Stargazing With the Shieldmaiden

STARGAZING

 

The Shieldmaiden and me journeyed into the countryside recently. It was a jamboree of navy blue, green and sky blue, with the magnificent countryside all around us. There was nobody to see and nobody to see us. The only sound was that of the beck rushing by our lodge and even that was muted when we rounded the bend from our sanctuary in the mountains.

The cloudless sky that had embraced an unseasonably warm day remain unblemished as night arrived. Following a satisfying dinner, The Shieldmaiden and me extinguished every electric light, lantern and candle at the lodge and then ventured outside as our eyes adjusted to the darkness. The moon was low to the east, having just ventured beyond the horizon and the tree line beneath it, its milky pallor not able to impact substantially on the cloak of darkness which now enveloped everything around us.

We stepped onto the extensive veranda which surrounds our lodge and then lay down on our backs side by side as we looked upwards to the wheeling heavens. The evening air was cool, but not frigid and all that could be heard was the gurgling of the beck a little distance away. The birds and animals had fallen silent and the harsh sound of humankind was absent from this haven. No horns, no engines, no sirens.

Silence.

As we lay there, the vastness of space loomed over us. The shimmering stars from light years away glinted and sparkled for us. Thousands of them, clear and visible, since not only were we free of the noise of humankind but we had been spared the polluting effect of thousands of streetlights and the glow cast from tens of thousands of windows by lamplight, screen glow and flashing neon. The night sky was untainted by the construct of humanity and instead hung over us as it has done for billions of years prior to our appearance.

The Shieldmaiden said nothing. I remained silent as I lay there and stared up at the sky. Ursa Major was immediately apparent and within it The Plough or as our transatlantic friends would label it, The Big Dipper. My eyes lowered and I looked upon the constellations of Leo and the Lynx which nestled beneath the large bear. As I turned my head I could see the Milky Way, like some stellar smear across the centre of the sky, ranging across nearly the whole of my field of vision as I looked across tens of thousands of light years of space from my vantage point on the top of this mountain.

I thought of how I was able to see all of this from my position on the rooftop of the region and that far away and far below me scurried the minions, the underlings and the tertiaries and how unaware they were of the brilliance and majesty which spiralled above them. I felt a sneer of contempt form on my lips as I contemplated the ignorant hordes who would be staring at pavement, turf and foam rather than lifting their heads and drinking in this vista. ´Twas ever thus. They always look the wrong way. That is why they never see me coming. Even those that broke with convention and rejected a lifetime of shoe-staring would only see a tiny fragment of what The Shieldmaiden and me were looking at. They would, if fortunate, see some of the stars, maybe a part of a constellation but their view would be obscured by the light pollution, ruining the spectacle and reinforcing the fact that they would go through life without true vision and clarity. My thoughts of their frustration and resentment if they were told of what they were missing caused that pulse of power as the Thought Fuel arrived, landing on the far more potent and plentiful Proximate Fuel which The Shieldmaiden had been providing throughout our visit.

“It is truly spectacular,” said the Shieldmaiden softly besides me. Her clear and elegant voice gently intruding into my contempt-filled thoughts and scattering them. The dispersal of those thoughts however was rapidly followed by that sharp shard of envy for she was commenting on the stars and heavens above, her fuel was directed elsewhere and whilst her tone was that of admiration and delight and her words appreciative, they were not aimed at me. This was a waste. Yet this was not the occasion to bridle with her, not at all. Her fuel needed to be mine, but I would not lash out, there was no need.

“Yes it is, absolutely majestic,” I replied as I readied my comment to draw fuel from her.

“And can you see Jupiter? Over there. Can you see that bright “star” that is Jupiter, to the south-west,” I explained and raised a hand, extending a finger pointing to the giant of our solar system.

“Where is it please?” she asked and I felt the flames of fuel rising again as her words of enquiry directed  to me, because of me and I sat up.

“Sit between my legs,” I instructed and she too sat up and shuffled into position, her back pressing against my chest, the outside of her thighs, brushing against the inside of mine. I placed my chin on her shoulder, the light fragrance of her shampoo detectable from her long, blonde hair and I raised my arm around her.

“Follow my finger,” I said and waited as I pointed to Jupiter.

“Ah, yes I see it. I love how you know what is where in the sky, but you have always loved the stars and planets haven’t you?”

The positive fuel splashed over me.

“Oh yes, ” I confirmed edified by her validation of my direction and her remembrance of what I had told her previously.

I felt her lean back into me and I recognised that this once again signalled her ease and comfort with me. I felt the instinctive bristle against this closeness but the presence of her fuel enable it be surmounted and I allowed the contact to continue.

“And now, if you follow my finger, I will take you to Saturn,” I explained. She gave a short, warm laugh at my interplanetary finger and more fuel washed over me.

“You should bring your telescope next time, HG, so we can see the moons and rings,” she suggested.

“Absolutely,” I answered.

We both fell silent as I lowered my arm and she remained still, nestled between my legs and leaning against me. She moved slightly, as if to ease herself even closer to me and this act of affection caused once more the fuel to be mine. Her I sat, her god, presiding over the galaxy. Entirely apt.

“What do you feel when you look at this?” she asked me.

I did not answer immediately. This gave the impression of gravitas and due consideration to her question and was a useful collateral consequence of my pause. The fact was that my delay in replying was not borne of conveying such importance, although of course I would claim that it was, but it arose form my consideration as to what to tell her.

Should I substitute knowledge for feeling and allow the literary splendour of my educated mind to fill the gaps occasioned by what I am? Should I plug hole with adjectives and poetic observation? Should I address the chasm with the acquisition of the described feelings provided by others that I had heard, seen and read, claiming them as my own?

Or should I provide my reality?

Should I tell her that my feeling for the vista was as empty as the space between the stars that shone above us? Should I tell her that it was the minions that made me feel, even if only slightly?

Should I tell her why the stars continue to matter to me not because of a feeling, but because of a historic significance or would that shift too much power from me to her?

Should I tell her that it was her that made me feel more than anything – namely power?

38 thoughts on “Stargazing With the Shieldmaiden

  1. 1jaded1 says:

    Never going to tell you what you should do, but how would she respond should you tell her? What a vivid picture you paint. Saturn and Jupiter are vivid. It’s an astronomical treat.

  2. CBGT says:

    I wouldn’t tell her. Today she loves you and may give you support and understanding. But tomorrow when you hurt her she will use this information against you. Women who hurt are very revengeful.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No, she would not.

      1. Eternity says:

        SM, must really love you a lot HG.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Naturally.

    2. Fiddleress says:

      “Women who hurt are very revengeful.”
      Not all, no. And I have hurt alright. I never took revenge on anyone. Walking (well, running, in some instances) away has always been my only response – sometimes after trying to say what I think, all to no avail but that’s a different story.

      1. CBGT says:

        Well, you don’t have to agree with me. But most narcissist’s victims would love to take revenge and it is all by narcissist’s design as HG writes:

        “You want to destroy me. I know you do. You all do. The one before you was exactly the same as the one before was and the one before her. The next one will be just the same,although I do still hold out some hope that she might just be different and somehow avoid the mistakes all those who have gone before have made. I have seen this hatred many times and your desire for revenge is strong. Of course it is. I made it this way.”

        You can read the Pursuit of Revenge article, there is more about it.

        Remember, we do not talk about some casual jerks who ghost you after 3d date so you just block their number and say “next”. We are talking about abusers who keep hurting victims during relationship and long after its over. Of course there will be victims who will want to take revenge. Its quite common I guess. Well, HG says it is, he knows more narc victims than I do so I believe him.

        He also says SM would never do this because he still sees her as the one who is better than all the others. Or maybe HG has changed and is not and will never be abusive towards her so she would never have a reason to feel hurt and plan a revenge 🙂

    3. Eternity says:

      Women do get angry when they are hurting. I would prefer to walk away and end the relationship. I will never forget though I would take the experience and move on,and hopefully not get ensnared again. We are all different.

    4. Violetta says:

      He doesn’t pick women like that.

    5. blackcoffee30 says:

      One has got to pick the right woman.

      If someone thinks I am not “vengeful” they don’t know my character.

      I’ve no doubt HG has selected the right woman for himself.

      1. Kim e says:

        BC30,
        She is the right woman until she isn’t. And so what the one before her. And so will the one after her be.
        We are all the “right” woman as long as they are getting any type of fuel.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Swap fuel for Prime Aims and you have it correct, well done.

        2. Bubbles 🍾 says:

          Dear Kim e,
          Mr Tudor may have paid for an “extended warranty” on his appliance
          We have a “concierge gold service warranty’ on our expensive items
          🤣
          Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          1. Kim e says:

            Bubbles
            But alas. The extended warranty will eventually run out and SM will be devastated. I really dread that day😳😩

  3. Eternity says:

    HG, is it hard trying to tell someone how you feel since you don’t feel emotions?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I do feel emotions as I have explained before, just not the same ones as you.

      I find it entertaining.

      1. Truthseeker6157 says:

        This might seem like a strange question. I’d appreciate it if you could be as specific as you can please HG.

        Do you respect the Shieldmaiden?
        In which ways yes? In which ways no?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I respect aspects of her usefulness to me.

          1. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Thank you for your honesty HG.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            You’re welcome

      2. Eternity says:

        Is SM still in the Golden Period with you, or has she entered the devaluation stage?

  4. December Infinity says:

    Yes you should tell her that and why. Why not? Or, you could also say that you are having a nice time with her underneath the stars and leave it at that. Sometimes silence is golden. Especially when stargazing. No pollution.

  5. Asp Emp says:

    I feel peaceful when I look at the stars, seeing the constellations & planets. When the moon is out, sometimes it’s bright enough to see the shapes & shadows on the lawn. Sometimes I see shooting stars or the satellites.

    One time, on an unique trip to USA, I spent hours sitting outside with brother in law – who was working for the USFS at the time – looking at the stars, talking (the rest of the family were indoors). The only sound that was not our voices was the sound of thousands of frogs but it was too dark to see them. No city or street lights in sight. It was all sky & millions of stars. With the shape of Mount St Helen’s in the distance. It was awesome.

    1. njfilly says:

      Asp Emp,

      Very nice story.

      I love the moon and stars, as well, and particularly the night time. I’m a night owl. (although I’m also a sun worshipper).

      I’m very thankful that I live in a rural area of NJ on a 34 acre farm within the Delaware Water Gap National Recreation Area. No city or street lights here either. I often take the gator (farm vehicle) out in the evening to the back acres (we call it the back 20) or onto the neighboring properties which includes a historic cemetery (I call this visiting the previous people). I just ride around. I love being outside at night.

      1. NarcAngel says:

        Nothing like being naked under the stars on a tractor eh NJF?

        I mean…. so I’ve heard…

        1. njfilly says:

          Ha ha!! Tell me your secrets, NA.

          Funny you assumed I was naked when I hadn’t mentioned that! I do love being naked outside at night, though. I also like to sunbathe nude, directly on the grass listening to Gregorian Chants. While stoned, of course. After the animal sacrifice.

      2. Asp Emp says:

        NJFilly, LOL, if you hadn’t said farm vehicle, I would have assumed that you had a pet alligator that you took for walks!!

        Yeah, at night it can be so quiet – depends where you live. I lived in London for a number of years before moving north of UK – to a much slower pace of life and where everything took longer to order & get delivered! LOL. I’m on the outskirts of a town – almost countryside.

        “Visiting the previous people” LOL. It reminds me of a local authority flat that I lived in many years ago – I had accepted the flat as it was ground floor and communal garden. I was absolutely shocked to see a big cemetery over the wall at the back of the garden. I never did get any ‘spiritual’ visitors.

        1. njfilly says:

          Asp Emp:

          I’m glad you live on the outskirts of town since it seems to appeal to you. I’m not familiar with the UK. I’ve never been there. I do prefer the country and a slower pace. We have no food delivery where I live.

          I love historic cemeteries but they are better at night, although many things are.

          1. Asp Emp says:

            UK is alright. Depends where you go, there is some countrysides left to enjoy. I’ve been to various places in Europe – I liked Catalonia best. Historical buildings fascinate me. I loved the white properties of Crete, down the narrow streets, preferring the non-touristy areas of these places, especially when you find a quite & small family taverna off the beaten track. Hmm, them were the days.

          2. njfilly says:

            Sounds very nice. I also love historical buildings and quiet out of the way places. Why do those days have to be over?

      3. V says:

        The Delaware water tap is gorgeous. oooh

        1. Violetta says:

          *Gap

        2. njfilly says:

          Water tap, funny! Ha ha! No pun intended, right?

          Seriously though, from my backyard I have a clear view of the Kittatinny Ridge and the Gap itself. It’s beautiful. My farm is called Ridge View Farm.

          1. Violetta says:

            I think that was my @#$& autocorrect again. It seriously thinks it knows what I need better than I do.

            Mid-ranger?

            Why am I getting a space alien gravatar instead of my flowers?

          2. njfilly says:

            I HATE auto-correct. I hate anything automatic actually.

            If I want it done, I will do it. If I don’t do it, then I don’t want it done. I don’t need automatic back-up for my life as if I’m incapable of handling my own life. I am very precise, and organized. Rarely do I lose anything or forget anything.

            Thank you. Spleen venting completed.

          3. Violetta says:

            Ok, that was weird. Flowers showed up after I selected “Submit,” but the whole time I was typing, there was this fuchsia thing.

  6. NarcAngel says:

    So many pictures within pictures….but what do they mean?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It is a labyrinth, NA, just like my mind.

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