The Seven Truths About Narcissistic Friendships
- Our friends don’t really like you
The people that we choose to provide our inner and outer circle of friends have all been charmed by us and roped into our sphere of influence for the purpose of providing us with fuel, traits and residual benefits. They in return are granted repeated audiences with ourselves, they are able to gaze on the Sun King and benefit from their association with such a social titan. When you are admitted to my sphere of influence as an intimate partner these friends of mine only like you because they know that this is their role and they must do so in order to remain able to attend my court. Should I give the instruction they will turn their backs on you in an instant. Never believe that you can turn to them in a moment of need. You will head straight into a brick wall. Should you be admitted into my sphere of influence as another member of the inner or outer circle then these friends are your competitors. They are all seeking my favour, either to remain in the inner circle or to achieve promotion to it, such is the allure and attraction of being friends with me. These other friends will smile and welcome you, because that is what is expected of them but they are smiling assassins who will pounce and delight in plunging the dagger of isolation and ostracising into your back should I will that to happen. You are entering a viper’s nest.
- It is a one-way street
You will benefit from your association with me as a friend and you will enjoy my company, who would not when I am charming, magnetic and interesting but you are only allowed to occupy this positon so long as you are giving. You must provide me with the fuel to keep me topped-up through your praise and admiration. I expect you to be an errand boy for me, you will carry out my machinations on my behalf when I require you to manipulate someone by proxy, you will get me things, give me things and do things for me all because you want to stay in the elevated position of my friendship. It is also highly likely that I will possess some information about you or something you want which compels your compliance also. You are the giver and I am the taker. It is one way.
- Our friends do not know what we are
The blazing brightness of our brilliance is such that it obscures what we really are. Any complaints about our behaviour will be met with rejection and a confused response. They have always been treated well by us. We let them join us and we allow them to follow in our wake which has numerous benefits. They have no idea what we actually are for if they did they would not continue to be part of our retinue. They do not want to know any different however because they have been brainwashed into thinking that the status quo is to their advantage and therefore they see no reason to entertain anybody who seeks to usurp us.
- Your friends are all targets
I have no interest in making friends with your friends. They are beneath me but I will regard them as targets. There may well be your replacement amongst them and how satisfying would that be to corrupt one of your supporters to turn against you and sit at my right hand? I will charm and ensure that your friends think well of me as this will not only make my seduction of you as my primary source far easier, it will also provide me with fuel, traits and residual benefits as well. You friends are targets to be my new primary source, members of my coterie and even lieutenants so that I have a fifth columnist in your camp willing to act on my behalf when the inevitable devaluation begins.
- Our friendships are defined by their usefulness
As I have explained the concept of friendship for us is all about what we can take from it and therefore so long as someone is providing us what we require, complying with our wishes and carrying out what we want then the friendship will endure. Should one of our friends see through us, turn against us or begin to fail in their assigned role it is of little consequence to us that we may have known them for ten years or more. It is of no concern that we go drinking with them every Friday, if they do not function as a constituent appliance then they will be switched off, excluded and replaced. We make friends easily and we keep them far easier than you might think. Very few leave us. We usually do the jettisoning.
- Our friends must never outshine us
We like our friends to be beautiful and handsome but not better looking than us. We like to have a beautiful crowd around us, it signals to the world that we are special. We want the interesting folk, the talented, the successful and so forth as we are able to steal traits from all of these people to accentuate our own success and popularity so we are better able to seduce more people into our sphere of influence. We want them to achieve, look good, be fascinating so long as none of them outshine us. We benefit from the reflected glory but it must not shine brighter than our star otherwise someone will have to be exited. There is only room for one king on this throne.
- We appear to like our friends but we like their fulfilment of The Prime Aims really
The members of our inner or outer circles often appear to be liked by us. This is purely the outer manifestation of our fuel-filled selves. What we really like is that our friends are satisfying The Prime Aims. The fact we say you are a good badminton partner, really means that you provide us with fuel and the residual benefit of having someone to undertake some sporting exercise with. The fact we declare we enjoy our morning lift-share with you, really means we enjoy the fuel you provide and that you are providing the residual benefit of enabling us to save money. Remain within our control, fulfil one or more of the prime aims and as a friend, a Non Intimate Secondary Source you will appear to be liked.
3 thoughts on “The Seven Truths About Narcissistic Friendships”
It always blows my mind there aren’t really any things or people your kind actually enjoys. Like do you really never taste a meal and think it’s the best “xyz” you ever had ? Are you able to enjoy the taste of food ? The narc I dated said he liked to get high in order for food to be less boring… he wasn’t exactly dining at 5 start restaurants, but… I never understood having to enhance everything with drugs.
His comment about getting high was said to provoke you into responding. Everything around us, is used a leverage in order to control.
“This jalfrezi is outstanding, you are an excellent cook.” – benign manipulation when you are painted white.
(Same jalfrezi) “I have tasted better, I must admit.” – malign manipulation when you are painted white.
The taste of the jalfrezi is irrelevant, it is how the taste (good or bad) can be used for the purposes of control.
Interrsting. He wasn’t commenting on my cooking (I rarely cooked for him as an IPSS) but I was trying to get some insight on his drug habit… have an “open” conversation. So that would make sense he’d want to provoke me during that conversation. As he probably felt challenged (even though i asked nicely and was genuinely trying to understand). Thank you for the clarification.