They Will Not Believe You



Go on then, tell them all what has happened to you? Go on, here, take my phone and ring my parents, my family and my friends. Ring my colleagues too. Telephone the golf club in fact why don’t you take out an advertisement in a local, no, make it a national newspaper and tell everybody about how badly you have been treated?

Climb on the roof and shout it to the neighbourhood, tell everyone who calls at our door and bellow it to strangers as they walk past. Do it, go on, tell them about. Announce it, broadcast it, transmit it, send it out by mail, e-mail ,message and radio signal. Have it blaring from the radio, repeatedly playing on television, hell I will even let you strap a message to a flock of pigeons and you can let them deliver the news that way. Scrawl how badly you have been treated by me on a piece of paper and wrap it around a brick and hurl it through the window at the police station. Scream it long and loud until you are hoarse. Go on, tell them, tell them all.

Tell my parents about their successful son who has studied hard, achieved brilliant results and now excels at work about what I do? Why don’t you gather all my friends around here and announce to them what a bastard I am? I am sure they will be intrigued to listen to you saying that about their loyal and dependable friend who always makes time for them and has helped them out in repeated ways through his largesse and influence.

Pop next door and bang on their front door, explain to them with your wild eyes and even wilder hair what has really been happening? After all, I only every show them friendship and politeness don’t I? I don’t think they have heard me shouting at you (I wait until they are away before I raise my voice) but I know they have heard you ranting and bawling.

Go to the local shopping parade and mention to the pleasant lady at the bakery what I really get up to behind closed doors. I am sure she will love to hear you tell her all about the charming man who is her best customer and has arranged for her to supply the restaurant of two of my friends.

Call my brother and give him chapter and verse. Oh you can’t because he won’t answer the ‘phone to you anymore will he? I know, head down to the gym and see if you can interest any of the regulars with a hysterical rant about the chap who they all say hello to and who works out quietly and regularly. Type out a memo for my colleagues and circulate it to them. I am sure they will be interested to read all about their boss who holds the keys to their futures.

Declare it to the group I attend football with, they will want to know all about what I do won’t they? What’s that? These are all my people. At last you have recognised the truth of the matter in between your vile outbursts and hateful comments. I know then, ring up your sister and see what she has to say, mind you, I daresay you won’t want to give her the satisfaction after the way she came on to me would you?

Tell your friends all about it. Oh wait, they are now my friends and all they have ever seen is how happy I have made you, the gifts, the trips, the presents and the love. What about the vicar? He will listen to you I am sure. It is what he does after all although what he will make of such slander against a regular attendee at his sermons and generous charity donor remains to be seen.

Do it, grab a loudspeaker, create a banner, haul a message behind an aeroplane and write it in the sand on the beach. Do it in this frenzied manner with words spilling from your twisted mouth, a word salad which makes no sense. I am sure the staccato way you spit out your accusations will be well-received.

Make sure they look deep into your crazy eyes when you are talking to them, I want them to see who they are really dealing with. Tell your father will you? Ha, he has put up with this for years and was glad to see you leave home, he told me himself. He knows what a drama queen you are and as for your mother well she hates confrontation and she adores me since she knows just how much I have done for you.

Go on, beat your tiny fists about that façade, see if you can punch some holes in it although I know you will not be able to. Shout and stamp and holler all you like. I will enjoy watching you do that and there will be no favourable outcome for you. You are the crazy one and you are trying to unseat the stable, rational, dependable and ultimately far more likeable me.

But you keep trying, it amuses and fuels me as your bloodied hands slap against the façade with no effect and your voice becomes no more than a rasp. I will watch as the hope fades in your eyes to be replaced by fear and incomprehension. Keep trying though, keep going and reinforce what I have already indoctrinated them to believe.

They believe me.

They won’t believe you.

20 thoughts on “They Will Not Believe You

  1. Asp Emp says:

    “They believe me.

    They won’t believe you.”

    It depends on who else has had similar experiences with the same narcissists. That’s one reason why they do the ‘isolation’ so no “comparing notes” can take place. There can be more than one victim within the work environment, of say, less than ten people, then the narcissists (let’s say, there may be two) could be less likely to be believed.

    “It’s good to talk”…….

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No, it is not.

      1. Breach of no contact.
      2. Likely adverse consequence.
      3. Likely to cause response from narcissist who you are trying to stay away from.
      4. Increase in emotional thinking.

      Your ET wants you trying to expose the narcissist, to battle the smear etc and you fall into the trap of doing so with the downsides listed above.

      1. Asp Emp says:

        Re: above, No 2 happened last year. No 3, they won’t know – I’ve not seen the narcs in over 6 months. A friend had similar happen to them about 2 months ago – we have now reconnected (known each other 4 years). Hence No 4 reducing (cos I was believed).

        It’s good to talk – on here 🙂

        1. Violetta says:

          If you have to talk to someone, talk to someone outside of the situation. My “friends” in grad school fell into two basic categories:

          1. The ones who got She-Who-Must off their committees and looked at me pityingly because my research had to meet all sorts of standards theirs didn’t;

          2. The ones who retained her on their committees and said, “I’ve heard this from others, but she’s never been like that with me.”

          There were exceptions, as when one guy told me he had expected his chair to bust his hindquarters in the candidacy exam, but it was She-Who-Must who did, and he had to spew out a bunch of crap about “studying wrong” when he retook it, or even my grad school nemesis referred to She-Who-Must in front of me as a “Crazy Bitch,” but in general, I either felt worse than before because they had escaped her, or I felt worse than before because she hadn’t targeted them in the first place. You’ll just be back to wondering, “Why me?”

          1. Asp Emp says:

            Thank you for that Violetta. I know the people in my life and who they support. I am just finding my way back into my life and I need to have my friends there and also when they need me to support them, I will be there. I will not be returning to the “Why me” again, have no reason to. Just me and my friends, and if there is any guy in the future will have to count himself lucky to be invited to be involved in my life. That is a BIG IF.

    2. Empath007 says:

      If you have Facebook, check out the humanitarian page”Humans of New York”. There is a story from a woman who was a clear victim of a narc (but did not know it) who ended up becoming best friends with her narcs ex. Who she initially loathed because of the narcs smearing and jealously. When she finally got wise to the narcs compulsive lying she contacted the other ex to apologize… and now they’ve been best friends for like 20 years.

      Every now and then. Good things do happen. And you are right it’s through shared experience. The other victims have to hit their rock bottom though and have their “aha” moment for it to work.

      The comments in the thread have other women who share similar tales of freindship from exiting toxic partnerships. It’s inspiring really.

      In my case I don’t have anyone to reach out too since he’s got a decent amount of ex narcs in the mix whom he uses as lieutenants once the break up ( aka become fuck buddies ). I knew it was not going to be wise to try and convince another narc lieutenant to be on my side. So remaining silent was the best option for me.

      1. Asp Emp says:

        Ah, bless you Empath007. The friend and I (we are not narcs) somehow lost our “connection” because of the IPSS who had actually approached my friend to enquire after me……. I said to my friend, just to be very vague with anything about me to that IPSS – that one could have contacted me directly but didn’t cos I dared to challenge what they said to me (but didn’t – my balls are bigger than theirs – not that I physically have any. LOL). And faked being a friend to me while all the time was hoovering my ex (before it was actually over! – you know, behind my back and all that – need I say more?). And my friend also had their own experiences with the same IPSS but had no involvement with my ex. I wasn’t involved in that at all. The IPSS is just simply throwing their weight around. Married and all!

        I really hope that you can find someone where you are to have a chat with in person. It’s not nice being isolated (I know from experience and the Covid adding to it – fab! Not!). I am just glad to have my friend back after a year of “distance”. Thank you Empath007 🙂

  2. Emma Driscoll says:

    I know if I ever encounter any future work situations with somebody who demonstrates toxic narcissistic abuse like behaviours I don’t plan on telling anybody a thing without having gathered some kind of solid proof to back up my words first (if this is doable). Doing otherwise is a massive waste of time/energy.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Wise words. If you have not done so already, obtain How to Handle A Narcissist At Work, it will save you money, wasted energy and emotion and give you clarity with regard to what you should do and what you should not do.

      1. Emma Driscoll says:

        Will think about it.

  3. Another Cat says:

    Well this sucks a lot. Without evidence and the patience for a lot of court proceedings, I guess there is not much to do.

    One thing though, I’ve learnt to be cautious when a new person I am talking to “feels very sorry/concerned” about someone they are mentioning for the first time. So that the first words about a neighbour walking by is “well, they are divorced, you know”.

  4. Empath007 says:

    I think by far this is the worst part of being a victim. It’s also part of the reason it’s so hard to let go… you feel (or at least I feel) I will never see justice for myself and all of the other women he’s harmed.

    there will always be this unsettling feeling that a predator is out there. I’m aware of it. And I haven’t done a dam thing about it.

    1. Tammy says:

      I understand this for sure, my ex was so bad that I ended up in a women’s shelter with bruises covering about 70 percent of my body. He then called the police on me saying I kidnapped my kids so I had to deal with a lot f crap. I didn’t press charges because I didn’t think anyone would believe me. Luckily he showed his colors by accident to child services but I spent so much time feeling guilty that I couldn’t protect all his new victims until I had to accept that I can’t save everyone, just keep with no contact.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        You’re correct to look to your own defences.

        1. Empath007 says:

          Yes, but when you’re an empath, having to live with the feeling that you didn’t even try… is a lot harder then it may seem.

          I understand logically the best thing to do is to stop trying to save the world and make ourselves a priority. It took finding your work for me to really get that though. And I’m happy with my choice to keep my mouth shut.

          But I still have days… where his name is mentioned around the office… and I think… how did it come to this ? My empathetic trait of justice just wont ease up on me. And it probably never will.

      2. Empath007 says:

        I’m sorry for your pain that was caused by this man. Happy to hear it sounds as though the truth revealed itself in the end.

        1. Tammy Holman says:

          It has and even my children can see through his veil so they have chosen to free themselves as well, no contact and lots of therapy with someone who can identify the pain they caused helps.

  5. December Infinity says:

    That is always how it happens, quite the twisted tale that gets weaved. Exactly why I don’t say much of anything as people have trouble understanding a situation like this.

  6. Steve says:

    Sorry, in my case I didn’t have to do anything with my narcissistic ex. She lied to her own kids, which they found out. Their relationships have changed forever. She lied to many of our friends, which they found out and dropped her like a hot rock. So sometimes, the person involved doesn’t have to do anything. “The narcissist will try to destroy your life with lies because theirs can be destroyed with the truth.”

    1. Violetta says:

      I wish it were like that for all of them. We hear about some of the famous ones shooting themselves up the porthole, but with the ones we know, they may never get what they deserve, and if they do, we may never hear about it.

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