Sex : How the Narcissist Views Sex and The Role It Plays In Your Entanglement
No holds barred and no strings attached
The only unnatural sex act is that which you cannot perform
Read about how the narcissist views and uses sex and how you are central in that
Also available in paperback on Amazon
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164 thoughts on “Sex : How the Narcissist Views Sex and The Role It Plays In Your Entanglement”
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DM subtitle:
Gamer and self-proclaimed sex addict Erik Estavillo is suing Twitch, claiming the video gaming platform has too many ‘scantily clad’ players
The players affecting Estavillo, all women, caused him to masturbate and hurt his penis, according to the suit which seeks $25 million in damages
Think I’ll leave he story til later and hit the comments. This is going to be a fun one.
Vi
You have GOT to be kidding me?
Talk about the gery definition of a vexatious litigent!
BC30
you say you are standard/super/gyser. I am standard/contagion/super/co-d. Even with the little bit of co-d that I have (7%) I wonder if beside the addiction that little bit of CD makes me hang on a little longer.
The contagion makes perfect sense for me. I have always backed away from things where I know the other person is going to get hurt.
I ahve been binge watching Bones. I really cant stand the main character but I keep reminding myself that is her personalilty. Well she never beleived in marriage but purposed to her baby daddy int he 7th season. He said yes. Serial killer comes along and tells baby daddy he needs to break off the engagement or he will kill Bones and the daughter. I can watch no more of it from that point or need to skip way ahead and get out of that story line. I know it all works out in the end but I cant bear to see this fictional character that I dont even like get hurt.
Sorry for running on. I am also a Geyser……
How am I just now seeing this?! 🙊 I don’t know about the Co-D, except that it seems to be common.
Some narcs (Cerebral?) refuse ANY sex (and rather j… off) and claim to wait for THE “perfect one” – THE unicorn (who of course does not exist).
Leela
That’s quite a cunning one. The unicorn never exists as you say. They do this to cover up their own shortcomings [snurk], whilst blaming, deflecting against you.
Only can happen for so long though…
I have read the book. It actually upset me a lot through the first part, because I was still thinking of my latest and last narc then and I was upset that I didn’t even get any of the good bit! (Didn’t last long enough to have any of the bad bits either. It was just bland.)
I had experienced unbelievably great sex before him, with two others (no, not at the same time…) who may well have been narcs, now that I think about it. And it was indeed addictive. But I was younger and had less ‘patience’ back then, so I finally chose freedom over fantastic sex.
As I continued reading, the upset became dismay as it reminded me of yet another one, years and years ago, who contributed to my moving out of a country I loved just to escape from him. Well, he did the weird things, but was not so great to start with. He hated intimacy alright.
As for the final question at the end of the book, HG – tempting as it may be: thank you, but no thanks!
This is how effective this book is.
Jolly good.
Loved the last sentence in the book too – I laughed so hard!! 😀 😀 😀 But my answer is also: No thank you! 😀 😀 😀
Sensible.
Finished the book! Wow, what should I say? Crazy! Interesting! Fascinating! Now I understand why “my” narc “friend” prefers to j… off instead of having sex with some women. It was pretty hard to see sex with the narcs eyes cause I personally I love sex and enjoy it a lot. Glad that I have never been the IPPS of a narc! Wow is that cruel! I know it´s not your fault, narcs, but THIS is really torture! 🙁 Wow that made me cringe! I know narcs are great manipulators but, hey girls/guys, if a narc would have done THIS to me, I would have left him within the blink of an eye! Why do women (and some men?) bear this? Why do you stay? This is something which would have made me escape within very short time! What I read in the book would be a HUGE relationship-K.O-criterium for me which means: bye bye narcy and f.. you!
Hello Leela,
When people read all of the devaluation techniques back to back I can understand that they would think, “No way, I would never stand for that.” I think of it as a sliding scale. It happens slowly over time. A little nudge out of your comfort zone here, a little experimentation there. Slowly you progress down the scale. You aren’t being held and cuddled in one minute then in the depths of degradation the next.
Empaths have an immense capacity for love. They are wired to forgive, Wired to find out why people behave in the way they do. They are often driven to fix and to heal and many find it difficult to give up hope on someone. They put others first, particularly those they love. All kinds of different traits in varying strengths build up different kinds of empaths. It is why they are selected in the first place, these traits mean they will stay and fight for the relationship, pumping out fuel as they go. Their strengths becoming their weaknesses.
It’s a gradual process. Would you stay if your usually tender and amazingly good lover was a bit rough with you one night? Or, might you think, “He was just being over passionate, releasing stress from a bad week of work, didn’t realise how rough he was being.” Is it possible you might make an excuse for him?
Everyone’s boundaries are different so their experiences will be different, some more shocking than others, but equally heartbreaking for the people concerned. Knowing your boundaries is great, it’s important and sticking to them is even better. Just beware of them being nudged.
Very good point about how gradual it is. Mine was a passionate lover and 90 percent of the time it just seemed like passionate normal sex. He would cuddle with me afterward etc. It wasn’t until about 6-8 months in he started to suggested odd things… in this case… if I was uncomfortable I wouldn’t do it. However I wonder had I stayed longer in the relationship just how far my boundaries would have been pushed.
It´s better NOT to think about it. But that´s exactly what I meant with “crossing the line”. Congratulations that you were strong enough to say NO and to escape. Good job! I think I would have reacted the same way.
Thank you very much, truthseeker. I wonder is that all about empathy or just a very low self-esteem? I think the latter. I think at some point some peoples self-esteem kicks in and they start to stand up for themselves.
Low self esteem is part of the equation, yes. However in my case that was really more unconscious, as I’m an outgoing person who has a decent life, friends etc. It took a lot of soul searching to realize deep down I feel a sense of worthlessness… not exactly easy to admit, but an essential part of me healing was understand these things about myself.
With that said. Almost anyone can get scammed by a narc. Even other narcissists do. I’ve seen it with the one I dated he confused the heck out his ex narc girlfriend lol. So I’m always working on forgiving myself for
Simply being human… and making a mistake.
Yes, we ALL are only human beings and of course we make mistakes. But you know what? The most important thing is that we get up afterwards and LEARN from our mistakes. 🙂
Hi Leela,
Interesting, what you say about self-esteem.
Instead of ‘less patience’ in my earlier post, I was going to write: ‘I had more self-respect’ a few years ago. And probably more self-esteem. However, it didn’t stop me staying in a relationship with a narcissist for nine years (that is the longest relationship I’ve ever had; I was IPPS), and I came out of it drained of the incredible energy and enthusiasm I had before meeting him, and in the first few years I was with him. The way that relationship undermined me was insedious – slow and ‘silent’; there were very infrequent arguments because true to myself, I just bottled it all up most of the time. And as you say, I came out of it with low self-esteem. I am not so sure that it was very low before.
It took me a few years to get over it, during which I remained mostly single, but without any understanding of what had happened to me. And sure enough, I came across another narc last year. At least, this mostly horrible but thankfully short ‘relationship’ led me to narcsite, so in the end I got something out of it! Something that is invaluable.
Now that I am here, thanks to HG and to everything narcsite offers, things are shifting fast in my life, and that is how I like it. I can feel all this energy of mine coming back.
You seem to be doing all right, from the posts I have read from you. Hope this is so, and good for you!
“I can feel all this energy of mind coming back”
That’s amazing. What a wonderful thing you’re healing ❤️
I’m curious about the narc you argued infrequently with… was he passive aggressive in nature? Would he try and start arguments but you wouldn’t engage ? Or was the silent treatment his fav tool ?
I’m just trying to picture a relationship with a narc. That entails little arguing … and it’s hard for me to picture lol. Also I was with a man for 15 years whom I’ve always had question marks about… I wrote him off as not a narc because we did not argue much either, and I didn’t seem to go through any devaluation periods (not that the two experiences would be the same I’m just curious – I like to hear peoples stories)
If you’d like to share feel free. And so glad you’re feeling like yourself again ! That’s major !
Thank you Empath007, though I’ll try not to cry victory too soon, this time!
That narc was passive aggressive indeed. Middle Mid-Range. The Golden Period lasted for almost a year, until I got pregnant, sadly (though he had wanted this child too, or so he said). That was when the devaluation started, but it was seldom savage. He mocked people behind their backs, and what was important to me to my face, but as he came from a different country (and one that we have a history of seeing as deeming themselves ‘superior’), I passed it off as a cultural thing on his part.
He was quite silent most of the time, or usually lovely when we spoke – when he was sober. But he drank frequently, come evening, and then the dirt came to the surface. I knew it was no use engaging in an argument, so I didn’t. It was generally useless to talk about it afterwards, or he would offer false – as I now know – contrition. That’s where it f*cked with my mind.
But that is long gone (over ten years).
How are you getting along yourself, Empath?
I meant to write “insidious”, not “insedious”.
Must have been thinking of the ‘seed’ he planted – a child.
Hey Fiddleress,
yes I´m doing alright now 🙂 I´m no IPPS so I can handle that well. Another reason why I´m here is that I have a narc daddy. That´s a bit harder than being a NISS of a narc. 😉 This site also helped me to forgive my dad for everything he has done to me.
Truth
Your experiences and mine are in accordance. The pushing of boundaries is a monumental Narc trick. With some, they just bulldozer over them.
In my trawling through Relationship boards one thing comes up time and time again, rape.
Almost always with an IPPS. Almost always when the female is asleep.usually worn out through looking after children. Usually small ones.
Their posts are heartbreaking.
Is this rape?
What did I do wrong?
I dont want to split up the family.
Couples Counselling?
The entire board is now screaming, YES!
The erosion, which as you say, is always usually the preserve of the male MRN. Boiling frog. The gradual trespassing over the females’ boundary condition. Interference in the night is a shocking crime.
A lot of males have this fantasy and it’s ever so common, that they want to be woken up to a blowie.
I just refuse. Not whilst they are asleep because I might be the one in the dock as they plead, but I could not give Informed Consent. And that would be true. One cannot give ‘blanket consent’ in law.
Hey Renarde,
I think the way we view things is definitely similar yes. I can imagine we might not always agree, but we would get where the other was coming from and why. I like that. Good to look at things in a broader way occasionally.
I came here searching for confirmation that I was interacting online with a narcissist. I had realised I was an empath, or at least empathic. I stumbled across a site that talked about energy vampires. Narcissists being one. Then found my way here. HG confirmed the guy concerned is a narcissist. My interactions were mostly online though. 4 yrs off and on, different countries, big life changes, one constant. So I can’t say I have undergone a devaluation, can’t even say I was an IPPS. There we are different. You could argue I know nothing. Haven’t been through it, but as I said to the narc once,”Are our conversations worth less because they weren’t held across a table in a restaurant?”I fell asleep talking to him most nights. Late nights are my worst time. I ache to message him. Apart from the silent treatments, I messaged, he answered, was always the same. But comparatively, others on here know far more and have been through far worse.
That said, ‘best sex ever guy’ who H.G. has not had the pleasure of analysing, ticked a lot of boxes as regards HG’s Sex and the Narcissist. Boundaries pushed, overt in public, Use of mirrors, video, sex on his golf course at night. Yes the sprinklers came on. There was just something I couldn’t put my finger on. Too nice, showed up uninvited, very vain, all sorts, too many to list. I just never fully bought into him. I ended it without too much heartache. I suspect I dodged a bullet.
All to say, I see things very similarly, I just don’t have your depth of experience or stripes from being on the site. But I will. I enjoy reading your comments, they are always thought out, honest, you.
Hi Leela,
Glad you found the book helpful ! 🙂
To answer your questions as to why we stay ?
It starts with Emotional Thinking and the fact that people who are ensnared do not have this information going into the relationship. We are all basing our interactions off of instinct, not information. Many of us discovered this information on this site until after the abuse had already taken place, and are often left broken and confused by the many manipulative behaviors we’ve endured. Also, not every narc is the same… not all choose the same manipulations.
An abusive relationship is extremely addictive. The Golden Period for example is the initial “High” , like any addict crashing on drugs… the victim is constantly chasing the re creation of this “High” AND the narc will grant them respite periods of return, keeping them in the addictive cycle. The behaviors surrounding sex are but another manipulation, used for the purposes of control. And that’s exactly what’s happening.. the victim is being controlled.
It’s easy to sit and judge those in relationships getting smacked around, pushed, bruised and broken from the outside and say “Who the hell would put up with that”…. As many people do not understand the power of Emotional Thinking and what it does to the victim. A lot of victims may have no support system, feel a great amount of fear (any number of things) and will have a difficult time finding there way out. Not everyone has access to education and resources, and sometimes even those that do will find themselves in abusive cycles for years.
You say you would have escaped in a very short time…. and that may be true… I was only with my narc for a year, I did not endure it for very long either, but I have access to support systems and am educated and interested in educating myself on issues. However, look at the impact your friends behaviors had on you and you weren’t even in a relationship.. which lead you here… because the relationships with them (no matter what form) can often be confusing !
I’m glad nothing happened and you were able to receive the information you needed. Go no contact. And move forward knowing you don’t need that friendship in your life 🙂 I hope that was helpful in trying to help you understand victims, and why they stay in the cycle of abuse.
Hey empath 007 x
I thought the same when I read your comment too. Making the same point with emphasis placed on different elements.
“We are all basing our interactions off of instinct, not information.”
That is so true. It is also what irritates me most about my involvement with the narcissist. My instincts are good. I use them all the time, every day of my life to read people, to rule in or rule out, to make decisions, work with this person or not. It impacts across the board. I use instincts to reach, ‘ feel a person’ understand better why they are upset, down, angry. I place myself where they are, sink, and haul them back up with me and I’m bloody good at it. I have helped several people this way. One was a manic depressive who used to cut. He reached out to me and bit by bit, we made it out of there. He still checks in with me now and he is doing so well. I did that, I used instinct to do it and I helped, I made a difference.
So now, for me to have to question those instincts, it’s a big deal. It suggests an element of doubt in something that I relied on in entirety. It suggests a weakness and a fault. That pisses me right the way off if I’m entirely honest.
I can reconcile it by looking at it in a non romantic versus a romantic way. Non romantic, it’s likely my instincts are good and to be relied on. Romantic, given my addiction, less so.
The interaction with the confirmed narc was mostly online. I can’t feel through a screen. Maybe it was that. I met him after months of online communication and so saw what I expected to see. I felt him lie during that date, and still disregarded that lie. I was already in.
There are numerous reasons why I might have failed to pick up on it. Addiction to narcissists and ET being among them. I still should have picked up on it though. At least now with increased understanding I will have my guard up. The drawbridge will be fully up going forward. No one gets anything from me romantically speaking until I’m sure they are not another narcissist. HG can help me with that, so there I’m good.
I think I might be entering my angry phase. Good. I’ll go with that. Do you think covering a dart board with the face of my narcissist is a healthy response?
The interaction made me
Doubt myself a lot too. It’s amazing how much we beat ourselves up over a mistake. Because that’s all it was… a mistake.
And yes to the dart board ! Haha. That or a voo doo doll. Haha.
Thank you very much, Empath! VERY well explained. My heart goes out to all the victims who had to endure years and years of narcissistic abuse. Yes, any kind of relationship with a narc is extremely confusing and the Love Bombing is extremely powerful! 🙁 I just can roughly imagine it, I experienced it too but “only” as friend. I understand that narcs make their IPPS kind of dependent, kind of addicted. The neurotransmitters and hormones are flowing! I can relate to that one, I understand also that the narc makes the devaluation in “salami slices” as H.G. wrote. I just thought that at some point…. the narc would have definitely crossed the line with me! At some point I have enough pride and self-worth that I stand up for myself and say NOT WITH ME, narcy! You know what I mean? But on the same time I also understand that not everybody is strong enough to stand up for themselves and the narc gradually destroys they victims self-confidence. I´m so sorry for all the IPPS victims 🙁
I got ensnared too by the Love Bombing because I was sick at that time. I knew something was off here but I had a weak moment and a pretty bad phase in my life. Yes it feels good when somebody cares a lot about you. The fake “care” did so good! I thought “Wow what a good friend I can rely on”. A couple of month later it was the opposite! I had a rough time and he didn´t care at all! I was terribly hurt and started the research. I knew something was really off here, something was not right. And here I am 😉 Even as NISS you have a hard time, I suffered a lot from cognitive dissonance, I couldn´t believe it! I didn´t wanna believe it! It was ALL facade! An Angel with the Dirty Face! I can just roughly imagine how former IPPS feel and my heart goes out to them. 🙁
Yes they often prey on us while we are in a weak moment. Very common. Even as a NISS you will be hoovered. So stand your ground… there’s no place in your life for that sort of friend !
Life is better when it´s narc-free 😉 Another narc is pretty hard to get out of my life: my dad! 🙁
I loved this book. The best book written by HG thus far. An absolute must read. It took me forever b/c I am a big prude but thankfully I have an expansive fantasy. Tee hee.
HG, when you speak about that girl who is a ‘rain cloud’ I think you must have met me!
I laugh so I do not cry.
Coffee54
His 100 day Mount Everest semen retention challenge is just a fancy way of saying:
I’m going to be sucking my own dick (and swallowing).
Haha !
NA:
Some guys think a long bouncy-bouncy is greater than or equal to substantial foreplay.
Accept no substitutes.
Quite so.
LMAOOOOOO
Wow! This book is really a good Friday night reading! The beginning sounds nice first, then I went: “WTF???!!” and then came the cringe! Wow! Don´t have to watch the “Saw”-movies – H.G.s books a the real cringy thrillers. This is really a good Friday the 13th reading 😉 Scarier than any horror movie. 😉 Not finished yet of course but what I read so far really gave me goosebumps!
The thing about emotional attachment and sex,
A cervical orgasm is the highest form of a woman experiencing love with sex. Through rape, yes there is high emotional fuel…such as terror, shame, etc. But if a woman has a cervical orgasm, high douses of oxytocin are released for 72 hours and all she feels is love.
The only other time a woman experiences oxytocin like this is during childbirth. I consider myself extremely lucky this hasn’t happened with a narc. Once I learned about this, I was always terrified of that possibility happening with the wrong person. You could be bound forever to them.
Imagine a narc activating high levels of oxytocin for 72 hours straight, every time you had sex with them.
Well, that explains a lot.
Don’t have to imagine. Only have to remember. But don’t really care to.
Coffee what is a cervical orgasm and how does it normally happen?
A woman’s cervix is an sexual organ, not just for making babies. So it can be stimulated via sex or a toy. Women that are paralyzed and have no feeling can have them because There are 3 long nerves that run from the cervix to the brain 🧠 so it is the most powerful form of an orgasm. It is the highest you can get. A lot of women hold pain and emotions there, according to Kama sutra and tantric sex gurus. So it can take some work so it is not physically painful to be stimulated. There are actual cervical massage therapists that help with this. Any woman can have one.
Thank you Coffee very interesting!!!
Ah, so THAT’s what the cocktail I used to drink in the Union Building at my Scottish Uni refered to. It was called ‘screaming orgasm’. I always had that cocktail with a friend after we’d done our shopping together. No wonder we enjoyed doing our weekly shopping for food back then, and why the idea of doing the shopping has been so unappealing since Uni.
I have to ask though, you ever had one? I have and I dont recognise the description.
Renarde,
No I have not, and thank god because it would’ve been with a narc.
I was close, though. I had prepared myself for that very moment, only to get scared and stop it!
We had tried for months, in the way a therapist would. Next thing I know, tears are running down my face for NO apparent reason. I wasn’t sad or happy or mad.
And the second before it felt like it was going to happen, there was an intensity of uncertainty, paired with another feeling/sensation (can’t describe it, really.) and I chickened out. It was very strong.
I have read about this blissful phenomena and the few women I know that have experienced CO, told me about their potency.
The consensus was: feels like falling in love all over again, a natural high. 🥰
This is the ultimate pinnacle for me, the Holy Grail I hope to reach one day, (but not with a narc).
Coffee
They are elusive but I’ve had a few. And yes, with a narc. A MME.
I could go on at length but the concept if crying without true emotional import behind it, is one that I deeply recognise. It’s been happening to me for 20 years.
Hmm. I wonder if there is a Geyser element to you too?
Suggest the EDC.
I’ll take two and an iced caramel macchiato please!
LOL IKR!
It is achievable through a deep penetration ( think doggy for instance).
My ex was skilled giving that but to be with a Narc just for the physical pleasure it is not worth it .
Hint: you can experience the same pleasure ( on a physical level) with a normal guy or with an Empath, trust me.
I think it’d be wayyyyyyy better with an empath. Everything would be better with Empaths. Anything a narc gives you comes with a high price…your soul.
That’s not necessarily true.
That´s exactly what they want! That´s why some narcs are really “great lovers”, their goal is exactly this: binding you to them forever, making you addicted to them.
Well there’s something to look into. Narcs remedying the opioid crisis through oxytocin release therapy. Different addiction, but at least they’d be breaking into narcs homes for sex instead of our houses for anything they can steal.
NarcAngel
Hahahahaha!
I’d rather cuddle a puppy. Plenty of oxytocin right there, and no stalking or litigation.
But not a mini James Corden though.
So interesting. I read once it can take up to 18 months for our hormone levels to come back to normal after a toxic relationship. Personally I found this to be true.
O wow that is so interesting, I need to look into this.
Empath007
That’s not generally true.
Coffee
In the politest way, that’s utter nonsense. 72 hours? No way, no how!
Having experienced vaginal, clitirol, anal and cervical (rare) plus sub space, sub drop and sub frenzy and let’s not forget female ejaculation..its just simply not true!
I’ve also experienced Dom Drop. That’s intriguing!
It is true in my experience that subs, females, can undergo all kinds of emotional experiences. That’s because, largely, they are giving a MASSIVE amount of energy out during the act. This leaves them depleted, maybe even weepy. Goodness, the amount I’ve Geysered, crying my heart out after sex is a lot.
The way I see it is that so much energy builds up that it has to be released. And quickly too. Hence crying and read “Fuel’.
But I’ve always recovered in 24 hours. Maybe other women are different but I highly doubt it.
Empathic women often mistake what they percieve as reciprocal love for fuel. No wonder they get upset.
As to oxytocin. Yeah, it happens but at the end of the day it’s just a chemical stimulus and should be recognised as such.
You just gave me some new terms to Google lol!
I don’t remember exactly how the oxytocin is released from that process.
I did have a book on it years ago, the author referenced medical journals or something of the sort, to explain it.
Maybe the levels wane after the initial surge? I’m not sure.
And I’ve also experienced the crying, unrelated to CO that you mentioned. It was only with one person and one time during our relationship, it happened 50% of the time. And yes, that’s exactly how it felt to me too. You describe it perfectly, like there’s so much energy to be released…it has to come out your eyes lol
Coffee
Oh in total agreement!
It’s a very strange thing indeed. To feel emotions such as grief, despair, sadness. They aren’t your own which is utterly bizarre.
Never cried for more than 30s. Then I’m ok! Must be weird for the man. I make it a point to warn the partner before.
The other thing I warn about is female ejaculation as some men can be absolutly horrid.
One day, as a challenge, I took a glass and made myself come in it. I took a picture. The liquid contained within was quite cloudy but certainly pale. There was a faint, yellowish tinge but that’s understandable.
We all know if you where to deliberately wee in a glass it would be clear and a distinct yellow.
Anyway, that’s my party trick!
Gushing IS real. To deny that denies a sacred part of female sexuality.
And any female can do it.
** NA makes a note to ensure there are eyes on Renarde and her glass at all times during the Annual Tudor Christmas Ball**
(Also lock down the billiard room and anything that rocks).
Ha ha!
Of course the real trick is to get someone to drink it!
I’ll go first.
@Renarde, you’re a Geyser? Me too, but I don’t cry in relation to sex. However, I have a lot of issues related to sex. I’ve been on post-narc NSA frenzy, but I think it is coming to an end. I fall in love or the man might as well be a sex doll– there is no in between. I orgasm 99.99% of the time. Maybe that is part of the problem? Of course, dating v. scene is different (among other things), so I am not always giving out massive energy.
blackcoffee
Utah, I am a Geyser. But that’s the smallest of the three main strands.
CD Saviour, Contagion then Geyser. Carrier and Magnet came up as inconsequential in the EDC which suprised me.
A post narc NSA frenzy sounds excellent.
Having such a high orgasm rate is unusual. With the MME, mine was that high too. With the exH, a UMS, huge stretches of time would go past without me having one.
The last, a MME, taught me so much about sex. He was game for everything except Domming me. Would not do it. And I’m an experienced Dom myself. Neither was he a sub. He did let me thrash him once. He just wanted the experience.
I put some lovely stripes on his arse.
Just from reading comments on here when others reveal their ED/TD results I can read it in their posts/voices. Very cool. I’m Standard/Super and Geyser. I have good amount of everything except CD.
I now realize I was IPSS to another N before this most recent one. He was the best I’ve ever had, by far. 100% somatic obsessed with his looks, quite well-endowed and actually very handsome, unlike the N that followed. God he smelled delicious too, wore Creed and Versace.
I can’t Dom. I get bored. 😮
BC30
Acuctriments are all well and good.
But the mark of a true man is in his brain.
COFFEE I BELIEVE YOU’RE CORRECT, MY NOW , AS OF NEARLY TWO WEEKS LESSER NARC STARTED TAKING ME OUT LATE AT NIGHT FOR COFFEE AFTER HUBBY PASSED AWAY NOT DRINKING THE STUFF FOR TWENTY YEARS . THERE WE WERE SITTING IN MY CAR IN THE FREEZING WINTER IN THE DARK.IN MOONLIGHT HE STARTED YELLING GOING NUTS AT ME GETS OUT THROWS HIS COFFEE ON THE GROUND THREATENS TO LEAVE ME THERE . WALKS AWAY ( ,,MY CAR , I CAN’T DRIVE IT , NEEDED NEW HIPS ) SO CALLED TO HIM , YOU CAN’T LEAVE ME . NARC SAID , FIND YOUR OWN WAY HOME , SO I SHOT MY BIG CUP OF COFFEE CUP UP AND SAID, I’LL CALL THE POLICE AND TELL THEM YOU HIT ME .
NOW I KNOW ,, H.G. TAUGHT US ABOUT THE FUEL THING AND YOU JUST ANSWERED THE INTENSE SEX THING, WOW !
WE HAD COFFEE EVERY NIGHT FOR A LONG TIME !
AND I GOT HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE ALSO , THANKS
What an ass…
Have you read Sex by H.G. yet?
There are some pretty sadistic elements behind their insatiable desires for sexual stimulation.
They don’t feel that sex with a person is any different from using their hand. No sense of connection, only physical response to the act.
It’s actually in my top 5 of his.
Speaking of unsatisfactory sex:
DM headline: “Ansel Elgort accused of sexually assaulting 17-year-old girl in 2014 after meeting her on social media”
Note: 16 is legal in UK, he was 19, she was willing, and her complaint was not that he seems to have been unusually rough, but that he didn’t stop when she cried because it hurt (1st time). She says repeatedly that she was only 17.
“Instead of asking me if I wanted to stop having sex knowing it was my first time and I was sobbing in pain and I didn’t want to do it the only words that came out of his mouth were ‘we need to break you in’ I WASNT there in that moment mentally….”
What does the Tudorverse think of his behavior? Is he an abuser and/or a narcissist, or just a lousy lay?
There are some cuddle-selfies, which some speculate were post-defloration. There’s a theory she had buyer’s remorse because she wanted a relationship and it was just a one-off (or just wants a payoff now). Is anyone that unrealistic at 17? When I was 13, everybody knew what would happen if you went backstage with your favorite rock star.
Frankly, if the guy isn’t being weird or abusive, I’d feel like *I* was being a jerk if I invited him to start and changed my mind in the middle. Unless you’re hemorrhaging like Sylvia Plath, I’d figure just get it over with. Then practice to improve the procedure.
Ok, so this might turn into a rant. I’ll try not to.
I finished Sex and the Narcissist. Brilliantly explained, enlightening, honest. Highly recommend !
I have only one problem with it. I now think ‘Best sex ever guy’ might have been a narcissist. I read this and there were so many boxes ticked it was untrue. As an aside he also jumped on a plane and showed up at my office when I was working abroad for a few months. Stayed with me for a week. I thought it odd at the time, he invaded my privacy, but it was also sweet in a way so I let it go. Lack of boundary recognition?
Anyway to my point. Having read the various articles, I also think that ‘ Love of my life guy’ shows a high number of narcissistic indicators. So that’s a possible two. To make matters worse, I have only actually had 4 intimate partners. This puts me at 50% narc. Worse, I only came here looking for answers about candidate 5 who HG confirmed was a narcissist but who I was not intimate with. So my percentage is technically even worse than 50%.
I find it unlikely with the rate I moved around geographically that I have a 50% narc rate, yet there are numerous indicators there. I have never suffered a devaluation though either which is strange. Or, at least not obviously so. It’s possible I finished with them before that took place, so on the upside, I must have a guardian angel sitting on my shoulder. I shall honour her and name her, Bertha.
There is no doubt that I am learning a lot through being here. Thank you HG. It is also a concerning voyage of discovery though.
This book is epic! Hard cold truths and suspicions validated.
Truthseeker, As far as devaluation, some will devalue very subtly and then gaslight you… and then gaslight you about gaslighting! lol
If it doesn’t feel right, go with your gut. Don’t think out loud in front of a suspected narc, they will want to change your reality. Hope you find your answers
Thanks coffee, you too 🙂
The downside of becoming more aware is that now I’m questioning other relationships that previously I hadn’t thought of as being suspect.
That said, and having slept on it, you can find indicators for anything if you analyse long enough. I’m better just forgetting about what has gone before and concentrate on what happens next I think.
Just shocked me, there were a whole host of things in that book that I could relate to, and I didn’t expect that.
You should remember to distinguish between indicators and a determination. That’s why I provide such an important role for you. I’m the dispassionate and objective expert.
That’s a good point. Looking back it can be tougher to add context as things aren’t as fresh. I can remember events which are clearly indicators but can’t necessarily remember the conversation leading up to or after those events. At the time I wasn’t registering, now I am and would be.
I’m a great judge of character. I need to be confident in that still, or that really is a loss.
Quite honestly, I would ask you to narc detect the next person I fall for, just to be on the safe side.
So it before you fall.
Ok HG, thank you.
Bertha?
It’s no good, she won’t answer. She is on Guardian Angel vacation just now.
Blackpool, strangely enough. They love it in Blackpool the Guardian Angels.
I’d love to visit Blackpool. Sounds like Wildwood, NJ used to be, before they gentrified it.
Blackpool is a narcissist.
Its all lights, thrills and excitement on the front, go one street back and it is a dark, sleazy and unpleasant world.
OMG Vi
Dont EVER go. I really mean that. Hg is bang on. It is a wankstain on the face of the NW.
It’s considerably worse than Liverpool and that is saying sommet. Or Skemersdale. Both are dangerous places if you dont know what you are doing but Blackpool takes the proverbial.
I’ve been there, so.many times. For the illuminations which were cool to a 6 year old but it wasn’t right.
Ive been to that “so called theme park’. Right in the centre. Tawdry bollocks. I thought I might lose my life on that Ancient,wooden rollercoaster. Wasnt even 20!
And it is bollocks. Blackpool has a MASSIVE hard drugs problem. The beach is not clean. Whether they are still doing Donkey Rides on the beach? Well I’m sure we all know what to think about that.
There is something deeply corrupt in that town. You cant really put your finger on it but you know it’s there. And it’s not just the drugs or deprivation which is running amock BTW theres something else there.
Honestly, if someone attempted to take me there again, they’d have to DRAG me by my hair.
Don’t forget your ‘Kiss Me Quick’ hat
It even has a Relational Tower
Very good.
“Its all lights, thrills and excitement on the front, go one street back and it is a dark, sleazy and unpleasant world.”
Yep, that’s Joisey Shore alright.
If you remember the Aqua song “Barbie Girl,” there’s a parody called “I’m a Jersey Girl,” complete with video. It is dead-on.
Violetta,
I love the Jersey shore. I am a Joisey girl.
I used to love Wildwood. Now I prefer North Wildwood and Cape May, NJ. I go every year.
Njfilly:
Philly comics used to refer to Wildwood as “Kensington-by-the-sea.” It was a dodgy, low-rent area that became gentrified and unaffordable to the teens from Philly who used to summer or weekend there.
Meanwhile, Kensington (unlike its posh London counterpart) was a dodgy, low-rent area in Philly which is now burned out and boarded up like the South Bronx.
Cape May, now: I’d love to visit for the Victorian architecture. We kept saying we were going to, when my parents retired to AC, but it never happened.
Haven’t been to AC since the riots (my brother bought my share of our parents’ last place), but a few blocks off the boardwalk (the casinos could afford the security), everything on Atlantic Avenue that Superstorm Sandy didn’t destroy, the pillagers finished off. All those little mom-and-pop stores where you could get coconut patties or Virgin Mary night-lights covered with seashells were looted (I have a mad passion for kitsch). I don’t know how many can afford to reopen.
The boardwalk was always overpriced; without those stores on Atlantic Ave, I don’t know what will happen to AC. Many longtime homeowners were pushed out for casinos during the boom phase, but now that gambling is legal elsewhere, the casinos can only try to pull people in with big-name acts. Presumably, that shut down during quarantine just like B’way did.
Violetta:
I’m not familiar with Kensington. I used to go to AC often but I haven’t been there in years. I don’t gamble anyway. I used to go sometimes for New Year’s Eve.
I love Cape May. The quaint streets and beautiful homes. I’ve been going there since I was a child. I also love the beach so it’s a perfect destination for me.
I love all historic buildings but victorian is my favorite style. I have wanted to live in a victorian home with a round room since I was young. I wanted to purchase and restore a victorian home but instead I chose a farm with a farmhouse that was built in 1870. It has been renovated but not restored to original condition. It still had all the original windows when we purchased it but I replaced them with new windows because they were not energy efficient. I built and restored a couple houses before I purchased my farm. I did keep some of the original interior so it still has that charming old farmhouse feel to it.
I would love to go to Cape May during Christmastime to see the houses decorated. A town by me has many victorian homes and they have a yearly victorian days celebration that I used to attend, sometimes dressed in period clothing wearing an appropriate hat. I love hats too.
On our Blackpool conversations, an established SF wrote this today. Liz is my friend. She had been rummaging around her writing. As we all do.
Snipped for brevity. I’m sure she won’t mind me sharing.
—-
,From the author Liz William’s
This is a snippet from my report on a Blackpool Eastercon (Ed, early 90s) which many of you will remember, but might wish you didn’t.
“On the train a young woman suddenly collapsed, probably with relief at having left Blackpool.”
–‘
Therein lies my case for the Prosecution.
[Gavel]
Funny: “My” narc never wanted to have sex with me, never tried. I´m just a “friend” but I think every healthy man would at least think about sex or maybe try to get it from me (no chance but anyway). Not “my” narc: He clearly prefers the “do it yourself”-version 😉 That´s what he told me that he rather prefers to j……. off.
Leela
There’s a reason for that. Sex is a must read.
Agreed. Explains not only Wanna-Be Playuh-Narc but also the school sociopath I knew when I was 10.
Agree NA I’m part way through reading it.
So far, it’s written in a tone that’s actually very respectful of the readership. It’s clearly honest, shockingly so actually, but it isn’t unnecessarily gratuitous.
Incredibly revealing as to a mindset. Not only in terms of sex, but overall.
It’s just another element I feel narcissists are missing out on, which again I just find sad. I haven’t got to the devaluation part yet. I might change my tune.
Gonna read that one as well. 🙂 Everything is strange about this guy, it´s like the his world is “upside down”. Excuse me if I sound narc myself but I´m not an ugly woman. Actually I´m not really bad looking 😉 So I´m used to guys who want sex from me, well, I´m married and faithful but there are several who don´t care and try anyway (of course I refuse!). So now: The first time in my life I experience a man who prefers to j… off instead of trying to seduce me 😀 Not that he would have a chance but I hope you know what I mean (I´m not native English speaker by the way): His reactions are just super-strange. Like not even looking, even being kind of “disgusted” (?) when I wear some “sexy” clothes like skirts or hotpants or such stuff. Then comes the BLANK STARE and then the BLANK STARE in the other direction. WTF?! Of course we also talked about sex in general and he claims that he´s perfectly fine with j…. off. No interest to seduce ANY woman? Some pretty women? No interest to try some things out with pretty women? WTF is going on here?!
Lots going on and it’s explained in Sex. Move it up the roster. Good read for a Friday night. Oh look – it’s Friday!
Expressing satisfaction with how you look does not make you a narc, and your English is quite clear.
HG approves.
Thank you very much and I bought the book. So good reading for a Friday night? 😉 Or should I read it on a Friday the 13th? 😉
Hi Leela,
Do you think perhaps unconsciously you wanted attention from this man ? (I’m not suggesting that means you would have wanted to engage in an affair). But all of us enjoy attention regardless of our personality type, and as you said you’re used to being noticed.
Cerebral Narcissits are odd when it comes to sex… mine would “punish” me occasionally by not finishing… while he was trying to make a point I wasn’t “doing it” for him… I always thought that was really more of a punishment for himself. Lol. And it didn’t have much affect on me.
Like the rest of us you’re here to find answers about this strange encounter you had with a narc. Perhaps try and think about what about this friendship bothers you so much… and why you would even care to get his attention. You know you’re beautiful as you stated… so feel
Confident about that and don’t let his opinion get you confused or down about what you know to be true.
Dear Empath,
of course I wanted attention 😉 – but definitely no affair. Nothing against a litte bit of attention 😉 or “fuel” as H.G. would say 😉 But I think the most important point to me was this “WTF?”. It´s strange, it´s weird, it´s totally off! Of course this provokes interest and raises MANY questions. Pure interest!
Hi Leela,
For sure.
Mine had a lot of question marks sexually as well. He was NOT normal in that department, but he knew how to get to me… and that was through my mind… so his weirdness didn’t bother me too much.
Be thankful yours did not want to pursue things sexually. In my experience narcs can easily convince us to act in ways we normally wouldn’t. You may not enter the situation wanting an affair but then find yourself knee deep in it. And that would have been nothing but a disaster.
It’s totally OK he prefers to please himself. He’s probably saving a lot of women a lot of trouble
lol. The more I read about narcs the more I understand I’m better off accepting the fact I can’t change any of their behaviours. I’m best to focus on myself and what’s best for me.
The book will have the answers you’re looking for. Happy reading 🙂
Empath007,
Lol @punish himself!
So I felt it was appropriate to speak on NoFap in regard to your comment AND under this post.
It’s a community of porn addicts and sex addicts. https://NoFap.com/about
My Cerebral Nex kept talking about semen retention, as if I cared 🙄
I’d already told him years ago, that I had a partner that could injaculate, which exercises even more control and has a benefit to the woman. Anyways, he kept going on and on about how it would increase testosterone levels, have health benefits, etc.
THEN, he started explaining that if all men on earth could not be tempted by women and not give them sex, that women would not dress in a sexual manner and this would solve 99% of the world’s problems with violence, morality, poverty, rape, and so on.
H.G. enlightens the readers of this book to the fact that Narcs have porn addictive tendencies because it provides a substantial level of fuel.
When I was surfing the web for what Cerebral Nex was saying, I came across hashtags on social media #NoFap that BLAME women for the addicts having porn addictions. Projection at its finest.
In AA do they blame the alcohol for the alcoholic? Didn’t think so.
My Nex said that in porn, women are seducing men and that men are the true victims of porn.
He is doing a 100 day semen retention challenge called “Mt Everest“. He didn’t tell me the name of the challenge, I found it on the site.
You can see a bunch of narcs in action there. LOL
Blame-shifting, projecting, Victim blaming, evading accountability
Supposedly there is an increase in pheromones with semen retention.
I damn sure wasn’t enticed lol. More annoyed than anything.
He’s throwing you off your game, making you wonder, making you doubt yourself.
Oh! What a narcy web he weaves
When first he practices to control.
@Leela
“Sitting Target” helped me understand a lot about Cerebral Narcs and how they gain fuel and seduce.
Haha ! Coffee. Yes. He was extremely odd. His ex (whom I worked with – and was also a mid range narc ) had told me of his odd sexual behavior whilst they were dating. To be honest… when he started to pursue me a big part of me had to see whether she was lying or not… turns out, she wasn’t lol ! But if he did not want to come that was his problem, I was taken care of very nicely… even though I don’t think he even understood he had that kind of affect on me (I don’t think he gave a rats ass about his partners pleasure) but I had a great time ! If he didn’t want to finish… then shitty to be him hahhaha. I do get turned on by a man finishing… so maybe he knew that and was trying to use it against me. Either way, seemed stupid to me.
It’s interesting you send that link, he used to claim he wanted to take forever for the woman’s pleasure… but I don’t know, he was odd… would stop himself from coming at times even if he wanted too. Would make total sense if he would be involved in some crap like that hahahaha. Victim blaming is one of his favorite past times ! haha.
On a more serious note. I have read a bit of your story. RE: The harassment via voicemail and home invasion. That honestly sounds very serious and concerning. Please do not take those things lightly. I know its hard amongst the fog of coming out of an abusive relationship but his behavior is deplorable and he deserves to be punished and you deserve peace. I hope you can find Solace in no contact. You deserve to move on and not be continually harassed.
Yeah, read that too. I suspect that “my” narc is a mid-range Victim Version, he matches the Cerebral type and the Victim-narc. Definitely no Somatic, no Elite-narc, no Greater narc. By the way, he does this “no fap” stuff too every now and then and is proud of having control over his d…. and very proud of his sexual restriction. Well then: enjoy! 😀
Yes! Got it! Unbelievable! I don´t know what to say. I´m shocked! But got it: I´m not a potential IPPS, so why bothering? 😉
I learned a lot about myself sexually with the narcissist. I had only been in one long term relationship prior to being with him, and the sex was not fulliling. I had no idea what I liked or what turned me on because my partner was not interested in finding out what that was (although he’d deny that ). Because the sex did not turn me on I didn’t even know how to pleasure myself because nothing about sex I found pleasurable or enjoyable.
Even though the narc was odd in that department. We were able to work out any issues in the bedroom. He made me feel like a goddess… as opposed to my former partner who bad a difficult time expressing himself.
He once acted shocked after a session. Hands were shaking. He said he’d never felt “attached” to someone after before. I know now that was just manipulation like everything else…. but it was certainly an interesting moment.
I learnt so much about myself though. So what he thought or felt about it doesn’t really matter to me. Now I know what I like in bed. That sex can be enjoyable and I don’t need to dread it. And that Was good for me. Now just to find someone I love and who loves me back to enjoy it with…
Update:
So…they just tried to pull a home evasion and grab evidence of the voicemails.
(I do feel bad for the lady because she doesn’t know anything that’s going on besides his version).
She is older than me. She’s very beautiful. Tall, around 6ft. And I think she will do whatever he tells her to. Shame.
He left another vm saying he needs to come “grab something.”
So I sat in my living room with my gun, thinking, “how did my life turn so wild overnight?”
I hear a car pull up, I was already on the phone with the police adding the extra calls to last nights report.
And what do u know? My garage door was slightly cracked because I let the dog out to use the bathroom.
He gets under the garage and I tell the police, “I’m about to shoot him!!! He’s inside my garage right now.”
But when he heard me say the word “police,” he left.
I live in a stand your ground state. I don’t like guns, glad I didn’t have to shoot.
But aahhh man, he is PISSED. He is texting from a different number saying everyone hates me and it’s my fault. Saying there is no girl, but I SAW her in the car, IN MY DRIVEWAY 🙄
Saying I’m going to die alone or with someone I really don’t like (projection)
More blocked calls. Leaving more vm’s.
I really don’t like how he treats that lady. Out of everything THAT is what pisses me off.
Change your number.
I just saw a judge for my Protective Order. I can now change my number. 😊
Good.
Coffee54
Excellent example of challenge fuel and a hoover by triangulation.
“saying everyone hates me and it’s my fault.” (character assassination by proxy, projection)
“Saying there is no girl, but I SAW her in the car, IN MY DRIVEWAY” (he lied/gas lighted, triangulation).
Coffee54,
Seriously. Renarde warned you: you are in danger.
Get out of this now.
Thank you, lisk
I have taken necessary precautions to protect my home, told neighbors, police reports filed, and a judge granted a Protection Order today.
Good to hear. Stay safe.
I seriously don’t see how this narcole is having sex and leaving me voicemails. It’s not him by himself, definitely two voices. Who the hell would participate in that??
Vm after another vm after another. Disgusting. Idk if he’s pretending the person is me or why he is calling during climax and making sure to leave a vm.
He’s even saying my NAME.
It is sooooo disturbing. I’m sure that’s another reason he’s doing it as well.
But, I have not went over there nor have I done anything stupid.
I’m sure videos will come soon. This must be considered a malign devaluation Hoover?
The other participant may not know the phone is on and a voicemail is being left. If they do, you will have been smeared to them and their ET will convince them that is a fair thing to engage in. You are being triangulated though a malign hoover, it is devaluing behaviour.
Thank you!
He left a vm saying he’s coming by. He pulled into my driveway and then turned around.
Then got home (5 min away unfortunately), and left another vm yelling so loud. Saying he’s coming to my house tomorrow to “get me back and straighten things out.”
Then another vm having more sex.
There is no coming back from all of this. Not for me, anyways.
He has broken into my house so many times. I have filed charges of Criminal Trespass. Now they took another report and said if he calls again they will issue a warrant, only on the condition I don’t respond back.
It’s blatantly obvious he is doing the very action he denies, and then leaving follow up voicemails to say he is not and he is home alone.
He said I better be home and I better not have been with anyone else.
Wish I wouldn’t have slipped up with NC
Exactly as you describe in this book!
Damnit lol
“if he calls again they will issue a warrant, only on the condition I don’t respond back.”
Well, there you go. Not only does The Authority aka HG tell you to go No Contact, but the authorities are telling you to do the same.
Yes, no choice in the matter for me anymore.
(Early on I told him, if you lie then you take a person’s choice away. That was probably one of the worst things I’ve ever said to him LOL)
I like this choice being taken away ☺️
Coffee
Police. Now. You are not understanding the danger you are in.
Afterthought
Now I’m remembering, the girl he dated before me…we share the same name. It apparently wasn’t serious. He sure did a lot of yelling, and about specific responses to what I was saying. Don’t know how the person couldn’t hear it. So many possible combinations lol.
Double fuel for same name.
Weirdly, I can appreciate the creativeness in that.
Nice one narcole lol
Think about Henry VIII. Two Catherines, two Annes, one Jane. Then at least one Mary and one Bessie on the side, GOK how many others.
Maybe he just yelled, “Oh, myne swete herte!” at tender moments to keep things simple.
https://narcsite.com/2020/06/02/pet-9/
LOL
Did he have a Karen, Sharon, Tracey or Darren even?
Alexis:
No Darrens, but his Lieutenants were Thomas Boleyn, Thomas More (until he was offed), Thomas Cromwell (until he was offed), and Thomas Howard.
So four Toms, heaven knows how many Dicks, and one insatiable Harry.
What a despicable human being! I’m sorry you became entangled with someone like that. Huge fucking hugs to you xxx
Thank you Alexis
One thing for sure though, I was very close to going over there. So glad I didn’t.
Can you change your phone number please?
If not for yourself then at least for us!
Yes, I will for everyone.
I backed up all the data. Blocked numbers could still leave voicemails, so I won’t be utilizing that company anymore.
However, the good news is….IT’S OVER!
OMG WHAT A RELIEF!!!! I AM FREE!!!
Had he not done this, I think NC would’ve been broken a few more times until I established a good regimen.
I’ll move past hate to indifference very soon.
I’m filing an Order Of Protection. While on the court website, I noticed that he was recently charged with more offenses. So I was like, “Ahhh no wonder why he’s so mad…”
Of course, he will blame everything on me. That’s fine, it’s predictable.
I did shed a few tears. I had a funeral for him inside my mind. He’s dead to me, his dad is dead too. His dad was WORSE than him, believe it or not.
He has Lieutenants in the courthouse, have to tread lightly. Mostly because he can affect a Felonious criminal case that was fraudulently and maliciously filed against me by
***drumroll***
You guessed it…Another narc!
I’m facing indictment by a Grand Jury. It’s been over a year and I have not got indicted yet, so I am remaining positive.
I MUST defeat narcs in my life one by one. I’m in a constant state of blocking hoovers, from all directions, all the time.
H.G.
Had it not been for you, I don’t know how much longer these conditions in my life would’ve lasted. I’ve been searching for these answers since I was 18. This knowledge is priceless to me and I’ll forever hold it dear to my heart.
It’s the best information you can ever use but know this, you’ve still work to do. I recommend you organise a consultation so I can explain and what you need to do.
Done
Please definitely consult with HG, Coffee54. ASAP.
Woo wee! There is a lot going on here, and many of us are weak on account of ET. I highly suggest consulting with HG. It’s best explained directly. For me, it clarified everything I read as to how to apply it to my life.
Hg approves
Blackcoffe and lisk,
Yes I eagerly look forward to it.
And I just want to thank everyone for all the support.
Whut be said.
Abysmal. You deserve better.
Thank you, Renarde
Pleasure.
Another masterbation voicemail. But you never know…It could the real deal.
I only listened for a split second.
What a piece of shit
Coffee54
Well, that’s an interesting Hoover to say the least!
Yes it was! Glad it happened tho
Coffee
You are not in full NC. Second time today I’ve had to say it.
Full and total NC pronto missus. You percieve you are strong enough but you aren’t. Not yet at least but you will be. Ok?
Full NC until you work this out. We will help.
Thank you, my Protective Order was granted today.
Brilliant! How do you feel?
Renarde,
I feel better everyday, thank you.
Mixed emotions, though. Today I’m feeling like I wish I could reverse time and go wrap all the little children in a big blanket of nurturing and protection and save them from having to become narcs. I went from hate to love, not indifference.
I think I will feel indifferently to personal narcs in my life, but as I’m understanding things more- overall I feel a sadness for all narcs in the world.
I still want them to NOT F with me in malicious or devaluing ways, ever. It would’ve been better if they realized I’m a much better friend than foe.
I don’t take the stance that they are useless and to avoid them at all costs, but I am firm on never becoming an IPPS again to a narc. Honestly, they are everywhere and it’s unrealistic to think I’d never be in their presence.
Coffee
Good to hear you are feeling better.
Yeh, I hear you. I just cant cope with the unaware. You just never know what they are going to do next. They dont behave in a logical, rational manner. They obey ther own logic which is bonkers daft.
I dont know if you caught it but I strongly suspected a 10 year friend was narc but of course, by the time I realised it, he was to firmly embedded.
Funny thing was, it was other friends who said, ‘Oh, he DOES like everything you like on FB, doesnt he?’. I didnt realise it at the time but it was something Hg said about ‘inveterate picture likers’. Ahh.
Long story short, I called the police on him because it extremely quickly tipped over into harassment. Bonkers!
They are everywhere! The irony of ironies is I know that there is a male who is a MRN in my local DV unit.
You have to wonder, how much pain and trauma he has caused to largely women over the years. He certainly caused me a lot. If I meat him again well…that would be fun! Bro says I should go to the IPCC and another officer said, ‘I’ll investigate this for you’
The police investigating the police! Has the world gone mad? Or are we just seeing it for what it is finally?
Keep strong lovely lady. You’re getting there!
Yes, they definitely are everywhere! I’ve been learning so much from H.G. and all of you on here.
Social media is full of them, interesting point made about inveterate pic likers.
I’m so glad you had that epiphany of your ex long time friend. Hopefully you standing up and firmly setting boundaries, along with the investigations will cause so much of a narcissist injury that he will go hide…until it’s Hoover time lol
Coffee
Yup. SM is rammed to the brim with them.
As Hg would say, in his asidious way, one trait is indicative but not determinate. Honestly, that was the only one. There were shades of others but nothing I could really put my finger on.
Hoover time. Funny, I’ve been thinking about that today. I threatened his penis extension with Alex the Axe. Then I got uniform to attend. Would he dare to try a second time?
It’s so exhausting, if he does, then the next plan is already in place. Oh and the one after that too. Oh and then the fourth.
This takes up my time. I have bigger fish to fry and, well, who knows what they will do?
As he’s a physical coward despite been a Gulf War Vet, I think that’s it. You just never know though.
I was his NISS. He was looking to promote me to IPSS. Fat chance!
You see, it’s become known to me that narcs Gaslight themselves. They percieve themselves to be far more attractive than they actually are.
Looks arent everything but what I noticed about him was how ‘middle of the road’ he was. This is typical of a MRN. No passion. No guts. Not unintelligent but he was, frankly, boring.
No as the Spanish would say, duenda. So that immediately eliminates him from the S and E cadres. Wasnt a V so he is a MMC. And that explains the need to take pictures of me.
So like my Dad. Photographers! Gah!
That is delusion, not gas lighting. Gas Lighting is doubting your reality, narcissists do not do that, narcissism creates complete conviction in our reality, it has to.
Hg
Agreed. I was just being cute.
No, you were being inaccurate.
Of course! I believe that is in my remit?
“narcissism creates complete conviction in our reality, it has to”
This means I’m not a Narcissist HG, because I don’t have complete conviction in my reality.
Whitney
But I believe in you.
Thank you Ren. My Emotional Thinking just wants to run it’s course.
Whitney
Of course x
I broke NC while reading this.
I am sooooo pissed tf off right now!
Of course, no admitting from my Nex whatsoever! He will never admit to shit! This read came right on time, because he actually left me a vm of him masterbating! Just my luck to click on THAT particular voicemail, out of the 87 others he’s left so far today. It’s always “baby I love you so much. You are my everything. I can’t be without you. I can’t sleep. I miss you so much…blah, blah, blah.”
So I called and said, “LISTEN YOU LYING PICE OF SHIT…IM GOING DOWN YOUR IG FOLLOWERS AND ADDING MEN. IM GOING TO POST A PIC OF US, BUT MESSAGE THEM. WHATEVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS”
Sure enough he said he had a video and he was going to post it. So now I better go check pornhub. WTF.
Now that I recall, the last time I was in public with him, he said “Wow people stare at you like they’ve seen you before. Like a pornstar.”
He’s commented on stares I get in the beginning. Most people do notice it. I try to block it out. I’ve told him it makes me uncomfortable, now he’s trying to (or already has) done something of the sort. I FN hate him. I swear to god.
Really trying to control myself.
And he’s STILL leaving voicemails as I’m typing this.
I might go to jail tonight
“So I called and said,”
You know better. (Mind you, when I got those hang-up calls, I would occasionally pick up and sneer, “miss me?” So I understand the temptation, but I know betternow. Do not fuel the Fuckheads.)
Duly noted
Never know what you’re going to get lol
Coffee
You are not going to gaol tonight. What you must do is block him. Everywhere. Right now.
Ring the police. Tell them how you are being harrassed. Continually.
You need time to process.