The March of the LoveFrauds
You died the moment you met me.
My kind are engaged in wholesale slaughter. A daily massacre. Nobody is stopping us either.
These massacres are not literal deaths. No, they way I leave you I believe that you may actually prefer to be dead in order to end the pain. The unrelenting pain and misery that I will inflict on you. What I kill is your confidence, your self-esteem and your sense of worth. I annihilate your finances, obliterate your friendships, shred your sanity and drive an icy cold dagger through your very being. You see, people like you pride yourselves on being honest, decent and understanding. That’s what makes you so attractive to me. That’s what makes the killing all the more complete.
You may think that I am an awful human being and that I revel in the consequences of my behaviour. For some of my kind that is right and for others it is not. Some of my kind have no awareness of what they and believe that what they do just has to be done. Others of my kind know exactly what we do. I am not concerned about how you feel. I have no interest in your reaction to what I do. All I am focussed on is what your emotional reaction does for me.
People are stupid. They need everything to be labelled, to be categorised and pigeonholed. They need great big flashing neon signs telling them what people are as they are too idiotic or lazy to try and work it out for themselves. See the man in a dirty raincoat with unkempt hair that hangs around the children’s playground? He is a child molester. Look over there at the man with a striped shirt and a bag with the word ‘Swag’ on it. He is a burglar. What about the lady in dirty, piss-stained clothes, mumbling to herself and trying to feed the pigeons stones? Oh she is a madwoman. That is what people expect to see. Ask anybody to draw a picture of a murderer and ninety-nine times out of a hundred, they will draw a crazed looking man, dressed in black, carrying a knife or a gun. They won’t sketch their spouse or their relative. Ask a person where they will most find a rapist and they will answer that he will be lurking behind a bush near the subway ready to leap out on some stranger. What they won’t do is point at their boyfriend sat next to them watching television.
And that is where the problem lies. You expect to be able to recognise those that will cause you harm in such an obvious manner. It isn’t like that. There is a reason that those dangerous people are able to hurt in the way that they do. It is because they are all around you. They are sat next to you in your car. They stand with you at the water cooler or in the lift. They talk to you at the school gates or serve you your daily coffee. They permeate society. That is what makes them so effective. The ability to blend in and hide in plain sight. How many times have you heard the neighbour interviewed about the horrific murder of a family by the father, say,
“He always seemed so friendly and happy.”
“He kept himself to himself.”
“He was a quiet man. I never thought he had it in him.”
Or my favourite.
“You don’t expect these things to happen here do you? You always think it couldn’t happen here.”
These people appear as innocuous as they are so ordinary and fit with their surroundings. They have masked what lurks beneath. These people, the drug dealers, the killers and the abusers were ordinary. They were themselves and they made no attempt to hide or be different.
This is what makes me so dangerous. I make a conscious attempt to blend in with those around me. I am a shape shifter. I take on the characteristics of my victims, mirroring what they love and enjoy. I become what you want me to be. You have always wanted to meet the successful business owner. I am he. How about the well-read bookish fellow who enjoys the theatre and some amateur dramatics? I can be him as well. You just love people who have travelled extensively? Let me tell you all about my yearlong world tour. Rock nut? Done. Singer? Do re me fah so lah ti do. Family man? No problem. I will morph and twist into these ideal people and in so doing I will slide my tendrils around you with insidious ease and pull you into the full horror of my world.
You are not able to see me coming. I hide behind a thousand masks. The bad people I have described above make no real effort to inveigle their way into your world. They are already there. They are part of your day-to-day life and you are unlucky that you just happened to be near them when they struck. I am completely different. I have come after you. I have marked you out as my prey and circled you, preparing to strike. I engage in subterfuge to further my aims and to enable me to glide in and out of people’s lives with slippery ease. I suddenly appear. Oh, there may be some existing connection admittedly, but that is all part of the preparation. When I actually enter your life I do so in a blaze of deliciously disorientating glory that has you rooted to the spot and gagging for more, such is the addictive nature of my behaviour.
All my work is done before I engage you. That is why your execution takes place the moment we meet. All else that follows is merely your elongated death throes and believe me, do I like to drag them out for the maximum of effect. I even pretend to try and resuscitate you from time to time. That’s just a ruse to enable me to suck more of the life from you. You may regard that as twisted. I don’t care. So long as I am able to feed, that is all that I care about. I must feed. Each and every moment to try and satiate this insatiable hunger that rages inside me. I think that the hunger can be sated but somehow, it never seems to be the case.
Thus my killing goes on and on and on. Victim after victim piling up and the beauty of it all is that I merely slip on another mask and melt away to find another unfortunate. I walk away leaving chaos and destruction in my wake but I never look over my shoulder.
Should you fear me? Absolutely. Sadly, for you, you don’t know what to look for because I do not come into your life bearing a warning. Once I have emotionally slain you, only then might you recognise the danger a second time but of course, by that point the damage is done. Amazingly, some of you come back for more. Incredible isn’t it? Sometimes it is with me or sometimes with another of my kind. The effect is the same however. Another excruciating death.
The beauty of all of this is that nobody can touch me. Those who might try to bring the sanction of criminal penalties against me usually fail. They either won’t do it because they still love me or that somehow they think they can save me and they would rather do that. There are others who are so broken they blame themselves and not me. Others again are so utterly destroyed they do not have the strength to take action. The very few that do not fall at these hurdles soon realise that my innate charm, my myriad of lies and irresistible powers of persuasion mean that actually getting the criminal law to apply to me is nigh on impossible. It is only right. The rules are not meant for me.
All of this means that next to nobody recognises my kind when we first choose you. Why would you? We bear no mark or label. We do not appear as some stereotype. We do not look like abusers but then what do abusers look like? They look like me. Him. Her.
That man sat across from you on the train in his suit reading a quality broadsheet. The headmistress who crochets around the clock and is a committed Christian.
The abuser looks like the construction worker downing his gallon of beer before weaving his way home.
He looks like the quiet neighbour.
The shy teenager.
The earnest music teacher.
The gregarious uncle.
Him. Her. Them.
You do not see us coming. You had no chance. Society repeatedly fails to identify what we are and how we operate. It downplays what we do with a host of euphemisms and woolly descriptions because people cannot accept that somebody who is so pleasant to them can then be so horrible too. Yet, that is precisely how we operate. Would you trust someone who punched you in the face when they first me you? Of course not. You’d trust him after three years of marriage before the first blow landed though wouldn’t you?
You would not trust the fraudster if he stole ten thousand pounds on his first day at work, but after five years of solid and loyal service you would not think twice that he was forging signatures and diverting funds to his personal bank account. Society and people are too ready to apply labels which diminish the impact of what we do and what we are. You can attest to the horrendous damage that we do, you know better than anybody else of the impact that we have and yet you have to listen to people talking about how he is “misunderstood”, “under pressure”, “not normally like that”, “must have been provoked”. These well-intentioned people cause considerable damage as the ignorant apologists for the carnage we unleash.
Now you know what we are, you can identify us with ease. You can now think back to all the people you have interacted with and now you see us as if we have been daubed in bright red paint. Your colleague at work. The “difficult” customer. Your mother. Your brother. That friend who upset you one week and then fawned over you the next. The lovers. The celebrities. The politicians. More and more of us are identified by you and yet still we are able to do what we want and move on to the next unsuspecting victim. Society does not identify us. Society does not understand what we are. Society is utterly ineffective in tackling us. Our numbers are growing and our devastating impact on the lives of all those we entangle (and it is never just the one person is it) grows but what is being done? Do the politicians know us (save when they look in the mirror)? Do the police officers understand what we are? The nurses? The social workers? The judges? The court appointed psychiatrist? The jury? The neighbours? The teachers? The local government officials? All those who might be able to do something to address what we are rarely know what we are leading to greater frustration for you and the continued advancement of our agendas.
Nobody is stopping us.
What are you going to do about it?
19 thoughts on “The March of the LoveFrauds”
I was so pleased the other day when I noticed that – even though people don’t like to be labelled Narcissist or Manipulator – social media seems to have realized some of the things you declare here and in the article Narc Magnet.
Narcissists and empaths have some general attraction towards eachother.
Twitter posters use lighter words which don’t describe as much, but still a babystep.
They use the phrases Anxious Attachment Style
and Avoidant Attachment Style.
People keep asking themselves why they can’t find a decent monogamous partner when dating, mostly online dating. “I only find ghosters and I’m stood up halfthetime”
The theory is that the Anxious are attracted to Avoidants and Avoidants to the Anxious.
(of course, we Narcsite readers have known this for Years!)
Anxious and Avoidant seems to be more accepted among daters to talk about.
Right now they are discussing whether attachment style is somehow noticed already on the app profile. I usually direct them to ‘Why you should not use online dating’ and ‘Narc Magnet’ hoping they’ll find the way. This article is the next one I will link.
And oh yes, everyone says they themselves have the Anxious attachment style. Going out of their way to make a partner happy. And the bag of chips too. Virtue signalling galore. As you write, ghosters are not aware of what they are doing.
But the acknowledgment in society of different attachment styles, is giving me good vibes.
Unfortunately, I find such labels as still missing the point and therefore unhelpful.
HG, I’m shocked as usual at the beauty of your writing, the truth of the message, and the horror of the reality.
I believe that the “experience” is equivalent to losing ones mind while watching it happen on a never ending Mind F-ck of a roller coaster ride that never ends.
It’s so devastating to read this and to think I’m totally powerless and I need a rehab that can help me for I’m addicted to my narcissist, and my need for my fuel for my addiction leads me back to the narcissist for my existence.
It’s my monster mother all over again.
It’s me being trained in a cult like manner, to please my narcissistic mother, and, in doing so, I Might gain her approval, and, If I Could, I Might gain her love,
I might be ok, if Only I could please her, or I’ll gladly die….trying…
HG, I respect and appreciate your contribution, for your “explanations” are the only measurement of truth of my experience in my reality, I just wish it wasn’t my truth, nor others like me….
For some reason I am reminded of a scene from the Devil’s Advocate when Charlize Theron is in the Church and she tries to convince her husband, Keanu Reeves, that ‘Milton’ (Al Pacino) has raped her. Milton was a ‘shape shifter’ and ultimately the Devil Incarnate. He could be in multiple places at the same time and she could not convince her husband that this was possible. “He did this to me!” she cries as she reveals her mutilated body to him. Of course, this is not possible in the ordinary sense of the word. But, the ability of the narcissist to change to suit the occasion, to convince others, to ‘shape shift’ as circumstances dictate, slip away without detection, hide behind a mask of normality, these are all factors in convincing many they are who they say they are while only some know the truth. And it’s very easy for the narcissist to paint these people as the ‘abnormals’ in that context.
Thank you, HG. I thought the comparison was a bit ‘out there’, but for some reason it came to mind. Just in the manner of highlighting how the narcissist can manipulate others into believing what they want them to believe and convincing them that the victim is the crazy one in the situation.
You are welcome.
True words indeed. I was unaware of what and who I had been in a ‘relationship’ with. I am still learning about this. There are many narcissists out there and I want to learn more so I can be prepared.
Do you think that’s why some judges give over lenient sentences? Those in position of power do this just because they can, and do so knowing they cannot really be challenged ?
The problem that occurs, DS, is that most people reach the conclusion that there has been an over lenient sentence based on a tabloid headline, rather than actually hearing the facts of the case (like the judge did), hearing the demands of the prosecution (like the judge did), the plea in mitigation (like the judge did), reading the press sentence report (like the judge did) and having regard to the sentencing guidelines (like the judge did). If people bothered to gain access to all that information, they would be more likely to realise that actually what the judge sentenced makes sense.
Of course, a screaming headline which is all about drumming up sales, rarely gives you all the facts and puts everything in its context and thus people are misled into believing that the judge is out of touch and was too lenient. Most get it right in accordance with the governing factors which I have detailed above.
This is not to state that judges do not get it wrong, they do, because they are human beings and therefore fallible and yes, some will do so because of arrogance, a sense of entitlement, bias etc.
Do they do so knowing they cannot really be challenged? No. That is why there is a system of appeals, that allows the sentence to be challenged, whether regarded as harsh or lenient.
I don’t like to rely on media sources seems as they all have their own agenda, print lies and can’t be trusted. But I get what you are saying about having access to all evidence. Only this morning I have seen the body cam footage of one of the officers involved in the arrest of Floyd George. Provides a totally different perspective. And also backs what you have said. Had people of seen the officers adjusting his cuffs multiple times to make him more comfortable . Them agreeing to open the windows of the car so he didn’t feel confined. Offering to stay with him in the car because he didn’t want to be left alone. Then him sliding himself out of the back of the police car resisting arrest, maybe things may have been different. People’s judgements and actions may have been different. It wasn’t the case of out and out brutality what it was made to be. They showed nothing but willingness towards him to keep him calm. I’m not playing down the fact that a man was tragically killed. But it also wasn’t the way the media portrayed it to be.
I was just wondering about judges, as they hold a very powerful position. And I’m assuming there is over representation of narcs in this profession. But thanks for answering one of my random thoughts.
I agree with your observation DS with regard to media sources. I take my “news” from various sources official and otherwise and from different perspectives since you are correct that they have their own agenda.
Thank you for sharing your observations re FG and you make cogent observations in a balanced manner. You have gone to an array of evidence to form a view and this is an approach I heartily approve of.
Yes, there will be more narcissists in judiciary.
Brilliant article. And utterly, horribly true.
Now that I know (thanks to HG’s blog and books), sometimes I feel like a character in that old tv show “The Invaders”. One of the few who sees them for what they are and struggles to inform and convince the innocent, and the naive of the danger from them.
There is something I can do against narcissists .stay away and heal my childhood wounds so I would never attract low life people / monsters like them. In a way, I thank the narcissist in my life my ex, and my father that is one for withought them I would not be able to love and heal myself. Now , after therapy, a lot of me time, a lot of personal development books that I read, I can finally find the person that I will enjoy life with, knowing that I can be just as happy alone. These sharks help us realise that we met them because there was something inside us that needed attention and care . Every family on Earth has one narcissist member. Mine won’t. As I raised my vibration and healed so they cannot come near me ever again. If more people will come to this realisation narcissits will dissapear.
Please can you share what specific books you read in order to help yourself through this? Thank you
Yes. Well what I did exactly. I did therapy sessions, I read book about personal development like ‘ loving yourself , how to deal with a break up” I read all the articles of mister H.G. I saw all the videos of mister H.G tudor and narc surviror and narcology unscripted. These are the best. Then, I started to pray to God for help, I went to church. All of this helped me grately. U can even try hypnosis . I didn’t but I would like you to try. As a even more helping advice . I invest a lot in myself , the way I look and hoe i feel . I WROTE letters of forginess to my father and the guy who broke me the narcissist where I would say everything in my heart yo realise it. In the therapy I did the exercises she told me where I cried a lot to realise anger and frustration. Do therapy not just a pshichology session. You don’t need someone to just listen and take your money you need actual exercises and help to realise barriers from the subconsient mind. May God help you! You will make it .like I have.
Please read Fuel first and then Sitting Target. They are two of HGs books that I feel everyone should read first! Go to the knowledge vault, there is so much information that HG provides that will help you. If you are not sure just ask and you will have Tudorites coming out of the wood work to help you dear! One thing you should eventually and definitely do is take advantage of the consults that are available here. You can get through this! Please ask for help if you need it dear. Be good to yourself! 🥰
I’m sorry about the auto correct messing up your name in the the reply that I sent. I didn’t see it until after I hit the send arrow. 😩