Murdering Without Feeling



Silence is golden. Or rather, it is a golden weapon when deployed by our kind. The use of silent treatment against our victims is a major part of our portfolio of abusive manipulations. Easy to implement, very low in terms of energy expended but capable of reaping such considerable rewards in terms of fuel, control, the assertion of superiority and the administration of power, it is little wonder that we use it regularly. The application of silence can be used virtually at any time and in nearly every situation.

This cold fury causes frustration, upset, fearfulness, concern, confusion and bewilderment. It is perfect at drawing fuel from our victims. It is astonishing just how it affects those it is used against, causing the emotional fuel to froth and spill from the perplexed and worried individual.

It causes anxiety and has a most unsettling effect which ensures that those who are subjected to it are unable to understand why it is being used. By maintaining a heightened emotional state, we ensure that you never manage to grasp what is happening and why this passive aggressive tactic is being used.

It plays to your desire to know what is happening and why, but you do not realise. You hover around us, asking what is wrong, why are you not speaking to me, what is the matter, please just talk to me. Every sentence you utter, ever plea you make and every beseeched demand just makes us continue it all the more.

In those instances, where the silent treatment is administered and we remain proximate to you, we will maintain a glacial mask. An impassive fixed expression which may be punctuated by the occasional baleful glare, but underneath this mask we are smiling and laughing at you.

Look at how upset she is, see the confusion in her eyes and wait for it, here comes another question, another plea, another request to be put out of her misery. How the fuel flows and we revel in what we see.

Even when the silent treatment is utilised against you from a distance and we are not physically with you, we are savouring just how you will be reacting. We can picture you frantically jabbing your ‘phone as you send text after text asking us to come home, to call you and just explain what the problem is.

We listen to your tear-infused voicemails as you ask us to just let you know that we are okay. Your sobbing promises to work things out and “whatever I have done, I am sorry, but please, please don’t do this to me.” Of course your failure to understand what you have done is used against you in two ways so that you are damned either way. Your admission that you do not know what you have done (which of course is entirely correct, how could you know what has happened when we just walked out of the living room when everybody was say quietly watching television?) just serves to underline, in our minds, that we are right to take this course of action.

Good Lord, why should we bother to contact you if you cannot even be bothered to work out what you have done wrong. All the more reason to keep this silence going for a while longer yet. Furthermore, because it is so effective at troubling you and keeping you guessing as to what the reason for this icy front is, we want to continue it.

The silent treatment is used for many reasons. First and foremost, as with all manipulations, it is used to draw fuel. It is to exert control over you. It is to keep you in an emotional place and thus paralysed, unable to see what is happening and unable to think clearly. It is to reinforce that we are powerful, superior and mighty, whilst you are useless and pathetic. You do not know how to please us, you do not know how to remedy matter and you cannot even work out what you have done. You are useless.

There is also a further reason why we use the silent treatment. This is our way of killing you. True enough there are those of our kind who actually do kill their victims. Those people are idiots. They lack control, function and competence and allow their knee-jerk response to override their need for fuel and the ability to do as we please.

By committing such an act, by losing control and killing, those of our kind who do this (invariably the lesser of our kind) not only destroy their primary source of fuel (often with no true contingency in place) but they then hand themselves on a plate to the authorities, a prison sentence and the attendance diminution in fuel gathering opportunities that arise from incarceration. As I wrote, they are idiots.

Those of us who exert control over our responses, those of us who are of a higher function, who plot and plan and calculate, do not go down such a route. No, instead we slay with silence and here are seventeen salvos which bring about that quiet death.

  1. Remaining in the room and saying nothing and not even acknowledging you.
  2. Remaining silent but staring malevolently at you.
  3. Talking to others in a social gathering but blanking you.
  4. Ignoring your telephone calls.
  5. Answering your telephone calls but saying nothing as we listen to you beg and plea before ending the call.
  6. Ignoring your text messages.
  7. Allowing you to know we have read your messages but never responding.
  8. Responding to everybody else’s comments on a social media post but not yours.
  9. Inviting everybody in a social group to which you belong, to an event, but not inviting you.
  10. Agreeing to meet for a date and not turn up.
  11. Sleeping in the spare room or on the sofa, anywhere but in the bed with you.
  12. Walking out all of a sudden and completely disappearing.
  13. Not engaging with you directly but acknowledging your existence through a third party – “John, did you hear something then? I thought I heard something squeak/whine/moan” used when you speak.
  14. Extending the silent treatment so it is meted out by lieutenants and members of the coterie.
  15. Responding to any written communication from you by writing “I do not recognise the sender of this letter/message/e-mail”
  16. We talk to you but only about our day, what we want to discuss and do not allow you to speak. We talk over you, ignore what you have to say and behave as if we are talking to ourselves in the mirror.
  17. You hear from other parties that we have been talking in terms as if you do not exist – “Yes, I am going to the wedding next week, I am happy to do so on my own, I am not being controlled then.” Even though you had no idea that we have such a plan in mind. Your existence has been eradicated and deleted by us and relayed back to you by proxy.

Yes, the application of the silent treatment is powerful indeed. It is regarded as a “death blow” against you.

Murdering without feeling has never been so damn appealing.

18 thoughts on “Murdering Without Feeling

  1. truthseeker6157 says:

    Hey Alexis. Currently, I’m going through the Narc detector process. In my heart of hearts, I think I know, I just need confirmation. I need someone to give it straight. Can’t think of a better person to do that than HG. Once I get it confirmed one way or the other, then I’ll know it’s ok to stop fighting.

  2. blackcoffee30 says:

    He told me he had chronic life-threatening illnesses, and since I was DLS I couldn’t get in touch with him. I thought he was dead or dying with every ST terrified and anxiously waiting for the call from his friend to let me know he was dead.

    I hope he rots and decays from the inside where his heart should be. I know he’s “happy” with is new IPSS and was angry I went NC, but I know he’s going to do this to her too. He’ll never be happy.

    1. Alexissmith2016 says:

      Oh Jesus Christ BC! You’ve just brought a memory flooding back to me. Mine also did this to me an ST when he was in hospital. I too thought he was dead or dying. One of the first moments I began to realise he was not quite as he seemed but also confused as to whether it was his ILness which had made him behave this way. It wasn’t.

      1. Lorelei says:

        This accords with his mid type B doesn’t it!? Peachman is a type B mid. How disgusting to look that good & be a fussy bitch. Kinda ruins him, I don’t think I could truly hop in any sack with him.

        1. blackcoffee30 says:

          He’s a MMR Type A. The sex was good, but he thought he was the BEST. I should not have humored him. LOL

          1. Lorelei says:

            I contemplate sex with a MMR type B—but feel pathetic for thinking of sex with him. But he’s beautiful. Like the most appealing man ever to look at. I may just get it over with. He is a total ass but damn—He’s super tall and muscular.

      2. blackcoffee30 says:

        It’s disgusting he couldn’t even trust I would miss him simply being him! He had to make up lies about being on deaths door. Pathetic.

        It went on for too long; I couldn’t have imagined someone would like about having cancer.

  3. truthseeker6157 says:

    In the interests of the greater good, I’ll embarrass myself by putting my own thinking over the top of point 7. ‘Allowing you to know we have read your messages but not responding.’
    I’ve had this a lot. It’s awful. I hate it. But it never fails to draw me in. My thought process goes something along the lines of….
    Well he’s read it, so at least he’s still here. He doesn’t believe what I’m trying to say. I need to come at this from a different angle, make him understand, make him see that I’m being honest. So I explain, I take responsibility for the misinterpretation or the disagreement. I apologise, ‘Im sorry if my comment made you think that ..’ I would never do anything to upset you on purpose.’ ‘Is it because I said this?’ ‘Is it because I said that.’ ‘I’m sorry, I should have thought’. All the while each message turns from sent to read. So I fight for it. I carry on. There must be something wrong, he’s upset, maybe he’s unwell, I’ll carry on talking, make him laugh, make him feel better, say good night so he knows I’m thinking about him, so he doesn’t feel alone. The emotion pours across the page. Even I know I’m doing it, I can feel the sincerity shining out of what I write. So why can’t he?
    This is where it gets really sick. I actually start to think I’m making progress, he’s still reading, so he’s still listening, so he still cares, so he won’t go. He actually is trying to tell me ‘it’s ok, I’m still here’ ‘I’ve not gone anywhere, still here, holding your hand.’
    Until, he’s not.

    1. Alexissmith2016 says:

      Wow TS. That’s heartbreaking to read. And post knowledge, what does it make you think now?

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  5. Tired says:

    I’ve been giving him a taste of his own medicine past few days with ST. I don’t look at him when he walks in the room either. Back turned.
    I’m doing it mostly out of disgust, thinking about all the shite he’s done. He disgusts me, I don’t even want to look at him.
    So now he try’s to make small talk, and send me humorous texts, which I ignore.
    I know he’s wondering why I appear to be mad.
    Fuck you, Asshole. How does it feel?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Pointless. You remain invested. Rather than remaining and thinking that some silent treatments towards the narcissist are assisting, you are being misled by your emotional thinking. GOSO.

    2. Kim e says:

      It feels like fuel.

  6. Genevieve says:

    Thank you for your insightful articles it’s a frustrating play because if I know a silent treatment is coming or if I get the silent treatment I just walk away and seek out another person that wants to enter the love bombing stage I figure that if I never get a silent treatment then that’s the person that I will love the longest I don’t believe I’ve ever come across a greater narcissist, but the sulking type almost every time and when the silent treatment comes, I go emotionally prepared and I found they end the silent treatment quickly and try to Hoover but I’m not interested in the other phases, I have been called a whore however it doesn’t hurt me nowhere near as much as the other abusive phases so to each their own I did watch your video about the whore it spot on….

  7. Unrecognizable says:

    HG, as stated above, cold fury causes the empath to feel frustration, upset, fearfulness, bewilderment, Does not enacting no contact do the same to the narc?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      See “The Effect of No Contact On The Narcissist”

  8. Unrecognizable says:

    I experienced the pain & confusion of the silent treatment one time only. Upon his next attempt, I ignored him—for days, enjoying my punishment. A delightful respite from attentively listening to him drone on about whatever subject he deemed himself the expert. No flapping of his jaw, ordering me about. Think of it as an unexpected holiday & savor the silence.

  9. DrHouse says:

    What is the ratio between the narcs in Numbers? Idiot level to mid to highest? More men or women?

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Q&A 24th May 2020