That Really Gets My Goat

You ought to know by now that control and fuel are what we narcissists need and desire. Control over you. Fuel from you. These are the fundamentals and our existence is founded on these two items. Obtaining them, by any means, is the everyday interaction between us and you, our appliances. This is what gives rise to the manipulations, be they good such as showering with compliments during the seduction or be they bad, such as, subjecting you to a silent treatment when devaluation comes calling. By reading my work here and in my books, you have become increasingly familiar with the vast range of manipulations and you will identify with some of the “stand out” forms of manipulation, such as physical violence, sexual abuse, gas lighting, silent treatments, earth-moving sex, the withdrawal of sex, circular conversations, triangulation and many more. What you may now have realised is that many of those minor irritations that a narcissist engages in are also part of the application of control. What you chalked down to a somewhat annoying habit or an exasperating behaviour as being that and that alone, is actually incorrect. In the context of the world of the narcissist is yet another way to exert control and gain fuel, with the minimum of effort and the maximum of plausible deniability as to what it actually is achieving. “What are you talking about? I do not do that!” “Good god woman, so I leave a damp towel on the bed, get over yourself!” “Oh what a trauma, I have left the kitchen light on again. Nobody has died you control freak!” “You can talk, you are always putting crumbs in the butter.” What do you see there? The annoyance of an individual to having some petty irritation pointed out to them? Or do you see denial, minimising, exaggerated comparison and blame shifting? It is important to recognise that narcissists and non-narcissists engage in the same behaviours but is the reason behind it which assists your understanding. If somebody keeps leaving a wet towel on the bed after a shower, it does not mean that this person is a narcissist. If a non-narcissist does it, they are forgetful and no doubt pre-occupied with a thought about something else and when it is pointed out to them, they will apologise and correct the problem. If a narcissist does it, it evidence the sense of entitlement, lack of accountability and the latent application of the need for control. This runs through us and applies to everything we say and do, because the need for control is always required when an appliance enters our spheres of influence in some way. It is often the case that our kind will have a “go to irritating habit” which our narcissism applies because it is easy to do, it is easy to be dismissive about it, it is easy to claim you are over-reacting to something trivial and it easily allows the assertion of control and the gathering of fuel. What is the habit or what are the habits which the narcissists you have been involved with which has or have really got your goat and why? This is not about the major manipulations some of which I have listed above, but it is about giving you an opportunity to highlight and explain what are those seemingly trivial and relatively unimportant things that the narcissist did or does which really got your goat, so you now understand why, since it was a narcissist clearing his throat every five minutes as loudly as possible or licking the knife clean at dinner, it was instinctively designed to get your goat and control it. Over to you!

8 thoughts on “That Really Gets My Goat

  1. Eternity says:

    Leaving the cap off the toothpaste. I feel like I am being attacked by peppermint worms.

  2. lickemtomorrow says:

    Here’s a nice load of fuel for you.

    Leaving the doors wide open in the middle of winter when I’ve asked you to close them because it lets all the heat out.

    I fucking hate that!

    Asking me “What?” when I’ve just said something and making me repeat it.

    I fucking hate that, too.

    Ignoring me.


    There you go.


  3. Liza says:

    I am not sure if it is an exclusively narcissist’s behaviour, because i always thought that it was a boy think, it seems that some boys don’t get it when you tell them that your are not interested, generally when i say no they seem to hear “chase after me and i will eventually accept” and when time passes and they finally get that it is a real no, they start to play the victim, an ex classmate told me recently that he deserves to be with me and that i will regret my choices sooner or later.

    1. lisk says:

      Stay away from ex-classmates such as he! Don’t even engage him in social media.

      He sounds creepy at the very least and it sounds like you have better things to do.

  4. FYC says:

    HG This is an excellent post, because it really underlines the differences between the behaviors of narcissists and non narcissists, and provides the precise attributes that one may apply to such behaviors. I have copied these down in my notes for future use. I am developing a longer laundry list from all your posts to ensure I can readily identify all attributes. Thank you so much for reposting this!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome.

  5. Caity says:

    Insisting he told me something when he didn’t, even going so far as to say, “I told ‘Bob’, so I know I told you.” My first thought, as this kept happening, and it didn’t have to be big things, was that he *thought* he’d told me when he told ‘Bob’, and I even said so to explain it away. Oddly, to me, he didn’t embrace the excuse; he got angry and said “No, you just don’t listen!”

    My biggest ‘goat getter’, and eventually I just pretended I did know the thing he hadn’t told me. He kept doing it and after reading HG, years later, I know why. He does it to my son now.

  6. Gina G says:

    When I had to pick up little kids, four of them, at school I drove a big truck. He would use it all the time and remove the back seat and not put it back in. I would hate that as it would make me late because I would discover it at the last minute and I needed it to fit all of the kids in. Looking back I believe this was certainly something to upset me as I had to involve him in it because I was not strong enough to pick up the seat by myself, he would accuse me of making a big deal saying it was his truck too. I now know it was a way to control me and get me to provide fuel.

Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.