Plagued : Malign Follow-Up Hoovers



Hurt and pain are integral in the narcissist dynamic. Whether your narcissist is male or female, an intimate partner, a family member, friend or colleague, there will at some juncture be the appearance of hurt. It is the primary source, usually an intimate partner, who carries the largest burden of this hurt, since it is they who spends the most time with our kind, is entwined in our manipulations and suffers the worst of the devaluation and discard. Whilst the incidence of hurtful behaviour cannot be denied in the devaluation, there may be some comprehension that it occurs because the Formal Relationship between narcissist and victim is continuing. Judged by the victim and a normal person’s standards, that hurt should not occur at all, but once one understands the nature of our behaviour, it is understandable, albeit not accepted, that it occurs during devaluation.
The hurt that is occasioned by the discard is like any that occurs when somebody has found their romantic and intimate relationship terminated. It is safe to say however that when the cessation occurs as a consequence of our discarding, the hurt is amplified by the cruel nature of the discard, the confusion that surrounds it and the contrast with the golden period that once shone so brilliantly. From pedestal to the thorny ground. Often in a matter of weeks.
The hurt is understandable and recognisable when it occurs in the context of the devaluation period and the consequent discard. Yet, what of the aftermath and the hereafter? The hurt invariably continues following the discard. I do not refer to those dark, lonely days as you attempt to piece together what happened. That howling wilderness where nothing makes sense and you are left to pick yourself up and tackle the daily agony of what has happened to you. The gnawing hurt of wanting us back, the bewildering mystery of why somebody who supposedly loved you could do such a thing to you, the stark realisation that we have moved on to someone else without so much as a backwards glance towards you.

The misery of unanswered questions, the wretchedness of the emptiness that hangs around your day like a spectre and the shame as the drip, drip, drip of realisation causes you to ascertain you have been conned.
Harsh as those things are, they are the residue of your entanglement with us. The collateral effects of us taking from you. These are all difficult enough to comprehend and deal with, especially in an eroded and worn down state. But why do we return and pile hatred onto the pain, misery onto the woe and malice onto the hurt? Why do we engage in the Malign Follow-Up Hoover?
The Malign Hoover occurs when we revisit you, in many different ways, sometimes in person, sometimes through technology and sometimes through others with the intent of hurting your further. Why do we do this? Have we not made you suffer enough? Have we not had our fill of your begging, pleading, loving, attempts to make us happy? Why can we not just leave you be? You do not even have the less hurtful experience of benign follow-up hoovers where we seek positive fuel and to charm you back into the Formal Relationship. This is pure, unadulterated malice, directed at you time and time again.
Let us start by ascertaining which of our kind utilises this hoover? The answer is, all of our kind. The Lesser. The Mid-Range and the Greater all engage in the application of the Malign FUH. It may not happen with every victim, but it part of each school of narcissist’s arsenal.
When is it used? It occurs when the Formal Relationship has ended, thus when you have been discarded or if you have managed to escape.
How does it occur? As ever, since it is a hoover, it relies on the Hoover Trigger and the Hoover Execution Criteria being fulfilled but there are additional considerations and motivations which you ought to be aware of.
The Greater Narcissist. If you have been discarded, you can expect a Malign FUH reasonably soon post discard, because the energy levels and intrinsic malevolence of the Greater will facilitate this type of hoover more than the Mid-Range or the Lesser. The Greater has an enhanced desire to punish you for failing us (hence why you were devalued and discarded) but those treatments are not deemed enough. You failed. We see this as a criticism of us and therefore it is justifiable to punish you. The Malign FUH is also deployed because the fuel we gain from your negative emotional responses to being hurt, assists us in powering our ongoing seduction of your replacement. Thus, not only are you being punished for your perceived failures, you are being used to ensure that your replacement is embedded and seduced.
The Malign FUH allows us to triangulate you with the new replacement and it allows us to demonstrate to the façade that you are trouble and this is why we have to be harsh with you (we have been left with no choice but to do this – or so the façade is made to believe).
The Greater may switch to a Benign FUH at a later stage (usually when your replacement is being devalued) and some positive hoover fuel is required or even to tee you up to return to the position of primary source. It is the case however that following your discard you will face Malign FUHs and they will arise shortly after the discard has happened so long as the trigger and criteria occur.
Where you have escaped you will face the Initial Grand Hoover first of all in order to suck you back into the Formal Relationship. If this fails you will have a period of respite, many weeks, perhaps months, as we focus on the acquisition of a new primary source and remain away from you as a consequence of your resistance denoting that we are wasting our energy and you are an unattractive fuel prospect. Once our fuel levels have increased again and have done so for a while, then subject to the trigger and criteria the Malign FUHs will occur. As above this is to punish you, but the malice will be greater because you escaped us, the ultimate act of treachery. The new primary source will be in place, therefore there is no need to for the fuel that is generated to seduce this person (although it may be partially used to power the ongoing golden period).

More likely, the fuel gathered from these Malign Hoovers is so potent and effective that we use the power generated to keep hammering you with more and more hoovers. This creates a dangerous situation because there will be a combining of a Malicious Obsession and a Fuel Obsession so you are lodged in the sixth sphere thus there are repeated triggers. The fuel has been obtained and thus the criteria is more readily going to be met.
If you have escaped your narcissist and you find that you are being subjected to repeated and sustained malign hoovers of this nature, you have been unfortunate enough to become lodged in the sixth sphere owing to one or probably both of these obsessions.
The Mid-Range and The Lesser Narcissists have far less interest in punishing you. They do occur and if so, they will be shortly after your discard and short and sharp in nature. These narcissists do not have the energy levels to embark on a sustained campaign of Malign Hoovers purely for punishment, they need to utilise the fuel to gain more fuel from their seduction. It can happen, but their concern is to focus on the new primary source and therefore their malign hoovers are designed to power their seduction of your replacement. Accordingly, if you have been discarded, the Mid-Range or Lesser will be focused on your replacement and if they deploy Malign FUHs this will be done to provide them with fuel to secure the seduction and embed this replacement. Once this is achieved, the Malign FUHs will tail off.
If you have escaped, you will also experience an Initial Grand Hoover from these types, but if it fails they will need to focus their efforts on securing a new primary source and gaining that fuel promptly. They will not have the energy or desire to maintain a malicious campaign against you as well. You are more likely to be left alone as they deal with their fuel shortage and then any follow-up hoovers which occur down the line are far more likely to be benign in nature, since the seduction and embedding has already taken place.
Accordingly, Malign FUHs are predominantly, albeit not exclusively, the preserve of the Greater Narcissist.
This is not complete however without some consideration of you, the recipient of these Malign FUHs. Dependent on what category of empathic individual you are, this will also impact on the nature and purpose of the hoovers.
Versus an Empath. This will be done to draw negative fuel and potentially to draw you back in to the Formal Relationship so the pain stops, but Benign FUHs are more likely to be used to achieve this latter aim with the empath.
Versus a Super Empath. This is done to draw fuel only. The Super Empath will not be drawn back into the relationship through Malign FUHs, but they will seek to resist the impact. They may well provide fuel from their responses of frustration, hurt and anger, but we are aware that there is no prospect of returning the Super Empath to the Formal Relationship. That can only be done through the Initial Grand Hoover or Benign FUHs.
Versus a Co-Dependent. Again, the Malign FUH will draw fuel but the Co-Dependent is, of all the empathic types, the one who is most likely to be pulled back in because of a Malign FUH as they see it as the only way to halt the agony that is being caused.
What do Malign FUHs appear like? There are hundreds of different ways they manifest. Here is a selection.
1. Posting your mobile number on a sex website so you receive repeated calls harassing you;
2. Shouting insults at you when we see you;
3. Putting a brick through your window;
4. Slashing the tyres on your car;
5. Following you and glaring at you;
6. Sending funeral wreaths to your home;
7. Sending vicious text messages and e-mails;
8. Having Lieutenants contact you to insult you;
9. Daubing insults in paint on your car or house;
10. Smearing dog mess on your windows;
11. Threatening to contact social services (or indeed contacting them) so you are investigated;
12. Hacking into your computers;
13. Leaving notes and messages containing threats and warnings;
14. Posting comments about you which are unpleasant on social media;
15. Uploading intimate footage of you onto porn sites;
16. Posting intimate pictures of you on the internet and/or to your family and friends;
17. Incurring financial liabilities on your behalf;
18. Setting fire to possessions you have left with us and dumping the charred remains on your drive and/or sending you footage;
19. Threatening to steal/harm your pets;
20. Repeatedly driving by your home or workplace.
21. Reporting you to the police and/or other authorities so you are arrested/investigated;
22. Seeking a restraining order against you on trumped up grounds.
How do you deal with the Malign FUH? Understand whether you are at risk of it happening by considering the points above. Stay out of the spheres of influence, make yourself a F.R.E.E. in the hope that the hoover execution criteria are not met (chief amongst which is reducing all potential contact as far as you can) and thereafter bracing yourself. If they keep happening, avoid giving fuel as best as you can and seek assistance from others to either build a buffer between you and us (thus making the criteria harder to fill for a hoover to take place) or escalate the matter to the relevant authorities on the basis of harassment and/or specific criminal behaviour.
Understand how it happens, why it happens and thus you can prepare yourself.
What has been the nature of the Malign Follow-Up Hoovers that you have experienced?

5 thoughts on “Plagued : Malign Follow-Up Hoovers

  1. Lisa says:

    I think I am experiencing this. I was searching for answers for some strange behaviour. I thought after a break up he will just move on like I never existed, especially because of the cold way he had done it (I was raging to be honest) that felt to me like he maybe calculated it. So I thought ok, you probably got what you wanted now, you can fly off to a new lalaland with a new girl. I was wrong… now is already 2 months that he is pissing on stuff I gave him. I am really not joking… pissing yes! He has a new girl of which he took photographs wearing also stuff I left behind. We have mutual friends and they told me that this girl is starting to look like me, like style of the dress, hair, the problem is, she is some 50 kg heavier and different type as me so it looks bizzare. I am glad they told me because I wanted to again apologize as I was really cruel with words when he discarded me. I could not make sense of this behaviour as I often felt not important to him in some significant way, I really thought this is it, we hurt eachother, we will survive anyway and move on… and then this strange behaviour started when I saw videos of pissing on stuff I gave and this girl wearing my stuff.. I think this is crazy, it does not even make me angry any more or hunrt and I hope it will stay with that. He is a narcissist, not my diagnosis of him but from therapist. I am just stating this so it will not come across that I am accusing him of something I have probably not enough knowledge of. I knew he was narcissistic but I thought he was still normal! That just inflated ego is a problem.

  2. D192 says:

    After escaping one I then 18 months later meet another. This one was worse than the last and I didn’t see it coming. The discard was brutal. Lots of nasty insulting things said. Am in NC and today receive an email not sure if it was a Hoover saying I’ll post your things back I don’t know who spent the most as they were mutual things but I will send all back to you. If not I’ll keep them I have no intention of throwing them away. The same things he told me were s**t during the discard. Am a nervous wreck after this last encounter of only 4 months. I’ve been pushed pulled devalued given the silent treatment told how to behave or he would leave and during devaluation told he was only nice to me out of obligation and never meant it. Then he’d be nice again say he missed me and it would be fine then I’d get told how to behave when to call what I was doing wrong until I became a nervous wreck and a doormat. I’m now taking anti depressants as it was so bad and my self esteem is at rock bottom. This was far worse than my long term narc. Constant push pull wonderful in the beginning and personality changed very soon after. I’m even confused whether he was a narcissist or whether it was all me.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello D192,

      1. You should use this to the doubt.
      2. Obtain “Why Am I Behaving Like A Narcissist” to remove your concerns about yourself.
      3. You are not in no contact if an email has reached you and you need assistance putting in place an effective no contact regime. I will assist you with that.

  3. RisingFromTheAshes says:

    My narc is an attorney, & I believe him to be a Greater, or at least an Upper Middle. I escaped when he was out of town for a week, and have been out 14 months, but we have children together. I have gone no contact, only communicate via a court-ordered app concerning the children. He has made life a living hell ever since, in an effort to punish me for leaving. As soon as I left, he quit paying for anything, including helping me with the mortgage, utilities, etc. for our house, because the debt was only in my name, even though he has refused to vacate it and has drug out the court proceedings so that I haven’t been able to get him out yet, and I continue to have to pay for my place PLUS his, with no support from him for the kids either because he knows how to work the system. (I did shut off the utilities in February last year after giving him 2 weeks notice), which made him more angry. He recently got me fired from my job by telling them lies about my past, and continually threatening THEM non-stop to report me everywhere unless they fired me (and did indeed make reports not only to my employer, but the police, the mayor, the clients, the board, etc. until they eventually let me go to STOP the bad publicity. He filed multiple court pleadings (several different cases) against me, and when I filed for a retraining order because of all this, he then filed his own against me saying I was having sex with my kid trying to get custody (luckily the court saw right through that, but my own restraining order hearing has been prolonged forever – 7 days of hearings in and still no resolution, while he tries to bash me and bring up a whole sordid history of embellished lies to the court about me, and straying completely from the issues I raised in my Motion, so I am getting no relief, and now has been postponed indefinitely by COVID-19). In the meantime, he continues the harassment, by continuing to file pleadings against me, tell my kids lies about me when he has them, smear my name to anyone who will listen. The Judges have reported his conduct to the State Bar, but that so far has not dissuaded him, and I am hemorrhaging money in attorney’s fees (I have 3 different attorneys because of all the separate cases we have pending), and trying to support the kids and pay all the bills, with absolutely NO help and NO relief granted so far (the only order that ever even got entered was one granting him visitation, and custody is still to be determined). He follows me, found out where I am living after keeping it a secret for almost 8 months, and now turns up everywhere, just to shoot me that knowing smirk. I try not to react, but the ambush shakes me to the core. My kids report he has recordings on his computer depicting the parking lot of my new job (but I can’t have the kids testify). I feel like I can’t even leave my house now, because I know he is watching me – I even started looking around my job site outside to see if he had put up cameras. I invested in my own security system, but the kids told me he mentioned something about that, so I know he knows I have it, and I can never find footage, so he knows how NOT to be recorded. I believe that he mechanically sabotaged my older son’s car (in my name that I purchased after I left) to get back at me. He tries to control me through the kids (I purchased a car for my daughter, which is in my name as well, but he won’t let her drive it, telling the court it isn’t mechanically sound, and HE wants to look it over and take it to HIS mechanic to ensure our daughter’s safety!) It is non-stop malign hoovers, manipulations, controlling of me, the kids, and my property, continued financial abuse, and I simply can;t see a light at the end of this.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello RFTA.

      1. Organise a Narc Detector for this individual, you need to know if he is a narcissist (highly likely) but also what school and cadre he is for a variety of compelling reasons.
      2. Organise an audio consultation so I can provide you with detailed, bespoke answers to your queries to ensure that you will see light and moreover importantly you will put an end to this.

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