How The Narcissist Conquers Your Senses To Feed On You


I ensure that through my enthralling enchantment of you during seduction that I create tunnel vision for you. I am all that you see. Not only is it the case because I make it my mission to spend every moment I can with you, but I ensure that I am all that is seen in your mind’s eye as well. If I am not physically present with you then I will have done sufficient during the course of the day so far to have you thinking about me repeatedly. When will I call? That was such a delightful message that I sent earlier? Where will he take me tonight? He makes me so happy, I am so lucky. I will be the only person in your sights. You will allow friendships to fall by the wayside, not see family as often and even begin to neglect your interests possibly even work in order to see me. You want to look on me all the time because the love and radiance you see (which is actually just being mirrored back towards you) is so magnetic, so compelling and utterly addictive. You will stretch that lunch hour from work to spend longer over lunch with me. You will cancel that gym class tonight so you can see me rather than wait another day. You will cut short drinks with friends so you can get across to my house so you at least have part of the evening seeing me. All you will see is me and all you will see is how good, wonderful, amazing and brilliant I am as I carefully apply that rose-tinted filter across your eyes and you will not even notice.

Even when I have cast you aside or if you have been able to escape me, my construction of the ever presence will result in you seeing me everywhere around you. You see my ghost at the window, where I would stand looking at the view as I waited for you to get ready before going out. You see me lying on the bed, patting it and inviting you into it for another ecstatic session of love-making. You see me across from you at the dinner table, walking up the drive way and in that usual seat on the tube which is where we first met. You pick up a book and see me reading it, asking your thoughts about it. You pick up a jumper and it is blue, my favourite colour and you see me once again. I have infected anything and everything around you as I ensure that I am seen everywhere you look. Even closing your eyes is no escape, for then, perhaps more than anywhere else you still see my image pin-sharp and evident.

I make sure that I am the only voice that you hear. Not only do you feel that tingling sensation when I whisper in your ear, tell you rude things down the telephone or read that particular piece of poetry that you love – all acts designed to have you respond automatically to the sound of my voice – I am ensuring that I am blocking out the sounds from any competitors or detractors During seduction I only want you hearing my voice. This has two effects. Firstly, you are listening to my propaganda all of the time and with no dissenting voices able to get through to you, you accept what I say and do so quickly. Secondly, I am causing, through repeated reinforcement, you to become addicted to the sound of my voice. You will associate hearing me speak and especially saying your name with something that is wonderful and this increases the potency of your addiction to me.

I will use music specially to create so many links between you and I. Each special moment that we share should have its own particular soundtrack. The first meeting, the first time I gave you a lift in my car. The first time we made love, the first meal I cooked for you and the first you cooked for me. The time we sat and watched a storm together, holding hands. Music plays a huge part in assailing your sense of hearing and creating powerful connections between the beautiful things we once did together and certain pieces of music. We will ensure our relationship has catch phrases so that when you watch an advertisement you hear my voice saying the same sentence as I did when we were together. Every time there was a knock at the front door, I said the same thing and it made you laugh no matter how many times you had heard it. Now, when there is a knock, even though I have gone, you hear my voice. No matter how hard you try to evade hearing my voice or hearing the sounds that are inextricably linked to many moments in the relationship that we had, you will continue to be assailed by them even when I am no longer stood beside you or in a relationship with you.

I apply my scent, like some beast marking its territory, ensuring that during the seduction certain smells – my after shave, my anti-perspirant, my shower gel, the washing powder I use, the air freshener in my house are all direct links to me. The olfactory connection that I establish is a unique code between you and I. For each relationship I create a different set of fragrances so that there is not just one reminder of me but six. I smell so good and I reinforce this by allowing you to keep a shirt of mine imbued with my scent when I am away so that you can sniff it as you lie in bed. It seems such a delightful gesture of mine, so that you have something to remind you of me when I am on a business trip but I am creating your addiction through your sense of smell and paving the way for you to be unable to smell sandalwood in the future without thinking instantly of me. You will associate so many smells with me, from personal fragrances, to the smell of my house, the interior of my car, the meals we take together and so forth. It is all designed to ensure that you make the connection between the wonderful and that fragrance during the seduction so that you cannot do anything but remember those golden moments when you happen to smell a particular scent at a later stage. It is the most powerful evoker of memory.

I will use taste to create yet more fantastic bonds between us. I will encourage you to try different foods, different dishes at restaurants that you will enjoy. I will introduce a signature drink to you, something that you have not had before, so that you really enjoy it and immediately associate its tangy taste with me. You will recognise and become swept away by the taste of my kiss. A wonderful and mesmerising taste which sends you into sensory overload, making you tremble with anticipation. I ensure that certain tastes will be linked to those wonderful moments and memories. You are not that special however as these tasting techniques will have been used with others and will be used with others again.

Finally, you will crave my touch and want to touch me. The times you felt the stubble on my face with your hand, or against your cheek as I gently kissed you as you dozed. You delighted in the sensation of defined chest as your hand brushed across it. The times you would always allow your palm to stroke my newly shorn hair, the short and soft hairs gracing your hand. How you felt so safe when you felt my arms around you at night or when I took your hand in mine, telling you without saying anything that everything would be alright. How you now miss my expert ministrations as my tender fingers probed and caressed finding all the right places, creating another scintillating experience that now with my departure you still yearn for. The way I placed my hands on your shoulders when I arrived from work and approached you from behind, the reassurance, familiarity and strength flowing from me to you as sat down you tilted your head against my arm and my fingers began to massage your shoulders. The way I used to wipe the tears from your eyes with my mouth, the delicate application of my lips soothing and absorbing the source of your woe. The times I would tickle you until you could not breathe but the delight soared inside of you. How you now miss touching me and being touched by me.

I will always fill up your senses so I become your universe. I will always fill up your senses so that even through the numbness I leave you with, you crave seeing me, smelling me, hearing me, touching me and tasting me. I fill up your senses and then take it all away making you crave the return to such a degree that it is not a question of if, but when, I shall allow you to be filled up once again.

29 thoughts on “How The Narcissist Conquers Your Senses To Feed On You

  1. blackcoffee30 says:

    Once caught in the spider’s web, it makes no difference that someone tells you he’s a spider.

    You fool yourself and choose to believe the gaslighting knowing full well it’s all a lie because you can’t bear the truth.

    Many exclaim, “If only I’d known! If only someone had told me I’d have left sooner!” but is that true?

    If I told you he was a spider when you were in love with him, you’d have called me crazy.

    What is it that breaks the spell…?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No contact, reducing that ET and allowing the application of the logic provided by my work.

  2. BonnieLou says:

    Lemon wet look hair gel. Ed Sheeran, The shape of you (as soon as I hear those dreaded first notes, off goes the radio!). Manchester f*@#ing United! He only said that English team because his hero Ronaldo played for them. He doesn’t support a team, he just follows Ronaldo from team to team. What will he do when that member of the bretheren retires?😂😂 “Am I your Knight in shining armour?” No Shitface, you were my worst nightmare dressed as my daydream!

    1. Violetta says:

      Captain of Man U in legal trouble lately. Brawling, punched a cop, tried to bribe his way out.

      1. BonnieLou says:

        Yes, maybe another one of the Bretheren? Luckily I support Liverpool and wouldn’t change my allegiance for anyone, not even my Narc. Gave me a bit of healthy fun banter with him when we first met😂😂

        1. HG Tudor says:

          The Bantz!

        2. Violetta says:

          Careful, BonnieLou: that almost broke up Daisy and Onslow’s marriage, and they were still on the honeymoon!

          1. BonnieLou says:

            Violetta I remember you saying 😂😂 I will have to look that episode up and have a good laugh.
            The day I met my Narc, he went through a repertoire of English music that he knew of to try to find out what I liked…but he had never heard of Bono!😂🤣😂

          2. Violetta says:


            “Onslow is an Evertonian!” on YT

  3. Yo says:


  4. Jeanette says:

    I met my “maybe narc” during COVID lockdown, i recognize a lot, both of his behaviour and mine on this website. But not in this article, maybe in the beginning, a little, but I miss the creativity i read here. He was not creative in seducing. He was love bombing me and in my day 24/7 almost. also because of the lockdown. But he did not lure me in with all the things liek music, smell, touch……not even after we met. He was so poor in human connections and so full of his own life and daily ramblings that he lacked any form of creativity. Even in bed.

    But all the other aspects are there. That’s for sure.

    I blame myself for not leaving him the first change I had, I crawled back to him, feeling lonely and vulnerable in the lockdown in a foreign country.

    I blame myself for not standing my ground after I removed him from my life the second time when I found out he lied to me all along about being single.
    He practically moved in my appartment without a real conversation about it, I packed his stuff and handed it back to him on his day off when he arrived. He blamed me for kicking him out. Him lying was not on his radar as the cause of me breaking up with him.

    I blame myself for letting him back in after 10 days because he send one of his goons to contact me. He promissed me the world.
    I so wanted the man I though he was that now I feel ashamed over my lack of self love.

    He only hoovered me so he could be the one to dump me I think. For after he got me in, he left for a job far away. He did not want any arguments between us when he left, I see that now, so he could keep me in his harem.

    I refused for that ‘honor’.
    When he told me he was moving he told me to think about a LDR with him, and I refused and told him goodbye. No more drama, I was exhausted and finally mastered up the strenght to chose me.

    Still he lingers in my mind way too much, especially for such a short “relationship”.
    (4 months of which 2 in lockdown only online and 1 month of on and off contact trying to free myself from him )

    And yet typing all this, I still think: maybe I was wrong…….maybe he was trying and honest and I misinterpreted it all. *sigh*

    1. Another Cat says:

      So sorry for what you went through Jeanette. I hope and think HG can help you heal.
      I understand that you even question whether he really is a narc. They make us do that with their gaslighting. Confuse, confuse, bewilder, rinse and repeat.

      “Him lying was not on his radar as the cause of me breaking up with him.”

      Love this quote.

    2. NarcAngel says:

      Step one is to put him through the Narc Detector with HG. That will be confirmation for you one way or the other and remove that facet from your thinking. There can be no progress if you keep moving from your own analysis (biased by your own emotional thinking) that he is and then back to doubt. Know for sure first.

    3. Fiddleress says:

      Hello Jeanette
      You have found the best place to recover surely and quickly, here.
      You will learn first of all that you must NOT blame yourself. Now that I can hear these words from HG without bursting into tears anymore, I will quote them: “You did nothing wrong.”

      You wrote: “Still he lingers in my mind way too much, especially for such a short “relationship” “. This is exactly what I said when I arrived here back in February, after a 7-month only ‘relationship’. And I was in a sorry state.
      As NA said, do put that man through the narc detector. In my case, that was the first step that helped me move forward. Reading and listening to HG’s material, not to forget the support you will find on the blog, will help you along.

      One last thing: you wrote ” I still think: maybe I was wrong…….maybe he was trying and honest and I misinterpreted it all. *sigh*”. Whenever I have told myself this, I can now see that I was NOT wrong to have doubts. Do you feel those doubts about everybody you meet? Probably not. When you have those doubts, chances are, they are well-founded. And your emotional thinking is trying to find him excuses.
      Plus you mention drama, and feeling exhausted: you were right to put an end to it, well done !

  5. lickemtomorrow says:

    I’m afraid reading this has created pangs in me as well …

    Feeling heart sore for my narcissist again today.

    And I hate him.

    1. dollysupreme says:

      With you on this

      1. lickemtomorrow says:

        Not sure if you’re with me on the ‘hate’ or the ‘pangs’, but they get us either way!

        1. dollysupreme says:

          Sadly as much as I hate to admit it both…I’m not going lie. What’s the point in lying to yourself ? Makes us more like them then.

    2. Duchessbea says:

      Remember, he doesn’t feel anything for you. He only wants fuel from you. He only wants to drain your energy. You would get a better emotional response from a brick wall. Stay no contact. Stay strong. Much Love.

      1. lickemtomorrow says:

        Thanks, Duchessbea 🙂

        I like the brick wall analogy. It’s hard to imagine lacking emotion, so that’s one way to put it.

        Would I expect a brick wall to respond to me, care about me, give anything back?

        And I think we’ve all hit a brick wall when we come to this place.

        Still in no contact, staying strong and appreciate the love <3

        Right back at you xox

  6. alexine99 says:

    Incidental anecdote…Narcs love ‘Avalon” by Roxy Music. Red flag now…

    1. Clara says:

      I love love love Avalon ! Green flag!

  7. Asp Emp says:

    The last sentence – “I fill up your senses and then take it all away making you crave the return to such a degree that it is not a question of if, but when, I shall allow you to be filled up once again”.

    There’s no question. Not if. Not when. I’m certain. I’d be VERY surprised indeed IF The Hoover comes.

    1. Kim e says:

      Asp Emp
      That is what I said 8 hoovers and 2 years ago. And let me confirm for you……YES, you will be VERY surprised!

      1. Asp Emp says:

        8?! Eight?!

        It’ll certainly be the surprise of my life. After what I said to him. He has another IPPS & has too many others to even remember me. There’s been no contact. I’m not not going to start counting hoovers, if I want to do that, I’ll go to Tesco (not that I will!).

        1. Kim e says:

          Asp Emp,
          A narc’s wounding does not last forever, nor does the thought of it and the IPPS will go into devaluation. You are correct in stating that he (right now) does not think of you. But eventually someone that is white will be turned black and you will enter the 6th sphere and….SURPRISE!!!
          Could be tomorrow, could be in 10 minutes, could be in 10 months. But Never say Never.

          1. HG Tudor says:


          2. Asp Emp says:

            I understand. the ‘black’ can be as long as the narcissist sees fit.

            It also depends if they have entered the ‘Collapsed Narcissism’ stage. I’m not rushing to be at the bedside. Not that I actually know anything for a fact. Whether this is in a few days, few years, I won’t be there. I won’t be invited. Not even to the funeral.

          3. Asp Emp says:

            Seeing this in black & white has brought up the ET levels. I miss him. Yet I won’t give in to my ET. It’s horrible feeling like this……

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