I Second That Emotion

 

I-SECOND-THAT-EMOTION

The emotional spectrum afforded to my kind is limited. The bulk of the positive emotions that you experience have either been stripped away or moulded into one all-pervasive sensation and that is of power. Whereas you might experience joy, elation, happiness and delight, we feel power. That surging sensation which courses through us as a consequence of the receipt of fuel, be it positive or negative. Secure a promotion? I feel powerful. My football team wins? I feel powerful. I seduce a new victim? I feel powerful. I experience amusement, indeed, I have an excellent sense of humour but if I make you laugh through my sense of humour I feel a sense of power once again.

I do not feel sadness. I have, for the sake of gathering fuel, sat through numerous films which are described as tear-jerkers and entertained myself as I have alternated between watching the film and the reaction of the person, invariably an intimate partner, as their expression alters to one of compassion, sympathy and then the tears to begin to flow. I have watched the same film yet I feel nothing. I recognise that the scenes played out by the relevant actors are ones which would be labelled as moving, sad and upsetting, but I feel nothing. When I shift my gaze to the sobbing intimate partner besides me, I begin to feel something. I feel contempt for the weakness exhibited by becoming upset. Not only the fact that these tears flow at all but because they have been generated by acting. How readily people fall prey to what is acting, but I am thankful for that, because if they did not, my existence would be far more difficult. I experience a degree of amusement, because someone is moved by something which is not even real. At least when the tears fall because a pet has been run over in the street, or because a relative has exhaled their last breath on this earth, there is a genuine event which causes grief. Yet, it is always in others. You could flash a montage of images, snippets of footage which encapsulate what people would regard as tear-inducing responses, be they grief or joy and I would remain unmoved. It means nothing to me. The capacity to feel sadness, grief, woe and misery have been removed. I knew them once. I can vaguely remember, or at least I think I can remember, being sad. I do not know what the feeling is but I recall the image from the depths of my memory.

I do not know guilt. Remorse is a stranger to me. I feel no regret nor penitence. Compassion has never been available to me. As for empathy, I do not feel that either. I am, because of my heightened abilities and intelligence, able to understand how people must feel. I have spent many years watching and observing the way that people react to certain situations. I understand when happiness is expressed, I know when regret should be exhibited, I recognise when sadness should make an appearance but I do not feel any of them. If I see you in pain, I know I should demonstrate a concerned expression for you and ask how you are. That is the accepted societal expectation. During my seduction of you, I will indeed adopt that mask of concern and compassion in order to con you into thinking that I am a caring and warm person. I can don the mask which places my facial expression in the correct places. I am able to adopt the appropriate tone of voice and place my hands on you in the gentle manner which is associated with expressing concern for somebody yet despite all these learned expressions, words and gestures I feel no concern for you. I do not feel sorry for you, I do not share your pain, I am not worried about you. I know however that if I am to bind you to me and to extract fuel from you, through your expression of thanks and your gratitude for my apparent care of you, I am obligated to place the mask of compassion on. Of course, as such time as your devaluation commences, I see no need for the pretence and indeed my lack of compassion provides its own reward as your pain is increased by my dismissive attitude, refusal to help and contemptuous sneer.

The Lesser of our kind often do not even know what mask should be adopted and during the seduction stage rather than clumsily grope for an appropriate mask, they will prefer to vacate themselves from the situation, conjuring up some excuse as to why they cannot stay and help. The Mid-Range and the Greater of our kind understand that certain responses are preferred by you and therefore the masks will be brought forth and worn, but only in order to achieve what we want. If the situation dictates that our interests are better served without donning a mask, then that is what will happen.

People often make the mistake of assuming that we are totally devoid of emotion. That is wrong. Yes, there are many emotions, as I have explained above, which we do not possess, but we are not empty of all emotion. I know only too well the emotions of hate, malice, frustration, annoyance, irritation, shame, envy, fury and jealousy. Why am I afforded these emotions and not others? In my discussions with the good doctors and my own consideration of these matters it is evident that in my evolution to what I am, it is necessary for me to have these emotions because they are the catalyst for causing me to behave in the way that I do so I will drive forward, that I will be brilliant, charming and seductive, that I will be outrageous, grandiose, belligerent and destructive, because ultimately all of those things must exist in order to compel me to gather the precious fuel.

If I did not become envious of those in my social circle praising a friend, I would not feel compelled to draw the spotlight of attention on to me by upstaging that person, telling a glorious anecdote or causing a scene. If I was not jealous I would not take those steps and thus I would be denied fuel.

If I was not envious of my neighbour’s new sports car, I would not be driven to throw battery acid over it during the night and then watch from the window his horrified reaction on seeing the damage the next day. Again, I would gain no fuel.

If I felt no hatred towards you for failing me, I would feel no need to keep doling out the various prejudicial and abusive manipulations. Thus you would not be hurt, upset or frightened and I would gain no fuel.

If I felt no malice towards the world and its treatment of me, I would not be compelled to seduce people to provide me with that shield from the world and its outrageous injustices.

It is these negative emotions, the Dark Motivators, which cause me to always be driving forward. The absence of The Hindrances – remorse, guilt, empathy, regret etc. – means that I am not stopped or slowed in my ever onward march. I am not distracted from the sole and necessary task of gathering fuel.

This approach does not mean that my life is less fuel. I am still able to appreciate much that is beautiful, engaging, fascinating and scintillating in this world. I can appreciate the grandeur of centuries old architecture. I can appreciate the magnificence of a musical composition. I can appreciate the athletic prowess of a sprinter to win a gold medal at the Olympics. I can appreciate the taste of excellent cuisine. I can do this because of my higher function above others of my kind who have little or no interest in such spectacular elements of the world. Whereas you will enjoy the piece of music in that moment, I am using the experience of that piece of music to further my aims.

  1. I may tell you how brilliant a song is because I know that you will be pleased with me for telling you this and thus you will smile, appreciate me and give me fuel;
  2. I may use the experience of having heard the philharmonic orchestra play Scheherazade in order to boast about it to other people and draw fuel from their admiring and/or jealous responses;
  3. I may use the experience of knowing all of Depeche Mode’s music to be appealing to a target because she likes that music too, or just to demonstrate that I have a detailed interest in a particular band so that I am of greater interest to her;
  4. I may use the experience of having heard a particular song in concert to trump your tale about having heard a different one played in order to assert my superiority over you and draw a reaction from you and others.

You experience certain emotions when engaging in certain experiences. I experience a sense of power in that moment or if I do not, I store the experience to use it feel powerful when it is allied with something else, usually an appliance.

My kind mimic emotions because we are unable to feel so many of them. Thus we will second the emotions that we have seen you exhibit and make it seem as if we feel them. I know many of your emotions; I do not feel them. We second your emotions because we are reliant on your emotions to exist. It is something of a paradox that we have never cultivated certain emotions and/or we have been stripped of them in order to make us lean, effective and efficient, yet we also must receive those emotions from you in order to sustain us. We do not want to see your joy directed towards us for something we have said and done because we will then feel joy, but rather for the power that is unleashed as a consequence of your joy providing us with positive fuel.

I am filled with hatred, jealousy, envy, fury and malice but that does not mean there is no room to accept your hatred towards me, indeed I welcome it. As a consequence of my manipulation of you, I want you to stand there screaming your hatred at me until your voice is hoarse and your eyes stand out from your face. The fuel I gain from such an intense expression of negative emotion is immense. Once again I appropriate your emotion and use it for my own purposes. Whether I take it in order to allow me to mimic and copy it, to make me appear more acceptable to other people or whether I seize your emotion as fuel in order to power me and allow my existence to continue, I will always find a use for your emotional output. I put to good use your emotions.

I am the ultimate recycler.

83 thoughts on “I Second That Emotion

  1. Violetta says:

    So you’ve never heard a piece of music and wanted to jump up and down and crash into the furniture? You’ve never wished to be able to do a round-off back handspring back tuck or a triple toe-loop because the song seems to need one those last 8 bars?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No. That sounds like a case for being sectioned.

      1. Violetta says:

        Uh-oh, I’m in trouble….

  2. truthseeker6157 says:

    Hey, Casleighmay. I can visualise where this personality comes from, how it forms, at least to a degree. I am learning more and more as I read on, but don’t expect ever to understand it completely. I am however completely engrossed in the material I’m reading in the books and via the blog. It’s a personality that is so inverse to my own, I’m spellbound trying to understand it all. Some things seem obvious, others less so. I’m trying to educate myself as fast as I can so I can better relate. I’m actually learning more about my own personality too, which wasn’t my original intention but is a valuable bonus. Reader comments add a lot to the learning too, so thank you for the feedback, I’m taking it all in 🙂

    1. casleighmay says:

      Stick around and you’ll learn loads truth seeker! No one is better at explaining narcissism than HG. The thing to remember with Cluster B personality disorders is that they are just that – an ingrained part of someones personality. They are always fixed and you can’t get rid of them. I am a Borderline, although I am able to challenge my thinking a lot now so it isn’t so obvious, I hope (shush HG, I know you’ve spotted it) but I will always have BDP, I am just making a choice not to act on the negative urges now. Even if a narcissist suddenly decided to change their behaviour (and really only a Greater could do this) they would still be a narcissist, just a narcissist who was trying something different. Personality disorders in general are fascinating and one never runs out of things to learn about them. 🙂

  3. casleighmay says:

    HG, I know this question applies only to Greater’s but do you automatically mimic an emotion such as compassion when it is necessary to do so or do you carefully think “It’s time to show compassion now”? It just sounds really tiring having to constantly monitor your reactions/words/facial expressions when around others. You clearly have a huge amount of mental resources to draw on, it’s pretty impressive actually!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I think it, I do not feel it. Tiring to you, not to me.

      1. casleighmay says:

        That’s really interesting that you don’t find it exhausting at all. You are fascinating, you know? 🙂

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I am.

          1. Lorelei says:

            Thinking about the fuel matrix in regard to MM and upper mids. My former father in law, clear upper mid by your description exactly, Ran a large international corporation, ivy league, haughty and dismissive but very skilled at it, seemed very greater in a way but not likely self aware. Stepford wife thing going on–no question.. I have people in my life that have the fuel matrix of the upper mid, or those that have upper mid behaviors that have fuel matrix characteristics of middle mids.. Desiree once said she viewed fuel matrix in relation to Megan M. as maybe being less related to the acquisition of it, as she doesn’t maintain it per se, it just is.. Is MM a mid or upper mid? Where does the narcissism require the fuel matrix vs. it being “just there?” Elton John, is he upper mid or just a type B MM due his whiny suicide attempt/get sober/look at me bullshit? See what I mean? How do you assemble these variances in relation to fuel matrix? How expansive is a fuel matrix by need or by the consequence of it just happening due to certain achievements?

          2. truthseeker6157 says:

            I agree Casleighmay, it must be constant calculation and observation. Emotions are exceptionally difficult to mimic. You meet a guy in a bar. He looks great, he says the right things, he does the right things, friendly, polite, attentive humorous 😉 but, there’s something not quite right. You can’t put your finger on it, can’t verbalise, but you know, something is not quite genuine. I’m struggling to see how mimicry gets a narcissist past a walking lie detector like an empath. They feel the responses, they don’t really listen to the words or calculate facial expressions and body language. They just know. So I can imagine someone with lower levels of empathy being drawn in. But I just can’t imagine a stronger empath not being able to feel something is off.

          3. HG Tudor says:

            They ay feel something is off TS6157 but soaring ET means they do not act on it.

      2. Lorelei says:

        HG—are the responses generated mostly automatically, or is the thought of having to push forth the correct emotional appearance always there? That is somewhat the question I think that was asked.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          With regard to me, dependent on what needs to be portrayed, some are automatic, some have to be “created” through thinking about them.

          1. truthseeker6157 says:

            HG, do you believe that you were born with all the emotions? A baby cries. It cries for various reasons but also stops when it’s mother picks it up. So do you believe that, through maternal neglect, emotions you are programmed to carry were lost? Not given chance to develop? That feels like a very personal question, disregard with my apologies if so.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            See “To Cope is to Control.”

          3. truthseeker6157 says:

            Will do. Thank you.

          4. truthseeker6157 says:

            Thank you HG. I read ‘to control is to cope’. I understand better now. I can’t feel sorry that you are the way you are now. It’s a calculated choice, and you are harmful because of it. But I can feel truly sorry about the way you and many others started out in life. Considering that lies make up the vast majority of your ‘real life’ existence, I think the honesty in what you write and your willingness to share personal experiences for the benefit of others is highly commendable. You’re still a narc though. Lol

          5. HG Tudor says:

            No, it is not a calculated choice, as is explained in the article you have read. What I become was decided for me, I operate with calculation now because of the type of narcissist that I am. I neither require nor need your sorrow for the way that I am now. I understand you feel sorry for the way I started out in life, but I do not require that either.

            I appreciate your compliment with regard to what I share through this material.

          6. truthseeker6157 says:

            That’s not what I mean HG. Your path was chosen for you. But you choose to remain on it. You could stop in your hunt for fuel. You have free will and the capacity to exercise it.
            We all need fuel, we just don’t need it to the degree that you do. So you would receive fuel regardless. You need it to keep the beast within contained. The beast, the representation of how it feels to be ignored, to go unnoticed. If you are unnoticed then, technically yes, you cease to exist. Except that actually, even if you were less successful, less powerful, you’d be noticed anyway. Weaknesses are part of the human condition. We all have them. The flawed hero is always remembered better and for longer. And you do seek that.
            ‘ My brilliance and superiority will be recognised and continue to be praised once the cold hand of death has taken me.’
            Praise. The king pin. That one word leaps from the page. That’s the beast within. Fear that no one will notice, no one will remember, no one will offer any praise, because no one cares. Back to being ignored again. I feel sorry for the child. I do not feel sorry for the man. For the man has a choice. I am well aware that you neither need nor require these sentiments, but I am within my rights to express them regardless. Cease to seek fuel by extortion and the quality of fuel that you receive when it is freely given is more like your rocket fuel.
            And yes, yes I am trying to save the world, lol. I’ll be shutting up now. *backs away slowly*

          7. HG Tudor says:

            No, I cannot stop.

            You do not need fuel, you are not a narcissist.

            Of course you may express the sentiments, in precisely the same way I am perfectly entitled to explain I do not require them.

          8. truthseeker6157 says:

            I do a bit HG, lol. I too like a fast car. Not so much for the admiring glances but just for the buzz. But I’ll always accept a challenge, and yes I do feel superior when I beat the Audi driver coming out of the roundabout. It doesn’t last for long but it does make me smile. He deserved it anyway, he drives an Audi.
            I’ve done it now haven’t I? The Audi drivers are coming for me. If they don’t get me, the narcissists will.

          9. casleighmay says:

            Truthseeker, I don’t think HG is making a calculated choice even now because not to be the way he is would mean the end of his survival. After a narcissist is made they have to carry on gaining fuel to survive mentally in the same way people need food and air physically. Perhaps HG could face his creature and change his behaviour and thought patterns but even if he wanted to it might not work and it could destroy him completely. I relate a little being on the Cluster B spectrum myself, I have a void in me where self-soothing, safety and parental reassurance is supposed to be and I used to create all kinds of drama to avoid that void consuming me. It wasn’t calculated, it was survival and terror. Eventually I chose to fall into my void because I saw myself as defective and now I have changed my behaviour but it was excruciatingly painful to do so and it is much, much harder for a narcissist to do that because of what they have been made into from childhood. HG’s techniques for gaining fuel as an adult are calculated because he is a Greater, his narcissism isn’t. I’ve finished talking about you now HG! 😀

  4. Narc noob says:

    HG, you feel shame? Really?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No. Mid-Rangers do at an unconscious level.

      1. Narc noob says:

        Oh ok, thanks HG. So the article was for all your kind, obviously, not just the G. Cheers.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          That is right, you are welcome.

  5. truthseeker6157 says:

    Hi HG, your blog and books are becoming addictive reading and raise ever more questions for me. If you are a narcissistic psychopath, how can you be sure that your lack of positive emotions are down to narcissism as opposed to psychopathy? Secondly, I get the impression that you have a sense of humour. Humour is usually based on observation and ability to relate and empathise with the human condition. Is your sense of humour based solely on the misfortune of others then?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      1. Because of the observance of narcissists.
      2. It is called Character Trait acquisition, intelligence and learning.

      1. truthseeker6157 says:

        What makes you laugh? The rolling over, bang your fists on the table, belly laugh kind of thing.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I do not laugh in that manner.

          1. truthseeker6157 says:

            Thank you for the responses HG. I’m just trying to place myself in the position of narcissist and see how the world looks. How things feel I suppose. I have an online ‘friend’ who I suspect is a narcissist. I’m finding him tough to let go of. Things are never clear online. You can’t feel through a screen so benefit of the doubt comes more into play. Will attempt to keep questioning to a minimum.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            You are always welcome to ask questions TS6157, do understand that answers are provided in accordance with what is explained in the rules. You are here to learn, that is to be encouraged.

          3. Kim e says:

            HG. You do have a great laugh…you have learned well

          4. HG Tudor says:

            Naturally, my humour and laugh (amongst other things) are my weapons.

          5. Kim e says:

            HG…agreed. But your laugh sounds very real. N’s laugh sometimes was so over the top I now realize how fake it was.

          6. HG Tudor says:

            Of course it is real, you do not imagine it!

    2. K says:

      truthseeker6157
      You may find this article very interesting.

      https://narcsite.com/2019/05/29/game-for-a-laugh-the-narcissist-and-humour-2/comment-page-1/

      1. truthseeker6157 says:

        K thank you, will take a look. I also have found and read the formal section. Thank for the direction 🙂 Have to say I was pleasantly surprised by the rules, they are more than fair. Reading suggested article now. The emotion side is absolutely intriguing for me or rather lack thereof.

        1. K says:

          My pleasure truthseeker6157
          I agree; the rules are more than fair and, occasionally, I have to reread them so I don’t forget. There’s lots to learn so don’t be shy, just dive in and have fun.

          1. Lorelei says:

            Fuck it K, break a rule. Let’s talk baking cookies.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Try it and see what happens.

          3. WhoCares says:

            Been a while since someone was sent to the dungeon, come to think…

          4. HG Tudor says:

            Ha ha.

          5. Kim e says:

            WhoCares
            Did someone say James Cordon? I think he is so funny

          6. HG Tudor says:

            I’ve no issue with James Cordon, he does a great job preserving crime scenes.

          7. WhoCares says:

            Haha Kim e – you are so transparent!

          8. Kim e says:

            WhoCares
            And that gets me in trouble all the time…LOL

          9. WhoCares says:

            Haha!

            I really like your mandala tat by the way.
            Is it a mandala?

          10. Kim e says:

            WhoCares
            Mandala yes…I wanted a chakra but they were all so masculine looking;m I just changed my picture again…next tat

          11. WhoCares says:

            Pretty!

          12. Kim e says:

            WhoCares
            Thank u

          13. WhoCares says:

            Or wait – was is it njfilly who was angling to get to the dungeon?

            All I know is one wants a spanking and one wants directions to the dungeon…

          14. Kim e says:

            WhoCares
            Stay here long enough and it is a right of passage to go to the dungeon.

          15. WhoCares says:

            Kim e – I have been here going on 3 years and, although I’ve been called a heretic (for not being fond of Christian Bale) and a degenerate (for saying roasted cauliflower is like candy), I have never been sent to the dungeon.
            *Shhhhh*

          16. Kim e says:

            WhoCares
            Hang with me and we will see if that can be changed😂😂🎉🎉

          17. WhoCares says:

            Oh dear, I’ve not a single tat and never seen the inside of the dungeon…this could be bad.

          18. NarcAngel says:

            No tats here either. I can’t even commit to wallpaper.

          19. WhoCares says:

            Haha…”I can’t even commit to wallpaper.” …Love it, NA.

          20. Lorelei says:

            I want a west side tat on my rear and an east side tattoo on my front leg. I want chains on my wrists tattooed and “property of Billie Bob” on my chest.

          21. Lorelei says:

            Wall paper is quite the niche industry. I have a geometric print that needs to last for 15 years after what it took to find a person to hang it! He looked like a crazy person.

          22. Kim e says:

            WhoCares
            To quote Mae West “When I’m good I’m good. But when I’m bad I’m better”.
            It will be a new adventure. 😂🎉🥳

          23. WhoCares says:

            Kim e: An adventure sounds SWEET right about now!

          24. Kim e says:

            WhoCares
            I agree. This lock down is going to make us all be bad once it is lifted. Hell…you might even think about getting a tat..LOL

          25. WhoCares says:

            Lol!

          26. Lorelei says:

            I’m frying bacon and eg… (Announcement Over Tannoy -“And now “All By Myself” by Celine Dion on loop”)

            EDIT by HG.

          27. K says:

            Lorelei
            Hahahahahaha…you better watch out or you might end up in the dungeon in Tudor Towers listening to Celine.

          28. truthseeker6157 says:

            What?! There’s a dungeon too?! This just got waaay more interesting! 😂

          29. K says:

            truthseeker6157
            Hahahahaha…there’s a naughty step, too, and of course you may even get Spanked while you are here.

            https://narcsite.com/2020/04/07/spanked-2/

          30. Lorelei says:

            K—it wasn’t even baking and he still edited my Ingredients!

          31. Lorelei
            Hahahaha, he did? Too funny !!

          32. K says:

            Lorelei
            Hahahaha…no surprise there! Well, that’ll show you who’s boss around here.

          33. Lorelei says:

            K—I just non instinctively flirted with a plumber for a huge discount on a drainage issue on the side of my house. $1600 savings. Men are idiots. I planned the manipulation as soon as I saw him. Cha-Ching!

          34. njfilly says:

            I sense a smack of firm governance about to be applied here. I want to hear it.

          35. Violetta says:

            I hope I get my sense of smell back someday. I think I had the mild form back in March, but I still can’t smell much of anything. I was cutting raw garlic and I could barely smell it. I can’t tell if food is going off and I don’t want to wear too much cologne (one of my few indulgences, since makeup is wasted).

          36. Violetta says:

            truthseeker6157:

            The dungeon is basically an in-joke. People who criticize Depeche Mode (which HG likes), accuse him of liking Celine Dion (whom he detests), or claim that he supports Man U rather than Man City (guilty and thoroughly reformed!) will claim to be in the dungeon, tortured with repeating loops of “It’s All Coming Back to Me Now” and other atrocities.

            It’s some humor to relieve the often grim business of healing from all the narcs we may have encountered in our personal and professional lives.

          37. K says:

            Violetta
            It’s all fun and games until the malign manipulations begin (playing Celine on a loop)!

          38. Violetta, thank you for filling me in. Celine Dion on loop would be excruciating !
            K, I can’t believe there is a spanking article too! So, in summary, a narcissist in a dungeon, wearing his favourite Aguero shirt, stands sternly, paddle in hand, whilst humming along to ‘ my heart will go on’. Got it. Thank you lol. Sorry HG, please don’t send K to the naughty step. (Triangulation)

          39. K says:

            My pleasure truthseeker6157
            Yes, there is a Spanking article and many others besides. Enjoy the reading!

            https://narcsite.com/2020/04/07/putting-a-sex-on-you-4/
            https://narcsite.com/2016/03/12/redress-with-the-red-dress/

          40. njfilly says:

            Who Cares:

            I want both a spanking and to go to the dungeon.

            The ultimate would be to get a spanking while in the dungeon!

          41. Violetta says:

            Njfilly:

            You are supposing HG does not delegate to minions.

  6. Janna says:

    How do you know what those feelings are that you don’t feel then? Such as guilt etc?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It is called observation and intelligence.

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