Does The Narcissist Think About You Afterwards?




I know that when I have disengaged from you that you will think of me more than anything else. This is all by design – be it instinctive (Lesser or Mid Range Narcissist) or calculated (Greater Narcissist).

Your mind becomes a whirling thought engine as the questions loom and dart about your mind like swooping spirits. Why did he do this? What did I do wrong? Where has he gone? Why won’t he talk to me? Is he with someone else now? How could he treat me like this? These questions and many of a similar nature remain at the forefront of your mind. They are exhausting as you grapple to find the answers, always achieving an unsuccessful outcome because invariably you do not know who has actually disengaged from you.

I cast you to one side, you did not leave me and cause me to apply an Initial Grand Hoover in order to bring you back under my spell. I saw no need for you anymore and therefore I was content to throw you on the scrap  heap, broken and spent, a broken appliance left to its own considerations and dwelling heavily on this cruel treatment.

One of the questions which charges around your mind as you try to sleep is does he think about me? Do I ever feature in his thoughts? Does he think about what I am doing? Does he recall the good times?  You wonder whether I am lying on my bed in a similar state of anxiety, mulling over what has happening. Your thoughts spill and tumble and whilst you want to dispel these memories you cannot help but want to embrace them, experiencing that bitter sweet sensation of both delight and agony –  of course this is being driven by your emotional thinking which is wanting to feed your addiction to me.

You try to get into a comfortable position hoping that slumber will soon drag you into unconsciousness so that the pain will evaporate, if just for a few hours. Yet, even the place you now lie in evokes the image of you and I coupled together, wrapped up in one another as we made love through the night, or at least you felt we made love. Did we actually make love to one another? Did I really love you? You know you loved me, indeed you still do, but what of me?

Yet again a question leaps into your mind. I am everywhere. You consider whether I think about the treatment that you have received and do I feel guilty for behaving that way? Do I have a reason for hurling you to one side so callously and am I wondering whether you are all right? Your truth seeking empathic trait is being seized on and corrupted by your emotional thinking. It drives you to want answers and you are left believing that such a driver is logical and should be addressed. It keeps the thought of me in your head, going round and round, question after question, ensuring that your emotional thinking is alive and surging.

Just as you hold onto the precious memories of the golden period you wonder whether I am similarly replaying them through my mind, recalling the wonderful times, the delicious things we did together. You can summon it all in such detail. The places we went to, the other people there, what day of the week it was, even the exact date. You remember what we wore, what we ate and what was said as the memories tumble through head. As the clock shows it is now closer to morning than it was to the evening, you wonder whether I am thinking about you in a similar fashion?

While you toss and turn in your bed which resembles a place to be endured rather than a place of comfort, I am fast asleep. From the moment my head touched the pillow I fell asleep free from thoughts about you. No imp sits on my shoulder jabbing me with a precious memory and keeping me from sleeping. Whilst you ruminate, cogitate, fathom and review, I am oblivious to everything. During my waking hours you do not invade my consciousness. There is too much to be done, too much fuel to extract as I deal with looking after and nurturing the new primary source of my fuel which replaced you. You have been deleted because you failed me (at least in my mind that is the case) and therefore you have erased from the record. The narcissism demands that. You are of no use to me and therefore you are erased, deleted, removed and wiped away.

Truth be told it was more of an overlap with both you and her supplying me fuel until the old stale trickle was switched off and dumped. In my mind you never existed. My fixation with the new prospect and her golden, delicious, potent fuel means that everything is focussed on her. Her seduction and the maintenance of supply dominates my mind save when I am extracting my fuel from the range of supplementary sources that I interact with throughout the day. I may drink from the mug you once bought me to recognise I support a particular football team but there is no flicker of recognition about you. I do not halt, cup in hand, halfway to my mouth and smile at that trip to the stadium when you insisted on buying half the contents in order to please me. It is just a mug to me but the tea contained in it and prepared by my new prospect is delicious and I tell her so. Her beaming smile provides me with that dollop of fuel as expected. To me it is just a mug bearing the crest of my football team. The link you had to that piece of ceramic has been severed and cast into the abyss. The narcissism demands that must be the case – your replacement governs our thoughts and actions now and therefore there is no need to be reminded of you, that is redundant and as effective and efficient machines, we reject the redundant, jettison the unnecessary and remove the failed.

I may still wear the jumper you bought me but I never consider that weekend away in the highlands when I complained about being cold so you purchased it for me. I may walk past someone who wears the same fragrance as you. I do not remember you as I smell it, not the way you remember me when you smell my cologne and you remember me next to you and that emptiness washes over you once again. I just think that it is a pleasant scent and carry on walking by. It is as if I have pressed delete and you have been erased. You never existed, your thoughts, words and actions all melt away. Your connections to me are severed, your presence eradicated and your memory denied. I have switched off that appliance and everything associated with it has been obliterated. We do not think of you because at this point we have no need to think of you. You serve no purpose to us and therefore remembering you and I is a redundant exercise and a waste of our time and energy. We must not waste anything and thus the instinctive impact of our narcissism ensures you are not thought of.

When we have disengaged from you and we have done so because we have a new Intimate Partner Primary Source we do not think about you. If you enter our spheres of influence by messaging us, ringing us, walking by us or even coming to see us, you can expect at best a cold and polite short moment of recognition before we move on and at worst a malign response to send you away in hurt and pain. You failed us – we no longer want or need you. You have been replaced and therefore you are stricken from our thoughts and should you ever invade our sphere of influences in another way, we maintain this rejection of you.

However, once the new IPPS enters devaluation (and this person will – that is a guarantee – it is just a question of time) well, then you become useful to us once again and our narcissism alters the record once again. This time you will be remembered, although if truth be told you ought to prefer that you remain cast into obscurity because in all likelihood we will be coming back for you in some form of other to draw again on our investment, to seize our property once again but solely for our benefit.


9 thoughts on “Does The Narcissist Think About You Afterwards?

  1. blackcoffee30 says:

    To be clear, this would not include HG and Greaters who have awareness and actually make worthy and worthwhile contributions.

  2. blackcoffee30 says:

    I’m coming around. There is no need to be concerned with the thought of a creature that is simply nothing but a bundle of neurosis packaged in the best bits and pieces of others that treats people in such a manner. Rats have more value due to capacity for empathy– literally.

  3. Bibi says:

    I had this realization which I realize you might say is a waste of my energy thinking about but here is what I wonder.

    For years I wanted to know why Mid Range ‘friend’ kept his identity hidden from me–none of it made any sense. Yes, I understand power, superiority and control but why only me?

    I believe that he was doing online gay porn and didn’t want me to find it–hence hiding his name, gayness, etc. When I found his Twitter, he was following a lot of gay porn sites and posting pics of balls and hairy ass. He had a gay personal trainer (a clear somatic himself) and was working out compulsively (like go for a 6 mile run followed by an hour spin class) which, who does that?

    He went from ‘cerebral’ in front of me to completely somatic. He punished me for months when I told him I searched him online. Said that finding his sister’s FB profile was equal to ‘breaking into his house.’

    “Instead of asking to come over, you just broke in,” he said. However, I had been asking to come over–so to speak–for several years and was met with evasiveness and false promises.

    None of that made sense. So I’ll bet he uploads gay porn vids and didn’t want me to see. I just feel like there has to be a deeper reason than mere ‘power and control’.

    Anyway, not like I will ever know b/c I will never ever search him but this is what I suspect.

    1. Anm says:

      There is no such thing as “only me” with these narcissist. He was hiding other people from each other as well. I’m not being homophobic here when I say this, but I have dated men that society would call Alpha Males, with the exception of my sons father, and they all had a secret homosexual side to them that they hide from the general public. One narcisisst admitted while we were engaged to get married that he “experimented with gay sex” in his younger years. We broke up when I found out he had a sex addiction and abusive. I wouldnt be surprised if he was secretly having sex with women and men. My daughters father is absolutely gorgeous, looks and initially acts like a traditional gentleman, but as we started dating, he raged and was more emotional than a woman. I remember him getting drunk and talking one night about male sex in prison, it was vulgar and really sick. Guess who spent 3 years in federal prison and was probably talking about himself? Sex is not the same for them.

      1. Bibi says:

        Thanks for sharing, Anm.

  4. Empath007 says:

    This I am very jealous of. It’s been two years and while obviously things have gotten better… there’s not a day that’ s gone by I have not thought about him in some way or another (bu let’s not tell him that lol). I have been single this entire time though… I wonder if someone else would be in the picture if I would still have these thoughts, I doubt it. If empaths move on to a new lover quickly (even if its a new narcissist) I would assume their tossing and turning over the other narcissist would be diminished as well.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      If someone else was in the picture, there would be a high risk that you would be involved with another narcissist and plunged back into the problem you escaped/were disengaged from. The reason two years has passed and you continue to think about him is because you are not following a proper no contact regime and you are keeping the relationship alive. You need to impose no contact and do so properly. Organise a consultation with me and I will guarantee you will be freed from these repeated thoughts.

      1. Empath007 says:

        I agree with everything you say. We work for the same company still ( I transferred offices around the same time we broke up ) I haven’t attended a single event he’d be at since… not even the company christmas parties… it’s not the best time to be looking for work during a global pandemic… but my job I’ve been at for 10 years. He’s the only issue I’ve ran into there this entire time… my managers are great, I’m in a lead role in my department, I’m well respected etc. Leaving for him is a hard decision to make as I recognize it’s my ET causing me far more issues then him at this point. I get indirectly hoovered occasionally but he has left me alone otherwise. I just keep saying to myself if I get my et under control it will fix it… sorry to blather on… but my job is one of the only places I feel free to be an empath at… unlike most people… I enjoy what I do. I don’t dread going to work everyday. There’s no conflict with co workers at the new location. I laugh while I’m there. My ideas are listened too. I’m treated with respect. It’s just a good place to be… why give up something i love for someone who doesn’t love me ??? In the hopes i’ll Stop obessing ? I’m not questioning or challenging your method… just stating the internal dialogue I have with myself about it all the time.

        1. Leigh says:

          Empath007, I’m in the same boat as you & I feel exactly the same way. Why do I have to give up a great job for him? He wouldn’t give up the job for me? I suppose hindsight is 20/20. This is why I shouldn’t have mixed business with pleasure. Lesson learned. I just wish that i could get to a place of indifference, a place where I don’t care what he says or what he does. Its been 14 months now since he discarded me and most days I’m good. Every once in awhile though, it creeps up on me and I feel sad. This blog actually helps keeps me centered for the most part. One day he’ll be out of my head for good.

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