Sex : How the Narcissist Views Sex and The Role It Plays In Your Entanglement



No holds barred and no strings attached

The only unnatural sex act is that which you cannot perform

Read about how the narcissist views and uses sex and how you are central in that

US e-book here

UK e-book here

CAN e-book here

AUS e-book here

For the Amazon averse

Also available in paperback on Amazon

This is classified as adult material and search filters may need adjustment.

56 thoughts on “Sex : How the Narcissist Views Sex and The Role It Plays In Your Entanglement

  1. Pingback: Sex : How the Narcissist Views Sex and The Role It Plays In Your Entanglement
  2. Monique says:

    H.G. please I have a question can you help me I have been no contact with the narc husband for 6 months I saw him at our sons house about a month ago a few days later I started having dreams about him and then telepathic communication could he be my twin flame or can narcs Hoover this way it always seems to be sexual feeling confused

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Monique,

      1. You are not in a no contact. You need to embrace my work in detail and you will realise that you are not and you will also learn how to do no contact properly.
      2. Dreaming about the narcissist happens. It is nothing to do with telepathy.
      3. Twin flames is utter bullshit. There is no such thing and anybody who peddles this bollocks needs disincentivising.
      4. We do not hoover through telepathy, psychic connection or ectoplasm.

      1. MB says:

        I love this answer through and through! “disincentivising” is such a great word. If anybody could hoover by ectoplasm, it would be you HG.

      2. blackcoffee30 says:

        HAHAHAHA Now, this made me LOL, and it was much needed today. #ghostbusters

  3. Renarde says:

    Heres one. Using animals as a trick to get supply.

    Last night I was talking to the disengaged from IPSS of a former narc partner. We weren’t together that long but his actions were PIVOTAL in me finding NS.

    Anyway, something about him had always bothered me. He had three very large Maine Coons. And a fourth cat. Mongrel.

    Hg says, Narcs tend not to like animals because of the bother and hassle. So I pondered on this statement. MCs take a lot of looking after. So what gives?

    The N, used to be forever whipping his phone out and showing anyone who was in the vicinity pictures. Indeed, I think I still have a few. It was a schtick. I knew that
    Wanted to ‘grab the other pussy’. But HGs words and the Ns wernt quite marrying up. One evening he, oh my god, trianglated me, the barmaid and the pussies. That night I was cross with him. I wasnt jealous of the barmaid and indeed, her facial expressions was ‘Bored!’. I was cross because he was diverting my attention away from other matters. I turned my back on him. Exhausted by his nonsense.

    Last night I found out and of course, HG was right. The cats are being neglected. Seriously neglected and more than just her have noticed it. He screams at them too

    What a fucking cunt.

    In other news, the male overlord brought me another tribute last night. Hes going mental with tributes atm. I have a rapidly growing mouse graveyard outside the front door.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Fuel not supply if you please.

      1. Renarde says:


        Of course. How clumsy of me. I was just in the middle of writing something else and my mind became distracted.

        1. HG Tudor says:


    2. Violetta says:


      Years ago, I sent my (a canine deity–I can make friends with strangers’ dogs; he will have them trying to follow him home) a link to footage of Wanna-Be Playuh-Narc playing with dogs. He said never to send him another; he wasn’t about to watch this guy “emotionally abusing his dogs.” They were obviously properly fed and groomed, so I asked him what he meant. “He’s using them like props. He has no empathy whatever.”

      Speaking of which, check out footage of Meghan Markle reading to a camera. Oh, and there’s Archie fidgeting on her lap. Top story on DM.

      1. Renarde says:


        How prescient that he caught it. I’m pretty sure not all narcs abuse. My big ex didnt. I’m pretty sure I would be known.

        Thanks for top tip on DM. I’ve been busy today and havnt looked properly.

      2. Kristin says:

        It’s painful to watch her. She won’t even let Archie look at another book, control freak.

        1. Violetta says:

          There’s a bit of discussion of her latest shenanigans on “A Very Royal Narcissist 2.” I’m not a mother, but I’ve worked in day care and done enough babysitting to be nonplussed by her “interactions” with that poor kid. Actually, she supposedly did plenty of babysitting herself as an adolescent, so her cluelessness is even more jarring.

    3. njfilly says:

      At least it was only his phone he was forever “whipping out”!

      1. Renarde says:


        Ha ha! Oh no, quite the opposite indeed. That’s why SATN was the first book I read, you see. He withdrew.

        Of course the reason for that is that hed managed to ‘overset’ himself in the boudoir. He was good. Very. But he was getting old.

        He looked in the morning like hed been dragged through a hedge backwards. Then he fled which was very naughty as we had planned to have a day together and I bought steak. That upset me.

        Then I was treated to an All Points later that evening. Which was cruel, not for me, just weird, (not done in kink scenes tbh) but hed devalued the former IPPS and the poor love fled before I got there.

        1. njfilly says:


          SATN was also the first book I read. I love your description of having been dragged through a hedge backwards! So Funny!

          I used to date mostly older men, now I date mostly younger men. Luckily I have no problem attracting them.

          What do you mean you were “treated to an All points”? Also, is this your boyfriend you are talking about? He’s a narcissist?

          1. Renarde says:


            It means that I was paraded as both the new romantic partner AND sub later on that day. At an event he was running.

            Whilst not technically wrong, eyebrows were raised and it ran right back through the community. Not the done thing for an organiser to do that.

            But yes, probable UMS who is still running amock! My little birds tell me things.

            I know his recentenly disengaged from IPSS you see. I told her about here. Whether she’s ready for weaponisation yet, dont know. She said shed check here out. Hope she does. I like her.

          2. njfilly says:


            Very interesting. This blog and everything I have learned here, as well as through the many consultations I have taken, has been very enlightening. However, I’m not sure I’m going to change, or want to change.

            I still need a certain amount of intensity in my relationships as well as discipline. I crave it. I can’t do without it. I currently don’t have a relationship but I have a few NSA lovers. I think I am being given the silent treatment by one at the moment, but I’m not sure. He hasn’t responded to an email I sent on Sunday so my intuition is telling me something is wrong. I don’t particularly like passive aggression. I want him to respond in anger toward me. I’m looking forward to it. I guess this is my addiction.

          3. Renarde says:


            On change. Neither do I. I just want to tweak myself somewhat. Which is what I was doing a few weeks ago with the EDC, TD and WE. Be the best version I can be.

            Intensity and discipline. I am intense, very and passionate too which some mistake for anger. As to discipline. I am working on that, sometimes I prefer for it to be applied to me.

            Hope I’m making sense. I had the WORST night’s sleep I ever had last night. Had the most hyper realistic dream I’ve ever had involving four males narcs. A fifth female one cropped up. As did my children. J Kay, a power cut, a fairground. A dead cat. A screaming nightmare involving something moving under a stack of folded sheets. I move the top one and a black snake like tentacle lashes at my arm. I wake up screaming. I never have those kinds of dreams.

            So I’d be dreaming then wake up. And so on. All bloody night. I never get that. So many dreams in the night. Then somone called and woke me up. Now I have a sore head and desperately need a cup of earl grey but the Overlords are on strike!

          4. njfilly says:


            Actually, I want to clarify something. Not that it really matters but, I often make changes to myself. Sometimes I do a complete 180 on things I have been doing. I really meant that I have no desire to change my sexual preferences.

            I also describe myself as intense and passionate, also a bit extreme. I like discipline in my life; by leading a disciplined life, which I do, as well as receiving discipline from my dominant man.

            Interesting dream you had. I’m sorry it disturbed you. Do you have any idea what it means? Other than narcissists appear to be after you!

            I have very active dream states. In my sleep I often talk, yell, move, sometimes lash out. I once woke up to physically attacking my ex-narc. He was already familiar with my unusual sleep activity so he knew what was happening. It doesn’t happen every night.

            I usually remember many details of my dreams. I have recurring dreams. I can wake up and go to the bathroom, then return and re-enter the same dream. I can also alter what happens in my dreams. Anything happening in the room while I am dreaming: sounds, or if somebody touches me etc., becomes incorporated into my dreams. I have always wanted to delve into dream interpretation due to all this but I just never did.

            I once had a small grey bantam silky rooster named Earl Grey. I had him for about 6 years. He was very attached to me, which sometimes happens with roosters. He would follow me around and I would often find him perched on my porch railing waiting for me. I was very upset when a predator managed to get into the chicken house one night and he was killed. Until I raised chickens I never realized how friendly and social they can be. Also, how much I would enjoy them and how attached to some of the special ones I would become.

            I hope you enjoyed your tea and that your head feels better.

          5. Renarde says:

            Lovely response njfilly. I honestly dont know what it means except my head is sorting something out. Hope I have a quite one tonight so am doing loads of cleaning and tidying today to tire me out.

            After I typed my response this morning I had another. I woke myself up (shouting) ‘show me your warrant card’. I’d had a dream about a fake policeman. I’ve only ever done that once when the psycho accidentally woke me up coming to bed after me.

            I sat up bolt upright and said ‘I’ve been deciding to blast you with my power!’

            That would take a while…

          6. njfilly says:


            I hope your nights have been more peaceful lately. What is a “warrant card”?

          7. Renarde says:

            Hey njfilly

            Thank you for asking. Got a much better night’s sleep last night. It’s still not great but it’s better than it was.

            You ok?

          8. njfilly says:


            Yes, I am OK. Thank you for asking.

          9. Renarde says:

            Oh and a WC is your police ID.

          10. HG Tudor says:

            Confusing a WC for a WC could result in problems.

          11. Renarde says:


            I always wanted to pull the truck even pregnant with PCs helmet when pregnant.

            Saw one once just ‘loitering’. UMS was ‘Do it, do it!’

            Bottled it.

          12. njfilly says:

            Ok, thanks for clarifying. I guess that’s a UK thing.

          13. Renarde says:

            Oh…its badges in the US, isn’t it?

          14. njfilly says:

            Yes, badges. I think they are also supposed to identify themselves more fully when asked.

            I have limited involvement with police.

          15. HG Tudor says:

            This rap sheet says otherwise!

          16. njfilly says:

            Ha ha!!

            Yes, I have admitted to much illegal activity on this blog. I have been questioned in police stations several times throughout my life, had to go to NY and be deposed by the Attorney General due to some “things” but I have never been arrested!

          17. Renarde says:


            Unfortunately I’ve had to report too many things over the years.

            Utter waste of time.

          18. njfilly says:


            I’m sorry to hear that. I have never had to call the police for protection. Thankfully.

          19. njfilly says:


            With regard to a comment you made to Presque Vu, you might be interested to know that it is my belief, due to my religious upbringing as well as my spiritual beliefs, that the man was meant to be dominant within marriages. He is the protector and provider and the woman is required to submit to him. In this instance, to be submissive meaning to defer to a higher authority. This is the way I want it in my relationships.

            I see the wisdom in this. There can never be two people equally in charge. When there is an impasse, there must be a way to make a decision and move forward.

          20. Renarde says:


            Tough one for me. 99.9% of men are not capable of being in full charge. They just arent. So in the vast majority of cases, I would want equal. Demand it indeed. If a very rare man came along then I would reconsider, why has always been my view on Doms anyway.

            I would say that having grown up in a 1950s esque household and being a child of the eighties, I found it very confusing and baffling. The degree Mum let PN have control was frightening. It wasnt true control because she was also a narc. It was a set of circumstances that she put up with to get what she wanted. Not my Dad but the house, money and not getting a job.

            Funny thing is, neither will fully appreciate the extent theyve played each other or themselves.

          21. Presque Vu says:

            NJFilly and Renarde, I feel exactly the same! Regarding change and what you need in terms of intensity and discipline.
            Renarde you mention discipline being dished to you and trying to overcome that.. can I ask why? Is it because there are too many Narcs in the scene who take advantage of you?? I’m seriously interested to know more and how you overcome that.
            NJFilly, I get you completely in terms of responding in anger, you want a response either way, That’s narc like to me, makes me feel like one because I also love and desire the contrast.
            I used to think because of my childhood and possible Stockholm syndrome my desires and what I need deep down where disgusting and I’ve still not fully explored myself in depth at all, I’m scared to let go.
            Renarde i’d so love to pick your brains about Munches and the whole lifestyle. But I can’t blog rules.
            Sorry you had a shitty sleep, your nightmare seems to have lots of symbolic symbols, snakes etc enjoy that earl grey!

          22. njfilly says:

            Presque Vu:

            I always had questions about my sexuality and desires. I was a bit confused where it came from. There were times, in the past, where I did feel a little shame about some of my more extreme preferences and the number of sexual partners I have had, but I can’t change the number, it is my reality, so why bother feeling ashamed. I don’t see the need in attempting to change my preferences either. I like what I like.

            As an adult I have always been involved in aspects of BDSM “lifestyle” but always undercover. I even use a different name while prowling. I call it my sexual pseudonym. Sometimes when I first meet a man and he asks me my name it causes a little anxiety in me as to which name to give and I have to think about it and try to determine “who” I am at that moment so I give the correct name.

            I also have other issues not related to my sexuality. I’m not sure I have any interest in understanding it all anymore. I did have a couple consultations with Mr. HG Tudor and he did shed some light on it. Have you had any consultations yet? Maybe that would help?

            I think I had better reread the blog rules as I have made many comments related to sex and I didn’t realize I was breaking the rules.

          23. Renarde says:


            Sorry, only just seen.

            Yeah, the scene is rife with both vagina hunters and of course narcs of both genders. I instinctively knew it was unsafe before I figured out why.

            SATN is intresting, very because HG says clearly the sex manipulation doesnt work on all but he wished it did because it’s so effective.

            Now imagine a place where the concept of control doesnt have to be hidden like it is in vanilla land but a place where it is fully celebrated and desired. I mean Dom’s can be semi-deified! Trouble is, subs are being sold a massive lemon. Both sides never agree who holds the real power in the exchange. It should actually be the sub but Doms, male barcs, scream the house down about that one.

            I overcame the danger by not engaging in a kink way in the scene.

            As for munches and lifestyle, sure you can I think. I can talk in general rules.

            Sleep is improving, thanks for asking. No weird dreams for a while!

          24. Violetta says:


            At least you didn’t dream you were Julie Jordan in Carousel. Not playing, being. I can’t remember where I posted about that, but in my waking hours, I wouldn’t do or even watch the show, let alone audition for that part.

          25. njfilly says:


            I realize your comment wasn’t directed at me, however, what is the issue with Julie Jordan in Carousel? I’m not familiar with the show.

          26. Renarde says:

            Ha ha! I DID dream about a carousel the other night!

          27. Presque Vu says:

            No no NJFilly, you haven’t broken the rules, I meant I’d love to converse with Renarde as she is BDSM educated but we can’t off blog. As far as I’m aware sex can be spoken about. Don’t worry. Anyway if that was a rule….. good rule to break 😈
            Also, you should never feel ashamed of who you are and your experiences, I’m trying to get over my catholic upbringing and feeling guilty for what I deeply desire. What I need in terms of that I’d have to spend a lifetime in confession trotting out our fathers, and Hail Marys because of my repression and sins. I’d sizzle if holy water blessed me for my impure thoughts. I’m learning a whole lot about myself lately.
            I like your sexual personas, that’s a good idea! To separate the two, I have indeed consulted with HG, not to find out or explore myself in any depth at all but to discuss the ex (don’t know why I bothered as he’s not worth it) and about red flags etc. I keep thinking if I don’t understand myself and deepest depths nobody else will either hence why I’m now exploring the scene. Then Covid19 happened and ah fuck it!
            Thanks for sharing that NJF, I love speaking to people involved in it all as it’s new and exciting for me!

          28. Violetta says:

            The show is positively masochistic.

            Billy Bigelow’s spirit returns to earth in an effort to make amends to his widow and child for basically acting like an asshole. Here is a scene after he has met his daughter and things did not go well:

            Louise Bigelow: I didn’t make it up, Mother. Honest, there was a strange man here, and he hit me hard. I heard the sound of it, Mother, but it didn’t hurt. It didn’t hurt at all. It was just as if he kissed my hand.

            Julie Jordan: Go into the house, Louise.

            Louise Bigelow: What’s happened, Mother? Don’t you believe me?

            Julie Jordan: I believe you.

            Louise Bigelow: Then why don’t you tell me why you’re actin’ so funny?

            Julie Jordan: It’s nothin’, darlin’.

            Louise Bigelow: But is it possible, Mother, for someone to hit you hard like that – real loud and hard, and it not hurt you at all?

            Julie Jordan: It is possible dear, for someone to hit you, hit you hard, and it not hurt at all.

            [they embrace]


          29. njfilly says:


            Interesting. If his spirit returned to earth to make amends, why did he hit her?

          30. Renarde says:

            Actually, I DO have a Carasoul musical related story.

            I have played the violin since 9. When I got to college, I turned up for the orchestra. Given the violin part of the score.

            Took it home. Thought nope! And promptly forgot to return it.

            Cue a VERY angry Head of Music come STORMING into the Chemistry class I was in. Tore me off a strip. I was very close to tears and very probably went bright red.

            You know, I hadnt thought about that in years. I must have been barely 17. I dont even remember attending one rehearsal but I must have.

          31. Violetta says:


            Because the scene didn’t go the way he expected it to.

            Once a Narc…

            Even in the afterlife.

          32. njfilly says:

            Oh, I see. Thank you.

        2. Presque Vu says:

          Interesting Renarde thank you for sharing. I always enjoy your posts and I take on board what you say to keep safe.
          NJF I too believe in 1950’s style households, I remember first seeing this kind of thing in ‘The Wonder Years’ and ‘Happy Days’ I feel a woman should look after her man and in return he looks after her. Feminism has a lot to answer for (don’t hang me please) I believe obviously our right to work, vote, eradicate the glass ceiling etc… but there are men jobs in the home and women’s jobs in the home. I like a man to be a man in every sense.
          It doesn’t mean the woman is a doormat, far from it, she chooses to have his dinner on the table, his washing done, and he can take the bins out and wash the cars. Equality in ways. This nonsense nowadays of ‘ I don’t need a man for fuck all, I will do everything a man can….’ bravo! Jog on and do it… what a way to make a man feel wanted and needed.

          1. Renarde says:


            I think the concept of a 50s household is intresting from a temporary kink POV as well as Clothed Male Naked Female (CMNF).

            But there are many other ways to make a man feel wanted and needed other than making them a nice dinner.

            Combine the two into the winning ‘Steak and Blow Job Night!’ 😈😈😈🤘🤘🤘

  4. WokeAF says:

    Just re-read this. “Intermittent Appliance” fit me to a tee

  5. Renarde says:

    Such a great book. I even re-read it the other day.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you.

      1. Renarde says:

        My pleasure.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I am sure it was.

          1. Renarde says:


Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.