Something That Rings True
One of the ways that enables us to succeed with our manipulations is the ability to do or say something that rings true. Take for instance when we commence our seduction and we tell you that we have been in love with you for several years but never felt able to tell you until now. What happens when something like that is said?
- You are taken aback that someone tells you this out of the blue;
- It feels good however because to be told that someone loves you, appeals to a person’s desire to be loved and especially so with an empathic individual who is a love devotee;
- The concept of somebody loving you silently and from afar also accords with an idea of romance;
- It is a surprise, but a pleasant one, an exciting one which has grabbed your interest.
Some people may be bowled over already because of these things. Their desire to be loved and probably their need to be loved arising out of the damage they have suffered at some point, causes them to embrace this announcement of love with enthusiasm and more to the point, to soon fall in love with the person who has made the announcement.
Some people may be delighted by this sudden declaration, but they query how this might be so. They do not ask the person, they do not wish to be impolite or they do not wish to run the risk of losing this new love, how this has come about. No, instead they consider how this might come to be the case.
“Well, we have known each other since we were at school.”
“Her parents and my parents have always been good friends and kept in touch.”
“We work in the same office. Okay, we do not speak often, but he is still able to see me across the floor every day.”
“We have been members of the same club for years, so it kind of makes sense.”
The victim convinces him or herself because there is something that rings true. If you and the narcissist have known one another for a long time, have mutual connections, frequent the same places, it is entirely conceivable isn’t it, that this person could well have loved you from afar for years? The belief in love, the pleasure gained from being told this, the romantic connotation which arises from this circumstances and then the fact that there is something that rings true, all combines in the mind of the victim and they fall for the declaration.
Even in the rare instance that the victim might just question the bona fides of this declaration of love, we are able to deal with it. How? By again deploying the use of something that rings true.
Take for instance: –
“But we have barely spoken to one another all the time, how can you love me when that is the case?”
“I don’t need to speak to you to know what I feel for you. I have seen the way you are with people, kind, considerate, the way you make people feel at ease, the way you make people laugh, how good you are at your job. Those are all the qualities that made me fall in love with you and more besides.”
More compliments appeal to the listener. It is also likely that the narcissist will have observed his or her victim, spoken to the victim’s friends or colleagues and trawled their social media profile to select additional information which when combined adds to the veracity of the likelihood of someone being in love with the victim.
“But I hardly know you, we just share the same apartment building.”
“Maybe but I see you go past every day and you may not have noticed me, but I have noticed you.”
Again, that is entirely conceivable.
“Years you say, why did you not say anything sooner?”
“Because I wanted to be sure of what I felt. I didn’t want to rush it and I always believe that if something is right, it will come to happen.”
Again, there is a plausibility to what is being said.
We rely on the suggestion that something is true, the fact that it is plausible, the desire of the victim to believe in love, to want romance, to have something wonderful which alleviates the pain of past miseries and combined together makes the magical become not just possible but probable. If you have someone paying attention to you, someone who professes to love you then most empathic individuals want to believe in that and will not want to run the risk of it being de-railed by interrogating the person as to what they really mean. The victim either convinces him or herself that what has been said is genuine, because it has something of the truth about it or if they do ask questions this just provides us with a further opportunity to add further words that have something of the truth about them.
Once you realise that this is a manipulation that our kind deploy, you will spot it happening with alarming frequency or you will look back and realise just how often it was used to con and dupe you, to cause you to think that what we said and did was genuine. All through the suggestion that something has the ring of truth about it.
“I am sorry I said what I did, I have been under a lot of pressure.”
(He has been working hard as of late. He has told me and so have his colleagues)
“I don’t want to make any mistakes this time, please give me a chance to make you happy.”
(She did say she messed up her previous relationships. I guess she has learned from that.)
“I have finally worked out what I need and what I have to give. It has taken me some time, but finally with you, I know it will be right.”
(He has told me about the other relationships he has had which didn’t work.)
“I will repay you when I receive my bonus.”
(He showed me his contract confirming that he was due a bonus a few weeks ago.)
“I won’t hurt you, I have been hurt and I could not do that to anybody else.”
(His family told me has been hurt before.)
“It is a last minute business trip, these things happen. It is only a few days. I will be back before you know it.”
(She has mentioned business trips in the past and it is a demanding place where she works.)
“I am sorry you couldn’t reach me, sometimes I just need some space to work things out, you know how I can go inside myself at times.”
(Yes, he is sometimes quiet.)
“No she is just a friend, you’ve nothing to worry about.”
(He has mentioned her as a friend from school previously.)
Whether it is seducing you, making you do something for us, explaining away your concerns, deflecting blame, refusing to do something or a hundred other manipulations, we have an instinctive ability to cause you to accept what we say and do, believe us or no longer doubt us because of this capacity to add something that rings true. It is only after the event that you come to understand and realise that there was never any truth. The inference, insinuation or hint was predicated on lies.
How is it then that what are lies are somehow given that ring of truth?
The answer to that question is that there is also one other essential ingredient which enables us to deploy this manipulation. What we say, no matter how plausible, how convincing, how persuasive, how truthful it may sound, needs one other thing to make it work. Needs something else in the equation to turn the lie into an apparent and sustainable truth.
Something which is especially receptive to this tactic. Something that is open to its application. Something that allows it to be so effective.
You.
88 thoughts on “Something That Rings True”
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I wonder if lack of rocking horse for little girls everywhere led to Ben Wa. Certainly cowgirl.
Yee Haw!!
I slid down the banister.
Vi
Of course you did.
I had a very deep conversation with a MME. What IS it about washing machines?
I never understood it. Never been moved to climb on the top during the ‘spin cycle’
He explained it. You dont get on top. You place your ‘lady garden’ against a corner of the machine.
Well THAT makes more sense!
Still wont do it.
Bannister are intriguing.
NO! Rocking horses do one thing. Ben Wahs another.
I really need to write ‘Sex and the Empath’
Madam! X
NA
I’m saying nothing!
“I don’t need to speak to you to know what I feel for you. I have seen the way you are with people, kind, considerate, the way you make people feel at ease, the way you make people laugh, how good you are at your job. Those are all the qualities that made me fall in love with you and more besides.”
I get shivers up my spine reading this.. This is basically WORD for WORD what he said to me. I have a hard time believing it was instinctive though. He told me point blank he admires Goodness and Kindness above all other attributes in a partner. He was fully aware he did not love me, as he had made that speech many times before. And yes… I believed it to be true mostly because I know I am a good person, I thought “how amazing, someone who values deep and meaningful interaction like myself”…. I need to get over all of this though. It’s been way too long. I made a mistake. I’ve learned from it. Time to stop dwelling and keep my eye on the road not the rear view mirror.
“But is he kind?” – Meghan Markle
. . . and your hands–and no one else’s–upon the wheel, E007.
Action man.
The original shelver.
Very good!
Sorry to be the fun police but how is barbie better than food?! 😉
Dear NarcAngel,
I have my original box
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Yes Madame.
Precisely what do you mean about ‘The Original Box’?
Enquiring minds need to know!
💛🎩🦊
Dearest Renarde,
Haha, you naughty naughty girl ☺️
I meant the “original” box, barbie came in
Good grief …. that just sounded worse 😱
There’s no way outta this I feel, I give up 😂
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Bubbles:
‘I meant the “original” box, barbie came in’
I see what you did there.
Oh Madame
I’m sure your ‘Original Box’ is fine and dandy!
You might be able to sell it on Ebay!
X
Dearest Renarde,
It might be old, but it’s in pristine condition 🤣
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Madame
I’m sure it is! 💛🎩🦊 x
Dearest Violetta,
😇
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Hahaha. I forgot about action man. How apropos.
Hello Lickemtomorrow 🙂
I’m an only child.
The narc used only child to infer I was spoiled. That’s rubbish. I know this because I always wanted a rocking horse and a bunk bed and I didn’t get either. Or a Barbie house. Barbie house confirms it. Not spoiled!
Saw you comments in reference to babyEmms. I hope she does too x
Hey TS, no bias against only children <3 Most of us who aren't will have wished we were at some stage!
I'm thinking that's a two way street 😉
I was never allowed to own a Barbie doll. My mother pushed her version of politics onto us at an early age. I won't go into it … we've probably had enough of politics elsewhere for now … but it seems your parent's did right by you. I never think only children are spoiled unless their behaviour somehow indicates that.
And, I know for a fact, being an only child in many ways did not work out in favour of my narc.
Thanks for your comments and I'm hoping Baby Emms gets the help she needs too. You've made that possible for her <3
xox
Lickemtomorrow, I know, no bias😘 I was kidding around, although I did always want and never receive the items described. You are right, I always wanted an older brother.
If you spoke to my dad about my childhood now, he would say one of his biggest regrets was that he didn’t get me a rocking horse lol. My dad is an unaware empath, absolutely no doubt in my mind. Mum a normal.
I’m lucky to have had a great childhood with parents I adore. I really feel for those whose accounts I read on here that didn’t have that same support. It’s supposed to be the one relationship you can wholeheartedly rely on isn’t it? At least I know I’m lucky.
Interestingly I never once discussed the narc with my parents. So many indicators when I think logically. I have always discussed boyfriends / potential boyfriends with my parents. This relationship I kept entirely to myself. Out of character, red flag. The more I step back, the more I see.
My mother was the same way about Barbies! “They teach women to be empty-headed clothes horses!” She didn’t even start on the unrealistic physical proportions.
My barbies never had any clothes on.
That was because my Action Man had just called round.
Explains the mussed up hair as well then.
Oh I used to love playing with Action Man Or even better! Evel Kenivel. My God, that man was a fucking liability.
My Barbie alternatively dated Ken, GI Joe and the six million dollar man action figure. Maybe she was the narc…
She didn’t date them, that was a gang bang.
Oh my… . But luckily for Barbie none of the male action figures had genitals….
There was a limited edition Strap On range. Plus he had hands which could really grip.
That’s a very good point SW. Ken dated Barbie. Action man was with Sindy. Which means HG, that your Action Man was two timing my Barbie with Sindy.
Is nothing sacred around here?!
Two timing? That’s for amateurs. My Action Man had the whole aisle in Toys-R-Us on his walkie-talkie.
We reserved debauches like that for Gummy Bears.
Sugar free?
My Ariel doll used to shag my Aladdin doll.
I was a big doll fan. I also loved the troll dolls and I had a porcelain doll called Charlotte but her feet broke off when my sister dropped her.
My (narc) mum forced my uncle to give me his Bucky o’hare action figure and I believe this is part of why he hated me and bullied me lol
Vi
As a young fox cub, I wasnt allowed to watch ‘Grange Hill’. It might have given me ideas you see.
Yeh Ma, I hear you. But, lovely, the things I conjure up never needed to be expanded or inspired upon by the gogglebox.
Tit
V,
My half sister, possibly a N…not sure …dont care….
Anyway she hated barbies also. She has two daughters. When my niece turned 6 I bought her a barbie. I took it out of the box and painted make up on her, and cut up her clothes so that they were really short.. My niece and brother in law loved it.My sister almost had her head exploded. I took my niece tot he side and told her to hide barbie whenever she wasnt playing with her. Not sure where she hid her but barbie was around for about 2 years.
Personally, I don’t agree with my mother. I was a child. There is nothing in me yet that believes I would have been instilled with anything but enjoyment in being able to have and play with that doll. It was popular, everyone had one. They enjoyed dressing them up which is what I would have done, too, and without any hidden agendas being in play. It is fantasy play.
Children do not grow up expecting to look like Barbie because they played with a Barbie doll. I wouldn’t have given any thought to whether Barbie was empty headed or not. She could be whoever I wanted her to be. Once again, fantasy play. I don’t have to assume anything about Barbie’s character because she is a doll and she can be anything I want her to be.
As a girl, I’m going to get boobs. A child doesn’t think about that, or that her boobs should somehow match the size and (?) perfection of Barbie’s. She is not yet sexualized in any way to be considering the meaning of any of these things. By the time she is, she has most likely outgrown Barbie’s and left them in the toy box in her room. I’m sure the boys will have done the same with the Action Man’s and GI Joe’s.
Children engage in fantasy play. Politics does not come into it, nor does it need to as far as I’m concerned.
I wonder if my Junior Psychopath Action Figure set had any influence on me?
Nah HG it was the lack of soft cuddly toys that did you wrong
Oh I had plenty of those, they are interesting to watch as they burn.
My little brother used to put his action men in a helicopter and set it on fire. We had to keep the matches and lighters hidden from him. His pyromania eventually relented, thankfully.
Shame.
“I wonder if my Junior Psychopath Action Figure set had any influence on me?”
No. But you wouldn’t happen to know how my Tiny Tears lost her head would you?
Entirely her own fault
Ha ha. Of course!
“Oh I had plenty of those, they are interesting to watch as they burn.”
Lol! HG you were a scary kid.
Social services would have been involved in these times
Social services never come near families like ours. Victoria aut morte.
@HG
That’s so sad and crazy. Is this because you have enough money to try and sue them or something?
“People like them do not interfere with people like us.”
HG I don’t understand?
They’re above the law Witch. Regular people don’t interfere with powerful and ruthless people.
Listen people…
Dolls were cool don’t get me wrong but you haven’t lived if you haven’t played red rover or manhunt obviously at night on a huge piece of property.
Playing manhunt and tag were more my thing. It’s far more satisfying to run and climb so kids can’t catch you 😂. Some ninja shit!
Dr. HG:
Yes, I agree with you. Those games are much more fun than playing with dolls.
Plus we get to play with the boys!
@MO
So they are afraid that those people will ruin their reputation in some way or sue them because they have the money and connections to do so, so they stay away?
You own them so they look elsewhere.
It’s a class thing. If my family had been inner-city minorities on benefits, CPS might have got involved, but since they were “nice” middle-class people with advanced degrees, I was the designated Problem.
Dr. HQ:
We climbed trees, rode our bikes, went sledding, ice-skating, roller-skating, and wading in the highly-polluted (and therefore proscribed) local creek, which even had tire-swings at some points. Dolls, action figures, Hot Wheels, and board games were for times when we couldn’t play outside.
You had to be home when the streetlights came on. (Showing my age.)
Holy shit!
So your mum must be high up in government or this is some illuminati free masonry weirdo thing
Njfilly,
I def did a double take when I saw your comment cause you called me Dr. HG LMAO.
Oh, I loved playing with the boys! Manhunt and all those games were the best excuse – besides boys always made it more fun. I was never a little girl who was like “ewww boys”.
Violetta,
Hell yeah! lol…
However the last time I went rollerblading was with an ex narcissist who NO JOKE almost got me killed because he knew a “short cut” into this park he wanted to go to. Naturally, the asshole was ahead of me and I was following him and I see an opening and blacktop so I’m thinking I guess this must be this entrance to the park – HAHAHA NO….he lead me down the exit ramp of a fucking parkway and an SUV with three hot guys were in it. I had to make myself fall over onto this grassy patch to avoid flying into their car. My ex narcissist waved for me to come down along the path that crossed over the exit and entrance ramp. I was pissed the fuck off and said I wanted to go home and he was all like “WHY”? I told him I was obviously shook and upset that YET AGAIN this dumbass almost got me killed and had no fucking regard for my safety. He then told me I didn’t get hit and how I ruin everything.
I swear, simple things you wouldn’t think anything of I became anxious about because he had such horrible judgement. WHO THE HELL HAS TO WORRY ABOUT GOING ROLLERBLADING WITH A BOYFRIEND? I became anxious to do ANYTHING within him and now that I think about it he described his ex as once being easy going and then turning into an anxious mess. WOW…I WONDER WHY? That was real fun….
I know a priest who explained the ancient Greek and Roman gods as follows:
“Imagine some Boy Scouts with a bunch of GI Joes and a hibachi….”
@violetta
It’s not inherently a class thing, it’s as I suspected these parents often threaten social workers and use their connections to get the case against them scraped
https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.bbc.co.uk/news/amp/uk-england-london-44084298
Dr. HQ:
Yes, that was an interesting typo I made!
I loved playing with the boys. Their games were more fun. They were exciting, adventurous risk takers! I understand this does not apply to all boys and not all girls are boring as I certainly wasn’t.
V, I am sitting in the corner deeply ashamed. When I was a child in my homeland a Barbie doll was a rare commodity. A girl in our neighbourhood had a Barbie doll because her father travelled overseas for work. She was a kind girl and we played together with Barbie. I remember thinking “ Yeah, one day when I grow up I want to be like Barbie “😂😂🤣”.
Before seeing this Barbie doll I was a tomboy 🤣. I found the dolls boring , much more existed to play with the boys than with my dolls .
They certainly taste better best if one is upside down. Not entirely sure why, but pineapple is my favorite.
Well quite frankly, I wouldn’t say PN was a spoiled brat but he did wrap his mum around his finger. I’m sure he was ever so charming and funny. He was an only child. Funny considering both were Catholics. Cant imagine how that worked out in the bedroom!
I did have a Barbie house and three of the dolls. I got cross with the first Barbie and snipped off all her hair. No idea why.
Sindys though, were the Devils Spawn. Had one. It didnt agree with me
Imani´s life matters too.
i used to cut my Barbie’s hair and put her into sex positions with Ken. Am I a sociopath?
Shit, capital I. Let me go kill now. “He was always cooking but never bought any groceries”–the neighbors of Jeffery Dahmer.
My Lesser Dad’s name was Jeff. Just sayin’.
No, just a pervy hairdresser.
Not being allowed to explore my inner sociopath is the bit that really gets to me 😛
Bibi
Shocked I am! That’s something I’d expect Alexis to come out with!
Let me shock you further, Renarde (or maybe not!): I had 2 or 3 Barbie dolls but no Ken or Action Man, so my Barbie dolls just had sex with one another.
Now I am ripe for the nunnery …
Action Man was watching this sapphic journey of exploration using his Eagle Eyes from outside the Barbie House.
Hg
Those eagle eyes tho’
Fiddleress
Orf you henceforth go!
I shall pray for your harlot soul.
Well, Renarde, praying for my harlot soul until it is cleansed is going to keep you well and truly busy!
(For some reason, I have always loved the word ‘harlot’; so I have just checked the etymology, and it comes from the French – who else? It originally meant ‘naughty’. Quite apt!)
Fiddy
Yup. Harlot is an excellent word but not as good as ‘The Whore of Babylon’. Dirty Jezebel is also a good ‘un.
I’ve been called all three in the last few weeks. No idea and I can’t remember who did it and why. Must have got up someone’s nose.
I pray for your black soul to ensure you get even worse!
[Snurk]
Always go darker. X
Someone else with a Barbie house I didn’t have. Probably had a rocking horse as well.
Truth
No rocking horse for me but I wanted one ever so bad.
I’m not sure what gender our Gummy Bears were supposed to be, but they do squish together best if one is upside down
Vi
Yeah, am I the only one on here who didnt use inanimate objects to reenact the Karma Sutra?
Renarde,
Just another scar we carry. Add it to the list!
Duly noted.
My, our lists now are getting very long!
Mine used the excuse of being an only child for a number of manipulations. One was when he was less considerate and, of course, that was because he hadn’t had the need to consider others in that context. The other manipulation surrounding that was when he would triangulate at times and use this as a way to align himself with others who were only children and exclude me because I wasn’t an only child (if that makes sense?)