There once was an Upper Mid Range Narcissist who called himself Prince (not the deceased pop star) but rather because he decided he was a Prince amongst men. He decided it was time to find a Princess. He had plenty of these Princesses before, after all, with his good looks and keen mind, he was something of a catch and it was not difficult for him to ride out to a hunting ground and ensnare a fresh one. He found, however, that after a period of time, he grew tired of their fawning and praise and realised he needed something more, something better, something substantial and long-lasting from his Princesses but since he was not a Greater, he did not quite know what.
Accordingly, he sauntered over to a mirror that he had found which talked back to him. Well, when he says found, he stole it, but then again everything was his to take because after all he was a prince.
“Mirror, mirror I have nicked, tell me who I need who will get royally dicked?”
“Oh hello Conker Bollocks,” yawned the face in the mirror, “You need a Princess Empath matey boy. Since this is a fairy tale I am sure one will come along soon.”
Later that night there was a terrible storm and there came a knocking at the castle door. Somewhat improbably the old King himself went to open the door, although as a Carrier Empath he found himself running around doing all the chores for the royal family, and found a bedraggled young lady.
She was in a terrible state from the rain and the storm. The water streamed out of her hair and her clothes; it ran in at the top of her shoes and out the heel, but the production of her tiara atop a Salvation Army hat marked her down as clearly an empathic lady of royal distinction.
“Deary me, “ declared the old king, “do come in, do you need shelter?”
“Yes please,” replied the Princess Empath, “I gave up my room at the Sally Army to a homeless unicorn so I have nowhere to stay.”
Just then the Prince Narc appeared and in an instant felt that this bedraggled and soaking lady had significant potential. He sidled up to here and as she stood dripping asked her twenty questions ascertaining her empathic, class and special traits. Fair quivering with excitement, Prince Narc called out to the Queen.
“Oh mama, I have a new friend. Well I say new, we have known each other for ten years and I have been in love with her for 8 of those years, but just never got around to telling her. May she stay over?”
The Queen Narc swept into view.
“Royal chambers are for royalty only,” she said with a sneer.
“Oh I am a Princess, Princess Empath, your majesty,” replied the girl politely as she curtsied.
“Looking like that? I think not.”
The Queen Narc sensed competition for the affections of Prince Narc and did not welcome this intrusion. She however sensed an opportunity for triangulation and potential negative fuel.
“Since you are say you are a Princess and an empathic one at that, then we shall soon if that is true,” declared the Queen Narc.
She flounced away and snapped her fingers for the entourage of seven little men (who were engaged on a Communtiy Payback scheme after certain felonies and crimes in the Forest of Empaths) to trot after her.
“Can she stay mama or not?”
“She may,” declared the Queen Narc, “I shall arrange for the Bitter Suite to be turned down for her.”
The Queen Narc headed to the Bitter Suite, seven little men in tow. She ordered them to remove the bedclothes and then from a box she produced a dark hard stone which seemed to absorb all the light from the gas lights dotted around the room.
“This concentrated hurt will soon determine whether she is indeed a Princess Empath. If she is the delicate and sensitive empath she claims to be, then she will feel this hurt through anything,” muttered the Narc Queen to herself.
She placed the hurt on the bed and then snapped at the seven little men to haul twenty mattresses on top of it. She then commanded them to place twenty feather beds on top of the mattresses. Once done a ladder was placed besides the gargantuan bed just as the Princess Empath arrived.
“You should sleep well with that degree of comfort,” said the Queen Narc as she swept away followed by the seven little men.
Cold and tired, the Princess Empath began to ascend the ladder to bed…..
The next morning the Princess Empath arrived at the royal dining room to find the Prince Narc and Queen Narc dining. They were eating hard cheese and sour grapes served by the seven little men. The Queen Narc had let the Prince Narc in on her scheme. She saw great benefits to ensnaring the Princess Empath through her son and engaging in rampant triangulation thereafter.
“Good morning,” said the Princess Empath brightly. The two narcs eyed her suspiciously.
“How did you sleep?” asked the Prince Narc barely able to contain his excitement.
“Oh terribly,” sighed the Princess Empath.
The Prince grinned.
“I have hardly closed my eyes the whole night. Heaven knows what was in the bed. I seemed to be lying upon some hard thing and my body is black and blue this morning. It is terrible,” continued the Princess Empath.
“Nobody but a real Princess Empath would have such an ability to feel the hurt in such a way,” said the Queen Narc as her forked tongue brushed over her sharp teeth.
“Indeed I am a Princess Empath, Princess Sue Per Empath actually. Oh I felt the hurt alright, but that wasn’t what kept me awake!” said the Princess Empath suddenly.
“What?” said the Prince Narc.
“No, it was this!” cried the Princess Empath. From behind her back she produced a large gold strap on with the words “Prince’s BIG Helper” emblazoned along it.
“Er oh er mama!” muttered the Prince as his eyes fell on the weapon of anal intrusion.
“It had been left in the bed. Looks like you will be needing this to sort out Little Prince Pissy Knickers here,” smiled Princess. She lobbed the strap-on towards the fuming Queen Narc and turned on her heel.
“Mama!” wailed Prince Narc as the shame of the discovery threatened his construct and he fell to the floor curled into a ball.
“I’m not your mother,” hissed Queen Narc as she stormed from the dining room leaving the bewildered seven little men behind.
“Does this mean we can go back to Snow White now?” asked one.
“I don’t know but I am going to hang with his Princess Empath for a while, she is kick ass,” answered the other and trotted after the departing Princess Empath.
And so some people lived happily ever after.
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