Murdering Without Feeling



Silence is golden. Or rather, it is a golden weapon when deployed by our kind. The use of silent treatment against our victims is a major part of our portfolio of abusive manipulations. Easy to implement, very low in terms of energy expended but capable of reaping such considerable rewards in terms of fuel, control, the assertion of superiority and the administration of power, it is little wonder that we use it regularly. The application of silence can be used virtually at any time and in nearly every situation.

This cold fury causes frustration, upset, fearfulness, concern, confusion and bewilderment. It is perfect at drawing fuel from our victims. It is astonishing just how it affects those it is used against, causing the emotional fuel to froth and spill from the perplexed and worried individual.

It causes anxiety and has a most unsettling effect which ensures that those who are subjected to it are unable to understand why it is being used. By maintaining a heightened emotional state, we ensure that you never manage to grasp what is happening and why this passive aggressive tactic is being used.

It plays to your desire to know what is happening and why, but you do not realise. You hover around us, asking what is wrong, why are you not speaking to me, what is the matter, please just talk to me. Every sentence you utter, ever plea you make and every beseeched demand just makes us continue it all the more.

In those instances, where the silent treatment is administered and we remain proximate to you, we will maintain a glacial mask. An impassive fixed expression which may be punctuated by the occasional baleful glare, but underneath this mask we are smiling and laughing at you.

Look at how upset she is, see the confusion in her eyes and wait for it, here comes another question, another plea, another request to be put out of her misery. How the fuel flows and we revel in what we see.

Even when the silent treatment is utilised against you from a distance and we are not physically with you, we are savouring just how you will be reacting. We can picture you frantically jabbing your ‘phone as you send text after text asking us to come home, to call you and just explain what the problem is.

We listen to your tear-infused voicemails as you ask us to just let you know that we are okay. Your sobbing promises to work things out and “whatever I have done, I am sorry, but please, please don’t do this to me.” Of course your failure to understand what you have done is used against you in two ways so that you are damned either way. Your admission that you do not know what you have done (which of course is entirely correct, how could you know what has happened when we just walked out of the living room when everybody was say quietly watching television?) just serves to underline, in our minds, that we are right to take this course of action.

Good Lord, why should we bother to contact you if you cannot even be bothered to work out what you have done wrong. All the more reason to keep this silence going for a while longer yet. Furthermore, because it is so effective at troubling you and keeping you guessing as to what the reason for this icy front is, we want to continue it.

The silent treatment is used for many reasons. First and foremost, as with all manipulations, it is used to draw fuel. It is to exert control over you. It is to keep you in an emotional place and thus paralysed, unable to see what is happening and unable to think clearly. It is to reinforce that we are powerful, superior and mighty, whilst you are useless and pathetic. You do not know how to please us, you do not know how to remedy matter and you cannot even work out what you have done. You are useless.

There is also a further reason why we use the silent treatment. This is our way of killing you. True enough there are those of our kind who actually do kill their victims. Those people are idiots. They lack control, function and competence and allow their knee-jerk response to override their need for fuel and the ability to do as we please.

By committing such an act, by losing control and killing, those of our kind who do this (invariably the lesser of our kind) not only destroy their primary source of fuel (often with no true contingency in place) but they then hand themselves on a plate to the authorities, a prison sentence and the attendance diminution in fuel gathering opportunities that arise from incarceration. As I wrote, they are idiots.

Those of us who exert control over our responses, those of us who are of a higher function, who plot and plan and calculate, do not go down such a route. No, instead we slay with silence and here are seventeen salvos which bring about that quiet death.

  1. Remaining in the room and saying nothing and not even acknowledging you.
  2. Remaining silent but staring malevolently at you.
  3. Talking to others in a social gathering but blanking you.
  4. Ignoring your telephone calls.
  5. Answering your telephone calls but saying nothing as we listen to you beg and plead before ending the call.
  6. Ignoring your text messages.
  7. Allowing you to know we have read your messages but never responding.
  8. Responding to everybody else’s comments on a social media post but not yours.
  9. Inviting everybody in a social group to which you belong, to an event, but not inviting you.
  10. Agreeing to meet for a date and not turn up.
  11. Sleeping in the spare room or on the sofa, anywhere but in the bed with you.
  12. Walking out all of a sudden and completely disappearing.
  13. Not engaging with you directly but acknowledging your existence through a third party – “John, did you hear something then? I thought I heard something squeak/whine/moan” used when you speak.
  14. Extending the silent treatment so it is meted out by lieutenants and members of the coterie.
  15. Responding to any written communication from you by writing “I do not recognise the sender of this letter/message/e-mail”
  16. We talk to you but only about our day, what we want to discuss and do not allow you to speak. We talk over you, ignore what you have to say and behave as if we are talking to ourselves in the mirror.
  17. You hear from other parties that we have been talking in terms as if you do not exist – “Yes, I am going to the wedding next week, I am happy to do so on my own, I am not being controlled then.” Even though you had no idea that we have such a plan in mind. Your existence has been eradicated and deleted by us and relayed back to you by proxy.

Yes, the application of the silent treatment is powerful indeed. It is regarded as a “death blow” against you.

Murdering without feeling has never been so damn appealing.

25 thoughts on “Murdering Without Feeling

  1. December Infinity says:

    I experienced the silent treatment very often in many ways. Pretty much didn’t exist. Gave me more of a reason to finally terminate involvements and ‘relationships’ with various people.

  2. lickemtomorrow says:

    Very interesting in terms of involving the Lieutenants in this as well. So the silent treatment can be extended out from the narcissist for purposes of control. What does that say about the Lieutenant’s? Are they aware (how could they not be?) or is there some kind of smear campaign in operation behind the scenes being run by the narcissist? This kind of silent treatment would have to come under the heading of ‘bullying’ I think. It is definitely being applied to bring someone under control as is the narcissist’s wish.

    I’ve had experience both one on one with my narc and also via a female narc who no doubt was running a smear campaign behind my back. It astounded me that people did not even question what was happening but just went along with it. Very sad testament to their abilities to think critically and just take someone’s word for something.

    It’s also the power the narcissist holds in order to control.

  3. Bubbles 🍾 says:

    Dear Mr Tudor,
    I know it so well
    Growing up, I was given the ‘silent treatment’ frequently by my mother
    Good way of getting you to go to your room
    I honestly thought I had upset her and was constantly doing something wrong but was never told what
    It’s like you don’t even exist
    It’s an extremely powerful weapon, it destroys your soul and slices your heart
    Exceptional and informative article Mr Tudor
    Thank you
    Luv Bubbles xx 😘

    1. Anna says:

      Yeh, my mother did this rot, and I just walked out one day and never came back. When I do see her in the suburbs I ignore her back. If they can dish it out, they better be able take it. And they can’t…. the way to pay them back is to walk out and reject them back because narcs hate rejection.

  4. Asp Emp says:

    “By maintaining a heightened emotional state, we ensure that you never manage to grasp what is happening”
    “Of course your failure to understand what you have done is used against you in two ways so that you are damned either way”
    “It is to keep you in an emotional place and thus paralysed, unable to see what is happening and unable to think clearly”
    “There is also a further reason why we use the silent treatment. This is our way of killing you”

    I had the ‘heightened emotional’ state and had not understood what & why it was happening (last year). Now I do.

    The mental confusion went on for about a year, and got worse in the 6 months before I found KTN. Very quickly, it began to make sense.

    There is no “Killing Me Softly” in this at all.

    He knows that I know what he is and that is why I am confident there will be no hoovering.

    1. NarcAngel says:

      He doesn’t even know what he is much less know that you know what he is. You know?
      Bottom line: Don’t be confident about not being hoovered. Be prepared.

      If I had a nickel for every time I’ve heard this on here and they came back to say they were wrong………

      1. Asp Emp says:

        Hi Narc Angel

        Thank you for your comment. Nice to have ‘met’ you.

        He knows he’s a man. He also knows he’s a narc – believe me, I know that he knows. He’d said things (basically being honest for example, he mentioned about the ‘dark’ inside him and other comments he made that I had absolutely no fking idea at all until recently. Unfortunately.

        I am very confident, I will not get hoovered. I know him. I know him very well by now. I understand him. I still want to cut his dick off though. That’s the ET at present – door gets opened from time to time but that’s acceptable – in my case anyhow – as it hasn’t been long. At all. The LT is going at great speed but I still want to know more because narcissists are all over and it is better to understand them (as people) rather than just for myself. We have to live together on this planet.

        You won’t be getting a nickel, not this time 🙂

        1. Empath007 says:

          Hoovering isn’t always direct. It’s been two years since I’ve been NC and his friends occasionally still come to gather information or try and get me emotional so i’ll Talk about it. He also tried using fake email addresses (at least I assume it was him)… they have their ways. Just be careful out there.

          1. Asp Emp says:

            Hi Empath007, RE: email. Anyone who sends me an email and is not a contact on my address list – it will automatically go into the Junk Box 😉 It’s not as if I get many anyhow. In any case – he’s not technology savvy

      2. WokeAF says:

        Agreed. Unless he’s a greater he has no clue what he is. Therefore he CANNOT know WHAT you know. Whatever he thinks your impression of him is – he will see that as your misperception- and your own fault.

        He’ll be back . Unless you have a rock solid no contact regime.

  5. JJ says:

    HG Tudor, my partner scares me that he will cheat on me. What does it mean?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Do you mean he threatens to cheat on you? Do you believe your partner to be a narcissist?

      1. JJ says:


        1. HG Tudor says:

          If he is a narcissist, then he is using Threat in order to obtain control over you and fuel from you.

          1. Zee says:

            I am so scared and so confused. Can someone help? I just recently realized he’s a narc. I’m still in shock. Ten years of my life wasted. He lives in another province but just two days ago sent me money saying when I am ready I can come visit him. I have emailed him four times since then and he is ignoring me completely. Why would he send me money and then ignore me??

          2. HG Tudor says:

            I can assist you to answer your question and much more besides and the best thing you can do is use this

          3. Renarde says:


            It’s twofold. Is a test. He wants to see how far he can control you.

            The second is that unfortunately, he has someone else on the go. That’s why you are seeing this ‘black/white’ split thinking.

            It doesn’t make any logical sense.

            Take the money, then impose a rigorous NC.

            I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news.

            Consult for you I think. Use that money.

  6. Karen maher says:

    Very very cruel I will stay no contact than if it painful 8 months now nc

  7. Eternity says:

    The good old silent treatment is just as bad as when they are yelling at you to provoke a reaction and give fuel..

    1. Summer says:

      Yes Eternity, i told my sister when he. was silent i felt like i was alone n a flimsy tiny boat on a lake with no view of an exit & the monster would slip below the surface & i would turn around & around but never knew what angle he would attack from. It was easier to be attacked

  8. Emma says:

    Have you ever driven anybody to suicide with this treatment of them?

    1. HG Tudor says:


      1. Emma says:

        So it’s the murdering of the person’s spirit you mean. Makes sense.

      2. Emma says:

        So it’s the murdering of the persons spirit you refer to. Makes sense.

  9. karmicoverload says:

    Interested to hear about “responding to everyone’s social media comment but yours.” This happened to me very recently. I didn’t realise this was a form of silent treatment, I just thought he was either
    A) Doing it to wind me up and realise how insignificant I am to him, or
    B) Not responding because I had put a kiss on the end of the comment and he didn’t want any potential new squeeze to think he had something going on with me by acknowledging it with a “like.”

Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Previous article