Access the Q&A – 24th May 2020
If you missed the Q&A and want to access it to find out what was asked and more importantly, what the many, many juicy answers were, then all you need do is obtain this and it will provide you with the relevant password and link to enable you to enter the forum and read everything that has been posted so you can be informed and entertained.
Over 530 questions and answers covering the many aspects of the narcissistic dynamic, a suggestion as to what HG does professionally, the introduction of weapons, why attachment cannot occur, plenty of useful information for the Clue Hunters, understanding narcissistic indicators and lots lots more.
62 thoughts on “Access the Q&A – 24th May 2020”
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HG, dd you say the picture for this post is you?
Only the mask, SW!
Haha, HG, so the man behind the mask isn’t you?
(Had me going there after the last Q&A)
Yes, it is me.
Appreciate the confirmation (again).
I, too, thoroughly enjoyed my first session with HG. Thank you, HG. Sometimes your honesty astounds me, which is why I asked the question about vulnerability. And, like many others, there are stories I find hard to hear.
The issue with food is one I encountered with a Victim Narcissist I became entangled with. I’ve had my fair share! She always wanted to know what I was eating and preparing for dinner. I found that really odd (didn’t know what I’d become entangled with at the start), but more often than not obliged her. And she would cook sumptuous meals for her family, but somehow seemed to have difficulty partaking in those 🙁 She had also been denied food as a child.
So many things that have been incomprehensible to me up to now. And yet my heart has responded in a variety of ways to them all. I continue to learn as I go, and HG your ‘opening up’ here has provided me with a great resource … for my healing as well.
Thank you again.
You are welcome
Hmm Camberwell Carrot. Are you sure your name isn’t Boris? And what song is playing at the start of that scene? Clue: Best Beatles song ever (apart from maybe Eleanor Rigby. ) Also, let me in please. I caved, again, make me a Cluehunter! 😁
Many thanks HG for this insightful material!
I enjoyed reading it and your unique sense of humour , Sir brightened the day🙂👍🏻!
I cannot comprehend the cruelty of withdrawing the food as a method of punishment against a child / teenager. Moreover in a wealthy family!
De mortuis aut bene aut nihil , but it is shocking and sad that you didn’t have any support from the other parent as well(:
I thought you were currently in that country related to the password but seem you were not . It just brought back nice memories from a Narc free trip.
Thank you again for this entertaining and useful Q&A session:).
You are welcome Claire, I am pleased that you enjoyed it.
GB, I’ve read the book you spoke about in the Q&A. HG and I disagree about the true self of the non-narcissist. It may not be THE Creature, but it’s there and it’s very real. Not even HG can convince me otherwise. It is also based in shame and I spend my life trying to keep it from surfacing and destroying what I and others have come to know as me. I haven’t been brave enough to attempt the healing work contained within that book. I don’t know that I ever will be. I DO agree with HG that the past cannot be changed and digging around in it causes me nothing but pain and misery. Onwards and upwards. I just wanted you to know I hear you and I get you. ❤️
I had to duck out early, but caught up last night. It’s always an enjoyable experience. The participants invite such interesting and engaging conversation. You are an excellent host, HG. Count me in for the Narcsite dinner party at Tudor Towers.
Thank you MB.
OMG I missed it 😭!
CandaceMarie
It was really fun, there will probably be another Q & A, in the near future, so you can join in.
Urm, and there was me? Who brought to Tudor Towers an let unknown undedstanding of trebouchets (authentic and faux medieval) juxtaposed with high end lingerie?
Why have I have been ignored?
Why Hg? Why??
You are spoiling us with the Q&As each month HG. Thank you kind sir!
True.
When will you do a Zoom meeting HG?😉
I’ve not decided BL. I need to check the logistics of it but possibly in the next couple of months.
Visuals too, or just oral?
That will be announced in due course, if I organise this type of event.
I’d very much like that.
But I’m just not sure how ot could be operated.
But such a fun idea!
With comparative ease.
A Zoom meeting would be epic!
Please continue to spoil us with monthly Q&As! They are appreciated more than you know. Please also consider offering a new option for both Q&A with transcripts to follow (for an increased fee). I would opt for that enhanced package every time. Many thanks to you, HG. Every one of your Q&As is uniquely educational, enlightening and entertaining (thanks to your humor).
Thank you FYC.
Mercy
I was pissed about the withholding of the food, too.
K, me too! The more I learn the angrier I get.
Mercy
When “Little Boy Lost” is released, I think I am going to have a very difficult time reading that.
I am going to have to figure out a way to detach but, before I detach, I will probably have one of my “Sixth Sense” moments: I see dead people (that’s one of my coping mechanisms).
K, I don’t think I will have to detach. I think I can handle the emotions as long as I don’t let ET take over. I’ve come a long way with recognizing my ET since starting KHG. The other day I came across a comment in the archives about the 2nd act. It hit my emotions hard. I spent a day stuck in anger and sadness but surprisingly guilt. I was feeling guilty over something I had no control over. Once I recognized the guilt as ET I was ok. The sadness was still there but it was manageable.
Mercy
When it comes to child abuse, I will have a very difficult time.
1. Overwhelming sadness (trait of compassion).
2. Massive anger/rage (narcissistic trait).
3. I want the perps to pay (trait of justice/fairness). Heads need to roll!!!
4. Lucky for me, no guilt.
I think I know the comment you are referring to, after reading it, I ended up in Molasses Swamp (I was swamped with sadness and couldn’t move).
K, I was just discussing child abuse and how I can’t handle reading about it with FYC. I agree with you! If it’s not necessary I won’t put myself through it. Im just saying I’m more aware of how ET effects the way I function vs emotions which are healthy and normal.
Yes THAT comment. It was too much.
Mercy
Thanks to narcsite, I am much better at recognizing my ET, too, but, when it comes to Narcissists, Zero Impact is NOT in the cards. I have to go NC, at least for the foreseeable future.
K,
“I ended up in Molasses Swamp (I was swamped with sadness and couldn’t move).” Now you’re reminding me of that part of Neverending Story where Artax gives up in the Swamps of Sadness and I can’t handle that scene.
But yes, that comment hit me right in the gut and lingered for some time. The lump in my throat is already coming back so I should probably stop looking at this. The past can’t be changed, but I hope less children will suffer because of the knowledge that can be gained here.
And now I’m going to go do something uplifting, haha. Have a wonderful day!
Mercy –
It is a strange thing, this guilt. I have it too. Besides the overwhelming sadness and sheer “shell-shocked” feeling.
I am still not very good at handling my ET.
I am having a hard time with the KHG series. Could this be where the guilt lies? Because of my “wallowing” in unfathomable sadness and shock when this is not my place? As if I was unduly stealing those feelings from someone else?
I think that if I can continue to put myself through this and realise that I come out the other end still whole, then I will have managed to tap into my capacity for resilience., as HG suggested yesterday in the Q&A (for all of us). Which I know I have, but so far only for events that I have been involved in personally.
Child abuse is simply not something I can hear about without getting physically sick.
fox
I haven’t watched Neverending Story but “Swamps of Sadness” sums it up very nicely. Artex gives up and remains in situ, sometimes, sadness can be a dangerous emotion. It paralyzes you.
I agree the past cannot be changed and we should always look to move forward. Usually, I process the emotions and then let go and the recent release of Child Defender has given me hope that children will suffer less.
Have a wonderful day! I am thinking of toking up tonight.
Camberwell Carrot?
HG
Hahahaha…it is a pre-roll. Thanks for the laugh!
Fiddleress
That might be elements of the Contagion Empath. I cried when I read Oliver Twist and I wanted to kick Mr. Bumble’s ass.
Fidderless,
“I am having a hard time with the KHG series. Could this be where the guilt lies? Because of my “wallowing” in unfathomable sadness and shock when this is not my place? As if I was unduly stealing those feelings from someone else?”
I totally get this! I felt that if I expressed my emotions about what I learned that somehow I was making it about me. Then there is the opposite side, If I didn’t express my emotions then I was ignoring the situation all together. The good thing about what we are doing is that when it comes to facing these emotions, we are working through it together. Theres no judgement.
@Fox
I couldn’t reply directly to you, but that scene in Neverending Story traumatized me. I cried and cried. I do love that movie tho.
But K—we all have our stories. Once a narcissist they don’t have any emotion attached to it anymore. It can’t help for us to shed a tear over the plight of the lost. It’s akin to anthropomorphism in a way. Frankly, many of our responses to them are summarized by this concept.
K
I find myself only being able to be in the hidden discussion for a very short time. Even with a short time it leaves me extremely upset and drained! I can’t even think straight my emotions are all over the place, I have always had a hard time separating my emotions from others, I have been working on this very thing for the past year and even though I have been doing well with it, that is not the case when it comes to that place and the abuse! I find even trying to participate doesn’t work very well and the things I write at times comes out differently as to feeling and seeing it!
Z had mentioned on the Q& A about her working on the scarf issue for weeks and I came along with just one question and nailed it. ( I just seen that comment the other day when I was rereading all of the questions and answers. So if you are reading this Z, I apologise for not answering back. ) I didn’t work at it, I put myself there and thought (also as an unsupervised child growing up ) what would I have done? That was one of the things that popped into my head.
When Little Boy Lost is Released I’m positive I will have a melt down!!
Mercy sees dead people, and I see when someone is going to die! WTF!
FM1T, I can imagine poor Z with her jaw dropped. I think she had dreams about that scarf. When I saw your question I couldn’t help but laugh a little. It was a drop the mic moment.
I understand how emotions can get the best of you in there. Just pop in once in awhile and wow us with your insight like your scarf moment.
FoolMe1Time
Sometimes, I feel the same. The emotions are so overwhelming that we need to step back, take a break and revisit it “off the thread” so we can think about it more clearly. I find that I do better “off the thread” and then go back and comment. The emotions make me feel out of control.
Always put yourself in their shoes so you can reenact the situation, it really helps when solving a mystery.
When Little Boy Lost is released, we can have a melt down together like the Wicked Witch in The Wizard of Oz.
K
“ emotions are overwhelming “ is putting it mildly! I also do better off of the thread. I find I always put myself there with them on their adventures and think about what I would do if I were them, which is why I do better off the thread in my own fantasy world! That is how I guessed the scarf mystery, as a young girl tying something to a tree branch and swinging from it, either into a lake, or pretending to be pirates swinging over to another ship to attack, or scaling the wall of a great castle, Robin Hood and his men waiting for the rich to come along through the woods so that we could swing down and rob them, ( sorry I got carried away! ) ( also using it to help the ones that had trouble climbing) were adventures I went on often!
I hope there are enough tissues back on the shelves by the time the book is released?! If not we are not n trouble! 🥰
FM1T,
Re: the scarf.
You did nail it!!!
‘What would I have done as a child?’ Perfect.
I know what you mean about the emotions – at least, I can guess…I have a very small percentage of Contagion. It would hard if it were more…but I recognize the effect of feeling scatterbrained and derailed emotionally.
FoolMe1Time
That’s what I do, too. I go off into my own world, where it is safe and quiet, so I can think. International Talk Like a Pirate Day is coming up in September. Blow the man down and Avast! Ye lubbers! When I was a child, I used to play Cops and Robbers or Indians and Cowboys.
You are really good at putting yourself in someone else’s shoes and have the potential to be a Mindhunter. Hopefully, there will be plenty of tissues and TP when the book is released.
Oh K, my mind is anything but safe and quiet! Haha! Sometimes putting myself in someone else’s shoes is exactly what gets me into trouble, those shoes are usually filled with the feet of a narcissist, but I do understand what you mean. 🥰
Thank you HG. It was a fabulous Q & A and I learned a lot and I suspected that you owned a 9mm Parabellum.
You are welcome, K.
I typed my thank you message in too late and timed out. Which bothers me. So, thank you, I was spellbound. Three hours of moderating at that pace and opening yourself up to constant questioning must be exhausting. Really appreciate the time and energy that went into it HG.
You are most welcome. No, I do not find it exhausting.
Do you have a couple of Durcells tucked away somewhere?
Shall I check those boardshorts (for some reasons) or is a couple of CDs daisy chained?
Please tell me you put a fuse in the circuit and its fully earthed?
Shall I check your voltage?
K
It’s a Deringer. Snurk.
Renarde
John Wilkes Booth used a Philadelphia Deringer to assassinate Abraham Lincoln; it’s a beautiful gun.
K
It is. My Dad had one. Belonged to his gran. No idea where it came from.
He eventually surrendered it. My god, that man was a fucking liability.
So why DOES your hair look dark in that photo at the desk? Aren’t you blond, or did it go darker after childhood?
Because I change my hair colour dependent on requirement.
Ah ha! Just As I stated on the quiz, there were trick questions. Color of your hair/whether you have hair… your age… etc. 💃🏻
No, it is not a trick question, Love. I have explained elsewhere and many times what the “base” colour of my hair is. I have also stated elsewhere and many times that it is sometimes dyed because of requirements. Readers know this, there is no trickery.