You Are Being Conned : Music
The manifestation of love has been appropriated by our kind, the narcissists, for a very long time. We are the ones who achieve positions of power, influence and reach to set many agendas in the world and none more so that the concept of love. What you see in films, on television, in books, in supposed guides to securing love, in memes, in “inspirational” quotes, written in cards and through music is heavily contaminated by the perception of love from our perspective. This narrative belongs to us and it is used to shape how non-narcissists are conditioned to believe in love, to our advantage and to your detriment. Here, I take four famous love songs (and the choice of potential examples is huge) long understood to encapsulate wonderful, romantic love and demonstrate to you what is really going on underneath. Once again you are being conned.
God Only Knows by The Beach Boys
I may not always love you
(Threatened Loss, Glimpse of the Future, Told You So – I am organising an excuse because my actions will certainly demonstrate that I do not love you, however I am going to tell you something in the next two lines which (in my world) excuses this and you will overlook it because of the grandiose Flattery that it contains, are you ready?)
But long as there are stars above you
(Grandiosity)
You never need to doubt it
(Since there will always be stars, even though I do not DEMONSTRATE love, this supposedly romantic comparison means I obviously still love you even though I am actually behaving in a manner which tells you that I am not and you will overlook this, dazzled by the comparison to celestial magnificence.)
I’ll make you so sure about it
(Sounds like I am heavily invested in you doesn’t it? Damn right, I need to make you so sure about it so I can control you and obtain what I need from you.)
God only knows what I’d be without you
(I am so important that only The Supreme Power has sufficient knowledge to understand me if I lost you. How is that for grandiosity?)
If you should ever leave me
Though life would still go on, believe me
(I am elevating what we have above life itself, relegating it to something that just goes on in the background. Flattery and Grandiosity)
The world could show nothing to me
(Flattery and Grandiosity)
So what good would living do me
(Grand Pity Play and Threatened Loss)
God only knows what I’d be without you
(I am so important that only The Supreme Power has sufficient knowledge to understand me if I lost you. How is that for grandiosity?)
God only knows what I’d be without you
(I am so important that only The Supreme Power has sufficient knowledge to understand me if I lost you. How is that for grandiosity? Are you understanding just how important I am yet although it is designed to make you feel important for the purposes of getting you under my control.
If you should ever leave me
Though life would still go on, believe me
The world could show nothing to me
So what good would living do me
(I am repeating myself because I don’t think I need to say anything more, what I am telling you if of such grand importance I am just going to ram the message home. Are you ready for some serious ramming home?)
God only knows what I’d be without you
God only knows what I’d be without you
God only knows what I’d be without you
God only knows what I’d be without you
God only knows what I’d be without you (God only knows)
God only knows what I’d be without you (what…
(Message received? Good, it ought to be after that repetition. You belong to me.)
Unchained Melody by the Righteous Brothers
Oh, my love, my darling
(Objectification and Ownership you are mine)
I’ve hungered for your touch
(Your touch is fuel and signifies control and I need that signal that you are under my control.)
A long, lonely time
(Pity Play)
Time goes by so slowly
(Pity Play)
And time can do so much
(Grandiose statement)
Are you still mine?
(Ownership – note, what can I do for you, but do I still have control over you?)
I need your love
(My needs before yours, I feel I do not have control therefore I am doling out a Pity Play because I actually need your fuel and to control you.)
I need your love
(I will repeat it because then it MUST be true.)
God speed your love to me
(I will invoke The Supreme Power because after all I am very important and he should do my bidding. (The Big Guy Upstairs has his work cut out attending to the demands of our kind as you might now be gathering.))
Lonely rivers flow
(Pity Play)
To the sea, to the sea
To the open arms of the sea
(You should be there for me – Sense of Entitlement)
Lonely rivers sigh
(Pity Play)
“Wait for me, wait for me”
(You should do what I want – Sense of Entitlement)
I’ll be coming home, wait for me
(Sense of Entitlement – query why am I not at home already? Have I cleared off somewhere else or have you escaped me? Wonder why? I think I had better do some ramming, cannot let The Beach Boys use up all the ramming home.)
Oh, my love, my darling
I’ve hungered, for your touch
A long, lonely time
Time goes by so slowly
And time can do so much
Are you still mine?
I need your love
I need your love
God speed your love to me
(There, that should drive the message home. You had better come back to me now.)
Something by The Beatles
Something in the way she moves
(Vague Flattery – this sounds romantic and mysterious but I actually have no idea what it is and I am unable to discern it.)
Attracts me like no other lover
(Nobody can be as attracted to you as I am because I am the best, remember that.)
Something in the way she woos me
(It is the other way around, but we will not let that get in the way of making out that I am the victim here.)
I don’t want to leave her now
(I am helpless in the face of your magnetism, after all, remember, I am the victim.)
You know I believe and how
(More vagueness but I am unable to define this so I will just keep it vague, that sounds more romantic and of course gives me more scope for plausible deniability.)
Somewhere in her smile she knows
(Magical Thinking. You do not have a clue really.)
That I don’t need no other lover
(I will make her think that and I think that. For now.)
Something in her style that shows me
(More vagueness – I am getting good at this and it is working very well.)
Don’t want to leave her now
(See, you have ensnared me.)
You know I believe and how
You’re asking me will my love grow
(You are a little uncertain but you are trying to pin some accountability on me here and that will never do.)
I don’t know, I don’t know
(Keep you on your toes with Uncertainty so you have to do something about it.)
You stick around, now it may show
(You do as you are told and MAYBE you will see some love. So, this is me telling you that you need ot demonstrate to me that you are under my control and you might get something in return.)
I don’t know, I don’t know
Something in the way she knows
(Vague Flattery)
And all I have to do is think of her
(Hoover Trigger)
Something in the things she shows me
(Vague Flattery)
I don’t want to leave her now
(I am captivated, you have made it so I do not want to leave, so you should feel special now after I have told you this.)
You know I believe and how
(You haven’t a clue.)
Love Hurts by Everly Brothers, Gram Parsons, Nazareth, Cher and Others
Love hurts
(Being wounded by a loss of control hurts me. My version of love will actually hurt you. Love based on emotional empathy does not hurt, but I don’t know anything about that, so you have to hear it from my perspective.)
Love scars
(See above. Pity Play.)
Love wounds and marks
(See above. Pity Play.)
Any heart not tough or strong enough
(You need to be able to take what I am going to dole out in order to prove that you love me.)
To take a lot of pain, take a lot of pain
(Pain is nor involved when love is based on emotional empathy, but I do not understand that.)
Love is like a cloud, it holds a lot of rain
(No it’s not, but I think it is and you will come to pour with rain because of the way I treat you, but don’t question that because love is meant to hurt, okay?)
Love hurts
(See above)
Ooh love hurts
(Have you got it yet? This love thing is so painful. For me, but hell, I am such a brilliant person I will push through it for you and it will hurt for you but do understand that is how love is, so you have to put up with it, because if you do not, then you do not love me and that makes you a bad person.)
I’m young
I know
But even so
I know a thing or two, I learned from you
(Excuse, False Humility, Flattery)
I really learned a lot, really learned a lot
(I mimicked you because unlike me, you actually do know something about love although the rest of what you know comes from nonsense like this.)
Love is like a flame, it burns you when it’s hot
(Melodrama, Pity Play.)
Love hurts
(Here I go again, my turn to do some ramming.)
Ooh love hurts
(Ram, ram, ram.)
Some fools think
Of happiness, blissfulness, togetherness
(I have heard that this is apparently what love actually is, but that is plain nonsense because I know better and I know everything even though I pretend to be all humble by only knowing a thing or two.)
Some fools fool themselves, I guess
(Contempt, Superiority)
They’re not foolin’ me
(I know it all.)
I know it isn’t true I know it isn’t true
Love is just a lie made to make you blue
(Pity Play for me, Justification to you)
(And now for some repetitive ram just so you grasp that I am in agony so you need to feel sorry for me and that your own agony is just part of being in love, so suck it up buttercup.)
Love hurts
Ooh love hurts
Ooh love hurts
I know it isn’t true
I know it isn’t true
Love is just a lie made to make you blue
Love hurts
Ooh love hurts
Ooh, love hurts, ooh
27 thoughts on “You Are Being Conned : Music”
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I found this thread, because after listening to HG, I listen to all my favorite songs in a new way. But nothing beats seeing Chicago, the great musical about narcissists who literally get away with murder, live on Broadway for the second time (the first twenty years ago) and realizing that every song is what a narcissist would sing if a narcissist was being honest. And Razzle Dazzle is a narcissist’s anthem (if a narcissist was honest). Check it out on youtube as sung Richard Gere, Billy Flyn in the movie.
Razzle Dazzle
Give ’em the old razzle dazzle
Razzle Dazzle ’em
Give ’em an act with lots of flash in it
And the reaction will be passionate
Give ’em the old hocus pocus
Bead and feather ’em
How can they see with sequins in their eyes?
What if your hinges all are rusting?
What if, in fact, you’re just disgusting?
Razzle dazzle ’em
And they;ll never catch wise!
Give ’em the old Razzle Dazzle
Razzle dazzle ’em
Give ’em a show that’s so splendiferous
Row after row will crow vociferous
Give ’em the old flim flam flummox
Fool and fracture ’em
How can they hear the truth above the roar?
Throw ’em a fake and a finagle
They’ll never know you’re just a bagel,
Razzle dazzle ’em
And they’ll beg you for more!
Give ’em the old double whammy
Daze and dizzy ’em
Back since the days of old Methuselah
Everyone loves the big bambooz-a-ler
Give ’em the old three ring circus
Stun and stagger ’em
When you’re in trouble, go into your dance
Though you are stiffer than a girder
They’ll let you get away with murder
Razzle dazzle ’em
And you’ve got a romance
COMPANY(The same time as BILLY’s)
Give ’em the old
Razzle Dazzle
BILLY
Give ’em the old Razzle Dazzle
Razzle dazzle ’em
Show ’em the first rate sorceror you are
Long as you keep ’em way off balance
How can they spot you’ve got no talents
Razzle Dazzle ’em
BILLY AND COMPANY
Razzle Dazzle ’em
Razzle Dazzle ’em
And they’ll make you a star!
If empath have a song “Mama Mia” by ABBA would be it 😂 justification of the addiction that keeps us thinking it’s normal to continually go back.
Genius !!! I see it all now HG. Every love song, Romantic movie, I can’t unlearn what you’ve taught me and I can’t not see the narcissism driving behind it. Our whole lives… we’ve been subjected to the narcissits version of reality and we’ve all played into it.
It’s entertaining, it’s exciting, it’s intermittent positive reinforcement, it’s a dopamine and serotonin rush… it’s the crux of addiction, it’s tapping into what drives our brains and how addiction works.
On top of that the narcissist is addicted to are they not ? (To fuel, not the people involved).
It’s this never ending cycle in humanity. We’ll never get off the wheel.
So it begs the question. What is love ? Does love exist or are we simply trying to populate the species ? Keep our kinship Alive and our genes in the gene pool ? Is love a concept ?
I’ve loved people ( I think ) and I’m fairly certian I’ve felt love (from my mother in particular). But she’s a co dependant like me, so is that even really love or is a desperate need to fulfill someone else’s needs ?
If Jesus really did walk the earth I’d have no doubt he was a narcissist. So what is this love of thy neighbor he’s preaching about…
Heavy to think about. But romantic love is a
Notion. An idea. It’s not real. Parts of it are real. I’ve met couples who seem to genuinely care for another. But they too are being driven by this fake narrative. Partnership has always been about control. And narcissist have a need to control someone so they are the ones that need relationships the most.
And even THEY think their in love…
They believe it.
So we are all doomed.
Empath007, I really enjoyed reading your post.
I have often asked myself the same question: What is love ? Does love exist or is love a concept ? A construct, even.
To date, I believe that the persons I have loved most are my children. I have felt love from one partner who was not a narcissist, but I wasn’t up to mark with that person. I love my real friends too, even if they sometimes irritate me. I think in general, I value friendship more than romantic relationships, and so far I haven’t been good at those (always been with narcissists, apart from that one partner). So I agree with you that “Partnership has always been about control.”
As for “what is this love of thy neighbor he’s preaching about…”: I asked a Protestant Minister I had met at a demonstration (that was unexpected) once, telling him that I really couldn’t love everyone, that I disliked quite a few people and even hated a small number; he replied: “You can view this ‘love’ as not consciously doing anything to hurt or harm them”. So I still have to curb my deep desire to retaliate when others do hurt me or others, if I think they know what they are doing (I am not loving enough to think “they know not what they do”, as Jesus is supposed to have said of his executioners! Because I am pretty sure some of them do know what they do.)
Thanks for your thought fidderless. I was streaming my thoughts last night… just putting them down as they came to me.
It occurred to me I think love is simply what the individual makes it and the key is to find people who are compatible with our own definitons of love.
For example, friendship, platonic love ( I agree that’s the best kind of love, true friendships are a rare gift – and it’s even more “real” when you can just totally be yourself, get in arguments and get over it ).
Romantic love to a narcissist is simply about fuel and control. So in my mind this is why two narcs make the most compatible couples. No ones feelings get hurt. They understand each other.
Romantic love to a co dependant like me and my mother means loosing ourselves in another. In fact platonic love can often look like that too.
So, there is no right or wrong when it comes to love. Only right or wrong people for us. The person needs to fit the puzzle peice. Be the same kind of weird as we are. We don’t have to buy into the notion narcs have fed us our whole lives…. love can be whatever we want it to look like ! The narcs May continue to control the narrative. But I have control over what my next relationship will look like, and it doesn’t have to follow that narrative 🙂
I agree with all of the above, except I no longer feel doomed, thanks to HG and Logic.
Empath007
Thank you for sharing your observations and the accompanying questions. Many of us have had them and although it’s not pleasant to see when someone’s hopes appear dashed, it is nice to see their lightbulb moment so that you know they are now headed in the right direction with eyes fully open. Like Lisk, I don’t believe we are all doomed. I believe we’re doomed in the dance continuing to exist, but we individually do not have to be a part of it now that we have had the highest education in it via HG.
Wow HG!
How could you? George Harrison? This is The Beatles 2nd most covered song of all time. Do you realize what this means? SMH. Narcissists everywhere. So effing Sad 😥 Next You’ll tell me While My Guitar Gently Weeps (The R & R HOF cover video by Jeff Lynne, Tom Petty, Dhani Harrison and Prince contains The G.O.A.T. guitar solo btw) is about….oh crap! #narcseverywhere
For sheer blatant narc abuse, nothing in the Beatles canon tops Lennon’s “You Can’t Do That” and “Run For Your Life.” But this article is focussing on the seduction phase.
… turns out the only Lennon lines that would benefit us are
“Move over, miss L.
You know I wish you well.”
HG can you please analyse these lyrics, I think it’s somatic but I can’t be sure:
Me step inna di club, a dance rub a dub
An di gyal a come wine up on me
Mi stan so tall back against the wall
And now she start climb up pon me
Its kind a likkle trickie, I’m checking out Nikki
When you know say time is up on me
The way di gyal a wine is like the breeze a blow
But it hot and the sun shine on me
I have been to so many weddings where Unchained Melody was the first dance as man and wife . They are divorced now and I know why thanks to HG!
The movie Ghost was a great movie though loved Whoopo Goldberg in it.
song texts from my ex: “It’s No Good” ~ Depeche Mode
Or haha , I meant
You know I believe in how
( you do not have a clue )
LOL ! Love this , HG 🙂
Wow.
These are great, HG.
I’ve been naturally/spontaneously/subconsciously analyzing this stuff since I was a teenager. I totally turned off to pop songs and lyrics for many, many years.
Then something got into me (maybe my hormones?) and I let myself buy into songs/lyrics like, Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover:
That old dog has chained you up alright
Give you everything you need
To live inside a twisted cage
Sleep beside an empty rage
I had a dream, I was your hero
Damn, I wish I was your lover
I’d rock you ’til the daylight comes
Made sure you are smiling and warm
I am everything, tonight, I’ll be your mother
I’ll do such things to ease your pain
Free your mind, and you won’t feel ashamed
(Empath who has been triangulated by the Victim narc comes to the rescue to deliver amazing amounts of potent fuel.)
I am back to my natural teenage disdain of pop music with extra-added knowledge from KTN, thank goodness.
I can’t even be in the grocery store for very long anymore, either. Yesterday, I sped up my shopping after being subjected to I Love You More Today Than Yesterday (a dreamy empath song probably sung by someone who was once a Sitting Target):
I don’t remember what day it was
I didn’t notice what time it was
All I know is that I fell in love with you
And if all my dreams come true
I’ll be spending time with you
Im with you Lisk
I rarely listen to this kind of music and I don’t know any of the songs HG has analysed.
As I teenager I listened to heavy metal, goth and punk music.
I’m not opposed to some reggae love songs and every so often I’ll mime dramatically to “my all” and “emotions” by Mariah Carey
But I can’t listen to romantic music continuously because it bores me. I much prefer the boppy “girl I’ll take you home for one night but this isn’t serious” songs
This article is absolutely brilliant! I laughed so hard while reading your comments of the lines, love your sense of humour. Thank you for the morning laugh!
It reminded me of something that Nick Cave said in a lengthy exposé about love – namely, that love had to hurt or it wasn’t love if it didn’t hurt. But then Nick Cave is probably a narcissist.
The first was one of our songs … make up after a break up. We both felt it.
It’s obvious now we were coming from different perspectives. Fuel for him.
Love the way you’ve broken these down, HG, to show the narcissistic dynamic.
I don’t like to think I’ve been conned. But I accept on some occasions that’s definitely been the case.
I also don’t like to think every love song has a narcissistic undertone.
Just sign me off as the Ever Hopeful Empath.
Love this. I have been reading music since I was 6.
It took me a while to grasp that others can barely read music. There is thing called ‘tab’. God only knows what that is about.
I can see a score and I can hear the music in my head. Not just one line but the entire score itself. It just seemed completely natural.
But what you are ascribing, Hg, isn’t music. It’s lyrics.
I think you’ll love this one. Sympathy for the Devil.
Now that is a good one.
Love your picture.
It is hard to take in what you write about Something, even though I understand in a logical sense.
Regarding music I am nothing but a contagion. I avoid shopping malls and stores all through December. I am one of those ppl who very easily cry to music, love songs, Christmas music. Can’t bear the shops, run through them for presents and leave them as fast as I can. Just like other ppl run for the toilets to take a pee, I quickly leave the muzaks, finding a place to cry.
Even though this feature of mine annoys the very loving heck out of me, I’ve got to ask you this HG: Aren’t song lyrics supposed to be entertaining and a little nutty? Yes they are manipulative, but what is the alternative regarding lyrics?
Can’t listen to it these days not in the same romantic way
Love this HG. So totally understand the thinking now.
My MRN would when we first met play the verve urban hymns – Bitter Sweet Symphony, lucky man, sonnet and most memorably The Drugs dont Work.
Words like ‘just like a cat who’s waiting to drown I’m coming down’ and ‘if you leave my life I’m better off dead’
I used to think how intense and deep and romantic. He never ever uttered the words or meant them. But I fell for it.
This is The Sonnet – omg those moving words.
My friend and me
Looking through her red box of memories
Faded I’m sure
But love seems to stick in her veins you know
Yes, there’s love if you want it
Don’t sound like no sonnet, my lord
Yes, there’s love if you want it
Don’t sound like no sonnet, my lord
My lord
Why can’t you see
That nature has its way of warning me
Eyes open wide
Looking at the heavens with a tear in my eye
Yes, there’s love if you want it
Don’t sound like no sonnet, my lord
Yes, there’s love if you want it
Don’t sound like no sonnet, my lord
My lord
Sinking faster than a boat without a hull
My lord
Dreaming about the day when I can see you there
My side
By my side
Here we go again and my head is gone, my lord
I stop to say hello
‘Cause I think you should know, by now
By now
By now
By now
By now
By now
Oh, by now
Oh, by now
Oh, by now
Oh, by now
Oh, by now
Oh, by now
Oh, by now
Oh, by now
I love this article.
My narc sent songs to me at all the appropriate times and they served a multitude of purposes. They were sent to confuse, to suggest attachment, to threaten loss, and to echo the theme of wanting but not being good enough. Others were funny, timed to perfection, and some were just simply heartbreaking, these still haunt me now. Nothing contrived, nothing popular, many I hadn’t even heard before, but extremely well chosen.
There was one song he sent on several occasions before disappearing.
The Sound of Silence
(What an arsehole)
Could you do one of these for Passenger ‘Let her Go.’ please HG? Could use that one being blown out the water.
Awesome. (Although Unchained Melody will never again be the same for me.)
And that’s a good thing!