave in an intimate relationship.
Renarde,
That is really interesting. Thank-you for explaining; I think our preconceived notions are our biggest hurdle when it comes to understanding narcs AND ourselves.
WC
Oh yes, completely. It’s really strange but since I got both NDCs in Jan, then I had an audio consult…how can I explain? I realised I’d become too focused on myself. A hardness had crept back in again.
I’m not going to lie, I do miss the MME. But this time its different. I do think about him and I hope hes ok. But I cant go back there.
As to my children, I dont know what to say to them right now and I’m terrified of being rejected. I cannot explain myself because they are too young to understand. I just dont know what to do for the best.
Oh and I would add the EDC AND the Trait Detector worked wonders.
Thanks Renarde – the Trait Detector sounds most interesting.
Yup. Do it if you can.
Nice one Renarde! Great result. It’s so helpful to know what we and how are traits keep us hooked it improves our understanding and strenghtens our weapons.
Alexis
Yes, agreed. It does. It brings a lot of relief.
Nice to see your results Renarde. I could pin point your contagion on the blog, and even some saviour, but not the CD. I am guessing my own diagnosis might be skewed regarding myself now. Thanks for sharing 🤗
No worries Narc Noob!
I’ve often thought that certainly with respect to myself the closer a narc is to me the harder it is to understand precisely what they are. I think the same applies to me too.
Have you done the EDC?
Renarde, KFC was good before I gave up meat also.
Narc Noob
Zinger burgers though! Yum.
Renarde, how does your CD manifest? I’m intrigued as I read somewhere you would not have previously recognised this in yourself and thought you knew what it was.
I don’t think I have any CD in me and like you I felt I knew. That said I was suprised when I learned NK’s character in big little lies was CD. I had imagined someone more like Alan Partridge’s PA to be a CD. NK’s character, whilst not RL seemed to have a lot of strength.
I’d definitely like to learn more about empaths. I feel I have a pretty good grasp on Ns (although my quiz results seem to indicate otherwise).
Alexis
I totally get where you are coming from as regard to what we might assume to be a typical CD because that was what I thought too. Not just from references in media but because of real life stories I was reading. Physical violence.
So there are a number of factors driving my personality. 1 – I grew up with two narcs so had to use my intuitive empathic reactions to figure out what was going on. This manifested in my narc traits of Pride and Defiance 2- I then spent the next 18 years with a UMS psych. My P & D traits came rapidly to the fore but I loved him and I wanted to make it work. Too many times. I had plenty of opportunities to walk away properly but I didn’t. I sensed a ‘little boy lost’ in him but in all the years we were together, he let me in ONCE. But of course, I grew up with him too. I was barely 20 when we met.
Renarde is entirely fabricated. There are aspects of me in her and vice versa but I did it deliberately and was very open about it too. I did it to get the largest amount of predators I could off my back.
Because deep down, I knew that I wasn’t safe. There was something missing inside of me, something that could be taken advantage of.
‘Ren’ didn’t stop them all. And as a single mother working in a demanding profession, I was looking for a partner. I was lonely and I needed support. (I should add at this time I was going through MULTIPLE sphere 1 hoovers from the UMS who could not BARE to see me successful and thriving without him.)
I said to one man once, ‘You know, people in the (kink) community see what I am going through with a certain (few) men but they do not have a clue how many have been rejected out of hand.’
He went, ‘I know’.
Of course, as time wore on it became harder and harder. I made a very bad decision and again the CD comes to the fore. I put up with it far longer than I should have. He did not break me however it was the UMS who did that with his continual threats about the children.
The CD aspect rose again with the MME which I parted from a good few weeks ago. This time it was different. Now I was weaponised and I had become far better at policing my boundaries which I ultimately did. I can’t bring myself to regret that relationship as I learned a lot about myself..
He made me very happy but I’m not daft enough to go back. In the end, I was ‘crowned’ I think and a few months after that, if I had not stopped it, the devaluation would have begun.
I never wanted to be his IPPS. Not after the UMS.
As to CD again, I enjoy caring for others’ but not in a smothering way. I want people to stand on their own two feet and be given the tools to do so but equally I want them to feel they can come to me for advice both practical, spiritual and emotional. I enjoy helping others. To help them make sense of things.
I think maybe we have a perception of the CD being a typical ‘down trodden woman’, cowering under her pinny whilst the lesser reigns blows on her head. But I’d say it could also be me, the UMS attempting to throttle me in the kitchen one evening whilst the children ate their tea. I looked him in the eye and went ‘go on then’. He stopped.
I think CD maybe encompasses all sorts of women. You see, PN was very handy with slapping, throwing, breaking things. As I got older, it became more and more clear to me to me how PN was attempting to portray himself as intelligent and he was to a certain point, but it became more and more obvious how he blustered.
Go on PN, hit me again, tell me I’m a slut for wearing that top or that skirt. The slaps. He was loosing control and it was a pathetic sight to watch. The bullying of women.
So, I have largely NOT been physically abused. I suspect most MRN’s would not dare. I won’t stand for it. And they sense it.
Anyway, that’s me, how are you?
Renarde.
As I read your description of you, all I want to do is hug you and say YOU ARE AWESOME!!!!!!
Kim e
Aww! Thank you!!!💛🎩🦊
Yes, I grew up with narcs too and you’re right about us using our intuitive empathic reactions. I never figured it out though. Not until The N from a few years ago where I was an SSIP. I look back at all prior relationships friends as well as boyfriends, initially I thought it was just friends who were Ns, but I now realise pretty much all my bfs were too. I was way to dificult for most of them to control (of course I didn’t realise this was the problem at the time and thought there was some problem with me) it all makes sense now.
that desire to help others, ‘the little boy lost’ can be pretty powerful. And whilst I have tenacity, I seem to apply it positively rather than let it be detrimental to myself. So if someone tried to fuck me over, I’d get shot pretty damn quick, little boy lost or not.
That makes me feel sad for you that Renarde is fabricated to rid yourself or predators and that you put up with him far longer than you should.
Then the UMS with your children. Awful! I am so so so lukcy I have not children with an N nor any N children.
Gosh you only parted from the MME a few weeks ago Renarde. That must be so tough. especially now. how long were you together? did you get with him post knowledge? sorry I don’t get chance to read all the comments.
Its lovely that you enjoy caring for others. I think as empaths we all have that trait to a greater or lesser degree.
Yes I agree my perception of CD was certainly ‘off’ and I’m interested in learning more.
I’m all good here Renarde! Your response has given me many things to ponder over. thank you x
Alexis
Thinking is always good. I often get caught up in memories just reading others’ stories on here.
I was with Loki for 21 months or so but I’d known him for longer. We did get together post weaponisation but I really wasnt sure on him. He was quite the character.
But as HG says, once you know, for certain, you go. I have zero wish to be devalued again and I certainly wont be played off against another women who seriously does not deserve it.
Thanks Alexis, you’ve made me think today too x
Whitney, that’s interesting you’re defiant with people you’re not in love with, yet CD with those you are. How would your defiance be expressed with those you’re not in love with? And is that ‘in love’ or love ie NISS such as family or very close friends or only those you don’t love at all?
Hi Alexis ☺️ I’m defiant with random Narcs who try to control me. I disregard them and do my own thing. I tell them no. I walk away during their monologues. I say go away, don’t talk to me, etc.
With friends and family members I’m very nice. They are not Narcs.
With a narc man I’m in love with I’m Codependent. Worship them, put them on pedastool, let them control me.
thanks Whitney. That’s helpful to understand.
Thank you so much for asking me Alexis 😀
My codependent friend hangs out with multiple Narcs from our sport.
She said they are obsessed with talking about me and Ted Bundy’s relationship (their nickname for the Somatic)
Anyway, one of the Narcs said he was having a conversation with me and then I decided the conversation was over and walked away. He said I was pleasant about it. He thinks something caught my attention.
My friend told him I always do that.
I won’t let a Narc I’m not in love with dominate and monopolise my attention.
I am ruder to them in public. But I need some etiquette in a social group- our sport.
A Narc at a bar tried to talk to me. I saw him spot me. Then he sequestered our UMR Elite (who has a funloving façade) to the dancefloor, and his friend began talking to my Codependent friend. Then when he came back to greet me I said “I don’t want to talk to you, go away”. He came back twice more while my Codependent friend was talking to his friend. I kept telling him to leave me alone. On the third time I just left the bar.
Oh Renarde I saw your result on the other thread. That is an awesome result. Very exciting! That is a lot to think about. Amazing 😃
Whitney
Yup. Really intrigued on Contagion!
Whitney – I am curious also regarding Renarde’s results, what thread please?
Hi WhoCares, Renarde’s results are in the thread: The Narcissist and Covid-19.
Renarde contagion is awesome!
Yes I got Trait Detector results! You did TD Renarde? My biggest empath trait was Love Devotee and my biggest narc trait was Defiance. I am defiant in general, but not defiant with a narc/psychopath partner. I am Codependent with them. I’m defiant to people I’m not in love with.
Whitney.
You stated “Renarde contagion is awesome!”
I will have to disagree. It makes me significantly anxious. I watch a movie and have to switch it off because I can feel what the person on the screen feels. Depending on the percentage, it can be very uncomfortable. There are readers here that can not read certain things on the blog…myself being one…because of the anxious feelings it produces.
Thank-you Whitney.
And I know it was directed at Renarde but thanks for sharing a bit about your TD results. It is quite enlightening to read of different empaths’ results.
WC
Its CD, Saviour cadre with significant Contagion and some Geyser.
No other school or cadre presented strongly.
Yes please, I’d love to read more too 🙂
Wow I would never have thought co dependant Renarde but yes to Contagion!! I’d say contagion very much suits you from what I’ve seen on the blog! God I’m dying to get mine done now. My luck will be I am a Narc Psychopath Sociopath Histronic Borderline nut job. I honestly cannot tell what I am, I’m too close to myself to see which indicates to me I’m a Narc because I cannot see what I am and that’s my defense mechanism in place!
Oh dear, Presque Vu – “My luck will be I am a Narc Psychopath Sociopath Histronic Borderline nut job.” – you did make me laugh.
You are so none of those things.
Sorry Whitney, I see Renarde replied here, after my question to you!
Whitney,
I remember you mentioning the KFC incident a while back ago. You know what’s really good? Texas style fried chicken… with the Texas toast and gravy. I had that the other night, and it was so worth it!
Ohh that sounds delicious Anm. I’m kinda averse to KFC now 😥 because of his strong reaction I have an aversion. But I will check that out.
Ah, the 1-hour car ride . . . !
Yes Lisk haha. He tells random people he’s my health coach now.
He has done 11 out of those 18 things to me . Not only in a car , but also on a boat, on a hiking trip, several other things/places where it was clearly his intention to frighten me. He succeeded.
Screaming, shaking, begging for him to stop . That cold dead stare , the half smile smirk.
Your articles bring it all back, HG. He is one sick twisted individual.
I need to start writing all these things down. 3 decades worth , I could write a book.
Mind blowing….resonates literally! Damn…
Yes. The Narcissist gave me whiplash. He was yelling at me at our private club for stopping to talk to a couple. He then left and got in the car. When I got in the car, he slammed the accelerator to the floor before I could fasten my seat belt. I have a permanent neck disc injury that restricts much of what I can do.