Dr E explained that he wanted to discuss with me the issue of regret.

“Have you ever regretted anything?” he asked.

“No,” I answered promptly.

“I see. What do you understand by regret?”

“It is a feeling of sadness or perhaps disappointment over something that you have done or failed to do.”

“When have you experienced that feeling?” he asked.

“I haven’t.”

“If I tell you that most people have regrets, which ones would you remember?”

“Which of their regrets would I remember?” I asked. He looked up at me over the top of his red and black note pad and raised his eyebrows.

“I haven’t had any,” I repeated.

“Why do you think that is?”

“Let me see. Probably because I have had nothing to express regret about. The absence of something tends to be the reason why you have not something, wouldn’t you agree?”

“Okay. Now in your many explanations to me you have explained some of the things that you have done. Yes,” he noticed I was going to interrupt him but he kept going, “I know you detailed those at my behest and I appreciate you sharing that information with me. Those acts of commission and omission led to people feeling angry with you, hurt and upset. Would you agree?”

I nodded.

“Okay. Now I would suggest that one might feel regret at having caused those people to feel that way. Would you agree?”

“You might feel a sense of regret Dr E but I do not.”

“Why is that?”

“Why to which part? Why you might feel a sense of regret or why I do not?”

If he was irritated by my pedantry he was not showing it.

“The latter.”

“Because I am not at fault. In all those instances it is the other person’s fault.”

“How about some examples?”

“Okay. Kate’s dog went missing. Do you remember me telling you about that?” He nodded. “If she had cared for it properly and given me the attention I deserve it would not have been lost. Christopher who was fired from his position, he was incompetent. Emily kept asking me the wrong questions so that is why she was treated in that way. Sophie kept asking me what I was thinking so that is why I lost my temper and smashed her television. As for Paula, she was late so I walked off and left her to find her own way home. Do you want me to go on?”

“No, that is sufficient.”

“If people tried harder, if they were more thoughtful then this would not happen. I can do it so why not they? I will tell you why. They become weak and complacent. They think that they can not invest any energy into our relationship, whether intimate or not, any longer. If you do not feed something it will wither and die. They brought it on themselves and they are the ones at fault. My reaction was perfectly natural. I was entitled to respond the way I did. They cannot judge me, they have no jurisdiction to do so, certainly not when they let me down every single time.  They bring it on themselves with their weakness and their whining, their reluctance to do what is needed, what I need. It sickens me doctor, it truly sickens me. Have you any idea how difficult it is to find someone who retains my interest, someone scintillating enough to match my brilliance? It is impossible. I try Dr E, I bloody well try to I offer them the world in the hope that just this once they will match my expectations and not let me down. It always happens. I am always let down. She did it the first time and then it happened again and now it is repeated. Why? What did I do that was so wrong to deserve being treated like this? I regret nothing doctor because nothing is my fault.”

14 thoughts on “Regrets

  1. Eternity says:

    HG, I guess you regret nothing you have done because its always the other persons fault . Is it because you cant admit to the faults? or strongly believe the other person is to blame . So you cant compromise at all ? We all make mistakes and we do apologize when we do make them. Nobody is perfect.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I regret nothing, Eternity, because what I do serves the correct purpose. My purpose and therefore it is right, justified and effective.

      1. Eternity says:

        Thank you for being honest !

  2. blackrose1286 says:

    That phrase gets under my skin, it’s not my fault. I think I have heard it more over the last few years than when my kids were younger. I am not wanting to raise a grown man.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Indeed and the self defence mechanism ensures that it is never our fault, because an admission of fault means a loss of control and the narcissism MUST prevent that at any cost.

      1. blackrose1286 says:

        Thank you for the wisdom you share with us. It’s confusing at first when you start dealing with a narcissist and you are learning about the way they are . It’s almost like you are the same person I am dealing with and trying to escape. I know you are not but sometimes it makes me wonder . I have noticed that this is a common thing where I am always the bad guy.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You are welcome BR1286.

  3. truthseeker6157 says:

    I have a question on this please HG.

    When you recount sessions with the good doctors, you seem to answer their questions as a pure narcissist. Almost an unaware narcissist. Almost a parody of yourself.
    If we were to ask the same question about regrets here on the blog, you would likely still say you don’t have regrets due to the narcissism and it being a useless feeling. Regret would hinder acquisition of the Prime Aims. You would also say to us though, in our own cases, that the failed relationship is not our fault. That we are not to blame. You are very clear on that in one of your audio packages.

    We are not to blame. In your own relationships the IPPS is always to blame. Why is there a difference?
    You have mentioned that when we are replaced, the replacement is a very similar person to us. That actually we would like each other. The same is true here on the blog. You are in a room of empaths, dealing with the same type of people that you could conceivably select as an IPPS. You can appreciate and understand our views here but don’t appear to do so with your own IPPS. I’m trying to understand why you differentiate in this way. Is it down to manipulation? We aren’t in front of you, you don’t see us, so don’t need to manipulate, therefore can view our situations differently?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      There are instances in my private life where it is not my fault and the other individual erroneously believes that it is.
      There are instances in my private life where I know I have caused the problem, however it is justified. The basis for that justification varies.
      In your involvement with the narcissist it is not your fault. The narcissist will always see it as being your fault because the narcissism must assert control and an admission of fault erodes control.
      I am able to tell you that it was not your fault because you and I are in a different dynamic, you are the tertiary source reader. Of course, “your” narcissist will always see it as your fault because of the narcissism. Similarly, my IPPS in my private life will be at fault also.

      1. truthseeker6157 says:

        Understood HG, thank you.

        I’m getting a better sense of the HG functioning here on the blog in comparison to the HG functioning in real life.

        You asked for requests as to future articles. This is just a suggestion but I’m very interested in the blog as a concept in itself.

        I think it would be interesting to know more about how Narcsite and the blog came into being. Whether the good doctors read or have access to it. Whether topics of discussion here have translated to your sessions with them. What you have learned about yourself from compiling the articles and answering our questions. What the good doctors have learned. What you have learned about us from the blog. How that has impacted you if at all. Why you regard it as your legacy and how committed you are to it’s continuation. I cannot help but think that should it fail to contribute to the Prime Aims then it would cease to exist. I think you get the general idea of what I mean as regards an article.

        I think it would be interesting. Just a thought.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Thank you for the suggestion.

          1. truthseeker6157 says:

            You’re welcome.

      2. fox says:

        That is such a great question and such a beautifully honest answer.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Such is the unrivalled excellence of this place.

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