10 Seductive Sentences Used By the Narcissist
What is really meant when we say these words.
1. I love you and I always have
My need to seduce you is considerable and therefore I will use language which will appeal to you and be so outlandish that it will blow you away. I do not actually love you. I do not love in the way that you do. I understand that the closest I come to it is infatuation. I am not in fact infatuated with you but more precisely with what you can do for me. My needs are paramount. Yours are largely irrelevant. I write irrelevant because I do take them into account during the seduction but after that they are thrown to one side. I love the fact you fuel me, allow me to steal traits of your for my own use and you give me shelter, meals and money.
2. We are soulmates
I know you are a big believer in emotional concepts such as love, spirituality and the soul. I need to tap into that and I need to do so quickly. I want to suggest that our love goes beyond this earthly plane on which we stand and it is something all the more ethereal and noble. That ought to impress you and cause you to become bound to me. I am not your soul mate, I am here to steal your soul because I do not have one.
3. I have not loved anyone like this before
There will be half a dozen willing witnesses who will testify to the contrary. In my world however I have deleted them from my mind (except when I fancy hoovering them and triangulating them with you for some extra fuel) and there was nothing like what I feel for you now. They are defunct and redundant, an unfortunate reminder of an abuser who trapped me. They do not matter now, you are all that matters to me now, your fuel, to be accurate, is all that matters to me now.
4. I want us to be together forever
There is no want about it. We are already locked together forever. You may not think this and indeed somewhere along the line you will want to escape me, although quite why that is when you are the problem, is beyond me. Anyway, that is for later. Right now you have agreed (although you will never recall having said such words to that effect) to remain my property for the rest of your life. This means that everything you own, have and are now belongs to me and I will deal with it in whatever fashion I see fit. I will use and abuse you over and over again as this is my right. Just when you think I have disappeared I will be back more. This is a life-long covenant.
5. We have so much in common
What a wonderful occurrence, such serendipity that everything you like I like as well. Even better, all the things that you do not like, I do not like either. It as if we are two halves of one perfect person. That is exactly what I see because all I will do is mirror you. I have spent time watching you, observing you, finding out about you from friends and scouring your internet footprint in order to learn as much as I can about you so that I can present myself as mirror image. I actually cannot stand listening to Coldplay but that isn’t going to stand in the way of my replication so I seduce you with incredible speed and ease.
6. I hate it when we are apart
A rare nugget of truth here. I do hate it when we are apart but not for the reasons I have made you think. You think it is because I miss the wonderful, kind, humorous and delightful you. I actually miss all that positive fuel you supply me with when we are together as you are taken in by this illusion that I have created. Moreover I hate the fact that when I am not with you I cannot control your environment and I am concerned that with space to think and breathe you may just see through what I am doing or even worse, you may listen to one of your so-called friends who will be whispering in your ear and briefing against me. I don’t want your head turned elsewhere. I want it looking at me. Always.
7. Nobody can love you the way I do.
Amazingly another piece of truth. Nobody else can love you in this way because none of it is real. This is all made-up in order to attract you and bind you to me because if you saw what I was really like (not that I would ever allow that to happen) you would run screaming and never return. Accordingly, I will love you in a way that you are unlikely to have experienced before by deluging you with desire and then nearly destroying you through malice and vitriolic hatred. Told you I was special.
8. I can’t believe we have only just met. I feel like I’ve known you forever. Let’s live together.
It feels familiar to me because you are giving me positive fuel just like your predecessor and the one before her and the one before her as well. I do not distinguish between you, not really, because you are all appliances to me which I want to ensnare and then drain as you pump out delicious fuel for me to consume. I say this though to make you feel special and because I am obviously so wonderful and brilliant you will be thrilled that someone like me wants to live with you. This will make you grab this marvellous opportunity before you lose it and then I have ensnared you.
9. I need you. I want you. I love you.
Sounds dramatic and romantic doesn’t it? Makes you feel as if everything is focussed on you and I could not live without you. Notice how many times I used the word “I”? That’s because this is all about me and nothing to do with you save for what you can do for me. I really mean that I need your fuel, I want your fuel and I love your fuel.
10. You have saved me.
Yet more drama straight from the romantic handbook. I know your type. That is why I chose you. You like to fix, heal and save. You will have plenty to do in that regard, believe me, but that will come later. For now what I really mean is that you have saved me having to look anywhere else for fuel. Time to feed.
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Red Flag – recognise the tell-tale signs that a narcissist is seducing you.
4 thoughts on “10 Seductive Sentences Used By the Narcissist”
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Whenever one hears such and similar sentences in an early stage of a romantic relationship or sentences like “You are my best friend” or “We have such a great friendship” in an early stage then the inner alarm-bells should ring! LOUDLY! Talking about big love or best friendship in an early stage, without really knowing each other is a HUGE RED FLAG! It is very likely that you have met a Cluster B personality, especially when those seductive words are unrealistic (because you still don´t really know each other). Time to run! Run for the hills and never look back!
Interesting, as always, to see the contrast here in our thinking and the narc’s thinking. You read/see everything differently when it’s brought to light. There is no way you are ever going to assume those things when those words are first being said to you. Why would you? It’s not hard to see where things go wrong once they’re put into context. But the context is what’s lacking right from the very beginning. So, we take everything out of (narc) context and place it in our own empathic one. In our context those are words we long to hear and embrace. And for the narc, they are words they long for us to hear and embrace. There is no two way street.
Thankfully now we can contextualize, at least for past relationships. And we have another layer to add for future reference.
He used them all. I didn’t feel right about him saying it… but it was like an unstoppable force, like someone had handed me ecstasy and I just had to try it…. One of the most difficult things in the aftermath is the realization that I was conned, but he made it so easy to continue being conned. For example… I would say to him ” Last night was not your fault, it’s mine for being stupid enough to fall the lines you feed me” to which he would respond ” You’re human, why beat yourself up ? If someone is saying the sun rises and falls with you of course that will make you feel something. I know it sounds ridiculous, I agree with you, but I’ve never felt this before”. Each time he would convince me my feelings were not valid. That they were normal. And that I was not being conned. The guilt I carry around for acting “stupid” and doing something “wrong” just won’t seem to go away… I expect perfection from myself and need to learn to forgive myself. Everyone speaks of forgiving the abuser (even people I admire like Oprah).. I don’t agree with that advice. The abuser does not need to be forgiven. We need to be able to forgive ourselves… and become indifferent to the abuser. Indifference is the only way out… not forgiveness.