The Online Empathic Target
You are an obvious target when you engage in on-line dating. Your profile acts as a beacon to us. We see certain phrases and descriptions which have us making a bee line for you. You may as well strap a neon sign to your head stating “Empath” because you are sending a clear and distinct signal to us and we will move in for the kill.
On-line dating websites are popular and growing. They have millions of members and billions of page views each day. There are plenty of people looking for love on the internet. Given the ease through which one can browse, select and interact with a prospective date, it is little wonder that online dating sites are extensively used.
The ability to avoid having to plunge into a gene pool of who knows what in bars and clubs and other predictable pick-up joints means that firing up the laptop and tablet and settling back to see who is out there has become a major way of finding that other half. I have mentioned before that cyberspace is a major hunting ground for our kind. From apps to social media, through messaging to the dating websites, the speed and reach of technology is a huge boon to the narcissist in his search for victims.
Dating websites are no exception. It is there that we can sift through the prospective victims, assessing the target and gauging whether an approach ought to be made to begin the additional fact finding about this individual and commence the seduction. Dating websites attract a good proportion of cranks, wind-up merchants, no-shows, time wasters, married people searching for some sexting and potentially more and these individuals often stand out a mile. The opening gambit of the pervert who is looking for some topless pictures of you is likely to be
“U r gawjuss, do you have nudes?”
Easy to pick that jerk out isn’t it? He won’t be one of us though. He is just an arsehole. The philanderer may well belong to our brethren but when he starts with,
“I am married but my wife and I haven’t had sex for 2 years so I am not really being unfaithful in looking for some action elsewhere.”
You know that he is looking for some extra-marital fun and being so upfront about it means he is unlikely to be one of ours. You never charm somebody by playing your B.L.U.F. – bottom line up front. Rather, in order to bluff, a far more subtle and insidious approach is required.
These individuals may have narcissistic traits but they are not in our gang. They operate on a percentage basis. Keep asking for nude pictures often enough and someone is bound to agree. Keep plugging away for someone who fancies a quick bunk up and somebody will eventually respond. That is all they are interested in. They are not after your fuel. We are.
So, what do we look for when we are scouring the digital directory of potential appliances? Naturally, the cadre of narcissist affects the class traits that the relevant narcissist looks for, therefore the Somatic Narcissist will be concentrating on those who look stunning, are gym bunnies, love travel and shopping and such like. The Cerebral Narc will be looking for those who enjoy literature, the arts, demonstrate a higher education and so forth. Those class traits are highly relevant and we do look for them in the profiles of those who place themselves on an online dating site.
We also look for the empathic traits which signify to us that this person has the potential to be an excellent appliance for us and eventually maybe even be a primary source. We scour for those who have the special traits as well, which amount to a bonus. Finally, we look for indicators which tell us that you are unlikely to put up much resistance.
Combine all of these indicators – the class, empathic and special traits, add in the knowledge that you are not going to be difficult to approach and engage with and it all points towards a viable target for our attentions. Not all of the empathic or special traits will be present in your profile, this requires additional investigative work on our part which we will engage in, but we will have seen enough which tells us that you are more likely than not an empath and well worth targeting.
So what are these phrases and descriptions that stand out a mile to our kind and have us converging on you? There are numerous that exist, but here is a selection of ones which are used most often.
- Been Hurt Before
Our klaxon goes off to tell us that you are damaged goods and therefore ripe for the taking. Somebody has tenderized you already and thus our insidious charm will meet with little resistance. You will be delighted to find someone so caring, so compassionate, so considerate and so into you. Such a contrast to the predecessor. You will not be warier for the experience but actually more vulnerable because you clearly do not recognise our kind when we come hunting.
- Loves animals
If you are prepared to care for a lower life form, feed it, groom it, exercise it, play with it, buy it things, pay vet’s bills and so forth, you are clearly a caring person. Nine times out of ten an animal lover is also someone who is very caring towards their own species too, there is the odd exception of course, but it is more often a reliable indicator of empathic traits than not.
- I’m new to this/ I cannot believe I am doing on-line dating
You have not been able to meet anybody through a traditional method and you are telling us this because you feel somewhat awkward and silly that you are doing this. Don’t worry, we will put you at your ease because guess what? We will tell you we are new to this (of course we are not) and let’s handhold on this new adventure. This also tells us that there is a degree of desperation to find somebody because you are trying to suggest you do not use this ordinarily. Well you are here now aren’t you because nothing else has worked?
- I like to stay in with a glass of wine and a DVD/cosy up in front the fire/ walk in the park on Sunday and go to the pub for a roast/ have Sunday brunch and read the papers together
You are a love devotee. How so? These standard phrases originate because you have watched the fabricated happy Hollywood couples in film, or read about them in glossy magazines and novels which advocate that this is the way that couples spend every evening or Sunday together. You are susceptible to being sold the ideal of how love is, the romantic and wonderful view of love and by using phrases such as these you are indicating that to us loud and clear. You want an ideal form of love? Guess who can manufacture that in an instant?
If you make mention of this on your profile you are exhibiting, you operate by a moral code and therefore you will have empathic traits. If you demonstrate some form of spirituality this tells us that you have a belief system and therefore you are susceptible to suggestion. This ranges from being a good and decent person through to someone who believes that love will solve every issue and problem. That mind set is appealing to us.
- Charity involvement
If you make mention of your work at the local homeless shelter, you volunteer with a medical charity or are engaged in fund-raising we know you are a giver and not a taker. We also know that you have significant levels of empathy and that you will go the extra mile to secure the happiness of somebody. We want that attitude directed towards us.
- I am a middle child/ I come from a large family
There is a good chance you have not been afforded the attention you might otherwise have wanted and thus we know that we can secure an easy win by lavishing on you plenty of the aforementioned attention. We also regard this as demonstrating that you are quite stoic individual who has been used to just getting on with things, so that having someone come along and help you and put you at the centre of things will really gain your approval and appreciation.
- I just got out of a committed relationship
So you have and by writing this you are telling us two things. The first is you want another one pretty quickly because you do not like being alone. The second is that you have evidently been the one who has been dumped or cheated on as you are saying you were the one who was committed and you want other people to know that you were committed. This tells us that you are keen on getting to the truth of the matter, an empathic trait and that you will stick around.
- I am looking for a knight in shining armour
So many bases are ticked with this one. You are a love devotee as you are sold on the idea of romantic love. You want someone to save you and therefore you will respond well to such overtures. You have evidently suffered previously and therefore you have been softened up in that regard as detailed above. You are also expecting somebody else to be chivalrous and bear the burden, which translates into you wanting that person to buy you things, take you places and spoil you. No problem, that all comes as part of the Love Bombing package.
- I am seeking someone who is financially secure
You have financial problems which we can exploit and/or you were with somebody who had financial problems so you want to avoid that happening again. You are attracted to success (or the appearance of success) and this is a motivating factor for you. We will be happy to factor that in for you.
- I am ready for a long-term relationship
You have not been able to find anybody so far, so desperation is starting to creep in. You are also a giver and believe in relationships, you want to be bound to somebody and make it work. You have just tilted your head and exposed your throat to us.
- I want to be swept off my feet
Another indication of being a love devotee who believes in excessive romanticism and also a key indicator that our whirlwind approach to seduction will reap significant rewards and find favour with you. You will be swept off your feet alright, you just may have trouble getting up again.
- I am tired of games
Again another signal that you have suffered in the past and therefore you are susceptible to manipulation. This offers us the chance to exhibit that we are honest, straightforward and reliable to draw you in and then we can commence our manipulations of you with impunity.
- Looking for The One
More evidence of the love devotee, someone who is ready to pour their heart and soul into the relationship and therefore you will be overflowing with empathic traits. Not only that, you will fall prey to our various ways of telling you that you are The One, Our Soulmate and The Person We Have Waited Our Whole Life For.
- Mention of the caring professions
If you happen to explain you work in nursing, look after the elderly, you sign for the local deaf community and so forth, this lights up that you have empathic traits and this especially appeals to the Victim Narcissist who will be looking for his own personal carer.
There are many more and we look for a selection of these in somebody’s written dating profile to confirm to us that you will have the various traits we desire and that your resistance to being seduced will be low.
Time for a re-think on what you have written?
75 thoughts on “The Online Empathic Target”
So, guys! I will take the Empath Detector Scan! Let´s see what comes out… 😉 I´m curious! I have a narc parent, so…. let´s see 😉
” I’d be interested to know what Fiddleress says there.” Well, you know, the French gave the world the phrase ‘ménage à trois’ which means a ‘couple’ involves three people! That is probably where we get our reputation for being promiscuous from, and boy was I reminded of it when I lived in Britain!
As Bubbles said, it can mean the husband having a mistress, or the wife having a lover. But I do not think that it is anything that was ever ‘agreed’ on. No way. It made (makes) people suffer. It makes great films, but…
I have no idea if it is less frequent now, or maybe it is less known because more people live in cities than in small places where everyone knew everything about everybody else, but it is not seen as acceptable.
I think that like in Italy, it arises from ours being a very macho society (because it always seemed to be more ‘acceptable’ -though not so- from men; women who had lovers being seen as whores or sluts), at least it used to be. My 25-year-old son and his friends all have and want committed relationships and not ‘ménages à trois’. Except the girlfriend of one of his friends, but she exhibits huge red flags and my son is trying to direct his friend – that girl’s boyfriend – to narcsite on my advice, as he is suffering and beginning to be unable to get on with his PhD studies.
When I was a kid, in the 70’s, I heard that men usually cheated on their wives. I know my father did, and my mother cheated on my dad, in the 80’s and maybe later. But hearing that it was standard behaviour from men made me distrust men (all men, all French men at least) tremendously, and this distrust is deeply ingrained in me, even today.
Cheating ranks high among the things that would make me leave someone in a heartbeat. I have never known of a partner cheating on me (latest narc – I don’t know. Might have been trying to, but I’m not even sure I view him as a (former) proper partner, now). I would rather remain single than be with someone who cheats. I have never cheated on anyone, and to me it isn’t only a question of sex.
I don’t go for “open relationships” either (What do you do? Do you go like ‘ok, let’s get our agendas and see where I can fit you in’? Pfff. As I said before, I want to be seen as unique, and the one and only, haha!). But then HG said that ‘open relationships’ or ‘polyamorous’ stuff often involve narcs.
This should read: “let’s get our diaries out and see”etc; ‘diaries’, not ‘agendas’.
Just popping back to give some example of what narcs write on their profiles, resembling empaths: I don’t want to be hurt again!!
I take care of myself and my finances and so do you.
I love charity work!
Looking for The One.
Long walks holding hands by the beach.
They have obviously studied and learned some empath buzzwords, but are often recognized by the extensive number of exclamation marks and a feeling of negativity.
Back when I was online I used to answer profiles like the ones you describe here, HG.
Still ended up with guys who were most likely narcs.
They sure know how to sound like empaths.
I could cry for every good person who gets ensared by those pieces of sh…. (excuse me)! “My” narc is looking for a spiritual, religious woman, a believer in love, a believer in marriage, empathic, caring, loving. My heart breaks when I think of what this piece of sh ….. is gonna do to her! 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁
He’s going to suck her in, chew her up and spit her out.
That’s what I might put on my wall … “sucked in, chewed up, spat out”
It’s pretty much the narc MO.
Wooed, chewed, and spewed.
Good assonance. For consonance: Dazzle, Devalue, Disengage, Dyson.
He´s going to love bomb her, tell her tons of lies, mirror her, faking the “big love she has been always looking for” and then: He´s gonna brutally devalue her, break her, abuse her, cheat on her, smear her and eventually cast her aside. NOBODY deserves THAT! 🙁 Especially not good people, people who just want to do good things, who believe in love, in god. She will desperately fight for their marriage/relationship, suffer, cry, he won´t give a sh… on her needs and feelings, all about HIM!
Love Bombing-Devaluation-Discard-Hoover! 🙁
This breaks my heart, especially for empathic, loving and caring people! 🙁 🙁 🙁
Unfortunately, there is nothing we can do for their next victim/s……. otherwise you’re portrayed as a fruit loop and whatever they’ve said about you
Remember when you first meet them, they come across as the nicest and kindest of people
All the people at the RSL were eating out of the weasel’s hands, he was God to them
Bent over backwards to help and volunteer, everybody loved him (they still do)
All one can do is move forward and get on with your own life
It’s amazing the more false you are, the bigger the circle
The more truth you tell, the smaller the circle
Life’s a bitch, when it comes to narcs
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
It’s very true about the ever shrinking circle and the more truth you tell, or alternatively the less bullshit you’ll take.
Haha, that pretty much sums it up
What circle ? 🤣
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
I was going with “the more truth you tell, the smaller the circle ” 🙂
I was going with we don’t have any friends 🤣…..hence no
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Oops sorry lovely, I just realised I typed Leela instead
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
One can just hope that their victims escape before it gets really nasty for them 🙁
Then there’s those who end up here
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Too sad! 🙁 They don´t have the knowledge (yet) and they fall for the love bombing and even if they should realize that something is “off” there, then the gaslighting starts immediately! Many victims realize WAY too late that they go ensnared by a narc. Some stay married with the narc and suffer for 20 or more years until they find their way to break out or the narc casts them aside. 🙁
I remember I once read in a forum about a lady who was married more than 40 years to “her” narc. Then he died and she was happy. She really was happy that he had died!!
Yes, quite so
Unfortunately, there’s a lot of women who just don’t know any better, probably still trying to fix the broken, never realising it can’t be mended
I’m sure there are lots of women happy to see their narc husbands die
I knew an older Italian lady who was aware her Italian narc husband was having affairs
One day she said to me, ” as long as he pays the bills and I have my house, that’s all that matters, I don’t care about the sex”
He died before her………she got the house 😂
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
You’ve got me to thinking there. American and British cultures are geared towards monogamous relationships. Other cultures aren’t. Take Thailand. I had an old boss who retired and spent half the year in Thailand, half in Scotland. He had a long term Thai girlfriend called Lek. They were of similar age ( not the usual Brit in Thailand stereotype). He told me that actually in Thailand the women have the power within the marriage. So the man can sleep around if he chooses but he must NEVER embarrass the wife. Essentially, he asks her permission. Lek was a successful businesswoman, Interestingly she had a string of clinics where you could have any form of plastic surgery done. Many catered to the phenomenon that is lady boys. Now that is an interesting topic!
This appeared to hold true when I visited Bangkok with my then partner. We went through a night market. Bars around the outside of it, the further back from the market you go the more debauched the establishment. Outside the bars are touts with menus to draw tourists in. Not drinks menus. Menus of all the wonderful acts you can watch and sexual treats you can buy. As we walked through the market, it was I that was approached, not my partner. From their point of view, I am the decision maker, not the man I was with.
One tout was particularly charming. He handed me the menu. I took it, perused the contents. Then turned to my partner, and nodded, gestured him to the bar.
The look on his face was priceless. Frightened rabbit doesn’t even come close haha. I’m such an arse !
We went in had a cocktail and left.
Italian women are definitely more accepting of affairs. Standard practice in France too, or used to be. French husbands generally had a mistress. Less so now I think. I’d be interested to know what Fiddleress says there.
In some cultures the narcissist wouldn’t be able to triangulate in the same way. Italians probably triangulate more with Espresso machines. Love Italy.
A narc could definitely triangulate within an open relationship in much the same way.
“Kate wouldn’t speak to me that way”
It’s very straight forward.
I was willing to have an open relationship with a narc (before I realised he was a narc) but he wouldn’t accept it because he did not want it to be equal. He preferred to be shady because that way he had the upper hand.
True, just less impactful assuming no jealousy involved. The whole triangulation thing is a bit lost on me to be honest, I just don’t see myself being all that receptive to it at all.
Stands to reason your open relationship narc wouldn’t buy in. No leverage. Just no pleasing some people. You try to be nice… ha ha
He was hating because he wouldn’t have been able to compete with me so he didn’t want to see me living my best life
Loved your story, thank you gorgeous
As you mentioned, different cultures, different standards
I had heard the Frenchman can have a mistress or is it the wife can also have a lover as well ? Interesting, what some couples agree upon
I’ve known some Thai n Philippine brides, boy, do they rule the roost 😱
Hawaii is a fascinating culture, sex wasn’t a sin and running around naked wasn’t considered sexual …..until Max von Sydow stepped ashore 😂
I think I’ll go live there permanently 🏝🌺🍹
I agree, I love Italy too ☕️ ….. although I’d probably be too knackered for sex as well from having to make pasta, tomato sauce and everything else from scratch 🍕🥖🍝
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Glad you liked it. I didn’t know that about Hawaii! I might join you! Although maybe we should do a trial run at a local nudist beach first. Might be enough to put us both right off our hot dogs!
Nice to see you on sparkling form as ever 😘
Awwwww, thank you for the compliment 😍
I looked up the traditional sexual culture of Hawaii
The “blood aunt” apparently teaches the young males on how to please a woman and can have sexual demonstrations with them as well
They learn from a very early age, there is nothing to be ashamed of and it’s all beautiful
Unlike my upbringing, my mother said it was a very dutiful act and called it nasty business, very upper crust British handed down mentality back in those days! In my ‘heyday’, I did do a trial run by visiting a nudist beach, sand always ends up where the sun don’t shine 😂
To let you in on a little secret truthseeker, it was mainly weiners 🌭…..no hot dogs 🤣
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
That’s interesting about the ‘blood aunt’.
I’d end up with the guy whose parents were only an only child. Ha ha.
You won’t miss out as they encourage both genders as well … all good 🤣
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
*draws opening, clothes flying.*
“Now where did I put my flowery shirt.“
Haha, you’re so cute
I absolutely luv Hawaii, we were supposed to be going back in a couple of months, then covid happened
Sadly, our bags aren’t going anywhere overseas for a long time
Hence, that’s why we always have a plan B 😂
We shall “hang loose” regardless 🏝🌺🍹
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Very sensible. I can imagine nothing worse than being in a packed airport with boards full of flight delays! I love travelling, I love flights but I’m going to have to see vast improvements before I can see the point of travelling abroad. I don’t want to wear a mask on holiday either. No thank you.
I’m going camping on Monday ! I went for the first time last year. A late starter. I have a blow up tent ha ha. No poles for me. Marvellous. Something really nice about sleeping in a tent. I like being in the view rather than looking at the view.
I’m going tree surfing! Can’t wait! Keeping my fingers crossed the weather holds.
We can go to Hawaii next year Bubbles!
HG I have a ticket to Sunday’s event. I didn’t want to miss it, but I might be off and on. My apologies for being unable to give my usual full attention. I’ll be head to foot in camping equipment at the same time. I don’t travel light!
You get a Truthseeker free week after that. Just think what you can get up to with the extra time!
I tried camping once …….the blow up mattress went down me 🤣
I prefer glamping
You just taught me something new today ….tree surfing
The only surfing I tend to do these days, is the net 🤣
I’ll gladly have a chi chi with you in Hawaii, without a mask
Just look for the empath with a Hawaiian shirt 🌺🤣
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
You have yourself a date! I’ll let you know about how the tree surfing goes ha ha.
I have never been on a dating site. Mutual interests are key to me, so that is the way I’m inclined to go. If it happens, it happens. Lots of sage advice here to ensure it doesn’t happen with a narcissist (again).
Having said that, my last entanglement began online. And I was no pushover. Being the first and only female to hold the position of forum host of a Civil War general, someone had to have balls to approach me.
And someone did.
Looking for love in all the wrong places and this place is definitely one of them.
This is the place you learn where not to look for love.
Online is one of them.
Part of the problem with that is you don’t even need to be looking. The narcs will find you anyway.
I wasn´t even looking for love 🙁 All I wanted was discuss work, hobbies, sports, politics and philosophy. 🙁 🙁 🙁
I gave myself a fake dating profile the other day so I could browse men for free (haha!). Its been 2 years… a girls gotta eat ya know? haha
Anyways… what an experience that was. I have no clue how anyone meets anyone online… There was ONE profile out of 100s that I thought ” Ya maybe him ” … It also sadly just make me want to go back to what is “familiar” namely.. the narc. So needless to say I don’t think I’ll be returning to online dating.
I’ve pretty much resorted to becoming a nun. Its totally OK if I’m not religious to do that right ?
Empath 007, you crack me up.
I feel like this week we have all been running off in different directions being bad ha ha.
We could pretend to be each other online, that might work!! No need for disguises, we’ll just manage each other’s profiles!
I jest. Nunnery. Good idea. Make way.
Don’t think you have to be religious, they take anyone nowadays!
A few things. I am an only child and thus I had a lonely childhood. I was forced to entertain myself. So it’s not to be assumed that the only child = spoiled child. Only child can be a green light for someone in need of attention (from a narcissist).
Also, in my defense, I would never use trite phrases like, ‘I am looking for a knight in shining armour’ or ‘I am looking for The One.’ These are silly platitudes said by women who have those wood carvings in their living room that say, ‘Live, Laugh, Love.’
I know this is very prominent among profiles, but when I see phrases like, ‘I want to be swept off my feet,’ I think of someone immature who hasn’t found their own interests.
When I had that Somatic Lesser get in touch w me, my FB cover photo was one of Lady Kaede in Ran as she is holding a knife over a man’s head. She eventually gets beheaded and the blood splashes across the wall and it is so great.
* Carefully removes ‘ Live Laugh Love’ driftwood carving from back of bedroom door*
Just kidding. What? I am!!
You so do not have that shit on your wall, LOL. There is a joke about that Live, Laugh Love carving crap–it has been called, ‘boring white woman decor,’ or more recently, ‘Karen decor.’
They will also have signs that say, ‘It’s Wine O’clock somewhere!’
There is a hilarious AF meme that shows the pic of the kid in The Shining and instead of writing Redrum in lipstick on the door, he writes ‘Live, Laugh, Love.’
The “Live Laugh Love” wooden crap belongs with those that decide having some form of inspirational writing on their interior walls is the epitome of style.
Hahah we were house hunting last year. And during our search saw a few of these. I didn’t know what a ‘Karen’ was at that time but I recall thinking in each of the houses, I DO NOT WANT TO LIVE HERE! based on nothing more than these.
You do realise that the occupant would take the LLL crap with them?
Thanks for the advice. I guess I could have replaced it with a ‘fuck my life’ if I bought a house a Karen had owned.
“The “Live Laugh Love” wooden crap belongs with those that decide having some form of inspirational writing on their interior walls is the epitome of style.’
Haha. Says the man who has statues of his previous targets as room decor and a “body parts” scrapbook used as coffee table “art” when he deems appropriate.
And no, I do not have Live Laugh Love, but I do have one that says:
That’s a horrible idea. What time?
Difference is, only I see the statues and the scrapbook. They are for me.
My wall plaque says “dead narcs don’t rape”
“the kid in The Shining and instead of writing Redrum in lipstick on the door, he writes ‘Live, Laugh, Love.’”
Are there any with the sisters in blue dresses? I can see them saying some awful “inspirational” thing.
‘“body parts” scrapbook’?
Are we talking things like fingernails and hair, or things like spleens? (Presumably unvented.)
Fingersnails, hair, used tampons and photopgraphs with the eyes cut out, Violetta
While the photographs with the eyes cut off are the creepiest, the rest just translates to me (leaving aside the gore aspect) as a massive amount of DNA information, which is even scarier. I once had a stalker send me Barbie doll cards and anonymous emails that read “The eyes that can see you.” Thank goodness no body parts involved…
If I see it, some part of my heart dies. LLL goes and in hand with beige, some pebbles and twiggy shit. Plus a few tea lights.
Just look at their collection of books. If you can find it.
These people, and I use that term loosely, wouldn’t know culture if it pegged them in the arse!
On the shelf above me are Wilde, Christie, a book about CANNABIS(!), books about style and form in the English language. Rhetoric too.
These miscreants will have a shelf full of biographies about sportsmen, Tom Clancy and if they are of a certain age, Jackie Collins.
Oh. And the Argos catalogue.
You’re right, I don’t. 😘 I don’t do positive affirmations. I’m a Brit.
Used tampons?!! Ecchhh.
Where is this info? Did he get the nail clippings from a wastebasket and the hair from a brush, or did he bite off the nails after giving his bound-and-gagged victim a Britney?
He definitely likes molesting the hairs in the brush in secret
I do have a keepsake one that says :-
Have sticky floors
Piles of laundry
and HAPPY KIDS
My son gave it to me yonks ago 😊
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Not the IKEEY tea light candles 😩
I luv my burning candles
I’m a pyromaniac from another life…….or ……. maybe this life 🤔
🔥Good for burning LLL along with the movie Eat Pray Love 🔥😱
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Haha its ok, I was given a heart shaped white dish and on the lid it said ‘Live Laugh Love’
It’s now in the op shop 🤣
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
Statues of former lovers and a body part scrap book ?!
I’ve figured it out… you’re Hugh Hefner ! 😂😂 speaking to us directly from the grave.
Still though… wow…
You must be new around these parts.
I’m not new. I’ve been a fan of HGs since after breaking up with a narc 2 years ago. His work spoke to me in a way nothing else regarding this subject had before. I was in awe (still am) that I finally had access to the truth, the truth about him, the truth about me, the truth about the tiniest of details like why he would go on about my smile, or stare at me the way he did.
I hadn’t commented In a while but the pandemic leaves me with extra time on my hands… which has also led to a restlessness… whispers of addictions to “ease my pain” and reach out to the narc became strong…. so I decided the better option was to stop by and start conversing here again so I wouldn’t make a horrible mistake.
Welcome back home gorgeous
This is where we all roost 😂
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
This is frighteningly accurate and makes perfect sense when explained this way. Things that people say innocently enough that indicate empathic traits or love devotee particularly.
I haven’t done a dating profile, have imagined the sites very much to be ‘send me a boob pic’. You know my thoughts on those already ha ha.
It does make me think back to very early communications with the narcissist though.
I was at the end of a serious relationship. ( committed to love)
I said I liked tall men because I like to feel small at the side of them (protection seeking)
He asked me to describe my ideal date. ( info to mirror me with)
He then wrote two pages about his ideal date. I think that might have been what got me if I’m honest. Incredibly romantic but in a very thoughtful rather than fling money at it kind of way.
I told him I had a rescue dog called Ralph (shows empathy)
I talked about training and going to the gym.( attractive to Somatic )
He asked me to score myself out of 10 for looks and personality.(Somatic trait)
I told him I had volunteered at an animal shelter ( double points)
Money came into play at a later stage. That counted heavily against me. He saw I drove a nicer car.(narcissistic trait of envy)
He mirrored my sense of humour.
A week or so later we exchanged pics. (of the none boob variety)
HG classed him as a Middle Mid Range Type B Elite Narcissist. (and without my supplying this info)
This was not a dating site. It was a chat app. It never felt like an interrogation but he did get a lot of key information early on. Enough for him to decide it was worth pursuing at least.
This can happen on dating sites, but also watch early communications on other normal chat apps. I certainly will be doing so now myself.
Truthseeker6157, I love the way you broke it down and pointed out that the danger of being caught up with a narcissist isn’t only from online dating sites. I met mine online, but it was a chatroom, much like what you described. And looking back (from a distance of years, but with much clearer vision) I can see that was exactly what he was doing with me. I don’t think I ever really looked at it quite like that.
So many articles here prompt so many of us to look back and review what we did, how it happened and what we missed or failed to acknowledge. I think the important thing is : think about it, understand it, safeguard against it happening again. Most importantly, don’t beat yourself up about it either. Nothing wrong with being the way you are, we just need to recognise that there are certain things we can do to better protect ourselves from ending up in the same situation going forward. Staying off dating sites is an easy win. Paying attention to new friendships on regular chat apps, really thinking about the information you share, with whom and when, is another. I’m glad you found my comment helpful Caity 😊
Ha ! I know… doesn’t it make you just want to start lying to people to see what their reaction will be ? We could be like George on Seinfeld and start living the totally opposite life…. see what fun new adventures we can have and how many narcs we repel. Haha.
It sucks though!!! after dating a narc you start (well I started) to feel like I can’t even be myself ! Like everything about me screams ” USE HER ! “. *Sigh* from now on I am saying my hobbies consist of make up application and gossip haha !
George: “I’m unemployed and I live with my parents!”
Woman looks at him longingly.
Actually, there IS something fearless about the way he announces that. No shits left to give.
Hahaha ! Precisely !