Why Won’t He Answer My Text Messages? Part Two


Having explained why the various schools of narcissist fails to respond to your text messages when you are the primary source, it also falls to be considered why this is done with three classes of secondary source namely The Intimate Partner Secondary Source, The Dirty Secret Intimate Partner Secondary Source and the Non-Intimate Partner Secondary Source.

The Intimate Partner Secondary Source (“IPSS”)

This person is either somebody who is being seduced by our kind for the purposes of being promoted to become the new primary source at the appropriate time or is someone who has not secured the promotion but is someone we regard as too valuable to discard. Accordingly, the IPSS might be someone who is “on the up” in terms of seduction as we look to ensure they will be a reliable and high-functioning primary source or it might be someone who did not make ‘the cut’ but since we have invested time and effort in them and their fuel (plus other benefits) they are still of use to us. So, what does it mean if we are not responding to your text messages when you are the IPSS?

During Initial Seduction

It is the IPSS who experiences the most intense of seductions. You will have begun as a tertiary source, a stranger who has been targeted for your potential. You are therefore very quickly promoted to a secondary source and since sex is such a weapon of mass seduction, you will have been further promoted to the position of IPSS. As we look to promote you to the primary source, you will experience the love-bombing and the manifestation of our infatuation through the near ceaseless text messaging.

When there is a hiatus in the text messaging this is not a devaluation but is rather done to test you to see how you respond. If you are relaxed about this change, for instance you have grown used to a text always at 8am and then we do not send one, but you do not respond to this failure in any way, we will be disappointed. If however you text us at 8-01 am asking us how we are (your attempt to find out why we have not texted without asking as such) then we will be pleased with your response and in such a circumstance likely to respond immediately again. Any kind of delay in responding or period of silence is done purely to test how quickly you will respond and what you will send in your response to us. This is not devaluation. The delay will only be for a short period of time, a few hours or so, as it is a test and we do not want to risk losing your interest. Accordingly, if you do not respond for a few hours (although this is highly unlikely) we will contact you (if it was a devaluation the silence would continue for far longer). Furthermore, when you do respond, we will reply to you after a handful of your messages in a short time period, again because we do not want to risk losing your interest and we are satisfied that you are responding in the way that we approve of.

During the Golden Period Seduction

If the targeting and the initial seduction proved successful then you will have been promoted from IPSS to primary source and therefore you ought to have regard to the circumstances of this article Why Won’t He Answer My Text Messages? – Part One

If however you have not been promoted to primary source but you have not been discarded, then we have opted to keep you connected to us as an IPSS. You will be aware that you have not been promoted because we will still see the wife or girlfriend (or if none was ever mentioned) you will not see us as often as you once did during the Initial Seduction. You may think that this is a devaluation. It is not. You are now in the Golden Period Seduction for an IPSS. This means we still regard you as ‘good’, we want your fuel, but unlike a IP Primary Source we will not avail ourselves of the fuel as often. This means that the fuel you provide as a IPSS does not go stale, but rather we intermittently return to you. We in effect keep you hanging on, future-faking as to what might happen but we have no intention of promoting you (just yet although circumstances may change further down the line) since we deemed you not to make the grade.

What will be happening now is that we will

a. Continue with the devaluation of the primary source;

b. Continue to engage with you as an IPSS; and

c. We will be engaging with another IPSS in the Initial Seduction Period

Accordingly, when your messages are not being returned in these circumstances again it is not because of a devaluation but it is because we have ‘put you back on the shelf’ and we are engaging with the primary source and/or new IPSS who we are looking to promote. You remain of use to us but this is an intermittent use.

Understand therefore that the silences (and they can be protracted) are not because we have turned against you, but because we are busy elsewhere. You may notice that you do receive some replies but they are short and perfunctory in nature

“Busy. Will call later.”

“Can’t talk. Meeting.”

“Busy but miss you.”

“Tied up but will message later.”

These crumbs of comfort are provided because we do not want to lose you, we enjoy the fuel that is received from you messaging us and because you remain in the Seduction Golden Period we have no need to devalue you, it just is not your turn to have time with us.

You can find yourself held in this position for a very long time. Not good enough to become the primary source but not bad enough to devalue and discard.

The Devaluation

The Devaluation of an IPSS is rare because we like to keep you around as a reliable and occasional fuel provider. We invested time in you and because you function whenever we turn to you (you are delighted to gain some time with us at last) your fuel always appears potent to us, thus we have no need to devalue.

Devaluation would only take place if you began to refuse to see us when we decided it was time to pay you a visit or you no longer provided us with fuel. Once this has happened we consider you to be a malfunctioning IPSS and we will devalue you. This means that we will ignore your text messages, you will not get crumbs of comfort and the period of ignoring you will be extensive until we do decide to respond. The response will be malign in nature. Thus if you are an IPSS you will know that:-

a. Extensive delays to reply to your repeated messages; and

b. When the response finally comes it is malign in nature

means that you are being devalued.

The Discard

In the rare event that you have been discarded as an IPSS then you are immediately painted black and it is as if you do not exist. We do not regard you as even worth bothering with for negative fuel (although of course we will still derive some from your messages but we will not prod you for more) and therefore if you do not get a reply to your text messages begging for a reply and an explanation, it is because we regard you as an irritation, beneath dealing with and in all likelihood you will end up blocked.

The Dirty Secret Intimate Partner Secondary Source (“DSIPSS”)

The DSIPSS is the person who is kept hidden away but is dipped into for excellent fuel with considerable regularity ( see more Dirty Little Secret )

The Initial Seduction Period

This will be intense in a similar way to that described above as concerning the IPSS. There is unlikely to be any delay in replying to text messages because there is no need to test you. Your role has been decided on as DSIPSS and you will never become the primary source. Your function is to be available at a set time or times each week for those secret trysts where the clandestine nature of the connection increases the potency of the fuel since you are likely to be The Other Woman. As we embed you (and do so quickly) into this role we will respond to your messages because we do not want to:-

a. Risk losing you; and

b. You trying to contact other people you may know mutually which then risks exposing our dirty secret

thus there will be no failure to reply.

The Seduction Golden Period

Just like the IPSS you are slotted into a longstanding golden period because you are used intermittently. Whilst kept secret, you will be seen more often than an IPSS who is in the Seduction Golden Period. That IPSS has failed to become the primary source but is kept and strung along for future use. You were never going to be the primary source and you are seen more often because the nature of your fuel is a two hour fuel injection before we disappear back to the primary source.

It is the nature of the DSIPSS that because they know of the primary source, they are less likely to badger us through messages. There will not be any intentional failure to respond to the messages of the DSIPSS and often the reply will explain why we cannot speak or message at length but the content of the message will be complimentary, encouraging and contain future faking, whilst slating the primary source,amounted to improved crumbs of comfort. Indeed there will often be an explanation given to explain when we are next available (the IPSS would not be afforded this)

“Can’t message for long, got to take the witch to her friends so will message you around 8pm, can’t wait to kiss you again.”

“Difficult to text, she is still here. Will message again as soon as I can. Really missing you and want to show you just how much asap.”

“Hi sex machine, stuck at present, will msg after 6pm xxxxxxxxxxx”

Thus if you find that your messages are always answered, your expectations managed and you know there is a primary source involved, you are a DSIPSS who is in the lengthy seduction golden period.

The Devaluation

It is very rare for a DSIPSS to be devalued because of their compliance, acceptance of their role and the delicious turbo boost of fuel which they provide every so often. We do not become bored of the DSIPSS’ fuel and devaluation would only take place if the DSIPSS eventually decides that he or she wants more or tires of their role, in effect working out that they are just a dirty little secret. If there are demands for more time, threats to expose the arrangement or the fuel is diminished then we may apply some more sugar to calm the situation, but if this is unlikely to work then we will turn to threats and devaluation. We will then cut the DSIPSS adrift and make them persona non grata. We will not respond to any of the messages for a long time and once we do the response will be savage, malign and threatening in order to ensure that the DSIPSS stays silent.

The Discard

Just like the IPSS, the discard is rare, but if it does happen, your messages will be ignored because not only are you painted black by us, we wish you would just disappear because as a DSIPSS you have the potential to cause us problems. By not answering we are denying your existence. We are unlikely to block you because we want to keep an eye on what you are doing in case it proves necessary to dole out a malign follow-up hoover in order to keep you in line, but we will monitor your texts but not reply. We are no longer as interested in your fuel, but it is rather the reaction of wishing you would just go away and let us get on with our machinations in peace.

The Non-Intimate Secondary Source (“NISS”)

This will include inner and outer circle friends along with colleagues.

The Initial Seduction

This happens quickly as it does not take too much effort to bind this person to us as friend or colleague as a NISS and the reality is that there is unlikely to ever be an occasion, or indeed time for a failure to respond to the text messages occurring.

The Seduction Golden Period

As explained elsewhere, the NISS enjoys a near permanent golden period because their fuel is only relied on intermittently and thus remains potent. The NISS is also often very loyal and receives bribing benefits from our kind, so the seduction golden period will continue for a long time.

If there is a failure to reply to text messages it is because we are busy about something else. The NISS whilst important to us, is expendable and therefore the messages of a NISS will not be treated with priority. The fuel obtained whilst good, is not the highest and generally, in tandem with our concept of superiority and control, consider that the NISS once bound is not going to become disloyal because we have been slow to respond to text messages. We take the view that they will conclude we are just busy and they will patiently wait for a reply. We have no need to rush and no need to devalue them during this stage. Accordingly, if you are a NISS and your messages are not being responded to, it is because we are busy doing something else and you are not a priority.

The Devaluation

The devaluation of a NISS is very rare, but if it does happen then the failure to respond will be elongated in time, with many messages piling up unanswered before we eventually respond with a scathing put down. There will be no words of comfort, no excuses offered but an unpleasant reply designed to draw fuel from you.

The Discard

The discard of a NISS is also rare but if it does happen, it is as if you are struck from the record, made persona non grata and in all likelihood you will be blocked. We freeze you out and no doubt have already replaced you with someone else. Your messages seeking explanations and reconciliation will be unheeded and indeed in many instances not even yet, such is your inferior status to us.

48 thoughts on “Why Won’t He Answer My Text Messages? Part Two

  1. Kiki says:


  2. Kiki says:


    Im feeling very lonely Ladies

  3. Kiki says:

    Hi everyone

    I’m at a low spot.
    I’m feeling lonely and have very slowly fallen into the narcs web again.

    I learned so much here and was free
    However someone in my circle I had a crush on actually helped me .This was a secret crush and I know we had to part ways at the end of our contract and that’s that.😔

    It distracted me from narc .
    Lately I’m feeling very lonely
    I’m pushing myself to extremes in my exercise training just to block the inner pain.
    I don’t trust easily and find it soo hard to make friends.
    Narc came on strong during the pandemic and I left myself go in again.
    I’m a dirty empath he is married.
    The reality hits and I know I’m in for a merry go round of pain eventually.
    I’m single and sick of being single I ask why all the time .
    I’m reasonably attractive and in top physical condition due to my training but I’m still alone.
    Women seem not to gravitate to me I find making female friends very hard.

    I’m feeling like crap 😕😕😕😔


    1. Bubbles 🍾 says:

      Dearest Kiki,
      Please don’t beat yourself up lovely
      Everyone is going thru an emotional roller coaster right now (except Mr Tudor) haha
      We make mistakes in times like this Kiki, people are fragile and vulnerable, give yourself time
      Women are usually threatened by other attractive women who have good bodies (they think your gonna nick their partner and they don’t want their partner looking at you) …. now if you’re in a relationship, that’s a bit different, you are no longer a possible threat
      How many times do you see groups of couple friends and they are all fairly average looking ?
      Along comes the gorgeous single available Kiki 😱 and they’re off
      It appears your ET is high right now, a sense of calm and slowing down may help right now
      Your negative outlook is a good prediction for what to except and open to self sabotage
      Whilst you’re involved with a narc, the good guys don’t stand a chance or get a look in
      Embrace being single, find your grounding, refocus, reassess what you want from a partner and things have away of evolving ……you can do this
      Huge hugs to you lovely Kiki
      Only my best wishes coming your way
      Luv Bubbles xx 😘

  4. SMH says:

    Ah, this is the post that saved my ass by confirming what I thought was probably true. Thank you a million times, HG. At this point, two years later, I cannot imagine being that person anymore.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You’re welcome

      1. Kiki says:

        Hi everyone

        I have slowly fallen back into the narcs trap again .
        I am a dirty empath .Yes he is married .
        There was someone I imagined I became close to in work that helped distract me from ex narc.
        It wasn’t a relationship more a meeting of minds and a fantasy one on my part 😕This man wasn’t a narc but I knew we would have to go our separate ways at the end of our contract.
        However that bolstered me against the narc.
        I’m feeling increasingly lonely in my life right now.
        I feel slowly back in with him.
        My eyes are open but I know it’s a repeat merry go round.
        I just feel I’m starving for affection and my life is kind of shit , not financially but there is NO bonds of love.
        I have no partner don’t know why I’m reasonably attractive with a trained physique.Maybe I have a shit personality I don’t know .My social circle is tiny 😔😔

        Feeling sad 😔 and trapped .


        1. Kim says:

          It’s ok to fail. I have done it numerous times and I know how you feel. But every time I went back the light bulb as to “why am I allowing this to be done to me?” got brighter. And eventually you will say enough is enough
          Stay here where you can get the help that you need and keep reading. Be kind to yourself. You are only human and the addiction is very strong.
          Hang tight girl and I promise that the day will come when you will say aaahhhh freedom!❤️❤️❤️

        2. Ashley says:

          Awwwww. ❤ Humans have needs & when your basic needs go unmet for a long time, it’s completely understandable & natural to feel the way you do. It would be pretty difficult to NOT feel that way, even if it was for a short amount of time along with the magnetic addiction. I know how you feel. There is nothing wrong with you. It is VERY hard for many people to find someone. I know of many women who are the whole package & they can’t find a man if their life depended on it. I know that doesn’t make the lonely feelings easier, but it’s the case for more people than you would think. Try to put that energy into yourself & do things for yourself. Sending you love ❤

        3. Violetta says:


          Remember, we’re still in a pandemic. Not meeting relationship possibilities hits harder now, and isn’t as easily rectified.

  5. MGM says:

    Once you realize this game, it becomes a fun game because you know the narcissist sociopath psychopath is reliant on it to feel good about him/herself and you are ultimately in control. You can twist and turn him/her in all kinds of ways simply by mixing up the response. It does get old and tired though. The cycle constantly continues and then you find it all to be juvenile and childish and it just becomes sad at that point. To know someone has to rely, literally, on this kind of thing to feel is sad and you wish they were never hurt because somewhere in there, is a person who will never get to come out.

    1. NarcAngel says:

      Remember though that they always have others to draw from so they are not reliant on just you. If you are not complying they will turn to someone else, so you are not ultimately in control in that situation. The only thing you have control of is your participation.

  6. wildviolet22 says:

    *** just to add to my previous comment- when it was him contacting me, he on the other hand had no tolerance waiting for a response. If I didn’t respond immediately, I’d get follow up texts an hour or two later, and sometimes emails. He *hated* waiting for a response. Yet I was expected to wait indefinitely. Eventually you come to the conclusion that it’s endless bull***t, until you decide enough is enough and walk away. :/

    1. SMH says:

      WV22, yup, yup, yup. I spent two years like that too.

  7. wildviolet22 says:

    It was this texting crap that pushing me over the edge and finally made me go no contact. I never knew if I’d get a response immediately, that same day, in days, weeks..there was no predictability or rhyme or reason to it. I’m still in the early stages of extricating myself out (almost 6 months, with a lapse in no contact when the virus started). But I can’t believe I spent 2 years like that. I’m still getting used to things, but not having that crazy- making texting stress is something.

  8. Twisted Heart says:


    Would rubbing my left ring finger for an extended period of time be a future fake? To give me the impression that he’s considering marriage?

    Also, telling me that I need to be secure with myself after we had a fight…is that a projection or gaslighting or both?


    1. HG Tudor says:

      Yes. Either that of he thinks you’re a lamp.

      No, it’s a put down.

      1. Twisted Heart says:

        Ha! I’m a genie in a bottle😂😂😂

        And Ewwwww on the put down🤮
        It was his way of telling me there’s no problem between us like it’s all in my head and I just need to be more secure with myself. He said the same thing about his wife when he was married. She needed to be more secure with herself. He’s the insecure one so I thought maybe it was projection.

  9. SoldierOfLuv says:

    Wich one could fit with a long distance empath where there is no ignoring off messages interaction each day but just few delays in reply but the message not read yet .somedays a reply in few seconds . for 5 months

    1. Bubbles 🍾 says:

      Dearest SoldierOfLuv,
      My guess is it doesn’t matter whether it’s long distance or not
      They’re all the same
      You should’ve seen what the weasel did to me and he lived 10 mins away
      Mine was over 4 years
      They play with your head and come up a gazillion excuses, read, unread, phone not working, out of range, blah blah blah
      They NEVER have their phone out of their hands, it’s their lifeline fuel
      Normal people who really care about you don’t do that
      Luv Bubbles xx 😘

      1. SoldierOfLuv says:

        Dear Bubbles thank you for your reply , I fully agree with what you wrote absolutely . I hope you are healing well from that poor treatment from that narcissist .

        The individual I wrote about this was last year and I´am still not sure if it was a narcissist. narcsissitic I can believe . but because off the things I was doing I know a lower fuctioning narcissist would´ve disenganged from me already. He is not son bright and not rich at all . He is very handsome as well absolutely not a victim .patient never cursed me out. But he just didn´t showed much effort to come and meet me in person and we would just talk from the morning to the night each day . but he blocked me when I told him I couldn´t do it anymore and deactivated my account . we had a brief interaction with him pushing me away after he blocked me . it felt like closure he was kind . but now we are talking again for about 4 months and he still always replies. I´am still searching for clues if he is a narcissist but he actually never treated me bad . so I’am just trying to look at it with HGs work . but in mind as a maybe long distance empath . Love you bubbles hugs

        1. Bubbles 🍾 says:

          Dearest SoldierOfLuv,
          Perhaps confirmation from Mr Tudor may be in order lovely one
          I think we become so paranoid after our ordeals, everyone becomes a narcissist
          You may be reading more into it than what it really is
          I certainly hope that’s not the case and this chap is a normal
          All good things take time precious, luckily you’re empowered and can see the signs
          Our female instincts are a good indication
          Maybe he just wants a pen pal
          I personally don’t believe in long distance myself, very hard to accommodate ones needs
          But I wish you well with your friend SoldierOfLuv
          Take care precious 💕
          Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          1. SoldierOfLuv says:

            Yes indeed Bubbles ! Beside that I’am suffering from (silent)BPD I have paranoid PD as well and for others but almost all of them are about not trusting people and keep them far away so I believe all my narcissist encounters made it worst . I really needed a break from collecting information about NPD last few months because I was obbsesive and going beyond crazy 😅.. but I’am stable again and ready to learn some more again .

            I think 90% he is not a narc he been honest as well . But not ready for a relationship any time soon sometimes is just think Peter pan syndrome with this one HaHa ..

            I really enjoyed reading your reply and it gave me much to think about and kind compliments so much appreciated

          2. Renarde says:


            I kind know what you mean about this one. Something about it doesnt ring quite true but I cant put my finger on it.

            Bubbles right, we can see them everywhere.

            Hope it works out.

          3. Bubbles 🍾 says:

            Dearest SoldierOfLuv,
            He’s not ready for a relationship right now or you’re not SOL ?
            Men on computers are time wasters, what’s he really after ?
            I agree with Renarde, something smells off !
            Unless he’s a long time friend you know inside out, proceed with caution
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

        2. Bubbles 🍾 says:

          Dearest SoldierOfLuv,
          Forgot to mention, I am now a better new improved version of my former self
          The weasel remains stagnant and always will
          I’ll never go backwards that’s for sure !
          Luv Bubbles xx 😘

    2. SoldierOfLuv says:

      Yes Renarde and thank you so much !

      I changed my behaviour/attitude alot and he actually puts in so much more work these days . Shows emotions too . Time will tell .

      Much love to you

  10. OMG I’m FURIOUS like really, really furious. I can feel the heat rising and that ball in the pit of my throat that gets heavy and tight, and I am shaking and tense. No more KTN for me today because I am breaking NC with my fury. I could cry or beat the shit out of something. I am SO ANGRY. It’s been months, but it has not abated.

    “as a DSIPSS you have the potential to cause us problems.” Well, he should have thought about that before everything went down. I feel like this fury will never go away. No matter how low my ET goes a film of hate will remain underneath.

    1. lisk says:

      It’s a process.

      1. blackcoffee30 says:

        That it is.

    2. Bubbles 🍾 says:

      Dearest blackcoffee30,
      Try and breathe slowly precious
      This is what they do to you
      They’re not worth the anger or the hate
      Divert that energy into loving yourself instead
      It can be done
      Best wishes sweet pea
      Luv Bubbles xx 😘

      1. blackcoffee30 says:

        Thanks for your kind words, Bubbles. I am working on myself best I can with COVID putting a damper on things. XO

        1. Bubbles 🍾 says:

          Dearest blackcoffee30,
          I know its hard sweetheart
          I felt humiliated that a friend would do that to us, after taking him under our wings
          The lying, the manipulation, he was so casual about it
          Same with my mum, casual in her stride
          They want a reaction, good or bad
          I did not allow them the pleasure to see it
          The whole process affected my health at the time and I will never allow that to happen again
          Give it time lovely one, it does subside
          I actually luv covid, being away from people, it’s my excuse for everything now haha
          Focusing on happy self indulgences is always a great place to start, reading books, watching favourite movies, facials, manicures, cooking, going thru your wardrobe, exercising …….anything but the narc
          Hang in there precious, keep reading here (as hard as it is sometimes because the truth hurts) and watch yourself transform
          You have Mr Tudor and he’s the best
          Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          1. Anm says:

            I agree! Covid19 maybe the perfect time for some to work on themselves.
            Because of covid19, I have access to domestic violence counseling, and group sessions with my local DV agency over the web twice a week if I want. I was only ever able to see my therapist from there twice a year before because it was too far away.
            I am hesitant to see any other therapist, because I have been victim shamed by other therapist before. It is hard to make the time for it, but I think it helps me.

          2. Bubbles 🍾 says:

            Dearest Anm,
            Victim shaming is not good, bad therapist
            Putting oneself first is not selfish or narcissistic, it’s mandatory
            I’m really sorry you’re going thru all that, you’re a good person
            Look after yourself Anm
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

    3. Empath007 says:

      Your anger is good. It reminds you to stand up for yourself. It signals that something is wrong. Feel angry… it’s OK. Your entitled to that anger. Hell buy yourself a punching bag if you need to ! A few months is not a very long time after narc abuse. Your body and mind need time to heal and for some of us that takes a while.

      You won’t be stuck in your anger forever. You’ll probably wake up tomorrow and feel better. It’s a process as lisk says. These things come and go in waves. Our whole lives we’ve been told to push down our anger. Just fuck how we feel cause its irrelevant right ? No. How we feel is relevant.

      Soon we come to a place in our healing process where we realize we can’t let our abuser(s) consume us anymore. That we simply can’t allow them to control our emotions anymore.

      What I did, that was helpful for me, I made a list of the things I want to accomplish that I have either been putting off or felt too drained to accomplish while with the narc. I’m slowly checking off my list. Time to put the focus back on yourself. You are worthy of love from yourself ❤️

      I know you’ve had a bad couple of days from another comment you posted. Baby steps. This too shall pass. We are here to help you through it 🤗

      1. HG Tudor says:

        You must be vigilant when it comes to your anger. Your anger arises from an increase in emotional thinking. Your anger is generated to cause you to act on it, perhaps by confronting the narcissist, perhaps by repeatedly thinking about the narcissist, perhaps by ranting to friends and family about the narcissist. All your anger has done is cause you to breach no contact and invite the Devil´s Pitchfork. Instead, when you feel anger rise, you should recognise that this is being driven by emotional thinking and therefore take steps to dissipate the anger (exercise is a good one) but do not let it lead you into a breach of no contact.

        1. Empath007 says:

          I didn’t mean for that to come across as a breach of no contact, I know what you mean because my own anger, sadness, happiness etc had made me engage with my narc (in the past) when I shouldn’t have. A family member of mine used to tell me “ Go through those emotions without him, he won’t fix them, you’re strong enough to sort them out yourself”

          For BC I was Trying to say to feel angry without guilt attached. So often we feel guilt for our emotions … because the narc made it so. And the guilt is there to begin with. I find a lot of very well intended responses to our feelings tend to be : rise above it, let it go etc. Which is why it’s so important we choose very carefully who we want to share information with. Very carefully. We can often feel blown off or not taken seriously by many.

          So a place like this full of anonymity is safe. But I totally agree our emotions keep us engaged and we need to be caUtios. Not trying to encourage no contact.

          1. Empath007 says:

            Oops. I meant not trying to encourage breaking no contact.

        2. blackcoffee30 says:

          I know, and I never want to contact him and give him the satisfaction. I also want to exercise the Grand Plan, which requires true NC. It’s why I told on myself rather than slinking away to dwell in my anger.

          I went full on 100% Aggresutko last night and on the way to work this morning and feeling much better.

          1. Bubbles 🍾 says:

            Dearest blackcoffee30,
            I looked up Aggresutko, that’s so cute and funny
            So glad it worked for you, punching bags have a similar effect 😂
            We watched the movie Eurovision last night, another good distraction and laugh
            Well done blackcoffee30 and good onya
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

        3. MGM says:

          HG, you’re so good. Brilliant advice

          1. HG Tudor says:

            I agree, thank you.

      2. blackcoffee30 says:

        Yup, this is how I am. My emotions build (negative and positive) and come gushing out all at once. As I mentioned elsewhere, I am redecorating. That will hopefully help. Sometimes anger begins with sadness, so the other day this was building up.

        Last night I re-read one of the medical textbook/journals I ordered about NPD. It helps me when I frame it from a purely medical standpoint.

        Thank you for the support. XO

    4. Violetta says:

      Can you find a way to burn it off physically?

      Exercise, punching pillows. Punk rock stopped me from calling Wanna-Be Playuh-Narc and screaming at him, but there’s also country or R&B. Not the whiny “yew broke mah heart yew wuthless tart, now won’t yew please come bayack” stuff, but something pissed-off like “Goodbye, Earl.” (“Before He Cheats” is fine as long as you don’t really total his car: along with exposing yourself to legal.consequences, you’ll just make him feel important.)

      For R&B, Big Mama Thornton’s original “Hound Dog” or Dee Dee Warwick’s “You’re No Good” are as pissed-off as it gets.

      Once you’ve got some of it out of your system and can focus, review your Narcsite materials, and remind yourself why you’re maintaining No Contact.

      This is a real addiction. Your brain and your limbic system want those endorphins and oxytocin they used to get from the narc. It will take a while before your system can produce happy chemicals on its own.

      I never appreciated what people trying to get clean from meth go through until I had to go Cold Turkey off narc addiction. Even when other things were going well, I couldn’t take any joy in them. It felt like I would never be happy again no matter what.

      1. blackcoffee30 says:

        I listened to heavy/death metal. I love it, but only when I am angry. 😀 Getting through the first few days without N was not as bad as getting clean, but it was pretty awful. I cannot wait to go back to the gym, these walks and home workouts are just not the same. XO

      2. Another Cat says:

        Mmmmm….high quality…. Big Mama Thornton & Buddy Guy, that Hound Dog clip is the best thing on Youtube except for HG Tudor Knowing The Narcissist.

    5. blackcoffee30 says:

      This is what happened to me word for word as a DLS/DSIPSS and why I got so angry.

      The Golden Period never really ended, but it was interspersed with lies to extract fuel from my worry and make me think the silent treatments were due to his ill health. I spoke with or texted him nearly every day for years and got gifts or evenings out every time I saw him.

      The only thing different was my “disengagement.” This man had the audacity to hoover me after 3 weeks* of silence. I don’t know where he got the audacity, but he better put it back!

      *STs lasted 4 days max (thrice) and only during last year of our relationshit.

Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.