The Virtues of Keeping Your Mouth Shut
34 thoughts on “The Virtues of Keeping Your Mouth Shut”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
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I wish someone could have hit me over the head with this advice during my breakup with my narc ex. It would have made more of a difference than literally anything else at that point. If you talk about the narcissist to anyone else and think you’ll persuade them, you have just brought a knife to a gun fight. Empaths tell the truth, but narcissists have no such scruples. By trying to “win” you are just engaging further with a vicious predator who will stop at nothing. Letting go of control is frightening because of course some people will believe the narc, but you have to sit back and tell yourself that they are no loss either. Poise, dignity, silence, and contentment are the best weapons.
And that was a good slice of logic. HG approves.
I already decided early this morning that I will keep my mouth shut at work with the boss. As soon as I opened my email, there it was: something Narc-boss would LOVE for everyone to respond to. I am not taking the bait.
I bought this Logic Bulletin a while back. I will re-listen now for reinforcement, so I can carry out my plan effectively and completely.
Nothing like listening to HG in my own home office!
So, I listened and I learned–AGAIN–to really keep my mouth shut at work.
I’ve been not so good at it and have been doing too much openly emotional thinking. I realize that I’ve been talking too much to others: to Narc Boss, to colleagues that Narc-boss has destroyed (they actually *get* it and have also experienced the gaslighting/wordsalads/gaslighting/silent treatments of the narcissism–but still), and to folks that Narc would talk to in order to smear me (as she has done to others).
I did pretty well today but I have to get better at this. I do not want to go the way of Sisyphus, which is the way things are feeling right now.
HG, when I am trying to get information/validation from others about the Narc Boss, and when I am trying to crate my own PR campaign, aren’t I basically conniving and trying to control like a narcissist would do?
You are seeking control, but not in the way a narcissist does.
1. You do not need control in the way we do.
2. You do not achieve it as often or as effectively as we do.
3. You go about it in entirely different ways.
Perfect timing for this response, HG. Greatly appreciated.
You are welcome.
When I remained silent a few days and replied days later . He said to me you sustained it for three days I’am very proud off you .
It just felt like a backhanded compliment .
What did it even mean ?
It was a Backhanded Provocation and it was done to assert control over you following your wounding of him by remaining silent for three days.
I see ! It made so confused. Because asked to me to stop being so emotional unstable days prior.
Yes and this contradictory behaviour (from your perspective) is at the heart of a victims confusion, it also makes you easier to control. When he asked you to stop being so emotional, his narcissism saw that as the best way of controlling you. In the next breath, he can say “You need to show more emotion” IF saying that is the most effective way of controlling you IN THAT MOMENT. It does not matter that the two comments are contradictory, the narcissism blinds the narcissist to it. All that matters is control.
You on the other hand spend your time thinking, “Which one does he mean?” “Why did he say stop being emotional, then criticise me for not being emotional?” “Which one does he want?” “Perhaps I went TOO far one way or the other?” “Should I ask him? “Will it annoy him if I ask?” By doing all of those things you continue to interact with the narcissist (interaction is a wider concept than you may realise) and therefore you invite the Devil´s Pitchfork to impale you with 1,2 or 3 downsides, instead of implementing GOSO.
This is exactly what happened due his comments and different demands . Some how still but your detailed answer will help me to understand both perspectives . This shows again no contact will always be the best for our own sanity .
Thank you so much !!!
I just purchased. I so badly need this. Keeping my mouth shut while I can hear him on his phone telling his family and friends how “toxic” I am has been about as easy as giving my cat a bath.
Thank you for obtaining it.
HG, yesterday i got this one, looking very much forward to listen.
I need it.
Thank you.
Thank you for obtaining it.
Can we have it as audio too? I find when I listen to you it stays with me. Love listening to your recordings, so profoundly helpful
It is audio.
To know lots of details of many aspects of narcissism I can imagine would be scary but a lot of commenters crave them. I think the articles are quite informative and revealing enough ,,the books? I hope it helps many people to understand the deeper realms of Narcissism
However sure is good reading for most nonetheless
I couldn’t believe this popped up in my email today. During a time at training when I was literally sweating trying to keep my mouth shut so hard…this is much much much needed!
Always wonder, where the proceeds of fundamental, brilliant, astounding, irrevocable, expert, unrivalled knowledge falls into purchasing packages and logic bulletins, but because of logic I do not fall into the category of many and must not adhere to it
I’ll be getting this one.
HG approves.
HG
Hahahaha…I have trouble keeping it shut sometimes.
Just what my new conservation of energy program needs.
Looking forward to receiving.
Much appreciated. Thank you HG.
You are welcome.
Another pure gold injection of logic once again delivered precisely when I need to hear it, thank you HG! 🤐
You are most welcome. This is a neat injection of logic and a slam dunk to winning.
I just paid for this. Didn’t even read the full description! I just know I need it (especially at work).
This one just made my day HG, I
can’t wait to purchase it!
You are welcome.
Congratulations HG!!! You hit 18!!
👏👏👏🥂🍾💞