Down
It is only ever a question of time before you go down. If you are one of the lucky ones, you may just reach the anniversary of a year since when I wrapped my tendrils around you and pulled you into my world. For others the marker of a year is but a distant dream as they find themselves cast down from their pedestal after a number of months. I know you all find it so troubling and upsetting that one day you are treated like a queen and the next you are regarded as a peasant but that is the nature of this beast.
It has always been the case for as long as I can remember and unless the next one lives up to expectations and delivers as they really ought to, then it will continue to be the case. I really would prefer that it was not the case. I know you think that I am some kind of monster for revelling in causing you such pain. I recognise that you are staggered that anybody could behave in what you regard as such an inhuman fashion by meting out physical, emotional, sexual and financial abuse but as is so often the case you are too caught up in your own feelings to actually understand why we do as we do.
I do not revel in the act of making you cry by calling you all manner of names and shouting at you. I do not take vast pleasure in saying who you can socialise with and marshalling your finances as if they are my own. The vast variety of manipulative machinations which I produce from my devil’s toolkit are not the source of my pleasure.
Yes, I will admit that I derive satisfaction from exerting such control and power over you, but it is not a huge amount of satisfaction. Why is that? It is for the simple reason that I am superior to you. I am entitled to take such steps and act in this way. It is a given. Accordingly, by behaving in this manner I am simply doing that which is expected of me and that is my right. Thus I am not able to derive huge amounts of pleasure from it. It is not the act which gives me the pleasure but it is your reaction to it.
Your heightened emotional reaction combined with the attention that you give me are the reasons why I must cast you down. I know that you hope that this can be avoided and you believe that there is another way. I know you tried to keep me happy by doing everything you could as best you could in the manner that you thought would meet with approval but you always failed in some way. I know my opinion chops and changes form day to day and from hour to hour.
But that is the way that I am and you availed yourself of my brilliance so now you must endure this part of my nature. I see no reason to change. Why should I alter from being who I am just because you cannot cope with it? Give way, yield and allow someone else the opportunity to fill your shoes and address matters. Have you considered that the reason you were cast into the dirt was because you just were not good enough? Oh I know you tried.
You told me often enough. By God I tired of hearing you whine and moan about how much you do for me and I have no time for such jealousy. That is what it is. You have been exposed to my brilliance and you wanted it for so long. You enjoyed being admitted to my world with all that such admission entailed but then you failed to show the requisite appreciation and respect. I knew what was behind it. You wanted what I had for yourself but that is impossible. I am used to people wanting to claim what is mine as their own.
It is a hazard of being a leader, a pioneer and a person that others look up to. I expect it of the minions that I must interact with, the knee benders, the elbow people and hand-wringers. I can see it in their eyes as they kiss my pinkie ring. They want to be me but they cannot. I am cut from a different and far superior cloth and the best that they can ever hope for is to be included in my court and experience my reflected glory. I expected such petty envy from them but not from you.
You were meant to be different but as so often been the case you proved that you were little better than them. Yes, you showed me some service in the provision of the fuel that I require but as ever it was short-lived and that is why I had to cast you down. You brought it on yourself. You signed your own death warrant and that was why you had to go down. Could I have chosen a different method and allowed you to walk away? No, not at all.
What you must understand is that you feasted at my table. You gorged on my love, you drank deep of my generosity and you clothed yourself in all the appreciation, desire, passion, attention and dedication that I provided to you. I gave all of this in order to receive from you but you still benefitted from it on a massive scale.
Having taken you must pay for it and if you failed to do so in the manner I have decreed then there is no hope for it other than for you to pay with your sanity and your self-esteem. That currency, along with your emotional outpourings became acceptable methods of repaying what I have provided to you. It is not permissible for you to leave with paying. In fact, on your way down, it is not permissible to leave. At all.
55 thoughts on “Down”
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Is the shieldmaiden in devaluation?
No
That is because you do not live together, then? But I guess you do have IPSSs on the side?
There’s nobody on the side.
Glad to hear that! But haven’t you been together longer than a year? Do you have some form of ET, thinking that this time it might be different, that you will never devalue her?
I am sorry for being so nosy. Hope you do not mind.
We have. A golden period can extend beyond a year.
That makes sense.
One is either within the matrix or one never even entered.
All of the sudden, the theme of The Prisoner is playing in my head.
Lisk
That makes sense to you and me about you are either in the matrix or not. But I do not think that is what Lolita meant. I could be wrong…..it happens sometimes…LOL
Kim e,
I was pretty sure that was not what she meant.
Hence my response to HG.
Correct. Somebody outside the FM cannot be an IPSS. The IPSS «label» presupposes that the person is within the matrix of the N.
Yes, and, as crappy as it may be to have realized it, my Narcx’s IPSSes were/are absolutely not people “on the side,” but were/are very much integrated into his life—and into mine, too. I just didn’t know exactly who and how at the time.
No, I am afraid you misunderstood me. I was talking about HG. The fact that the person labelled IPSS is within the fuel matrix kind of goes without saying. Otherwise they would not be IPSSs.
No, I don’t. Maybe I misunderstand HG.
Based on his definitions, I don’t see IPSSes as “on the side.”
You totally misunderstood what I meant by ‘on the side’. What I meant was BESIDES the formal relationship, that HG has with Shieldmaiden. One does tend to call lovers (which IPSSs in fact are) something ‘on the side’.
I totally understand what you said.
I read HG’s original answer differently than you did.
I dont know how you ‘read it’ differently from me. But just to clearify: If a person is an IPSS the person is within the N’s fuel matrix. Nobody can be an IPSS and be outside the FM.
Correct, if you are an IPSS you are in the fuel matrix.
I understood that you were saying you do not have an IPSS now, since the Shieldmaiden is in GP. (Or you are just twisting my words with regard to the «on the side»). I do find it hard to believe that a N ever can be ‘faithful’ if there is an opportunity to ensnare somebody with the right qualities. But if you mean that N are ONLY ever ‘unfaithful’ when the IPPS is in devaluation, then that means there actually are periods where it is «just you and I» (or more precisely, with regard to this situation; you and the Shieldmaiden).
So in other words, you do have IPSS(s), within the FM. I am withdrawing the comment about believing you dont. 🙂 you are a Word Twister (nice try to Get away so easily:) )
No, you keep misunderstanding.
1. A narcissist who has an IPSS, that IPSS is in the fuel matrix.
2. If the narcissist does not have an IPSS (and sometimes there will not be an IPSS) it follows there is no IPSS in the fuel matrix.
3. A narcissist may have several IPSSs who are in the fuel matrix, but they are on the shelf because the narcissist is not interacting with one or more of the IPSSs. The narcissist may not have interacted with some of those IPSSs for years either intimately or at all, they remain on the shelf. A narcissist may have IPSSs who are on and off the shelf, but he does not interact with them intimately (but they retain the Intimate title) and he might interact with them non-intimately.
I have many IPSSs (accumulated over the years) but I do not interact with them currently. They are on the shelf. That is what most often happens with the IPSSs when we are in the golden period with an IPPS. Occasionally, those IPSSs MIGHT be interacted with in a non-intimate manner when the narcissist is in the golden period with the IPPS.
I have always stated that that is the current position viz a viz the SM. To suggest otherwise is erroneous and demonstrates a lack of understanding on your part. No word twisting, you misunderstood.
I have not misunderstood. You just confirmed that you do have IPSSs. I also wrote that I understood you as not having other you have sex with, due to the GP. There is no misunderstading here. To state that means you are misunderstading me.
No, you suggested that I had stated that I did not have IPSSs. I did not state that. I clarified that through my response, demonstrating you misunderstood.
your comment «there is nobody on the side», was open to be (mis)understood; you were either saying
a) you do not have intimacy with IPSS(s)
OR:
b) you do not have IPSSs
Yes, I believe that is what I wrote above (or below, depending on where you’re reading from).
Spot on, Kim e. I meant IPPSs within the matrix. I get the feeling HG doesnt like to talk about this
There’s nothing to talk about as I’ve already explained this before.
Ok, I didn’t know
Not a problem, Leolita, you are always welcome to ask and the absence of a lengthy reply does not necessarily mean I do not want to talk about it, it may be I do not have time or that there is nothing that really needs to be mentioned.
Haha. You are creating your own story here. Yesterday you did not post my answer, today you post every one. I really do not care that much
Not everyone of us have read every comment on this blog. I do not have the luxury to spend all my time here, always. Therefore there might be asked qs that already have been answered. If you find that I do that, please dont post them. I totally understand.
Regarding IPPSs, you have stated in many articles that one N can have several, as this category also include DLS.
Hello Leolita, you are making a mistake on categorisation.
1. If there is an IPPS, there can only ever be one at a time. A narcissist does not have two IPPSs at the same time.
2. You mean IPSS (Intimate Partner Secondary Source) a narcissist may have none, one or several in his fuel matrix at the same time.
You are confusing IPPS with IPSS.
Not confusing. Simple spelling mistake.
At last check SM was still golden. My understanding is that during this period the shelves will be full of cobwebbed and idle appliances but no “side” action. But who knows – I’m not whiz of the quiz.
You are today NA, you are correct. Come on down, you’ve won this magnificent hostess trolley so now, you can be the hostess with the mostess!
Coffee, Tea, or HG?
I believe I’ve read he doesn’t engage with IPSS’s while he is still in a golden period with an IPPS appliance.
You are correct.
I mean IPPSs. Not on the side. In the middle of the FM. 😉
You do not have more than one IPPS at any one time.
My ex had several
Consecutively maybe, but not concurrently.
My first post here regarding this shows that I meant IPSSs. My later posts regarding that there are several should confirm that I was takling about IPSSs.
Remember, I do not see the earlier comments therefore when you write IPPS in an isolated comment, there is nothing to demonstrate you mean IPSS. Accordingly, your reference to IPPS was seen as if you meant IPPS and therefore your observation that a narcissist can have more than one IPPS (at once) would also be viewed as incorrect.
If in a post you referred to IPSS repeatedly and then referenced IPPS, that could be seen as a typographical error.
Therein lies the difference.
Yes, I did type it wrong, several times. I understand how it therefore appeared like I was confused. Still, I hope you know that I know (from learing from you) that a N can only have one IPPS. At least that fact is not distorted by my ET.
Indeed, I do see that.
HG, how does the dynamics changes when a narcissist after 6 months of relationship moves in with his IPPS? I assume the Golden period is still running if he decides to start living with this person, but does this living together and spending more time together speed up devaluation? Or maybe the fact narcissist will get fuel on daily basis will keep devaluation at bay for longer?
You are correct that the golden period will still be in place. Will this then speed up devaluation? Yes. If you obtain “How The Intimate Relationship Operates With the Narcissist” from The Knowledge Vault this will give you further insight.
In my own experience, living together with Narcx sped up my devaluation(s).
I didn’t realize what was going on at the time, but looking back at our cohabitation, I see that every time I was devalued, it was because I was cramping his electronic style. As soon as my sniffer started sensing something was up or odd, I was smacked on the nose.
The texts that I was querying when we were at our dinner table–or even in bed together–were most likely not new phenomena. I just did not see them when we I was living in my own space and he in his.
When I think back to all that time he was on his computer during the day, or even at night, I am ABSOLUTELY SURE that it was a different kind of “work” he was doing than what I imagined him to be busy at.
Yes, I was quite the dummy back then.
As painful as it can be to remember scenes like the above, I am happy to be a dummy no more.
Wow!!!
Mr. HG Tudor,
What does bring you pleasure? What do you find pleasurable? I apologize if you have answered this previously.
Anything which gives me and maintains control.
How about when it is I, the empath, who cast you down because I realised I could do better? It wasn’t I that failed to be good enough. Your treatment wasn’t good enough. Your behaviour wasn’t good enough. Your version of ‘love’ wasn’t good enough.
Plus I am resisting the hoovers – and they are coming thick & fast in quarantine with the Noddy the narc.
And it only took 20 years.
This snapshot shows apparent high emotional thinking and the fact you are resisting hoovers should not be taken as a badge of honour, you should not be allowing the hoovers to come through in the first place, work to be done.
I’m in the same house. As previously said, we are in enforced quarantine. I have 3 children. I am sleeping in the lounge and he is in the bedroom. This has been the arrangement since March 2020. So the ‘hoovers’ are him making my tea or buying me wine on his trips to the shop. These are intended to weaken me – particularly the alcohol as he thinks it will lead to me initiating sex or ‘succumbing’ should he initiate it.. I am unclear how I ‘should not be allowing hoovers to come through in the first place’ short of what I am already doing. It’s a bit cold to live on the roof…Please enlighten me.
And of course there is work to be done. It will be a daily toil.
You had not clarified the nature of the hoovers nor your living arrangements, hence the reason the comment was made as it was.