A Letter to the Empath – No. 3

NA´S LETTER

 

Hello little one.
I know you will hear this with much skepticism because you trust no one – and with good reason, but I want to tell you some things I’ve learned in the hope that you will be able to benefit from them and capture for yourself valuable time lost to me through lack of understanding.

First off: You are good, smart, and whole just the way you are, and your belief that you are not to blame is spot on. You deserve much better, but are surrounded by madness and those unable to love you, or value your worth and assure you of it. You see truth, and your instincts are good, especially with regard to people and their intention.

When people treat you badly it is because they want to take from you. They are threatened by your quiet knowing. The lack of their control over your private thoughts of elevated worth and your rejection of their attempts to erase those thoughts, as well as erase you – just as they themselves once were erased, infuriates them. That is what he tries to do to you, but you are stronger than he is. Never forget that.

I have come to know that his kind experienced abuse also, and their path to survival presented itself in the loss of their real self. Wiped clean of their abuses and replaced (from their perspective) by a far more effective entity that rejects the weaknesses that they associate with having endured the abuse. The reinstallation of only those negative emotions deemed to be useful in prevention of any future abuses – that of their abuser. Although we can, and do, see it useful to employ some of the negative ones temporarily (in defence and to restore balance), we were spared their fate and retain a full range of emotions.

But this is all just understanding of their disorder and really none of my concern or yours. We are not their keepers and we owe them nothing.

Narcissism is a word you will learn in time. It is a total defence system for them and cannot be changed.

Accordingly:

Although wounding them (an emotionless pointing out of their failings) can make you less of a target and give you some temporary satisfaction, any attempts at revenge will ultimately be lost on them. They will be wiped clean by thoughts of their omnipotence and a new day to be conquered. It is emotional thinking on your part to believe in any other outcome.

Any attempts to teach them how they make us feel will only be cognitive and used to mirror and  further manipulate others. They can no more feel empathy than we can change our eye colour. You will only be feeding our addiction to fix and their addiction to abuse. You will be delighted now to know that he comes to his own miserable demise and he will know that you witnessed it.

You cannot save people. That includes your mother and siblings. You can try to protect them from harm as you do, but recognize that serves a purpose for yourself in coping,  and may not change their outcome. Only they have the power to change their situation and unbelievably some will not choose change. Give them information and options and walk away. Some will understand the intent in what you do or say and some will not. That is a matter for them. You will have more time to pursue things that make you feel good rather than obligated.

Some of his kind will be able to achieve what is viewed by most to be success and it won’t seem fair, but know that it depends on things that you reject as having too high a cost for yourself and be okay with that. Take what they produce that benefits you and reject the rest. Always at a distance.

You will come to know one of his kind that will benefit you. I know, I know, I see from your curled lip that you reject that, but it’s true. What he has to tell you will release you. Not out of any concern for you. He is doing what is good for him as they all do, but you will not be concerned with that as long as he continues to bring the release you sought, and he made possible, to others. His words are both beautiful and brutal, but most importantly – accurate to your experiences, so you will know them to be the truth. You will never forget what he is and what he does, but as I encouraged earlier – you will take what you need and recognize that the world is not a perfect place. You do not have to accept the Devil himself to recognize that he knows the behaviour of demons and how best to slay them. Use that. Turns out the answer is easier than the exhaustion of constant vigilance and/or trying to change the terms of your engagement. You simply recognize what you are looking at from the education he offers and you walk away.

I have more, but I see that you are struggling with what I have said so far. The truth seeker in you knows I am not lying, but you need to go forth and see it for yourself. You will be joined by an army of those like yourself – mighty in sprit and tenacious in keeping the world in balance through having kindness and logic persevere. You are not alone. Take care little one.

P.S
You are loved. I love you and always have. I will never leave you.

NA

17 thoughts on “A Letter to the Empath – No. 3

  1. Anm says:

    NA,
    My heart broke while reading this. I wanted to hug this little girl so badly. My heart has also been aching for all the children on Lockdown with their abusers. Children deserve so much more than this world is offering them right now.

  2. WokeAF says:

    “ You see truth, and your instincts are good, especially with regard to people and their intention.”

    Yes

  3. 1jaded1 says:

    Hi NA. It was difficult to read after the first hyphen. I still trust no one. I made myself read because you are wise. You do not take bullshit from anyone. This is a very powerful letter. Thank you.

  4. fiddleress says:

    Thank you for this beautiful letter, NA.

    You wrote: “We are not their keepers and we owe them nothing.” I needed to read this. I always struggle with the “we are not their keepers” bit.

  5. Presque Vu says:

    You put into words such emotion NA. I cried reading that, it’s so emotional! I can feel the pain and frustration and self belief which will not be broken despite the abuse. I love the part about finding HG and the forum of our kind, others who have been through similar hells. NA you are one strong motherfucker! Respect.

  6. Violetta says:

    NA:

    This is stunningly beautiful.

    I wish I’d had “quiet knowing,” instead of shooting my mouth off to identify what I saw. All my voice did was allow them to take better aim in the fog they’d set up.

    And yeah–if HG claimed to be doing this because he’s So Nice and just wants to Help, I wouldn’t trust him as far as I could throw him. If having the world acknowledge him as Supreme Among Narcs is his main reward (as we’ve all noted, the materials cost less than just one session of therapy or years of litigation in Family Court), good for him.

    I’m sure you’ve heard of the Scared Straight program, where kids heading for trouble are taken through prisons.
    The inmates tell them in gory detail what it’s really like to be a career criminal and be incarcerated. HG is Scared Straight for anyone who thinks they can make the relationship work, please the authority figure, “heal” the Narc. You can’t. You may have little recourse when you’re growing up, but once you’re an adult, you can stop gravitating to those childhood patterns of dysfunction, thinking you can “fix” them at long last. You can’t. Attempting it is like saying, “Now that I know what I know, I could handle the Gulag/Chinese Reeducation Camp/Auschwitz so much better!”

    I don’t know if I’ll ever be capable of the “emotionless pointing out of their failings,” though I’d love to be less of a target. It is too easy for them to.provoke me into breaking the whole “emotionless” thing.

    But at least we don’t have to wonder, as we did for so long, “Why on earth would anyone do that?” We know why.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Well stated.

  7. FoolMe1Time says:

    NA,
    Once again you have touched my heart and reinforced the respect and admiration I have for you. You have helped me so much over the years, I will never be able to pay you back for all you have done! What an amazing beautiful women that little girl has grown up to be! Thank you for this letter. Please take care and stay safe! 💞

  8. E. B. says:

    Beautifully written, NA!

    I admire your strength and wisdom. From what you have written, including your other comments, it seems to me that you feel safe where you stand in life. You have learnt to protect yourself and you know how to stop anyone who wants to interfere in your life.

    I was impressed when I read that you have so much compassion for yourself despite growing up in a violent environment. This is not easy to achieve.

    I would like to read more, if you feel like having your letters published.

  9. WokeAF says:

    love it NA. what is the age of yourself you are writing to? Love the picture too!

    Also my memory is busted up since this thing w my kid started . Did I know about this series? Are you accepting letters HG?

  10. zwartbolleke says:

    Thank you NA,
    I wanted to write one to myself also, but as I am not confident enough in English, I couldn’t have formulated it better 💛, that was beautiful! You don’t often show your soft side 💛

    1. Violetta says:

      Zwart, I’ve taught writing and Literature for years, and I never have any trouble following your posts!

      My experience has been that while English as a Second Language-speakers may have trouble with colloquial expressions, their basic grammar is more likely to be correct than those who grew up speaking it.

      You want bad writing? Look at some of the trolls on here. Doesn’t matter what their native languages are: incoherent thoughts produce incoherent writing…and, as Orwell noted, vice versa.

      1. zwartbolleke says:

        Hi Violetta,
        well thank you, but there is a difference in being able to write down a conversation in the blog, and being able to express myself in the way that I want for ‘a letter to myself’ in another language. I have completed the letter, but if I would translate it, a lot of what I feel or the real intentions, I would not be able to translate it in the way that I want.
        I am absolutely not confident regarding my English.
        But yes I do notice the trolls flying in who are completely incoherent, I have so much fun with your reactions!!!

  11. WhoCares says:

    NarcAngel,

    Many internal emotions accompanied my reading of your letter.
    But while reading your words ,the undertone of calm, quiet and resolute strength is what spoke to me mostly.♥️

    An excellent read.

    (HG: couldn’t have picked a better image.)

  12. Narc noob says:

    NA, this was a lovely piece of writing to your younger self. Thank you for sharing.

    May I ask how you handled those individuals who were not like your father but were in contact with him at the time of your GOSO/NC regime?

  13. Lorelei says:

    NA—thank you for writing this.

  14. Contagion says:

    Beautiful NA….

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