The 3 Key Interactions With the Narcissist
You only ever have three key interactions with the narcissist. You need to know what those interactions are and what is behind those interactions.
This Logic Bulletin details for you what the 3 Key Interactions are with the narcissist.
You will learn
- be provided with examples to aid your understanding,
- what your part in the interaction is
- how to distinguish between the interactions
- what the 3 interactions look like,
- what the 3 interactions are,
- why the narcissist responds in a particular way with regard to each interaction
- what the narcissist will do to you with regard to each interaction
- fundamental logic to reduce your emotional thinking
- fundamental logic to reduce the impact on you
This Logic Bulletin is easy to understand and utilises HG Tudor´s unrivalled knowledge, delivered in his accessible and direct manner.
Here is what one purchaser of this information had to say about this material
“This is prime material to understand narcissistic dynamics. This bulletin is essential to predict how the narcissist may perceive our behaviour and how they may react. It includes helpful examples. I used to be unaware of how narcissists perceived the way I interacted with them. Sometimes I had been pleasant and considerate, other times neutral. Sometimes I had not interacted with them at all.
I did not know what I had done wrong. I used to feel frustrated – “Damned if you do, damned if you. It was not until I learnt about the 3 key interactions with a narcissist that I realised there was a pattern in my own behaviour that was causing a problem for the narcissist and for me.
Having this knowledge and putting it into practice with a narcissist makes me feel less anxious and more in control. I use this knowledge for different kinds of relationships and interactions.”
– E.B.
21 thoughts on “The 3 Key Interactions With the Narcissist”
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I love your honesty of narcissism so Much. I had to reply within 10 minutes or I’d be accused of lying or an argument would start.
Love Alexa,
@everyone, this thread of conversation is so moving to me. Everyone’s input is so beautiful and eloquently written. HG is probably proud. That’s what I love about the Empaths in this group, everyone has such different backgrounds, and such unique personalities and insights. Much love to each one of you! And thank you for the uplifting words.
No problem ANM. I may not have a contribution that was helpful, but it is my experience. I think it is an obligation to be engaged in the community, but I understand exhaustion when the results of what my intentions were are mismatched by what the outcomes appear to be. To be entirely candid—I may have more impact with less effort for some people and I may never know it. Additionally, there may come a time when someone tells you the impact you have had and it may surprise you.
Dear Anm,
💕
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
HG,
I have so much more respect for you, and starting to even better understand your phrase “Build your defenses”. Over the past month or so, while this Covid19 has been going on, as a side project, I have been trying to help victim of DV with their cases. I try to help about 2 women a week with whatever legalities they deal with. I am not a lawyer, I can’t represent them, but if they need to file a restraining order, gather documents for their attorney, or even subpoena their children’s school records, I can help them do those basic task. I’m done with that, I am throwing in the towel. I helped one lady who was filing a custody modification, and she basically wanted me to just look over everything before she submitted it. She was proactive, responsible, and was ready to move forward with her life, with or without the outcome she was hoping for. Everyone else’s case has been so discouraging. One lady told me that she had a court hearing set in 3 months, and her narcissistic ex was claiming that she is an alcoholic to keep her from getting custody of her kids. She asked me, “What do you think I should do to deal with this in court?” I was like, “3 months is perfect. Don’t drink for the next 3 months, and right before you see the judge, do a hair follicle test for EtG and drugs. You can show the judge with evidence that he is lying.” She was like, “Are you kidding me? I shouldn’t have to do that. He is a meth addict. He is the addict.” I was like, “ok. whatever”.
Tonight, a lady reached out to me, said her narcissist mother has custody of her kids, and the mother is about to face criminal charges, and so she will be filing to get the children back. She has an attorney, but the attorney told her she needs to build her case. She didn’t know what that meant. I asked her what “evidence” does she have about her custody case that she would want to show a judge. AGAIN…. It was all text messages and emails about communication between her and the narcissist showing how her narcissist mother has been using the kids against her. So I asked her, “So your mother is facing criminal convictions, and you want to ask for the kids to come back to you. What will stop a judge from sending them to foster care? What do you have as defense? what can you show the judge that you are capable of having them live with you?” She said, “I have my love and support.” I said,”Would you be willing to allow a social worker come to your home to make sure your home is safe, and you can adequately provide for them, and write a report that your home is good to go?” She said she would think about it.
It all made sense. When we are caught up in Narcissistic Abuse, and become “victims” we get stuck in focusing on how horrible Narcissist are. It has changed my perspective a lot. And I am also not sure I even want to use my own energy helping people anymore. It’s crazy making.
Very interesting and honest, ANM, thank you for sharing your experience. It all goes to the point I repeatedly make that the only person you can control, is yourself.
“ It all goes to the point I repeatedly make that the only person you can control, is yourself “ It takes some of us longer then others to realize this is the truth HG, but when we do, we never forget it!! Thank you Boss man!!
“… the only person you can control, is yourself”. True!
Another thing – it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks of you. They are not inside your head. They are viewing from the outside. It only matters what you think and feel.
Anm I really enjoyed reading that! That is odd and frustrating that someone wouldn’t do utterly whatever it takes for the interest of their child. When you are kindly assisting them. In that case you should put your attention elsewhere. People like that will never change. People make their own luck.
Anm,
Sometimes I would find myself listening and trying to help others so much that I forgot about the person who mattered the most, myself! This taking care of me first is still very new to me and at times I catch myself saying, what can I do to help this person? At which time I see a picture of HG ( in my mind ) standing there, arms crossed, tapping his foot!
I quickly change that thought in my mind to, what can I do to help that person help themselves! If what I come up with is something they don’t like or they won’t make an attempt at doing, I’m done, and it’s all on them! So far it’s working!
Breaking those chains, one link at a time!
Good luck Anm! 🥰
I dont think I could come here and give advice out like I know more than the readers here. I’m 35, and have only known the term narcissism for about 4.5 years now. I know some of the ladies here are in their 50’s and are the children of narcissist. So I try to stay humble in here. Because I know I know nothing compared to some that are here.
Anm
Age has nothing to do with any of it sweetie! You have been here a long time and have gone through a lot in your life time. ( I have been reading your comments and your story for a long time ) You are a very intelligent women and the things you have learned on here would help and benefit many! Do not sell yourself short because of your age, offer your advice if that is something you would like to do, some would be very grateful for it, and if some are not, well that’s ok also. 🥰
FM1T
I wish I had seen your reply to Anm before I replied to her. It would have saved me time and HG moderating because you said it so very well and in far less words!
NA
You know me, writing is not one of my strong points, the shorter I can make it the better! Haha
Seriously though, you do know how much a compliment from you means to me NA?! Thank you! I’m trying not to get sappy on you with this, and with that being said, I’m out! 😘💞
Anm
I’m older and have experienced narcIssism most of my life (although not identified as such until arriving here), but I know nothing of the experiences you have had to deal with in the courts, in negotiating the best arrangements around visitation with your children and the narcissist, or the focus required in trying to secure a future for yourself and your children by opening a business while juggling it all. No one knows it all and that should keep us all humble. It is our combined experiences and exchanges cobbled together and offered up in addition to HG’s proven work and guidance that makes this such a valuable resource for others. So speak up – no need to hold back or defer to age or experience.
Anm:
Every generation has a perspective to add. Those that didn’t grow up with the internet can learn from those who did about narc ploys on social media, controlling partners using GPS to track an ex-, hidden surveillance equipment, etc.
In addition, each of us has individual experiences that inform our point of view, whether it was narcy parents, co-workers, friends, etc.
If you’ve been affected by a narc, you’ll have something to contribute.
Anm, I am just catching up on this thread. I am older than you, and even though I have had narcissists in my life since birth, it took me longer to learn what I was dealing with because I had little knowledge about narcissism. So you are actually ahead in your knowledge of many who may be older or have familial Ns. You have an important voice, your own. We learn from everyone’s experiences and perspectives. Please always feel free to speak up and be heard. We never know how we may touch others lives. I am so grateful for all of the different perspectives here and I appreciate you sharing yours.
As for your volunteerism, I admire your efforts, though they have been understandably frustrating. I mentor others and I find that asking questions that lead to a shift in perspective is very helpful. It’s necessary to move people from their established thought patterns, because these are the very patterns that keep them stuck in repetitive behaviors. They may not even believe that any action would change their outcome (especially DV victims). So it’s important for them to question their own thoughts/beliefs so they can become open to new information and approaches. You can’t change anyone, ever. But you can open new perspectives that lead to change if *they* chose to take action. It’s just like what we see on the blog. How many of us get phenomenal advice from HG, yet fail initially to follow it to the letter? Probably most. So I would say your efforts were worthwhile. Who knows, they may recall your good advice later and it just might make all the difference. I’d bet that is the case with HG several thousands of times over. So do what is best for you, but you matter and you make a difference always.
Anm,
” I try to stay humble in here”. Please strut your stuff here. You have been thru it and back as have others. You are always very informative. I learned things from you that I can only hope (sorry HG) I never have to use or share with anyone else.
You are 35….my boys are older than you are. I would ventrue to say I am the old lady here. But I am still learning.
I do appreciate your insights
Hello Anm,
I am four years older than you but I have only learned about narcissism since maybe two years already and I have never had a formal romantic relationship with a narcissist. I learn a lot when I read your posts and there were things that apply to my experiences as well. I am often afraid of giving advice about romantic entanglements but sometimes I see similarities and I focus on those areas of similarities. When it comes to coparenting with narcissists I borrow from the experiences of my husband in order to hopefully help a reader here. We all have unique insights and perspectives to share and every little bit helps. I don’t expect my advice to be perfect or accurate all the time but my intentions are always coming from a place of trying to be helpful and I also defer to HG’s insights.
Dear Anm,
You don’t realise how important your story is to highlight what we empathics do
We are “programmed” to help
It’s actually “harder” to “refrain” from offering assistance
However after giving a fair portion of my energy to the weasel, he plum did me in !
Never again
You know more than you realise
Look after yourself always, first and foremost
You have a lot to offer lovely one, age is only a number
Hugs to you and thank you for sharing
It’s a well n truly thankless curse !
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
ANM—it’s admirable that you have offered help. I know for me I get caregiver fatigue when I know what an outcome ideally looks like and the recipient is not following my cues. I think volunteering is essential for myself, so I have had to reframe my engagement as focusing on the possibilities of the recipient. My goal of fixing them is my issue—it’s not theirs. Sometimes just being a support (for me) is all what I’ve extended is capable of accomplishing. Support & empathy go hand in hand. You’ve done good work. It’s clearly important to you to help people. Maybe the “want”’to throw in the towel is a sign of needing a break, or maybe looking at redefining the exchanges & even how much you are willing to give. I have a woman that has a horrible alcohol problem. Nicest women I know. I can’t control her drinking. I want to bring her home and fix it and make her life mine. It’s never going to happen. She is dying. But.. What I’ve done for her is advocate against shitty treatment by others. I’ve provided her safety and respite despite others making negative comments about her. (I work with some uneducated assholes that are arrogant and degrade patients.) Even if you offer emotional respite to people and their problems remain highly palpable—the help may well rest in something you can’t even define, or maybe it’s knowing you are making efforts. AA is highly successful with the concept being that the help is for the helper. It’s rife with fuel seeking narcs too—but also many good people. Our communities would crumble if people with your capabilities threw in the towel forever. Take a breather at least. There is a time to be selfish and focus within, but our engagements with others provide ample opportunity for growth as well.
ANM- thank you for sharing that. And I think you’re absolutely right. As much as the psychology of human behavior can be interesting, the way out of these messed up situations is by stepping back (remove the trigger- no contact) and asking yourself, what am I doing with this person.
***What am *I* doing?***
Falling down the rabbit hole of focusing too much on someone else’s screwed up psychology, that can suck up years of a person’s life (if not longer). As hard as it can be, getting yourself out of these messes, going no contact and putting the focus back on yourself, and your own psychology and behavior, really is the way out.