Getting Out!

H.G Tudor - Getting Out e-book cover

 

Realisation has finally arrived that you have been sucked into the nightmare world of the narcissist. No contact is the way forward but have you got what it takes to resist the machinations of the Narcissist as she or he does their utmost to derail your campaign? You need to prepare for no contact and who better than to tell you how to do it than the dark-hearted master narcissist. Invaluable techniques are delivered so you can prepare and maximise your chances of attaining no contact and beating the narcissist.

US e-book here

UK e-book here

CAN e-book here

AUS e-book here

61 thoughts on “Getting Out!

  1. lisk says:

    Ooooohhh, does that mean what I think it does?!

  2. lisk says:

    Is this a new graphic for this book? At first I thought it was a new book.

    Either way, the graphic is positive and seems like it would be very effective in increasing sales (for all the right reasons).

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It is a new graphic.

  3. Love says:

    You’ve repeatedly stated that no one can be with a narc forever. Happily, I assume. So the only option is leaving and never Turing back.
    I would love to hear of stories of empaths who left, and found love. Their happily ever after Narc love story. ❤️
    It would be lovely to read about “where are they now” love stories ❤️❤️❤️

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Cilla Black died 5 years ago.

      1. Love says:

        I’m sorry. Was she your girlfriend?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          No, that went over your head.

        2. Violetta says:

          60s singer, toured with the Beatles.

    2. alexissmith2016 says:

      Love – not quite what you’re looking for. I was and am married. I was the IPSS temporarily of a mid range. I had no intention of cheating, through a series of manipulations I ended up as the IPSS. It was an odd situation as he treated me as though I was the IPPS in terms of the amount of time he invested in me. It was honestly the most horrific thing I have ever experienced. The aftermath of emotional turmoil was as though I was IPPS. shortly after I told my husband about it all, I had no need, he would never have found out but I was unable to live with what I had done. It has been six years plus since then and I can honestly say I am a stronger happier person than I ever could have been had I not had this experienced. My husband and I are very much in love and get on very well together.

      I imagine it would be much tougher for those who have to go back onto the dating scene. Following my experienced I saw Ns everywhere. Just not all of them! and I fell into the trap of being friends with some as they were more tricky to detect, but I learned from each of these mistakes. Until I can now spot them with ease.

      Stay here, learn. learn to spot them with precision (I’m crappy at the finer detail, but an N (if I interact with them) I can spot). I have become better at distinguishing the normals, empathics and empaths although not quite as good in terms of putting them into categories.

      Love – you will find Love xxx

      1. Narc Noob says:

        Alex2016, what is your trick for spotting normals? I would like a few more of those around 😀

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Reduce your emotional thinking, know what the Red and Black Flags are so you evade the narcissists.

        2. alexissmith2016 says:

          NN, HG has written about it in a couple of articles. @K will know what they were called.

          It was honestly one of the most difficult hurdles for me, to identify ‘normals’ There is a scale as I’m sure you’re aware. Those who sit bang in the centre with 50% narc traits and 50% empathic traits but their N/E traits are not as strong as an SE and therefore I find them well balanced. They don’t get too bothered by narcs but are still taken in by them as in they think they’re nice people albeit a bit odd but nothing which bothers them to any extent. They would think a narc might be ‘having a bad day’ if their behaviour was a bit ‘off’ (presuming they weren’t in an intimate relationshop with them).

          Anyway how do I identify them.
          No silent treatments. Although they would not necessarily respond immediately in the same way an empath would or a narc would (if the narc was attempting to seduce you). You feel no angst whatsoever if they don’t reply promptly. Nothing at all and you forget you’ve even messaged them. They reply when it’s convenient for them rather than a control ‘thing’.

          They would stand by you/stand up for you but again they would not go out of their way to do this. And as above can be taken in by narcs so it would depend on how they view you/them etc.

          They have clear boundaries. A long standing friend who lives some distance from me, we meet a few times per year but it usually revolved around when it is convenient for them as in when they were traveling this way or me to them. rather than making the special effort an empath would (or narc during seduction). But they would still put that extra effort in if required, depending on circumstances etc.

          The male normals, they don’t hit on you because they respect you are married and that is that. I would consider myself of average attractiveness yet have my very fair share of guys hitting on me. I now realise these are all bloody narcs. I used to think to myself this is just guys, they’ll try it on with anyone. Now I know it’s just narcs who do this!

          They are kind, easy to get on with. no walking on egg shells when you’re with them/not with them, yet you can’t expect too much from them either. Empaths will go to great lengths to help you out, as will narcs but for very different reasons. Normals will help you out but only if it doesn’t cause them to go out of their way too much.

          HG articulates it very well in his articles. @K will help you. From my perspective, they just don’t leave you with a nasty taste in your mouth.

          1. Lorelei says:

            Alexis–this is spot on!

          2. alexissmith2016 says:

            Awww thanks sweetie xx

          3. lisk says:

            “The male normals, they don’t hit on you because they respect you are married and that is that.”

            Yeah, and then there’s NarcX, the nice guy who always visibly demonstrates utmost respect for women, for marriage, and for work-related boundaries. And then the girls fall even harder for him because he’s so outwardly respectful, and then they hit on him harder, and then he picks the one with the best fuel . . . .

      2. Love says:

        Thank you Alex for sharing. It is a happily ever after Narc love story with your husband ❤️

      3. lisk says:

        “learn to spot them with precision” –I love this phrase!

      4. FoolMe1Time says:

        I’m happy to hear that you can spot a narc if you interact with them Alexis. I still have a time figuring them out, I believe it’s because I try to see the good in everyone! I can start out being cautious and looking for the red flags, however for some reason the mid rangers fool me every time. 🤦🏼‍♀️

        1. alexissmith2016 says:

          I think it’s because I get very hyper-focussed when I’m interested in something. Annoying my memory is not sharp like HG’s that would help me hugely! It took a while though, there were of course those I was unsure about for ages. But the more mistakes I made the more I learned. I did get stung a few times during the learning process though.

          I think it also helps that I don’t see the good in everyone. Pre knowledge there were always certain people I didn’t like and to an extent I have black and white thinking also. But the difference between my black and white thinking and that of an N, is that once painted black, they can never be painted white again. I make be a ‘fake friend’ if it benefits me to. But I never change my mind about someone once they’re painted black.

          It’s much nicer to be like you I feel. Makes you a much kinder person. Don’t change. But still important to narc-proof yourself.

          1. FoolMe1Time says:

            Alexis
            I do fairly well spotting the lowers and even a greater that is the CEO where I work. The one’s that always suck me in are the mid range victims! Now if I am ever in doubt I’ll just purchase the narc detector. Have a good weekend!😘💞

          2. Lorelei says:

            FoolMe–I would say that some mid’s are, at times– almost (in my mind) an ambidextrous cross between type A and B–but the flavor comes out in the wash. Eventually you know it was a Devil’s food cake chocolate over a random Hershey’s chocolate cake mix! Things are not the fault of the type B–they are a victim of circumstance. I would venture to say a type A may use false apologies more often than a solid type B because being the nice guy type A, is a more common “go to” than the type B victim. Maybe, but I like the flavors and the distinguishing of the types is a puzzle. My ex was not a type B much at all, total nice, hard-working, engineer prototype– nice guy. He had much less type B than some of those that offer more dexterity in their manipulations. Additionally, I will go as far to say that my ex may be showing a level of less intellect by not being able to offer up a hierarchy of manipulations than someone else who can cross into both sub-sets of behavior. (types A and B) Basically, he can only juggle two balls. His own, I won’t juggle them again!

          3. FoolMe1Time says:

            Lorelei,
            I have gotten pretty good at seeing the red flags when it comes to mid range men, it is the women that I cannot figure out! I don’t know if it’s because I want to help and protect them more ( because of my past treatment from men ) or if it’s because they are just that much better at wearing the mask? Also the A and B types have confused me from the time HG first introduced them!

          4. Lorelei says:

            It’s safer to just hate everyone.

          5. Ashley says:

            Alexis, you described everything perfectly!!!

            I think I am starting to become good at differentiating between normal & narcissist in real life at this point. I feel myself no longer wanting to see the good in everyone like I used to, I want to see the truth in everyone instead. I just recently spotted a narcissist talking to me (maybe for the past two weeks?) & wrote down each characteristic last night like a mini analysis. Like see this? This is a pity play. This is him giving over the top, excessive, repulsive complimenting/flattery. This is him losing contol, this is where I wounded him to annihilation, this is his ignited fury, this is me now blocking him. I did this as an example to show people in my life who are with narcs, like see this person is a narcissist because of XYZ. I KNOW when people are with a narcissist & explain to them the difference between what a normal woman/man would do in the particular situations VS a narcissist. I guide them here, like this magical place is where I learned SO MUCH in a short amount of time. But they are too wrapped up in their ET thinking that these people are amazing to accept it or put the work in to learn. Despite me telling them several times that the “good things” are all apart of the GP , it all goes in one ear & out the other. I know it’s very wrong of me to get frustrated in the way I am getting frustrated since we’re all like that at first. I just want people to learn & when they don’t even attempt to follow through with trying to learn here it drives me crazy!!! I get toooo passionate about it, banging my hand on the table, like THIS 👏 IS 👏 A 👏 PITY PLAY 🤬🤬 I know I have to let them fight their own battles for now until they’re ready. But I LOVE now knowing when a pathetic sulking mid ranger thinks they can come into my life lol NO!!!!!

          6. alexissmith2016 says:

            That’s great Ashley! It sounds like you’re doing really really well. Try not to beat yourself up re people who aren’t yet ready to hear what you have to say. I used to get frustrated about that too. Like, cmon it’s so obvious lol, read this and it all makes sense. Some will and some won’t only a few stay here. I learned to direct someone once and if they listen great, I tried to show them the light. And now I think well I’d rather be able to stick around and support them when things go wrong. If you’ve sewed the seed they can reflect on it another time. Otherwise you just upset yourself. But yup I still have moments when I think, why can’t everyone just bloody well see what’s going on. But they can’t!

          7. Ashley says:

            Alexis, thank you!! Very true! With some people you could show them the best examples of lovebombing & they agree yup that’s it wow. But then do nothing. I feel so much lighter that I let it go for now. I feel like I just want to shake people sometimes!

          8. alexissmith2016 says:

            I completely get that Ashley, 100%. I have felt exactly the same too x

          9. alexissmith2016 says:

            Great idea to write it all down too – I like that.

          10. Ashley says:

            Thank you!

          11. Alexissmith2016 says:

            FM1T, I understand. The mids are tricky though. My sister an UMR I kept doubting was she/wasn’t she an N? and then HG wrote his article on the fuel matrix and I can recall feeling overwhelmed with emotion – sad that she definitely was and yet so happy that this was an absolute perfect fit for her.

            The victim mids, you just must be an amazingly kind and patient person FM1T. I used to feel sorry for them but now I know what they are I cannot bear them at all. It does leave me feeling rather unkind at times. Most of the time (only because I know I need to) I can stomach uttering the words, ‘that must be awful for you’ and I don’t like to say that unless I mean it. But just ocaddionally i can’t help myself but turn the conversation on to someone else or me if no one else is around and take the sympathy they desire away from them

            You’re lovely! Xx

          12. FoolMe1Time says:

            Alexis,
            I honestly think what draws me to the mid victim is the abuse I suffered, and so that is the first bond I share with them! I can’t stand for anyone to be hurting, and of course I never knew it was all lies, until it was to late!! I am pretty sure a mid victim male would not get by me at this stage of the game! It is the mid victim women that are giving me the problems now! But I’m learning. 😘💞

          13. Violetta says:

            I remember sensing even as a child that certain people were “phony,” but I used to think, “Doesn’t Ms. So-and-so realize how phony she sounds?” It wasn’t until I found narcsite that I learned that many of them don’t realize anything of the kind. They were not consciously trying to deceive me. They were astonished when I was not convinced, because they had already convinced themselves.

        2. Narc Noob says:

          Hello FM1T, (and Alex)

          I saw an earlier post that you may have been entangled with a greater before?! I think I also saw that you were a Co-dep. They are the sweetest people, easy going, warm and friendly. They are like this due to their small amount of narcissistic traits, compared to that of the other empath schools, super having the most.

          Unlike Alex, I need to step back and watch them to figure some Ns, getting involved can obscure my thinking. Luckily the greater is not often stumbled on, depending on work/social interaction, type of empath, but also thankfully because there isn’t as many.

          Something I found confusing, and something I got wrong when I first arrived, was the difference between Victim N and Mid Ranger N. I thought the pity play was the trumpet call of the victim, yet they stand out moreso due to having some underlying illness, some body impairment or other ailment that can draw sympathy as soon as you meet/see them.

          The manipulative moaning you hear, the tear-jerking wrongs that have been done to N, how they have had such an awful life, the injustice that has been served to them in the way their ex, family member (etc) have treated them – I was wrongly concluding they must be a “victim” N. This isn’t the way it is, however. I would say that those of us with more narcissistic traits wouldn’t be attracted to the V.

          1. FoolMe1Time says:

            Hello Narc Noob,
            Yes I was ensnared by a greater, ( confirmed by the man up above ) I actually was foolish enough to think I seduced him, that was of course not the case! I was a dls and so was never treated badly. There was no devaluation or anything of the sort, he simply moved a great distance away, and so I am out of sight, and also out of mind! ( hopefully) The greater I was speaking of in my comment is the CEO of the company I work for. I am not involved with him romantically, nor do I wish to be! Does he know what I am? Absolutely! Does he know that I know what he is? I’m not sure, I try to fly under the radar when he is around or make sure any fuel I am sending his way is all good! Lol.

            It was interesting to read what you wrote about CoD, ( yes I am a CoD, confirmed by my empath detector. ) I don’t like using labels with anyone, but I find there is usually a negative outlook on someone that is labeled CoD. Some don’t even consider us in the empath group. I believe everyone is different, one CoD is not going to be like another, just like one SE is not going to be exactly like another one. Take NA, Alexis, and for shits and giggles let’s throw SM into the mix! Three entirely different women, all of them SE, and yet all individuals and entirely different! It is the same with CoDs, Contagions, etc.. none are exactly alike. We will all have one or two of the same traits but not 100% the same.

            As far as having low narcissistic traits, I had the trait detector done by HG and it actually surprised me! ( of course it didn’t surprise HG, most things don’t! )

            My empathetic traits came back at 64%, and my narcissistic at 49%. My highest narcissistic traits percentage wise was, Argumentative and Pride, something you probably wouldn’t expect from a CoD, correct? I know I was surprised! I also am not a love devotee what so ever!
            You see I think there are so many determining factors involved in one individual that we simply can not be the same?!
            I believe I get sucked in by the victim narcissist because of the abuse I have suffered, that is the first bond I share with them. I am also caring by nature. ( that was the highest trait of my empathetic traits ) So do you see how all of these things put together makes me what I am but wouldn’t necessarily make another CoD the exact same as me?
            I’m sorry this was so long, I actually thought about this for quite awhile before writing it. I think it was a light bulb moment for me in understanding more about myself, and so I took the opportunity to write it out. 🥰

        3. Narc noob says:

          Thanks for taking the time to reply FM1T. I appreciate your views and agree that while we might share a label it doesn’t come close to really knowing a person as we are all different. Interesting to hear more of your story so thanks for that also.

          1. FoolMe1Time says:

            Thank you Narc Noob! 🥰

      5. Lorelei says:

        Alexis—May I ask how long you’ve been married?

        1. alexissmith2016 says:

          several years x

          1. Lorelei says:

            Congratulations Alexis. I can’t marry again because I cant ethically make such a commitment. I think it’s because I lost so much of myself in the name of doing the right thing in order to have a family. (Only reason I stayed—kids..) That one person caused so much misery.. I understand some people are happy in healthy arrangements though. It’s almost like I won’t compromise one more day to suit a person. I’m selfish with my time—want no accountability, or one more bad day because a person dictates it. I think I’d feel stifled.

    3. Witch says:

      Hi love,

      My last main intimate narc was 4.5 years ago. I believe he was a mid midranger type A. Before him was an upper lesser (I think.)
      I’ve been in a relationship with an empath for nearly 2 years now and we are engaged and planning our wedding. She has a huge family so probably going to end up being at least 200 people, if not more. So I’m expecting a very bacchanalist party.
      I should invite HG because he partly made it possible but I don’t want him to seduce anyone there.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        I will be there but you won’t know it´s me until I am conducting the service!

        1. Witch says:

          HG trust me a very tall blonde white man would stand out at my wedding 😆

          1. HG Tudor says:

            I am a master of disguise.

          2. Witch says:

            Watch HG polishing the glasses pretending to be the bar man with a Scottish accent 😭

        2. lisk says:

          Would love to know the content of the HG wedding service!

          1. HG Tudor says:

            Coming in a few hours, Lisk!

      2. Love says:

        How wonderful! Congratulations Witch ❤️❤️❤️ it will be a beautiful wedding ❤️❤️❤️

        1. Witch says:

          Thank you Love!

      3. Lorelei says:

        Congratulations Witch. I am excited for nice people that genuinely have a fondness and wish for authentic companionship. I especially love bouquet tosses and waiting to see who does what with cake.

        1. Witch says:

          Thank you Lorelei,
          I’m most looking forward to the ceremony and having a party. Never had a party before. So everyone better get drunk and high because I will be. No fights though no fights

          1. Lorelei says:

            Everyone deserves a celebration.

  4. DrHouse says:

    What was the weirdest thing a narc did to prevent one leaving?

    1. Violetta says:

      I suspect Scientology is a rabid Narcfest. Look at what Katie Holmes’ lawyer dad had to pull to get her out of her marriage to Tom Cruise. They made sure she was physically on the other side of the continent with the kid andthe paperwork drawn up before they notified Cruise post-facto.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Your suspicion is accurate.

      2. Intrepid Traveller says:

        I remember that and thinking at the time that the dad was very astute. Wonder if he is a narc?

      3. lisk says:

        A weaponized attorney is always a good thing!

    2. WhoCares says:

      DrHouse – good question.
      I thought for a minute…my narcissist’s weirdest actions did not my prevent my leaving – they instigated it.

      1. lisk says:

        Sad to say: Same here, WhoCares.

      2. Whitney says:

        The Narc always goes too far in their fuel-quest. They make a misstep and the victim leaves. Then the Narc is shocked and scrambling to regain control… it’s the best

    3. coeuriously says:

      Hi DrHouse, I´d say: to propose in vitro fertilization for having a chance to conceive twins, not one baby -which would´ve happened just copulating- but two at on shot!

      1. DrHouse says:

        That is indeed weird. A question, but please don’t take it too personal. Is it possible your narc was a closeted gay? I’m just wondering not implying.

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