The Narcissist and Money

Money is one of the most obvious ways in which one can demonstrate one’s power. Money provides options, it reveals opportunities and provides chances where none might have existed previously. Money equates to power and power equates to money. We have a healthy attitude to the question of money. What we create is ours. Yours is ours also. I have written previously how the successful of our kind exhibit our success and our power through the accumulation of money. It may be the creation of a successful business, the climbing of the corporate ladder into well-paid positions of responsibility and it might be the production of items and services that others require. There are of course those of our kind who have not grasped the concept that there is an unique opportunity afforded by the way that we are to be successful and in turn earn substantial amounts of money. Those of our kin who have not harnessed our special attributes in that manner are quite frankly a disappointment and they shall forever remain lesser narcs. Yes they are narcs but quite frankly they are not in my league or that of my high-achieving counterparts. I must admit to having nothing but contempt for those our kind who have failed to apply our abilities in this manner. They are letting the side down. That, however, is a topic for another day. What our less able kind and those of us who have embraced success do have in common is the unfailing ability to drain you of your financial health. How does this manifest? Perhaps some of the following will be familiar to you?
  • Never paying for drinks and meals when out together
  • Never contributing to joint expenses and then spending a small fortune on something for ourselves
  • Borrowing money repeatedly with a convincing tale of woe attached. The money is never re-paid.
  • Taking out loans in your name which you only find about some time later when they are in default
  • Learning the house has been mortgaged to the hilt and the advanced funds have been frittered away
  • Expensive addictions to drink, drugs, prostitutes and/or gambling which we expect you to bail us out of
  • Straight forward theft
  • Failing to honour maintenance and child support arrangements
  • Selling your possessions
Why does this happen? Sometimes it is about instant gratification. We want somethingand we want it immediately. We have always been used to getting our own way so whyshould it be any different when it comes to the question of money? We do not recogniseany boundary that says we should not have your money. It is in play and up for grabs.We want something and you can pay for it. This of course reinforces our control overyou by seizing your finances and goods we have you beholden to what we want to do.We show that we are in control and of course we anticipate horror, howls or protest andanger when you learn of our activity. All of which is good fuel. There is also an elementof retribution. We may have been denied something and this in turn offends our sense ofentitlement. We feel criticised and we want to get rid of that sensation. One method is to assert our power by taking what belongs to you and using it to our benefit. Sometimeswe do this an expend your financial resource in a totally excessive fashion which justwastes the money. To us however there is no waste in such a step. It underlines ourimportance, it affirms our power and it keeps you under out control.The scale by which our kind engages in this sequestration of the money and assets ofothers can vary hugely in scale, even when perpetrated by the same person. In that veinI am reminded of the late Robert Maxwell. For those of you who are unfamiliar with thename, Maxwell was a Czech born media mogul who operated a publishing empire in theUnited Kingdom. He fell off his yacht in 1991 and drowned. There is little doubt that hewas one of our kind – plenty has been written about the man and his behaviours whichconfirms that. Maxwell plundered the company pension scheme stealing hundreds ofmillions of pounds from the pensions of the employees leaving thousands of people infinancial difficulty. There was the misappropriation of the money of others on a massivescale. Maxwell was also found on Christmas morning by his wife and childrensurrounded by torn wrapping paper. He had wanted to know what had been bought forthe children. Rather than ask his wife, he went ahead and opened all the wrapped gifts.He did not take the gifts but he certainly trampled over a boundary and appropriated thesurprise that was meant for his children. Nobody is beyond our sense of entitlementwhen it comes to money or assets.

13 thoughts on “The Narcissist and Money

  1. Asp Emp says:

    Sounds very much like some people I know of. 8 out of the 9 bullet points, definitely. 3 narcissists doing that to the 4th one. The 4th one complains but can actually do something about it, they have the means. The other 3 know exactly what they are doing but don’t care.

  2. December Infinity says:

    This triggered me big time. The financial loss I have have to incur was one of the many reasons for me to end it with him. Over several years I had jewellery, clothing, perfume and personal belongings stolen (which I paid for and were in my premises before he was ever in the picture, in addition to having my place broken into (it was definitely an inside job – he did it for sure). He ‘gave’ me gifts of jewellery, clothes and fragrances which I have for about 5 minutes and those were taken away from me (stolen? given to another female? sold for his benefit?). I can count on one hand how many times he contributed to household expenses. Always some lame ass excuse. I was defrauded for a security systems contract. He got all cocky trying to start businesses a few times, all of which were BS. I got stuck with loans required to bail him out of whatever he got himself into. I got caught financially with various utility contracts that had to be broken because he thought he knew better about phone and cable companies. He made my life hell as he insisted he had to have more phones and new phones as he would lose and break phones. He also was irresponsible with phone use and ran up the bills. Clearly he was up to something and it was nothing good. I ended up with major debt and he didn’t pay anything down to fix it. I got stuck with a loan for his vehicle insurance as he made me feel like it was my fault if I didn’t help him with it. It was a never ending battle. I was subjected to repeated, nonstop harrassment at home and work. He could not keep a job (or refused to) and he literally strangled me financially … always with the smirk on his face the more trouble he made for me. While he put me in debt there were times he was coming back from being on shopping trips getting himself stuff …. made the excuse that he was being given bonuses at work, and he also came back with gift cards often as he apparently was so good at work. I had a reason to think otherwise. He definitely felt entitled to my place and my paycheck. I wasn’t able to take care of any of my own needs due to all the expensive trouble he made for me. My family doesn’t know how many tens of thousands of dollars I am out because of him. All I can say is, if I hadn’t ended it when I did, it would just keep getting worse. He is a piece of garbage and I am glad to be rid of him.

    1. Emma286 says:

      Sorry to hear about all that. Hoping you’re now in a better financial place.

      1. December Infinity says:

        I am only beginning to actually have money to pay for things and take care of my own needs for once! In terms of getting back what I lost, that won’t happen. However I hope to rebuild my messed up credit over time. Ugh.

        1. Emma286 says:

          Glad to hear that December Infinity and hearing you. I’m long term unemployed and so know what it’s like to financially struggle. Good luck with building up your credit. Hoping all goes well with that.

  3. Fiona Nolan says:

    OMG, there he is again. You nail this, every article. I feel I have received a book guide, an instruction manual, a mirror, nuclear dose of insight into a freggin 15yr toxic relationship that thrills and crushes me all at once, when I read HG’s work. Thank the universe I am not the primary. I need the courage to change the things I can…and a large dose of logical thinking with lock down on the ET. I am implementing my escape..

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Indeed I do and do organise to consult with me and speed the process up.

  4. Whitney says:

    HG, the thing I liked about the one who choked me, was that he was organised and responsible. He took it upon himself to be organised and responsible for my life too. He kept track of dates and deadlines and possible issues in my life. He had good decision making and judgement. That made me feel relaxed and safe.

  5. Leela says:

    My dad was successful, at sports and at work (he´s old and retired now).

    “My” ex-narc “friend” on the other hand, lives a parasitic lifestyle. He has no permanent job, never had. He lives on others expenses. He still doesn´t know what he wants, begins many things but gets bored and/or frustrated very easily and then quits. May this be a sociopathic (ASPD) trait? Or symptoms of another personality disorder as co-morbidity of his NPD?

  6. Truthseeker6157 says:

    I have the opposite experience on this one.

    My narc used what money I have against me. When we met he had been parked in the hotel car park and he watched me arrive. I was driving a new car and the car park was tight on space, I was very careful parking it.

    He only told me later that he had watched me arrive. The car was deemed ‘posh’ making me ‘posh’ for driving it. Posh caused more argument than anything else over the four years. I lived in a posh area so my kids must go to posh school, so my house must be posh. My hair looked posh too apparently. Shiny. Posh. I have a posh accent ( hardly, I take a bath not a barth ). All this started from him seeing my car! I considered changing the car. For a nano second. No. Bollocks to that. My car. I earned it.

    I’m not posh. I’m a Lancashire girl originally, a northerner. Even with shed loads of money, that wouldn’t make me posh. It aggravated me. I defended myself logically at first. Later, I played along with it to irritate. Might as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb. That didn’t work either. In the end I told him he was being ridiculous. Posh was now off limits. He admitted at that point that posh was used as I reacted every time.

    I reacted because his reason for not progressing things had been that I deserved better and his “little life” was not enough for me. I fought that and I fought posh. I honestly couldn’t give two hoots what someone earns, really, I’m just not interested. I have enough to look after myself and my kids, that’s fine by me.

    So in my case, with my financial position ‘better’ than his, it worked against me. He didn’t look at it from a residual benefit view point. He just triangulated with it.

    Could have been worse I suppose. I could have been triangulated with a fridge! (Fiddleress x)

  7. alexine99 says:

    Shoot me now! This is mine to a tee.

    HG, can you please help me understand something. This behaviour would indicate my narc is a lesser, but I also know cognitively he’s very bright and talented. I’m confused as to which category he belongs to. He appears to straddle lesser in some areas of his behaviour, and upper middle in others.
    I know you will have an explanation.
    Thank you.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Indeed I have, use this and then as part of the outcome I will explain the why’s so you understand this mix of Lesser and Mid-Range

      1. alexine99 says:

        Thank you.

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