The Love Triangle



Triangulation is a devastating weapon in our arsenal. Whether we are triangulating you as our primary source with another potential love interest (real or imagined), you with family and friends in terms of loyalties and spending time together or even triangulating you with an object (our mobile ‘phone or our flash new car) you will always be triangulated when you entangle with our kind.

Triangulation comes in many guises but has two broad categories. Firstly, there is the triangulation which is taking place but you do not even witness it. This is where we may be conducting an affair behind your back and you have no knowledge of it at all. This is still triangulation because we are involving three people in our intimate relationship but you do not witness it and the third party may not know about you either. The second category is where you witness the behaviour.

For instance, we spend more time jabbing our mobile ‘phone and talking on it than spending time with you. We may make mention of a particular person (usually of the opposite sex) a lot of the time. We may even tell you that we have been carrying on with someone else because you do not show us enough admiration and appreciation. In such instances, you witness the triangulating behaviour but often you will not actually realise that it is taking place.

This is hiding in plain sight. You dismiss it by trying to convince yourself that there is nothing to be concerned about or we may assuage your fears through our usual charm and persuasion. One thing that you can be assured of however is that you will be triangulated during your entanglement with us and it will not just happen the once.

This reliance on triangulation as part of our manipulations is because it is so effective at achieving many things for us. What then, does triangulation achieve?

–         It is often easy to implement, e.g. making mention of someone, spending our time playing video games, meeting someone frequently, perking up when a certain person calls round or telephones;

–         We gain fuel from two sources out of the same circumstances;

–         It underlines our notion of omnipotence since we are able to orchestrate the actions of two people so they compete with one another over us, we are the puppet master jerking the strings of two love rivals;

–          It creates uncertainty in one or more of the parties which makes it easier for us to exert control and harder for the party or parties to see clearly;

–         It causes the participants to focus on defeating one another in order to win us as the prize and thus they do not realise that we are really the problem;

–         It allows a discarded primary source to be smeared with ease;

–         It assists the maintenance of our façade.

Accordingly, the act of triangulation serves many purposes which accord with our malevolent agenda.

Why then is it so effective? Again, there are several reasons behind this.

–         The addictive quality of our seduction and the golden period is so powerful that it is truly regarded as a prize worth winning;

–         The fear of losing someone so (apparently) wonderful, loving and magnificent is too great to bear;

–         The fear that someone else might actually succeed with the relationship when you are trying to reach that point. You do not want someone to reap the reward of your hard work and instead you want to win the day, continue to deal with the hardships in order to restore the golden period;

–         You feel that you know us far better than the other person;

–         You feel that it is your right. You have given everything to the relationship and therefore it is only just and fair that you get to have the relationship. You may have borne our children, helped us through difficulties, lent us money, housed us, dealt with problems for us and you are damned if some Jane-Come-Lately is going to profit from all your hard work.

These are all valid factors as to why the act of triangulation is so powerful and an effective. Yet, let me provide you with another reason, one which is possibly just as powerful as the addictive quality of the golden period. That reason is conditioning.

You are conditioned to think that love triangles are not only fairly common and something that is part of life, but you have been conditioned to think that they are actually rather wonderful and special. This may seem somewhat perverted thinking when you consider the agony and anxiety you experienced or you are experiencing when you are being triangulated, especially with a love rival, but it is a fact. Why is the love triangle scenario seen as something wonderful?

–         It gives you the opportunity to prove you love us better and deeper than anybody else and with that comes a powerful sense of self and validation;

–         It accords with your belief in the maxim that love can conquer all. You are a love devotee and therefore you believe in and want to see love triumph. When your love sees off a rival, that is the power of true love.

–         The love rival is the enemy. This just isn’t you against her in order to win our hearts, it is light versus darkness, good against evil, love versus lust. You are a representative of the powers of light and goodness and you will overcome your dark nemesis. Of course, what you do not realise at the time is that the person you are fighting over is actually your nemesis and we are not going to remove that notion from you.

–         It is actually pretty damn hot and exciting. Your senses are alive, you are going to keep our heart/win it back, the tug-of-love although worrying at times also provides you with high-octane excitement, the rush of adrenaline when you score a victory, the elation at seeing us choose to spend time with you and not the other person. This back and forth, push and pull, is regarded as thrilling.

Why then are you conditioned to think and feel in the ways that I have described? Simple. You are surrounded by love triangles. They are throughout history, they are in film, in literature, you see them in the celebrity gossip sections of newspapers, they are commented on in internet forums, they feature on the news, you watch them unfold in soap operas on television and you bought the t-shirt supporting Team Jacob or Team Edward. Or was it Peeta or Gale?

You cannot get through the day without seeing or hearing about some kind of love triangle and it is always portrayed in a salacious, exciting, mesmerising and romantic way. Who will triumph? How noble to fight over one person’s heart? However much you may not want to admit it, you know that the concept of a love triangle is alluring and fascinating. You do not often hear somebody declare,

“All three people need to take a long look at themselves, stay away from another and evaluate what is really going on before they continue to hurt themselves and others.”

Of course you don’t. Where is the excitement in that?

You have been fed a daily diet of triangulation throughout your life so you actually regard it as something to be expected and something that excites. In order to prove this point, I have compiled, off the top of my head, as many love triangles as I could think of in literature, film and real-life in just five minutes. Consider the following: –



Twelfth Night, Dr Zhivago, Dangerous Liaisons, Tale of Two Cities, Lolita, The Great Gatsby, Atonement, The Talented Mr Ripley, Don Quixote, The Count of Monte Cristo, The Age of Innocence, The Phantom of the Opera, The Twilight Saga, The Hunger Games Trilogy, Harry Potter and my favourite Wuthering Heights




Gone With the Wind, Casablanca, His Girl Friday, The Graduate, Oklahoma! Damage, Titanic, Bridget Jones, Closer, Vanilla Sky, Sabrina, Grifters, She’s The Man (Twelfth Night), Indecent Proposal, Being John Malkovich, Fight Club (imagine being triangulated by an imaginary person created by yourself!)


Real Life


Cleopatra, Mark Antony and Julius Caesar (which actually went further as Mark Antony had two wives already)

Helen of Sparta, Menelaus and Paris of Troy 

Meg Ryan, Dennis Quaid and Russell Crowe

Bill Clinton, Hilary Clinton and Monica Lewinsky

Liz Taylor, Richard Burton and Eddie Fisher (Taylor and Burton met whilst filming Cleopatra – triangles within triangles!)

Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattison and Rubert Sanders (not only did Sanders also have a wife and kids but Stewart seemingly though her fictional triangulation was not enough and wanted a real-life version too!)

I would be interested to know if you think that any of our kind exist in those love triangles and who it is.

I am sure you can think of many others and please do make those suggestions. This is what I came up with in a short time and it does not end there. You are triangulated by products and advertisers – are you an Xbox player or PlayStation, red or brown sauce on your bacon sandwich, Pepsi or Coca-Cola – on it goes. With such a backdrop of triangulation across society, thrust in your face every day you are consequently conditioned in the way that I have described. You have no chance but to be affected in this way. Accordingly, when our kind comes along, the master practitioners of triangulation, you do not stand a chance.

50 thoughts on “The Love Triangle

  1. Foreigner74 says:

    “He’s more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.” I’m sure you know this quote, H.G. Wuthering Heights is my favourite too, whilst my ex UMRN didn’t even know of its existence. Maybe that’s why I escaped him (LoL)!!! I’m just joking, of course. Talking about Cleopatra, I think that Julius Caesar was more narcissist than she was, so I’m quite sure he was a Greater Narcissist (maybe The Greatest of all time?). What do you think about him , H.G.?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      He is a dead narcissist F74. A Greater? Agreed.

      1. Foreigner74 says:

        What a pleasure to talk about Caesar!!! I am inclined to believe that Cleopatra was a greater narcissist as well (maybe Caesar was an Upper Greater and she was a Middle Greater). However, it was a Clash of Titans between them. They
        probably triangulated each other with the idea of conquering and dominating the greatest reign of the then known world. Is it correct to consider this a sort of “triangulation”? And what about the triangulation with Mark Antony? Did Cleopatra challenged Mark Antony to become as powerful as Caesar? I don’t think she dared triangulate Caesar by letting him know she appreciated Mark Antony in some way. Thank you, H.G.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I agree with your observations with regard to a clash of the greater and the triangulation.

      2. Renarde says:


  2. Bubbles 🍾 says:

    Dear Mr Tudor,
    Our greater friend sent me 5 pics of bum paper on 5 seperate occasions which he managed to purchase when there was extreme limited stock and if you happened to be there at the right time, well lucky you ☘️

    Is that a form of triangulation and was he was trying to triangulate me with bum paper ?
    Luv Bubbles xx 😘

    1. HG Tudor says:


      Are you referring to The Sun newspaper? (My little joke)

      1. Bubbles 🍾 says:

        Dear Mr Tudor,
        Thank you kindly for your answer
        I feel so warm, fuzzy n privileged I was triangulated with bum paper, of all things !
        I’m actually surprised my greater would “poop” so low 😂
        Luv Bubbles xx 😘

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Bum tish(ue) !

          1. WhoCares says:


          2. Bubbles 🍾 says:

            Dear Mr Tudor ,

            Bless you !

            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

        2. WhoCares says:

          Thanks for the laugh Bubbles!

          1. Bubbles 🍾 says:

            Dearest Who Cares,
            So, our ostentatious greater tried to “triangulate” me with cheap “gesundheit” 1 ply, cos that’s all he could get
            The day after he purchased them, stocks were back on the shelves
            We’d had 3 ply the whole time
            What a poohead
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          2. WhoCares says:

            Hahaha – you rock, Bubbles.

          3. Bubbles 🍾 says:

            Dearest WhoCares,
            You’re too kind, thank you, Hugs to you beautiful
            Our greater “absolutely hates” working from home during this covid
            He said it affects his mind set (got that right knobhead)
            He also sent us pics of a new fridge, new rug, new tv plus stand, new plants, new wine
            I guess his new purchases of bum paper was finally scraping the bottom of the toot 💩
            Perhaps we should subscribe The Sun for him …. just in 😂 (Hey, Mr Tudor)
            Mr Bubbles n I are actually luvving narcs, theyre so entertaining, bit like tuning into the Bold n the Beautiful ….. always guarantees a laugh 🤣
            (We haven’t even had our immunity flu shots yet) 🤣
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          4. WhoCares says:


            “Mr Bubbles n I are actually luvving narcs, theyre so entertaining, bit like tuning into the Bold n the Beautiful ….. always guarantees a laugh”

            They do indeed provide some entertainment, from a safe distance – especially during this time.

            Curious Bubble – have you ever put this one through the NDC?


          5. Bubbles 🍾 says:

            Dearest WhoCares,
            Thankyou sweet one for your suggestion
            No I haven’t at this stage, maybe down the track
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

      2. Violetta says:

        In the days when they still had Page 3 Girls, that would actually have been quite a sacrifice for some men.

        1. Bubbles 🍾 says:

          Dear Violetta,
          Haha ….. indeed it would’ve (I believe our Rupert Murdoch was reluctant in getting rid of the girls in the Sun)
          From memory, I think our paper here was called The Truth
          Pretty much every bloke had a copy under his arm having his final pint at the pub before 6oclock closing and heading home on the bus to read, I mean purve on it

          In Darwin, Northern Territory, (due to the bum paper shortage) a newspaper in actual fact, did indeed insert a special eight page cut-out guide that people could use as bum paper, it sold out, resulting in limits on purchases
          We Aussies are so resourceful 🤣
          Luv Bubbles xx 😘

  3. Tired says:

    How does a narc triangulate with an object? Someone wrote they were triangulated with a fridge . How does that work? I don’t understand it triangulation with objects .

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I sit with you using my phone and making noises of amusement, interest and delight. You try to speak to me, I wave a hand to shush you and remain fixated on the phone. You have been triangulated with my phone.
      You want to spend time with me, I tell you I have to wash my car instead and cannot see you. You have just been triangulated with my car.
      I spend my day building a treehouse when you expected me to take you somewhere. You have just been triangulated with the treehouse.
      “Jesus, have you seen the state of this fridge, when did you last clean it you tramp?!” You have just been triangulated with the fridge.

      1. Tired says:

        Thank you, HG.

        Does triangulation with objects serve as fuel to a narc ?
        Do they realize they’re doing it ?
        My narc triangulates me with the computer, his phone, the post , and on and on.

        I never looked at it as triangulation, I just looked at it as him purposefully ignoring me , or trying to piss me off .
        He would usually do it if he felt I wasn’t paying enough attention to him. Oftentimes feel like I’m married to a tot.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          1. An object cannot provide fuel. The victims reaction to being triangulated with said object provides fuel.
          2. No, if they are Lesser or Mid-Range.
          3. Correct.

          1. Tired says:


            Thank you.

    2. Intrepid Traveller says:

      Every time we walked past a jewellery shop or specialist shop i got the ‘my ex bought me the most beautiful Mont Blanc pen’, which when that had set in changed to ‘i really love Mont Blanc Pens’, and ‘they make beautiful presents’. I am wondering what his thoughts were when i never ever said a word to that in the whole 8 years we were together. And he never got a Mont Blanc pen from me.

  4. fiddleress says:

    French president Chirac triangulated his wife Bernadette with too many women to mention, French president Mitterrand his wife Danièle with quite a few too.
    Maybe the whole French nation, for that matter, which managed to give the world the phrase “ménage à trois”!

    Film: Brokeback Mountain; The Bridges of Madison County.

    Literature: Madame Bovary (didn’t do her much good).

    I was triangulated with a fridge (the clearing/cleaning thereof) on several occasions. It makes me laugh so much when I remember this now, it almost makes me want to break no-contact just to thank him for the laugh ! (Wow, I AM making progress.) Anyway, I just saw it as a great opportunity to pick up a book and read. The triangulation with the phone was just dull and made me tick another box in my list of “reasons why I should escape”.

    I can honestly say triangulation turns me off completely. I am absolutely not interested. If I realise that I am being triangulated with a person (and I suppose I don’t, because I just think people have the right to talk about other people they like), it might hurt at first, but then it just makes me want to leave. Must be my narcissistic trait of pride, and if so, I am proud of it !

    1. Intrepid Traveller says:

      I think i got triangulated with just about everything at one point or another. As time goes by i realise more triangulations took place than i caught on to at the time so i get some satisfaction that i must have frustrated him – inadvertently- and his efforts. No wonder he upped the ante!! I even got triangulated with a Mont Blanc pen on many occasions. (But a fridge beats that hands down). Triangulation was defiantly one of my narcs favourite manipulations.

      1. Violetta says:

        I think a lot of people get triangulated with cars.
        A fridge is downright insulting.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You are correct about cars. The number one triangulating item is the mobile/cell phone.

          1. Intrepid Traveller says:

            Oh the phone. That bloody phone. My ex narc used the phone to control me all the time, day by day for 8 years. I hated it by the time it was over, that and the sound of an email arriving. HG, he was such a lover of using it, i have always been intrigued, what would he have used with his ex wife as he met her long before mobile phones were around?

          2. HG Tudor says:

            The landline, photographs, magazines, the television.

          3. NarcAngel says:

            I understand recognizing triangulation as being an indicator of narcissism but I seriously can’t think how it’s so bothersome with objects that it’s considered a serious manipulation. If someone wants to ignore/annoy me by fixating on a phone, car, whatever, I just think they’re acting like a retarded juvenile and they don’t hold my interest either, so I amuse myself by either checking out of the situation and leaving them there blathering/fawning away or interrupt with something like: hey! did you see that piece of dust floating by? (complete with wondrous smile and pointing finger) followed by: oh, back to you. What were you saying? My mother in law tries this all the time.

          4. HG Tudor says:

            That manipulation is not especially effective with you NA and most likely that is a consequence of reduced ET and the application of logic. For others it does impact substantially.

        2. Fiddleress says:

          Well, he didn’t have a car…

      2. Fiddleress says:

        A Mont Blanc pen, that’s more classy than a fridge!
        It was when we didn’t have much time to see each other and I was over at his flat. He was very hypocritically polite about it, all ‘smiles’ as he said he needed to clean his fridge.
        I get the same satisfaction as you now as I realise I must have frustrated him unwittingly: I never showed any reaction. I only wondered what that was about, but I just thought he was obsessed with cleanliness.
        He certainly tried hard – he also triangulated me with his computer. (I only realise now that’s what it was.) And all to all avail !

  5. Whitney says:

    HG what a magnificent a article. Triangulation hurt me deeply.
    I know this is Emotional Thinking but I want to know how he feels. One second controlling my diet and masquerading around my business, the next second cut off. How does he feel HG?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      He either feels fuelled, challenged or wounded. What he thinks he is feeling depends on this school of narcissism, Whitney.

      1. Whitney says:

        Thank you HG, the God.
        My mind convolutes reality with fantasy and emotion.
        The truth is simple and I’ll see it soon- with my No Contact.

        Oh how can their feeling be so simple! Fueled, challenged, or wounded. I don’t believe it yet. HG.

        1. Sea says:

          oh come on… Whitney. Wake up before jumping into idolatry… HG is A Man with sharp,intensive mind and maybe some unclean spirit attached. If you check my IP address, HG Tudor, you will see that last time I stopped here, I also was looking for some clarity about narcissim. However, I realised, that more I try to dig the dark truth about it, the more I burry my soul. So I shuk off the dust and turned away. Forgivness works much better. Jesus forgave us all for much stuff.., irespectively who we are narcs or empaths, we all do stuff at times that is self gratifying. In the LORD God alone should we find rest of abuse or unclean spirits tourture. Really over the time, I came to think that this is not only a psychological matter anymore, psychology goes only as far as defining manifestation/behavius of some spirit attached to the person. Some call it Jazebel or maybe even other spirit names, does not matter, the cure is only in the LORD God. Amen!

          1. HG Tudor says:

            Hello Sea, you are far better turning away from the narcissist, as you did, through no contact.

          2. NarcAngel says:

            Ironic that you should lecture Whitney on idolatry when you engage in it yourself.

          3. HG Tudor says:

            Admission to burns unit!

      2. Lorelei says:

        So being wounded or challenged by an action can depend on the school? A lesser would not feel wounded by me locking a car door in a parking lot as there is no facade? A mid—it would impact his facade to be locked out and he’d respond with being wounded more likely?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          No, please see Finally Understanding Wounding. It is the response to the wounding that varies with the school.

          Lesser receives Pure Positive Fuel, he feels bulled up, but he does not know why that is.
          Mid-Ranger receives Pure Positive Fuel, he feels “happy”, he actually is not and he does not know what is making him feel the way he is.
          Greater receives Pure Positive Fuel and feels powered and knows precisely why.

          1. Lorelei says:

            Ok, I’m a little lost on it.

          2. Whitney says:

            HG the God. The Somatic described feeling power and he said power was all he wanted. When another narc got fuel (people clapping for him) the Somatic said that Narc must be high from the feeling of power.

      3. Violetta says:

        What do you feel when you listen to music, particularly DM?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I remember things.

          1. Violetta says:

            But you don’t relive them?

          2. HG Tudor says:

            No, Violetta, I do not.

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