Never Again
I have lost count of the times that I have been told “never again”. I have heard it said by other people who have met my kind even more often. I am entirely relaxed when I hear this phrase because I know that although your intentions are to never go through that dance again with me or one of my kind, it will happen.
We may be gone for some time but we will return and when we do we will resurrect all those wonderful memories as we seek to Hoover you back into our reality. The emotional attachment that we create is so great that even though you looked in the mirror every morning and mouthed “Never again” to yourself you will struggle to resist.
You cannot help but wonder if this time it will be different. You do not want to say no for fear of someone else receiving our amazing and scintillating love. You want it. You learned the lessons and as the introspective empath that you are (as well as suitably conditioned by us) you will blame certain things on yourself.
You will convince yourself, because you want to taste that mesmerising kiss once again, that we have changed and that this time it will be different. Why should someone else get to experience that wonderful love? That is not fair. You put up with the rough and the smooth. You have earned your stripes so it is only right that you get to have us again isn’t it? That is what you want.
When we first departed and you saw (for we wanted you to see) that we had found someone new it ripped you apart. Notwithstanding the full horror of your dance with us you hated the fact that someone else now basked in our glorious light. You wanted to warn them not because you cared about that person but because you wanted us back. You wanted us to yourselves.
You felt a sense of unfairness that she was now with us. You would lie awake wondering if I was saying the same things to her as I had said to you. You wondered how she would respond to that blazing, heavenly love that you once relished. Would I be the same for her as I was to you? You kept telling yourself that it was only a matter of time before she befell the same fate that you endured, yet the postings and pictures told a different story.
You began to worry. Had I changed? Had I become a better person after you? Was she somehow able to please me in a way that you could not? You had to know. You had sworn never again but now you wanted me back. You wanted her to go away and free me to be yours again so that you could apply your learned lessons and everything would be wonderful again.
She did not deserve me did she? But you did. You made such sacrifices. You opened your heart to me despite the daggers I drove into it. You served your time and you are entitled to your reward. Not this Jane-come-lately. You want to give us that chance to prove we can do it.
You want to show you brought benign influence to bear. You want to prove that the beast can be brought to heel in the most compassionate manner. You might say never again but you do not truly mean it. Not in your heart of hearts.
By contrast when we say “Never again” we most definitely mean it. Never again will your life be the same after meeting us.
Never again will you feel able to trust anybody after being subjected to our acid reign.
Never again will you be able to smell certain scents, hear certain songs and see certain places without breaking down in tears.
Never again will you love someone in the way that you loved us. Never again will you want somebody as much and in such an intense way as you wanted us.
Never again will you be able to feel calm and relaxed since for too long you have been subjected to a heightened state of anxiety.
Never again will you experience that euphoria you once had with us. So when you declare never again it is never truly meant, but what you fail to realise is just how many things will never again be the same for you.
58 thoughts on “Never Again”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
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HG, taught me to look to the logic. Once logic kicks in your ET gets easier. I do reccomend the the Triple Package because I learned about myself and why I am drawn to Narcissist.
I never knew this before and I keep on learning.
“you will blame certain things on yourself” – actually, I won’t. Because I didn’t know much about narcissism until just under 3 months ago. I’m annoyed with some people (in work, for example) for not telling me (before now) when they knew I would be better off knowing about narcissism – at the same time, they were “protecting” the narcissists! There may be one or two people that now feel they should have done more to assist me when I needed the support, yet they were powerless because of the narcissists (higher ups) at work.
At the same time, it would probably never happen in my life-time where I can trust anyone again (people that I have not yet met) – not even a non-narcissist! Sometimes I think that too much damage has been done……
HG. I never doubted you would return to us but ever since you have my ET has been through the roof. I have changed nothing else. I have not peeked at social media. I have not looked down the road. I am still NC. Just a fluke?
I do not like it at all. Reminds me of why I got off the unmerry go round and round and round and…….
HE, I wonder if HG ‘disappearing’ and then ‘reappearing’ is an emotional trigger related to the narcissists we have become ensnared with previously. I would say that the return of HG has been an ET trigger for a few and some of that could be down to the fact we lost our ‘anchor’ and support (of HG and eachother) while he was gone. Even though the posts still appeared, the interactive element of the site is what really makes it what it is is many ways for me. Not having that could certainly push some of us to the edge, and even with an awareness of HGs imminent return it is difficult to reconcile that with the not knowing.
I may be on the wrong track, but I do think that these reminders of the unmerry go round can increase our emotional thinking and it will play out on HGs return.
Good to hear you are still in NC and doing well <3
Lickem
Thanks. That was my thought also but that then made me step back and wonder IS there just a rise in ET or has this added to my addiction?
I am better today but is it because I got a hit?
Do you mean a hit of HG, HE?
And being here has added to your addiction?
Those are interesting thoughts and the discussion on this thread has a bit of a focus on that as well. They are the questions we need to ask ourselves from time to time.
Personally, I think the support community HG has generated here has created an option where we can feel that lacking when it is not available. The would raise (and has raised) my ET. Plus the fact the articles just cry out for a response at times. I need to vent!
So the emotional thinking for me could be tied to a number of factors. And replacing an addiction with a healthier option (albeit another addiction) has come up as part of the discussion as well (i.e. going to the gym to beat an addiction to alcohol or junk food). I think that’s a relevant point. We need to replace our addiction to the narcissist with something. Education and enlightenment is one of those things, alongside the support of other survivors.
I think that’s what helps to drive our ET down again and I’m glad you’re feeling better today 🙂
LET
It is a circle no matter what.
I meant a hit to my addiction. Not thinking about or hearing anything about N’s in general and then WHAM. There is all the info again
Thanks for the reply
I have a chat planned with HG. That should help
It will.
<3
Now I see Kim e.
I hope your chat with HG helps x
I never experienced much of the euphoria or intense anything with the last narcissist. The pretend period didn’t last long. I have been reading many articles and the books available from this site so I can understand what was going on. I have maintained no contact and have reduced my time on social media for a while. It is time to learn what I need to know and understand so I can see the forest for the trees. I also prefer consulting this site as opposed to others (there are many out there) because I want the clear concise no sugar coating version of what is/was really going on when dealing with the various types of narcissists. I never know what I was dealing with before so I was unware of where to look for information. Now I am aware I had dealings with several narcissists for far too many years. I need to become more knowledgeable on the dynamic and the red flags so I can make better choices as to who I let into my life.
December Infinity
You are definitely on the right track to success in being here and utilizing the “no sugar coating” information provided. Use the search function to locate the articles on proper no contact if you have not done so already (some people think that means simply not contacting the narcissist but that is not the case). Staying off social media is a great move. You will find much help from the lovely and supportive people here who understand what you’ve been through, and the best clear and concise advice bar none from consultation with HG.
You are exactly where you need to be. You will succeed.
NarcAngel
Thank you for your supportive comments. I will use the search function to locate additional information on proper no contact.
I know I will succeed and I am right where I need to be 🙂
I both agree and disagree with this. Now I’m further on in recovery and pretty much back to being me, I disagree with this with regards to my future. Not to my past.
If people think, that the pain of something won’t subside, that they will continue to feel heartbroken. If they think that that horrible ache they feel when they open their eyes in the morning and realise they have a whole day to get through before they can fall asleep and escape it, will always be there. If they think those things, then the thought process will turn to “I can’t live like this. Something is better than nothing. I’ll take the bad for the glimmers of good.” That’s a dangerous way to think. It’s no wonder people give in to the hoovers.
Just because you have been ensnared once does not mean you will be ensnared again. There is a choice. There is always a choice. At least there is now, now we have been given the tools to recognise a narcissist. Now we recognise that getting involved with a narcissist is a pointless exercise. Now we start something new with our eyes wide open. Now we even have a Narc Detector to remove any doubt. The information we need to change our futures is all here for us. We read, we educate ourselves and we don’t buy in to the illusion ever again. The spell has been broken. We have the choice to become free. We do heal. Over time, we return back to the way we were pre narc. Still empathic with all of those qualities intact. We are just wiser with it.
We can still have the fairy tale, just without the evil king. We still get the happy ending we deserve because it is still out there. Still attainable. The ‘never again’ is incorrect. You all aren’t that good at what you do. You just think you are.
Where I do agree, is in relation to the past. I do think that when I look back, if I allow myself to dwell for too long, the ache will still be there. I don’t think there will be a time where it doesn’t ache to look back. A song playing in a shop that takes me back, a particular smell. Those things will remain, but their power will diminish. I’ll think, ache for a moment, then look forward. I’ll look forward at my better life, loving partner, happier self and he will fade from me again, like the imaginary monster that resides in the wardrobe. (It’s a myth they live under the bed.)
Hope is not a false mistress. Hope shows you a better future. Hope offers you a choice.
Read, digest, question, heal, defend, build, strengthen, reinforce, reinforce again, seek, find, pause, review, claim, cherish.
Never again will I become ensnared.
I agree with you, Truthseeker6157. I honestly think if we dig deeper and address the reasons behind why we are drawn to narcissists (and why they are drawn to us), in addition to applying the info which we have read here, we will be able to recognise the ‘right’ people in future, when we are choosing, and hopefully it won’t be so much a choice as to avoid them as to not feel interested in the first place!
Hey JB,
HG states that as empaths we all have the addiction. The addiction to narcissists. There are many reasons for that addiction, some specific to the individual empath, some to the empathic group as a whole. I agree with HG. There is a natural predisposition to be drawn to narcissists. This doesn’t mean that we have to act on the addiction though. We have free will and the ability to both choose and dismiss. What’s important I think is that we recognise this addiction, accept it and control it so that our emotional thinking stays low and we make logical and informed choices for ourselves. Essentially refusing to be ensnared going forward.
Sensible.
Gosh, that’s a bit of a bitter pill to swallow. So even if you successfully manage to break the addiction to one narcissist, you never actually stop being drawn to them in general? Blimey.
See The Addiction : Triple Package. That is what it is there for.
The addiction triple package is incomparable. All empaths should have this in their arsenal of wisdom and knowledge.
Getting over/past one narcissist is a huge battle or sometimes a skirmish, but life is full of narcissists. You will still be an empath attracted to them, and narcissists will always be attracted to you. This is true in every single setting, platonic, romantic and familial–literally everywhere you go. But if you are prepared, via wisdom and integration of knowledge, you will be able to get to recognize and avoid ensnarement and/or abuse.
Zero Impact is another must-have program. If you can achieve Zero Impact, your life will be forever changed. You will be tested, but you will succeed.
Is it an addiction that can be ‘cured’ though? I hate the thought of going through life always being drawn in the wrong direction, and having to always fight against it.
No. See The Addiction : Triple Pack.
HG, could you confirm that narcissist’s are also addicted to empaths?
I like to see this as a two way street. And that thought is jumping out at me today.
We are addicted to fuel and control which are provided best by empaths.
Thank you for the reply, HG. I see the addiction is to fuel and control (which I knew, but overlooked), and empaths factor into that in terms of provision of the same.
I’m trying to work out whether me being on here is replacing one addiction with another? Yet, after having been reading this blog for a little while now (although I am new to commenting), it has been the only thing which has really helped me and made any sense. I tend to come here instead of doing stupid things!
JB, I have seen many question themselves as to whether this is the case, as have I.
I very much enjoy reading the blog articles and comments, I see it no differently to enjoying anything which is intellectually stimulating. If you were a medical doctor, you’d enjoy reading about new practices and research and this is no different. And given we have all been educated by HG, we’re practically psychiatrists anyway.
I see many people who go to the gym, a very high number, who used to be addicted to alcohol or junk food and they have become addicted to going to the gym instead. Most of them have a heallhy attitude towards it and attend for an hour a day, a very, very small few, train (non-professionals here) ridiculous amounts where they are actually overworking their body until close to breaking point.
If you enjoy something and it isn’t causing you harm or problems in your life. You are still meeting your family commitments, friends, getting your work done etc etc, then just enjoy. And enjoy HG’s guilty pleasures haha
I have to agree with you, Alexis, and feel the same way.
I also questioned myself, or I described it as finding myself at a crossroad here, at times as I was engaging with a narcissist to learn about narcissists. It seemed a little like defeating the purpose of defeating the narcissist. How can I defeat him/her/them when I have invited one into my living room to have a chat and advise me? Just as well it’s a virtual living room and the advice is sound (proven many times over it seems). But, this space has provided the insight I needed, the catharsis I needed and is providing me with the tools I need to move forward. And I think you’ve got the balance right there with other activities and interests as well. Though I will admit, I cocooned myself at the start (Covid helped!) as I immersed myself in the works of HG and understanding narcissism. And also while I licked my wounds and allowed HG to apply the salve of his knowledge and expertise to them. It’s been an all important journey in my life. So I think we all determine for ourselves the measure we take of HG and our learning here. I also love your description, Alexix of the gym junkies and how you can go about determining a healthy attitude to something. So well said.
Oops, sorry about the misspelling of your name, Alexis!
x
That’s because it was my description.
OOPS! Looks like you’ve been plagiarized, HG 😛
Alexis had better prepare for the dungeon. Or are you burning people today?
I love that you said it and I love that Alexis shared it <3 Please show her mercy x
Oops didn’t realise I had plagiarised. The concept must have resonated. I would never knowingly plagiarise, its such an N thing to do! I always give credit where it’s due. You can have the gym one HG. It’s on me.
Being cheeky on the other hand…
Alexissmith2016 thank you. I think you are right. It makes sense to research something which has had such an impact on us, as long as it isn’t becoming an obsession, I guess.
The mind boggles re the guilty pleasures! 😆
Lickemtomorrow, what’s the dungeon?!
Oh, it’s just a playful term people have used here from time to time that eludes to what HG might do with ‘naughty’ empaths 😉 It goes way back to before I was here, but I’ve kind of taken to the notion that such a thing exists in HGs world … not to be taken seriously, of course.
LET, ha ha, thank goodness for that! 😂
“We have free will and the ability to both choose and dismiss” – I love that. Yeah, I’ll accept that, too. Thank you.
I agree with you wholeheartedly. I didn’t even know Narcissists existed. I looked back at my journal to the days toward the end in the throes of devaluation and escape. It’s plain as day. I was miserable and completely distraught 24/7.
It’s not simply awareness. I have new boundaries which I enforce. Boundaries I had never thought myself capable of enforcing.
“Refusing to be ensnared going forward.” — I will not be ignored. The first whiff of ST (among other things), and I am out. #dueces
The last line – absolutely right, but ultimately this is a good thing, because this has forced me to address the underlying reasons as to why I was ‘ripe for the picking’ in the first place. There is a lot of work to be done, but hopefully, after I have done this, I will be less vulnerable to this happening again in the future.
Apply my work and follow my direction and you will be far less vulnerable.
Indeed. Exactly what I am now doing 🙂
Can I ask, you recommended to me a package on dealing with a parental narcissist. Have you written any books on this topic? (where the parental narcissist in question is the parent of an adult, not a child)? I did check out the package you referred to, but it’s a bit out of my price range, unfortunately.
That is the definitive package which will assist you, if you are very quick, you can still receive 45% of the cost which is an absolute steal.
It’s a fantastic discount, thank you, but sadly still out of reach at the moment. I would buy them all if I could! If you do ever decide to write a book on this particular area please let me know, I would definitely be at the front of the queue!
Understood. Since I have created this assistance package it will not be appearing in a book.
Fair enough. Thanks anyway!
You are welcome.
JB
What package was that?
Narcangel – it was Dealing with a parental narcissist.
NarcAngel – Tell a lie, it was actually called ‘How to handle a parental narcissist’ !
This is an excellent package and I recommend it.
HG is very generous with his discounts, JB, and he offers them regularly so hopefully you will have an opportunity to access the material you want soon. There is a lot of useful material which can be accessed here via HGs articles as well in the meantime.
Thank you LET.
You are welcome, HG 🙂
Thanks for the recommendation, LET 😊
No problem, JB 🙂
Never again will I contact him or respond to his texts. I won’t even give him the satisfaction of changing anything about my current life. If he moved in next door, I would walk on by. The trust thing, well I never did. Trust no one was instilled at a very early age.
It’s interesting you accused me of having ET. Most people think I’m a robot. Of course I don’t and I’m not.
Hope you are surviving this cray world, HG. What are your predictions for Q4 2020?
That I will get asked
“HG, will he hoover me.” and I will read
“HG I am a Supernova Empath ensnared with a Greater Elite Narcissist.”
At least five times before the end of the year.
You left out, “Why haven’t you posted my comment, HG?”
Good call, Violetta.