Evil : Imagine Greater

EVIL-_-IMAGINE-GREATER

 

You put yourselves into the position of others. We put others into ourselves. You do it as a matter of choice in order to fulfil one of the roles you see for yourselves. Admittedly, you are struck by a considerable compulsion but you still retain the ability to decide if you will do so. We do not. We must do it. We have no choice if we wish to survive. I would invite you to exercise that ability of yours.

Imagine being wounded by the words and actions of others. Imagine that injurious sensation arising because of the deliberate and treacherous behaviour of someone who we have come to rely on. From minion to colleague, from friend to lover, the slight that is occasioned by them stings, hurts and pains. Imagine suffering that agony even if the transgressor claims not to have intended such injury and pleads innocence of all wrongdoing. Imagine that you recognise that they are right in their protestation but it still does not take away what they have done.

Imagine being of ability, brilliance and talent yet within an instant being laid low by the turn of the back or the failure of acknowledgement. Imagine being beholden to such a tortuous response and hating being chained in this way. Imagine the desire to rail against the offender, mocking them for their shortcomings, their pale comparison and diminished abilities yet that same pathetic specimen has the ability to wound in such a grievous manner. Imagine the shame of despising that individual for their behaviour yet knowing that in their hands they hold such a power. Imagine those moments of genuine horror when it is contemplated that if that competitor only realised what they could truly do and that the consignment to oblivion might be moments away.

Imagine the anguish of knowing that your well-being and capacity to function is reliant on a whole host of others who have no inkling as to the part they play. Imagine how such ignorance is regarded as a blessing and that each and every day, thanks is given that they remain shrouded in such ignorance for if they became armed with knowledge, what destruction they might wreak. Imagine knowing you are chained to the one thing that generates such contempt and bilious hatred, the need to strain against those binding chains until they split, rupture and fall away with the arrival of another. Imagine the hope, the expectation and the desire for the new arrival to prove to be the saviour. Imagine always searching for that one true acolyte that will remove the ills, eradicate the risk of annihilation and instead will prevent the necessity of the imposition of those heavy oh so heavy chains. Imagine the fervent endeavour to acquire that new arrival and the sense of delicious anticipation as they begin to function in accordance with the expected and hoped for desire.

Imagine the soaring power that arises from this saviour, the promised one, the perfect one. Imagine that sense of surging, blazing power, the sweeping majesty of knowing that the needs are now catered for, that all is and will be well, that function and form can rely on this spectacular provision. Imagine the possibilities as being super-charged from this significant, this most significant other and that worlds will collide, empires will rise and the intended endless dynasty will be created.

Imagine the horror, the disappointment, the envy and the fury as that perfect one turns out to be a seditious charlatan who has lied, conned and connived. Imagine the incandescent rage that seeks escape. Imagine knowing of the consequences of such treachery and the reckless application of such blind fury. Imagine knowing that control must be exerted in order to preserve so much that has been built. Imagine straining to keep the beast within its confined place, the shackles so perfectly formed and seemingly impervious to weakness or fragility that now appear weak, rusted and not fit for purpose. Imagine the contemplation of becoming nothing. Imagine that which you wish the world to see being steadily dismantled and by a traitor’s hand. Imagine the sense of injustice, unfairness and bitterness to be undone by the very thing which promised the ultimate salvation. Imagine hearing that craven whisper that signifies that which should not be entertained or occasioned. Imagine the icy terror of that mocking, lisping voice and the frantic need to silence it. Imagine the whirlwind of necessity to rebuild, to acquire and to conquer once again. Imagine the Herculean effort required to reassert one’s place in this cruel and feckless world.

Imagine in such times of being reminded of what once was and what you swore would never be again. That which you have sought to bury deep and keep buried, locked away, hidden and rarely contemplated. Imagine the tormentors that come like shades to pull and drag towards that time again. That time which ought to have been banished yet still somehow rises time and time again. Imagine trying to bury it dead but knowing it will not allow this and instead when the obscene and scandalous plans of our opponents, our competitors and our enemies weaken that which ought not be seen as weak, that the corpse breathes once again and seeks to rise, its fetid words travelling from near-forgotten times to resurrect them and bring us down.

Imagine striking out left, right and centre in order to bring control and order back. Imagine that it can only be from the external chaos that order is enforced within and that the suffering of others is the glue, the mortar and the binding which creates that prison once more. Imagine reliance on the agony and suffering to re-build and re-create so that the voice is silenced and decorum established once more.

Imagine that whirring mind which must always assess, evaluate and calculate. Planning, plotting and scheming. A marvellous frenzied activity which devises and develops in order to always drive forward. Imagine knowing that stillness is not an option. Imagine the knowledge that taking such a step would only result in that slow descent and instead momentum is required at all times, onwards, upwards, forwards with never a backward glance, a moment of retrospect or the time to pause and consider. Always consuming, always extracting, always gathering, garnering, purloining, taking, sucking, draining, hunting, claiming, conquering. A ceaseless behemoth that draws the light from stars, the good from the benevolent, the love from the decent and the soul from everything. Imagine that and so, so much more.

Can you imagine it?

Can you be it.

I can.

I have to.

75 thoughts on “Evil : Imagine Greater

  1. HealingFromNarcAbuse says:

    It seems that the narcissist has a hope that the next appliance will give him/her what he/she needs to get their next reserve of fuel. They are always let down eventually because people are not perfect and no one can ever give enough to satisfy them no matter how hard we try. The empath also has a hope that the golden period will return and we will have our abuser love us again. It seems like both are full of hope for different reasons and both are constantly let down. The difference is the empath doesn’t harm the narcissist on purpose for the most part but the narcissist does. It is intentional on their part. I’m amazed that narcissists keep having hope that the next appliance will give them what they need but yet find that no matter who the person is, they always let them down in their minds. I suppose the temporary fuel is worth the effort of going through person after person.

    1. NarcAngel says:

      HFNA

      Continuing to read, you will learn that most narcissists (Lessers and Mids) are not aware of what they are and they do things instinctively not intentionally. They don’t know they are looking for fuel but do hope the next target will deliver and be “The One”.

  2. Whitney says:

    Dear HG, my doctor is a Narcissist. He saw a scar on my knee so he touched my knee, and asked about it. Then he asked who is my ‘next of kin’, and I told him my mother, and he said “your mother, not a partner?”

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Change your doctor.

      1. Whitney says:

        Yes I have changed my doctor, HG 😊

        1. HG Tudor says:

          HG approves.

      2. lisk says:

        3 gazillion dollars-worth of advice in three words right there.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          HG approves.

  3. Tired says:

    The constant chaos he creates around him. His family dynamic was like that. I wasn’t reared that way . I need peace. It seems elusive with him.
    I will never understand why someone would want constant chaos in their life instead of peace .

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Because he does not see it as chaos, you do, he does not.

      1. tired says:

        then what is it ? Control ?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          The Prime Aims.

      2. K says:

        KAOS and CONTROL.

        “Maxwell Smart, a.k.a. Agent 86, works for CONTROL; he and his fellow agents always seem to thwart the operations of KAOS, an organized crime outfit dedicated to evil.”

        1. NarcAngel says:

          K
          Haha. My nickname at work was Agent 99. I had forgotten about that. Also StepN used to ruin anything you’d be watching with a constant narrative about how phoney it was. One show he always watched and enjoyed? Get Smart. A show where a guy talks into his shoe. Go figure.

          1. HG Tudor says:

            Mine was Agent Orange.

          2. K says:

            NarcAngel
            Hahahaha…I loved Agent 99! I forgot about it, too, but I noticed a theme running through a few of the comments lately about chaos and control and it brought back memories of Get Smart.

            Hahaha…maybe StepN thought he was Maxwell Smart in his fantasy world of delusion. My mother snored and farted throughout The Dukes of Hazzard.

            I loved The Partridge Family, The Monkees and The Hardy Boys & Nancy Drew Mysteries.

          3. K says:

            NarcAngel
            BTW, I really loved your review in The Knowledge Vault!

        2. Kim e says:

          K.
          This is perfection. LOL.

          1. K says:

            Kim e
            Hahahaha…it was a great show!

        3. lisk says:

          I always wanted to be Agent 99!

          1. HG Tudor says:

            You can be Flake 99 if you like.

          2. lisk says:

            Oh, those are tasty!

          3. HG Tudor says:

            Ha ha.

        4. NarcAngel says:

          K
          Haha. Succinct it was.

  4. Whitney says:

    “Always consuming, always extracting, always gathering, garnering, purloining, taking, sucking, draining, hunting, claiming, conquering”.

    You are the opposite HG, a Saviour to millions. You made my life better. Always giving a better life to Empaths.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome, Whitney.

    2. Kim e says:

      Whitney,
      He is not the opposite.

      1. lickemtomorrow says:

        He is an anomaly.

        (in the best possible way)

        Which makes HG unique.

        1. Kim e says:

          lickentomorrow,
          Agreed. But never forget that when it comes right down to it, the man that we all speak highly of, adore for his help he gives us, has a great sense of humor, etc……is a narcissist-psychopath.

          1. lickemtomorrow says:

            Hi Kim e,

            HG has consistently told us what he is and so I cannot disagree with you. In fact, I wasn’t overlooking that when I made my comment. HG is an anomaly in my mind because he is assisting us beautiful empaths in avoiding someone such as himself. He is also opening up the world of narcissism and the way narcissists think for us to understand. He doesn’t need to do either of those things. He could keep it all to himself, and keep us in the dark.

            So, I give him kudos for that.

            At the same time, your ‘warning’ is timely because we can forget that the person who is offering us so much help and insight is not some kindly English gentleman (although we all know he is a gentleman of the highest order).

            This is where I meet a crossroads here at times. I’m talking about the narcissist (who in many ways brought me to my knees and ultimately brought me here) to a narcissist! That’s definitely an anomalous situation. At least in my mind. The difference for me is that he isn’t hurting me, but helping me. I’m sure HG does that for his own reasons. Let’s not lose sight of that either. All HGs interactions, according to him, are transactional. So, he’s getting something out of this as well. Although it doesn’t sound like he needs the money 😉

            I think there is a trap we can fall into as empaths, and narcissists appear to be the biggest drawcard. We need to be aware, and thank you for raising that awareness again today. HG couldn’t be any more clear in sharing his reality. And it appears you have weaponized well enough to be able to state the case again for him today.

          2. Kim e says:

            lickemtomorrow,
            Glad HG could help you. And if anything can ever be said about him, he is able to find logic in total chaos.

  5. SMH says:

    MB, Me too. I watched that documentary series. Unbelievable what he got away with.

  6. Whitney says:

    HG, the God. I’m watching a documentary about Jeffery Epstein (who I’m glad is dead), and it made me think about what a good person you are.

    You have impeccable morals and ethics. I don’t like to paint people with the same brush. Empaths or Narcs. Each person is different.

    The documentary was useful for my delusional thinking though. They described how Epstein always had to control the person he was with. It reminded me of the one who choked me. That need for control can manifest in all kinds of ways. The fact that some people need control (Narcs) is only just sinking into my head. I don’t naturally understand it.

  7. truthseeker6157 says:

    I don’t believe I will ever read this post and not feel saddened by it. Full stop. That isn’t emotional thinking. It is simply a part of who I am. I don’t relate it to my own narcissist. I don’t feel sorry for my own narcissist, I don’t want to see, text, talk to, talk about or think about my own narcissist. The way I think about this post and how it makes me feel when I place myself in that position, is separate from my own entanglement. As an empath, I will always feel sad when I read this post and I will always want to say, ‘ Stand the hell up and fight it.’ That’s fine by me. True to who I am but no longer ensnared.

  8. blackcoffee30 says:

    HG – Many times you’ve told us Narcs’ lives are not repetitive, spinning the web of lies and exerting control is not exhausting, and they enjoy the pain wrought.

    Psychopathic serial killers don’t get a pass. Narcissists don’t get a pass. Not from me.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It is, of course, down to the perspective. To you, the non-narcissist the pattern of behaviours is repetitive, it is exhausting, it is destructive, it is haphazard and empty. To the narcissist, those things are not seen because of the different perspective and because of the different way of behaving. Indeed, the narcissist will regard your behaviour as repetitive (you make the same mistakes), weak (you are upset, broken, hurt), exhausting (you present as exhausted and keep doing things which, to the narcissist, do not make sense).

      1. Alexissmith2016 says:

        It’s quite funny when you think about it how Ns can become perplexed at our behaviour. They’re the ones with the odd ways. Not us haha

        1. HG Tudor says:

          All a matter of perspective.

      2. blackcoffee30 says:

        I understand that it’s perspective. Hence, your constant and patient reminders.

        Ns know they are causing harm and choose to do it. Whether it’s nature or nurture or in the Ns character or necessary does not matter to me. That’s IMHO.

        Ns and Es spot repetition, weakness, etc. within the other from different points of view.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You’re wrong.

        2. Violetta says:

          “Ns know they are causing harm and choose to do it.” Not always. My elementary school mid-rangers and first shrink clearly thought they were wonderful people, no matter how many times they saw their methods provoke me to uncontrollable rage. Some even asked me why I “didn’t act like that” with Mrs. So-and-so, an old-fashioned teacher who used neither psychology nor peer pressure, but generally added, “that shoes you can behave when you want to.”

          They could question my motives, they could question my mental health, but by golly, they couldn’t question their methods.

          1. Violetta says:

            *shows, not shoes.
            🙄

          2. blackcoffee30 says:

            Sometimes. I stand by my opinion— for now. It might change. We shall see.

        3. lisk says:

          My understanding is that the only narcs who “choose” are the Greaters.

          1. blackcoffee30 says:

            I believe HG, but on I’m on a mission to know my (MMR) enemy. There may be som ET 😂 to say the least.

    2. Violetta says:

      I suppose some narcs at least must find the patterns reassuring. To have something play out differently would not be a pleasant novelty: it would mean loss of control. You aren’t reciting the lines written for you in the narc’s script.

      1. blackcoffee30 says:

        Yup. This is why I was unseated by another (new) IPSS.

        1. Violetta says:

          It will be her turn. Try to have compassion for her instead of resentment, although of course, warning her will 1) be useless; 2) keep you engaged; and 3) be taken as challenge fuel by your ex-, and set you up for more narc crap, so don’t let your compassion go that far.

          1. blackcoffee30 says:

            Oh I’m not resentful of her at all. I didn’t know I was in her shoes once. The N is a different story, and I’m having another consult with HG next week. Helps tremendously with my ET versus Logic.

  9. DrHouse says:

    Fuck me.
    Are you aware of those processes, or is this like breathing . How much can you control the Impulses. Is there a fear of death or what describes the lack of supply the best?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Some of it is like breathing, Dr House, but much of it is an awareness. I have a high degree of control.
      I do not fear death. I am concerned by oblivion.

      1. Fiddleress says:

        “I do not fear death. I am concerned by oblivion.”
        HG, this gives me the opportunity, by adapting Shakespeare’s words, to say what I have been thinking – and not in jest: You are such stuff as Kings are made on.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Indeed.

      2. lickemtomorrow says:

        I am fascinated by this answer.

  10. lickemtomorrow says:

    “Imagine that it can only be from the external chaos that order is enforced within and that the suffering of others is the glue, the mortar and the binding which creates that prison once more. Imagine reliance on the agony and suffering to re-build and re-create so that the voice is silenced and decorum established once more.”

    Cue existential crisis.

    Requiring the suffering of others. And yet you are suffering, too.

    I can put myself in your place and sense the desperation which accompanies the maintenance of the facade.

    How to come to terms with that and the suffering I have endured?

    I wish I knew.

    1. Fiddleress says:

      Lickemtomorrow:
      The first time I read this article, I felt for Nex, I thought I could feel the torture he must go through. And I thought exactly the same as you (if I understood you right): I feel his desperation, it seems worse than mine even, but what do I do about my own suffering? (And of course: “Oh, no, why did I abandon him? Maybe I could/should have sacrificed myself to save him?”; See how bad I was?)
      After a few months, I read this article again and I feel less, far less, ‘contaminated’ by the desperation that emanates from it. Now what I have is something like cognitive empathy, I think.
      My priority is to get back on track, and I think it is a sign that the level of my Emotional Thinking is coming down. It does, the more you read here.

      1. lickemtomorrow says:

        Thank you, Fiddleress. That makes sense and is very helpful. I think you read it right in the sense that being cognizant of another’s suffering we want to do what we can to help. The problem in this situation is it means giving up ourselves, as you suggest, which ultimately just is not possible.

        If it would make a difference, and therein lies the temptation at times in thinking that it will, some of us might gladly sacrifice ourselves on this altar. Most of us have tried, unwittingly and to no avail.

        Some of us have been very damaged in the attempt.

        Knowing the narcissist comes out unscathed should be the wake up call there.

        So, definitely a lowering of the emotional thinking is where it’s at, and well done on being able to achieve that. It shows it’s possible, and that will be my aim now, too.

        Appreciate your thoughts around that.

        1. Fiddleress says:

          You are welcome, lickemtomorrow (btw, I have read your explanation of your pseudo and greatly enjoyed reading it as I didn’t know that).

          I am managing – I haven’t finished yet – to lower my ET thanks to HG’s work, and help.
          So my empathic trait of loyalty combined with my narcissistic trait of pride mean that I am sticking to this and not leaving this blog, hehe.

          I wish you all the best, lickentomorrow. There is a wonderful journey of recovery lying ahead of you. You have already started on this journey.

          1. lickemtomorrow says:

            Hey Fiddleress, it is a bit of an unusual pseudonym, but glad you enjoyed the story 🙂

            Good on you for sticking to this and no doubt it takes some of those combined traits to get you to the place you need to be. We share the element of pride in common so it might also be what helps me to get to the finish line … in the right quantity. The old saying ‘pride comes before a fall’ comes to mind there. I could think I’m finished before I’m done, weaponized before I’m not, strong when I am still weak.

            I’m so glad you are doing so well in your journey. It gives me hope for the future <3

          2. Fiddleress says:

            I think that a little pride helps, hehe. I am sure that we will know when we get to the finish line.
            I am learning to have not only hope but certainty for the future.
            I am very glad that you are here with us, lickemtomorrow.

      2. Fiddleress says:

        And my new picture in my avatar is the tide, or the sea, of emotional thinking receding.

        1. lickemtomorrow says:

          Perfect! 🙂

  11. Fiddleress says:

    I can imagine, but only imagine.

    This article reminds me of Nex, who often quoted a line that I love from French poet rené Char: “La lucidité est la blessure la plus rapprochée du soleil.” (Lucidity is the wound that is closest to the sun).
    He applied this line to himself.

    1. Fiddleress says:

      “Lucidity is the wound which COMES closest to the sun” (maybe. Might come up with an other non-google-translate one after I’ve had something to eat, and coffee or tea).

  12. Monique Schu says:

    What happens when one is sentenced to solitary confinement ? How does on survive ?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Don’t get caught, we invariably do not. When I say “we” I am referring to the school that this thread appertains to.

      1. SMH says:

        Or you commit suicide, a la Epstein. HG, you didn’t answer my question as to whether Epstein was a greater, or maybe you have and I just did not see it. He did get caught – does that mean he was not a greater?

        1. MB says:

          SMH, Oh, how I wish for HG to write an Epstein piece!

          1. Bubbles 🍾 says:

            Dear MB,
            I totally agree
            We just finished watching the Netflix doc series on Epstein
            Extremely interesting indeed
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          2. SMH says:

            Me too, MB and Bubbles!

          3. Bubbles 🍾 says:

            Dear SMH,
            So many unanswered questions
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

            Just finished watching the movie “Marshall” and “Molly Bloom” 😱

          4. Kim e says:

            MB,SMH
            I guess I am strange when it comes to movies like that. I cant watch a movie ie one about Epstein as I know part of the story and I get really anxious if I already know what happens.
            But if Epstein had happened in the 40’s, I really had no idea what the story was, then I could watch it.
            I might be able to read the article if HG does it….not sure.
            But you girls enjoy!!!

            Smooches

        2. Violetta says:

          Smh:

          Wasn’t he suicided? Somebody “helped”him.

          1. SMH says:

            Violetta, I think it’s still an open question. Maybe HG can answer it in his forthcoming analysis 🙂

          2. Bubbles 🍾 says:

            Dear Violetta,
            A private forensic pathologist expert hired by Epstein’s family said it was more consistent with “homicidal strangulation”” than suicide
            Then again, the Chief medical examiner for NYC said he hung himself
            There you have it ??????
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.