I Cannot Love You More


I have always adored you. It is true. You did not realise it. How could you? I kept my adoration confined to something distant and something remote, always living in hope that one day I would be able to pour my adoration all over you. How long has this condition lasted for? I would suggest over ten years. Yes, that long.

It was when you first joined the company. We worked in separate departments but I saw you arrive one day and from that moment I felt this adoration for you. It was strong and powerful and flowed from deep inside of me. I knew in an instant what it was and I just knew that I had to provide it to you. I had no idea when that opportunity might arise, when I might be in a position to furnish you with this potent and unending adoration.

You did not know this but I managed to copy your photograph off the company website and I would lie on my bed or sit in a chair and stare at your picture wondering when I would be able to provide you with what you deserve. I contemplated listening to you lying beside me and whispering my name, the sensation of your hand in mine, the delight in sharing experiences.

This adoration has remained, churning and growing inside of me. I have sustained it and nurtured it for all this time. That surely shows just how powerful it is and just how special you are to me. Yes, I know you had no idea. How could you? I kept it to myself as I wanted to save it all for you. Of course there have been others during those ten years but they were just practice for when I would be able to provide that adoration for you. I was fond of those supposedly significant others but let’s not you nor I delude ourselves; they came nowhere close to evoking the adoration that I have for you.

I was not surprised. I understood that from the instant I laid eyes on you that you were the one. I could not make my move though until I had tested myself. You see, I had been let down so many times before. I thought I knew and understood what true adoration was. I had been deceived by imposters and found that they promised much yet delivered so little. I did not doubt you but I had to be sure.

Accordingly, I kept my distance, adoring you from afar and pushing my resistance. Each day that passed where I denied myself the chance to give you my adoration was another day where I tested whether that adoration would remain intact and it was. I came through the test. I asked many questions of myself and I found that I was not wanting. This time was the reality.

This was true and honest adoration, nothing more and nothing less. I realised as the months became years that the longer I waited the surer I would become and moreover, like a grand whisky maturing, the longer I waited then the more powerful this adoration would be. I understood that to allow this adoration to grow and build, to test it, to determine whether it had any boundaries and shortcomings would ultimately mean that I would be able to dispense adoration like nobody else could ever do so. I could give you what you deserved and in return you would provide me with what I wanted and needed.

This may seem strange but there almost came a point when I thought that perhaps I would never provide this adoration for you. I wondered and considered whether I would be better served by keeping it within myself. Locking my adoration away as I always wondered whether it would come undone after another day of waiting and testing, but then I realised that since I adored you so, I could no longer keep this adoration hidden. What person would I be if I did not provide you with the very thing which you deserved?

I would be failing both you and I. Thus, that is why I made my move. There was nothing distinct which triggered this need to make my approach and provide you with this adoration. There was no catalyst other than the realisation that the time had come.

There was nothing more to be gained in keeping this adoration confined to myself. I had to release it and lay it on you. I had to pour it over you, spilling over you and coating you. I needed to provide this most perfect adoration and allow you to bask in it, delight in and know that this is what I will also provide to you. How can that now be the case?

I have waited so long to give this to you that there can be no outcome other than this permanent state of adoration which will allow us to become one and preserve that state of affairs forever. Ten years may seem like a long time but it is but a blink of the eye when compared to the infinite adoration

I will give you and that shall keep us together. We shall not crumble, we shall not fall.

I promise you this, just as promised the same to her last month and her the month before that and her the same last year.

12 thoughts on “I Cannot Love You More

  1. Tired says:

    My father adores my mother and that’s obvious by his actions. He never wrote her gushy letters or spoke gushy words , but it was always clear to everyone he put her on a pedestal.
    Ever hear “ love is an action word”?
    Words don’t mean shit if the actions don’t back them up. Watch what they do, not what they say.
    I rolled my eyes to myself when presented with gushing letters from my narc, I knew they were all BS.
    I was always suspect of those flowery over the top declarations of love , didn’t feel genuine. Felt like a bad poorly acted low budget film. My narc got me with his actions, not his words.
    Now he writes those same BS letters to his DLS . The things he tells her are not backed up with the actions that *should* reflect the written words.

    1. mommypino says:

      Tired, that is one of my biggest red flags now. When there is a discrepancy with the words and the actions. I had a MR friend who constantly told me how I have been a blessing to her life, I am one of her most treasured friends etc. in the most flowery way and yet when she is unable to be happy for me on my birthdays because it’s a week before hers, doesn’t include me in the playgroups she was part of even though I told her that I need to socialize my kid, rarely has time to spend time with me and when I set up an activity with her she cancels the last minute because she has been invited by someone else and she can’t miss it. So much for being one of the most treasured friends.

      1. Tired says:


        I had a “ friend “ like that too. It took me 20 years to realise she’s no friend. I no longer have contact with her.

        1. mommypino says:

          I’m glad that you do Tired. Nobody needs friends like that. 👍

  2. eternalflame48 says:

    The reality is that no-one is being adored in the true sense of the word. HG Tudor is telling us this is all fantasy in the Narc’s mind. He has conjured up this illusion of what this figure of his adoration is but it is just pretend, like he is. Everything is pretence. And if he manages to convince the deluded mug who is the subject of his adoration to have a relationship with him, she will be tossed to one side like all the others in due time.

    i feel massively sorry for narcissists. No-one is ever enough.

  3. CL-E says:

    Its all about YOU. So how does a narcissist deal with being asked why, or facing any kind of apprehension to the initial onslaught of adoration ?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      If you ask “why” during the seduction, it may be challenge fuel. You will receive a manipulation in response, most likely a benign one, since you are in the seduction stage.

  4. mommypino says:

    I feel like the word “adore” is somewhat of a red flag. But when people say, “you’re adorable” it is not a red flag. But I don’t think that any word in itself if used means that the person is automatically a narcissist. It just makes me pause for a little bit when someone says, “I adore you.” But it doesn’t automatically mean that the person is a narc. “You’re adorable” feels totally normal to me though.

    1. MommyPino says:

      I just think that when a non narcissist is infatuated with someone but hasn’t reached the “Love” point yet, their thoughts doesn’t say, “I adore this guy” but the thoughts are more occupied with the characteristics of this person drawing them in and one of those characteristics may be that the person is adorable or funny or cute or smart etc.

      1. MommyPino says:

        Also because former narcissists in my life told me that they adore me and I remember feeling objectified was they told me that.

    2. lisk says:

      I certainly am not turned on by the idea of being adored.

      The only way that it makes any adorable sense is coming from the mouth of Zsa Zsa Gabor . . . “Ov corse, Ahhyi adhorrrrr you, Dahhhlink!”

      1. MommyPino says:

        😂😂. I love it!

        I remember feeling like a little puppy when I was told I adore you lol.

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