A Bowl of Cherries

A-BOWL-OF-CHERRIES

 

I have an Inner Circle Friend. He is what people would generally regard as a ‘good man’. He is older than me, not old enough to be a father. More of the younger uncle who is solid but enjoys a little spice to his life. He tackles fraud in government organisations, enjoys a beer, loves his sport, a keen family man, devout and plays a part in his local church, plays musical instruments, writes poetry and every Saturday he picks up the shopping and spends an hour chatting with a housebound friend of his. He and I enjoy Italian food and a good debate as we set the world to rights. He enjoys a fierce discussion and it is all good fuel but there is never any grudge afterwards, even when I have twisted and spun in order to avoid conceding a particular point. Every time we meet up he always begins by reminding me that my life is a bowl of cherries.

“Yes HG it is bowl of cherries. Look at you. An educated man with many friends, good job, well-read, able to do as he pleases and you travel. You organise your time so you can spend time with lots of people and most of all the girls. Holy Toledo, the girls. You get through them and no mistake but you are never troubled by it are you? Sometimes I wish I was single and younger so I could join you in these adventures. You are a man comfortable in his own skin. I can see that and this means you are able to have a life which is a bowl of cherries.”

I always enjoy this little speech of his. It is important to people to recognise my elevated position and the rewards that come with it. He never displays any jealousy nor does he judge what I do (albeit of course he does not know it all). He regards my behaviours as ‘hi-jinks’ and ‘ capers’ . The preserve of the younger man with the world at his feet. I will relay the latest tale of my activities as he sips from his rioja. He laughs and shakes his head as I detail to him what I have been doing, but he is never alarmed by what I tell him. He is a big believer in living life to the full, seizing opportunities and setting the world alight. All of which I naturally do. There is only topic where he passes comment in a slightly adverse way. Children.

“So HG,” he will begin before swallowing more of his wine and lighting yet another cigarette if we are dining at his house,”when can we expect some children? All these ladies and you cannot tell me that they do not want a little HG to share the cherries with?”

“Maybe one day,” I lie since I have no intention of having any children. He is unaware I took care of that some time ago.

“Well you are in your prime so those cherries will keep on appearing, juicy and ripe, but seriously, a man should have children. I have four. Two by each wife. Children are a great comfort. Tells you that someone can bear you if they want to carry your offspring, they give you something to strive for, something to live for and then you have a legacy as you see them go into the world making their own way.”

I smile and allow him to say all of this. I hear it each time that we meet up.

“You must have met the right lady by now, surely? You have no problem attracting them with your big bowl of cherries now do you?”

“True enough but there is so much to do and sharing those cherries isn’t really on the agenda.”

“Come now,” he smiles, “you have more than enough and you should share. You should be showering your gifts on someone special and your offspring. It is the right thing to do. You have no need to worry, my lad, about sharing those cherries you know. You always have a bowl full and if you share a few around then you will always be able to pick some more won’t you?”

“There is never enough though and I have to be careful you know, there are too many who would steal my cherries from me and leave me with nothing.”

“No there isn’t,I have told you before, the cherries are there to share, not to hoard. You need to listen to me. Share and keep picking.”

I smile and let him continue with his monologue about cherries and children. He is right though I am the cherry picker. I am up on high,elevated above everything else around me and I reach those places that the little people can never reach. I can move from side to side, up and down and ensure that I always obtain the tastiest and most succulent cherries before anybody else. I can see them dark red and with that polished lustre just waiting to be picked by me and me alone. So many out there to collect in order to try and fill my bowl. If only I could figure out some way to plug the hole in my bowl, maybe then I might just be tempted to share.

 

75 thoughts on “A Bowl of Cherries

  1. Eternity says:

    Oh yes ! It’s a country song I believe .

  2. Carolina says:

    This one actually made me sad.

  3. BC30 says:

    Now I want some cherry pie.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Best listen to Warrant then.

      1. BC30 says:

        😋
        Looks so good, bring a tear to your eye
        Sweet cherry pie

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Great video, let’s raawwwwkkkk! Huge slice of rock cheese.

      2. Eternity says:

        I hate that song and video ! I prefer Pour Some Sugar on Me by Def Leppard.

  4. Sweetest Perfection says:

    Everyone, please excuse my bad typing today. I’m extremely affected by this election and trying to read type and do things to get my mind out of it.

    1. Fiddleress2 says:

      Hi SP, following the news about the elections from here too. Trump is behaving exactly as HG had described. But as I am typing, things are looking up for Biden … Hang in there!

      1. Sweetest Perfection says:

        Thank you, Fiddleress! I think the whole world is watching. How have you been these days, did your headaches stop? I thought of you the other day because I have family in Vienna and they went through the same horror that happened in France recently.

        1. Fiddleress2 says:

          Sweetest Perfection, I didn’t realise you had family in Vienna! I can’t imagine how shocked they must have been. It was another blow to hear about these attacks, as it seems that they will never stop. At least not for a long time, I think. I trust your relatives are safe.

          For the headaches, it turns out I have fragile sinuses that clam up at the slightest irritation (I’ve had these problems before, but never that bad). So you get a sort of “pressure cooker” effect and your head ‘explodes’ with pain. I have a new, long-term treatment, but I am feeling much better than last week.

          Yes, we are all watching the elections. It is more comfortable from this side of the pond, no doubt. Some suspense!

          1. Fiddleress2 says:

            Oops, no, I don’t have talking sinuses, haha. I meant they get blocked (not ‘clam up’) by all sorts of irritants in the air.

          2. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Fiddleress, I’m glad it turned out to be sinuses although that is painful, but usually just seasonal. My relatives are ok, thanks. Everyone was asked to remain at home while the police was trying to catch the suspects. It is inconceivable how some people want to add more pain and horror to the situation we are already enduring. About the election… I guess we’ll know today. I’m not a fan of neither candidate or their policies. Having been born and raised in Europe, if you don’t propose universal health care you are already on a bad track with me. But I definitely don’t want Trump to win.

          3. Fiddleress2 says:

            Yes, I heard the people had to lock themselves up at home for a few days in Vienna. Glad to know your family are well.

            As for universal healthcare: you are so right! Well, of course I would say that, since I know firsthand how valuable that is. Healthcare is essential, as is education, to name but two crucial fields.

          4. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Exactly. The two things that are astronomically expensive in this country despite the obvious need for it. About the insurance fiasco, there’s nothing more repugnant to me than building a profitable business that can potentially make people go bankrupt and lose their homes based on the unavoidable human truth that we all get sick and will eventually die. The scam of insurance policies here is inadmissible. And people don’t want universal healthcare, it is inconceivable.

          5. Fiddleress2 says:

            Exactly, we all get sick, and because of where I have grown up, I find it incomprehensible to reject universal healthcare. It is in fact utterly narcissistic, it seems to me.
            Having said that, over the past decade or so, successive governments have been cutting subsidies to public/universal healthcare here (in order to encourage private, profitable health insurances) and what would have been impossible a few years ago is appearing here: more and more people do not take care of their health properly where it is not completely free (except for the taxes we pay towards it, but which are minimal given what we still get in exchange). Notably in dentistry and eye medicine.
            Also, the cuts in universal healthcare is the reason why we are on lockdown – not enough room in hospital emergencies for covid patients on top of others. Which in turn spells an economic disaster. Short-term policies, pathetic.

          6. MommyPino says:

            Fiddleress2 and SP,

            Most people I know wouldn’t mind universal healthcare if done properly. The part of the Obamacare that most people didn’t like is the Individual Mandate. The Individual Mandate is very narcissistic to force people to buy coverage that they do not want or need.

            Also with education, the US provides education for all children here. Most people do not believe that college education is essential and I know a lot of people without college education that are very smart and knowledgeable because they learn from their experiences and they read a lot of books.

          7. Sweetest Perfection says:

            College education should be a right whether you decide to take it or not, not a privilege and a reason to go bankrupt. Obamacare was terrible for the middle class and was a punishment for those who couldn’t afford to pay the premium of insurance companies but still were forced to pay a fee for not having insurance. It was a horrible idea unless you were really poor, although thank god he took away the preexisting condition BS. What I don’t understand is why Obamacare comes out everytime I mention universal health care when it was not even close to it. If people knew what universal health care is, they would fight for it.

          8. Fiddleress2 says:

            MP , I do not know the particulars of the Obamacare but I heard it was not universal or so great. The thing is, you never know what coverage you might need one day, so it would be better for it to cover everything. It is a question of solidarity with humankind. But I realise that I am referring to my experience of it.
            I agree that you can be smart without being college/university educated. I had in mind the need for free, quality education for all at all levels, to be made available.

  5. lickemtomorrow says:

    One of the the saddest things I read in “Confessions of a Narcissist” was what you elude to here, HG. That you took care of the issue of having children a long time ago. I felt gutted when I read it and it was like all hope was gone. Or, even worse, destroyed. I see children as a promise and a hope. Something to look forward to and enjoy. The thought you had so callously cut off your ‘future’ in that sense shocked and saddened me. You were so young. And to have the notion at that age is something I find hard to understand. At least, coming from this empath’s perspective.

    1. Asp Emp says:

      Hi LET, interesting to read your comment. Everyone has their ‘views’ – I had mine – decided at 18 years old, no kids. Never. My childhood experiences of society, “home” life and so on. Nah, forget it. I don’t regret my decision. I’m an empath. Yet I understand why some people make decisions like that. x

      1. lickemtomorrow says:

        Hi AE, thanks for your response. I appreciate it.

        I have three ‘jewels in my crown’, all young adults now, born to my ex-husband in the space of our 5 year marriage. I can’t imagine my life without them and they’ve all contributed to the lives of others.

        I, too, have no regrets when it comes to them xxx

        1. Asp Emp says:

          Ah bless you & your kids. Glad you enjoy them & good to know they’ve contributed to others x

    2. Sweetest Perfection says:

      Lickemtomorrow I haven’t read “Confessions” but what you mention here makes me extremely impressed. As a woman, I always complain about the fact women are always expected to take responsibility of adopting contraceptive methods in heterosexual relationships. Most of these methods involve hormonal changes that may affect our bodies and mental state or even poison us with internal metal leaking. Although contraceptive options have provided women with a better control of their sexual lives, which obviously is in itself a big historical revolution for women, the pharmaceutical industry has made evident that it is the woman the one that has to take charge in this, providing little or no options for men to try any method if their partners don’t feel comfortable with the options for her. I applaud a man that has the initiative to know what he doesn’t want and to take lead without expecting a woman to sacrifice for him. Of course I also think that way because my entire life I have made an extraordinary effort to not get pregnant because I never wanted to. It’s just a different approach and I know mine is not the popular one.

      1. NarcAngel says:

        I knew very young that I would never have children and have never wavered. When I told my doctor in my teens he told me not to be silly, that it was what I was designed for and I would change my mind. Pompous asshole. Pressure from all sides with family and friends also. Those who have them and love them are well meaning in that they want you to experience that. Those who found it less than fulfilling (I have had people admit to this and that they would not if they could go back) are in the misery loves company camp. Either way it’s no one’s business and people should stop thinking its the end of the world if you don’t.

        HG is a narcissist. Knowing that – why would we wish him to have children? What of the child’s future?

        1. lickemtomorrow says:

          “HG is a narcissist. Knowing that – why would we wish him to have children? What of the child’s future?”

          You make a good point, NA, and far be it from me to disagree. Having been brought up by one, and likely two, narcissists there are major pitfalls to the experience. In saying that, would I wish never to have been born? The answer to that question would be “no”. In spite of what I’ve had to go through. And the fact my mother did seek an abortion when she was pregnant with me.

          When it comes to HG, what I see is a valuable human being. Him having the opportunity his friend desires is what I would wish for him. That is emotional thinking on my part. We know that is not possible. Which means I have to dial up the logic in this situation.

          The other thing is HG has eluded to the fact something was once said to him which was the reason he made the decision he did. He has not said he made the decision based on his narcissism. So while we can see that having a narcissistic parent is far from ideal for the child, many narcissists do have children and even desire to have them. HGs reason, going by what he has said, is not solely related to his narcissism. But ultimately it is his choice.

          And I need not grieve for him.

      2. NarcAngel says:

        SweetP

        Even if Big Pharma did come up with a proven male contraceptive, I’ll be damned if I’d leave it up to a guy when most of them can’t be counted on to replace the empty toilet paper roll and they’re sitting right there! Haha.

        My husband had a bad habit of leaving lights on and doors and drawers open. It’s happened much less often after I started exiting the vehicle when he parked and left my door open while quickly walking away and saying nothing. The first few times he thought I was losing my mind and made jokes about it. Then he caught on.

        1. Sweetest Perfection says:

          Hahaha NA, talk about Pavlov’s conditioning! I’ll be damned if I’d leave it up to a guy when most of them can’t be counted on to replace the empty toilet paper roll.” Precisely, that’s why I said I was impressed.

      3. lickemtomorrow says:

        Hi SP, I would have to agree that the expectation more often than not is that the woman take care of the issue of contracepting as we are also the ones who carry the children. In that sense, men are off the hook. Not that I respect that, but it is a matter of biology. As far as HGs choice goes, I was shocked because he was so young and it is such a major decision to make at that age (from my perspective). My ET also gets involved here in thinking how something was lost when the decision was made. It was so final. And I know there is a reason why. But I still feel a sense of loss there will be no little HGs running around in the future. It’s as though he cut off a certain aspect of his potential and his future at the same time. Sorry, HG. I know it doesn’t involve me, but I’m a little like your friend. Having trouble minding my own business. Or at least keeping my sadness to myself.

        Or wanting to encourage a sharing of the cherries.

        And SP, I know each person has their own reasons for the decisions they make. I’m glad you shared some of your thoughts around it x

        1. Sweetest Perfection says:

          Lickemtomorrow, I know you are a nice person because you see only the good in HG. I personally try to always remember that, although brilliant, funny, creative, and extremely helpful, HG is a malignant narcissistic psychopath with a sadistic streak. I didn’t make that up, he told us himself. I am impressed at his generosity for making that decision for whatever reason he chose. Another narcissist would probably think they are so fabulous their genes need to be passed on to their progeny, but he didn’t think that way. It still surprises me. But I shouldn’t be surprised at anything when talking about HG.

          1. lickemtomorrow says:

            It’s true, I see the good in HG, SP. It is one of my ‘faults’ as an empath and is probably not going to change any time soon x HG is all those things you say.

            I am trying to comprehend the incomprehensible (for me) so I need to give myself a little leeway in the circumstances. I hope HG will do the same (since I am picking apart a very personal decision he made). A level of cognitive dissonance has come into play where I struggle to marry up what we know of HG and how we know him here. Or I just go beyond that sometimes to understanding and appreciating the value we were all born with but don’t all get to experience in the same way.

            Lots of food for thought, and I’m going to digest some more now <3

    3. Summer says:

      I absolutely love children & go to great lengths to contribute what i can as it ‘takes a village’ but, like Asp Emp, considering my upbringing, subsequent marriage, & surrounding family, i ensured i would not get pregnant at age 24 & ive patted myself on the back for sparing that grief many, many times. (Boy that was a long sentence ha)

      1. lickemtomorrow says:

        Hi Summer, so many people have shared thoughts similar to yours in other threads. The idea of giving to children who are in need of family and sharing what they have with them as opposed to having children of their own. I also think of all the children HG has helped with the information and resources he provides. In that sense, while he has no children of his own, he has supported the children of others with his work. That is an angle I hadn’t thought of before in this context, but one that has very real effects. There are many ways to view the situation depending on where we are coming from and children will still be the beneficiaries of what we can give x They don’t have to be our own.

    4. MommyPino says:

      Hello Lickemtomorrow,

      I totally understand where you are coming from. I remember a long time ago in this same article somebody asked if this guy is a MR and HG said he is an empath. I can understand how some people would be offended by him and think that it was some kind of provocation. I can also understand that as an empath who experienced having kids as probably one of the greatest parts of his life, he wanted his friend to not miss out and he also I would not doubt believe that HG will be an amazing dad because he admires HG as a person. It is interesting how the same behavior can manifest that a person is a narcissist or an empath depending on what motivates the behavior.

      My half brother and sister in law decided when they got engaged that they don’t want to have kids. I suspect that this comes from my half brother’s issues with his family dynamic as I believe from their stories that his mom (my dad’s wife) was a Cerebral MR. I remember my empath dad told me that my brother and his future wife told them right away that they do not intend to have kids so that their parents will not keep hoping or waiting for grandkids from them (which manifests that they are not narcissists). But my dad said that him and my sister in law’s mom were both hoping that they will eventually change their minds and accidentally/or plan to have kids but my dad said it never happened and it’s ok. But I could feel some sadness in my dad’s tone. However my dad was also happy that their marriage has been incredibly solid and happy and they get along so well for so many years already and he was happy to see how they treat each other. My brother told me when I asked him about it that he knows that he will not be a good parent. Honestly when he visits here around Christmas and he’s around my little kids I could feel his awkward energy of trying to be nice but there is something blocking his ability to freely feel warmth towards them. It’s almost like my son especially reminds him of something sad. I personally felt before he explained to me that I wish he would have been a dad because he would have been such a great one. But I do admire my brother and sister in law for being able to know early on before they got married what they want and do not want and being content and happy with their mutual decision.

      1. lickemtomorrow says:

        Hi MP, thanks for sharing your thoughts and some more of your family’s story. Everyone’s is so different <3

        My comment to HG was not meant to be judgmental, and it's unfortunate it may have come across that way. I honestly felt those things when I was reading "Confessions" … a real sense of loss … and thought I would express it. Others were expressing their thoughts around the idea of not having children and it was a powerful feeling I experienced when I read the book. I never assume anyone else has to share my feelings or agree with my thoughts. They are what they are. And purely directed at HG and my reading of his material.

        I have made a further comment which has not been moderated/loaded yet. HG will be aware of my circumstances. I, too, have no regrets xox

        1. NarcAngel says:

          Lickem

          There was nothing wrong with sharing your thoughts or the responses to them. It is merely an exchange of information that can sometimes have us considering things we otherwise might not have if we are honest and open. I believe that is valuable to learning.

          My question about why we would want HG to have children was not directed at you specifically but as something for us all to ponder. There would be both emotional and logical thinking evident in that discussion. I truly wondered the reasons people would give. Sharing your thoughts gave way to my question as potential discussion for all and was not meant as a judgement against you.

          1. lickemtomorrow says:

            Thank you, NA. I appreciate your very logical perspective which always helps to add a necessary dimension to the discussion. I’m all about emotional thinking!

            I’m glad you raised the question you did as it has opened up further thought and discussion, and also centred on HG which is where my thoughts were coming from in the first place. There is no doubt the discussion is valuable to learning and also breaks us open to further understanding. I’m all about that as well.

            I don’t feel judged, and certainly didn’t want others to feel judged either. So thank you for helping to clarify that aspect of the discussion. Everyone has a reason for the decisions they make and I am no different.

            In this article HGs friend is clear about the decision he has made for his own life and it translates to a sharing of those cherries. What he doesn’t know about is HGs decision, and why it is impossible for him to share in the same way. Maybe HG and his friend need to have the discussion we are having here, but I don’t see that happening any time soon. In the meantime, HGs friend holds out hope.

            And imagine if someone said to you that you should never have children, knowing more details about your life. It would have a far different connotation than making up your own mind about such things. Our greatest strength will always lie in having made a decision for ourselves. In that sense, HG can be certain of the decision he has made. Even if it wasn’t his narcissism that prompted it.

        2. MommyPino says:

          Hello lickemtomorrow,

          Thank you. 💕. I hope my comment didn’t come off as me thinking that you were judgmental as it was not my thought. I totally understand that your grief for the fact that HG made a very final decision was coming from an empathic point of view. I totally relate to it because even I got in trouble here before for having similar feelings about it. I also feel that empaths can feel this way or something similar such as my dad’s feelings of wishing his son has little versions of him playing around which now as a mom I would imagine it to be so fun to see little versions of my kids when they are both grown ups as well and see my kids experience the joy I experience now. But I also recognize how some commenters can feel differently regarding HG’s friend as I too struggled getting pregnant during the first years of my marriage and experienced a provocative narcissist making a comment about me not having kids. I just thought I want to share that even though the behavior almost seems similar, they are not, and oftentimes the receiver of the behavior will feel the difference and the motivation with the way it was said etc. And I just wanted to say that difference so that an empath making an innocent comment is not automatically suspected of being provocative or being a narcissist which I have seen happen to HG’s friend when a commenter immediately thought that his friend might be a MR. But I also want to clarify that I didn’t think anyone here thought that you were an MR at all because it’s so obvious that you are a total empath. I just happened to remember the comment that I saw a long time ago about the possibility of HG’s friend being an MR which HG has made clear that his friend is not and is actually an empath.

          1. lickemtomorrow says:

            Ah, thank you MP <3 Every now and again I get this dreadful feeling in the pit of my stomach that I'm sounding more like a narcissist than not! I may have read the same comment in an older post about HGs friend and didn't feel at all his friend was an MR just because he commented on the notion of HG having children. To me it seemed to be coming from a good place and of wanting good things for HG. Things HGs friend sees as fulfilling in his own life and wanting to share some of that sense of fulfillment with HG. I never took it as him making a judgement on HG, and he lacks total awareness, as we do not, of HGs situation. So he is entitled to make the 'mistake' of thinking somehow that what's good for him would also be good for HG. I'm sure we can all do that without meaning any harm or detriment to another. And thank you for clarifying around that with more of your own story MP about the narc who attempted to have a dig at you by commenting on your own situation. It is very much about intent and most empaths will have a sense of that, even if we can't put our finger on it. It must have been very hurtful at the time, so I'm sorry that happened to you. Narcs have a unique way of kicking us while we're down.

            I'm also glad you understood my sense of grief at HGs decision. Feeling like I need a friend on that one and you've come to my rescue again, MP <3. I don't understand it, I just know I felt it and needed to give it expression. I can't function if I can't express those emotions! And sometimes it seems important to do so. And part of that was around the finality of the decision. Also HGs young age in determining to take that path. I also understand some kind of pain existed behind him making that decision. Or some kind of derision on someone else's part. That is what got me. Being prompted to make a decision based on what someone else had said which was meant to hurt HG or undermine him. That just makes me angry!

            I'm a bundle of sadness, anger and a little bit of confusion as HG has never revealed what was said. Only that due to that he made his decision.

            I will need to take a break soon before all this emotional thinking gets the better of me xox

          2. MommyPino says:

            Thank you lickemtomorrow ! I agree with everything that you said. He also didn’t strike me as an MR and probably also because I can relate to what he may be feeling or where he was coming from.

            Haha you don’t sound like a narcissist in any bit at all. You always make very thoughtful comments and very articulate. But I can understand we all can feel like we sound like one sometimes.

    5. Eternity says:

      This is hard for me to say, this but I think HG made a good decision not to have kids. As he says in Child Defender Narcissist do not love their children. This is so sad by true. Plus think about how many babies HG would have running around right now with all the women he has been with . Can you even imagine.

      1. lickemtomorrow says:

        First of all, LOL to the number of babies HG could having running around Eternity! You have a point, but at the same time it misses my point. I hear what you are saying and know the reality of narcissistic parents from my own experience. There is no question that the information provided here is designed to protect children as victims of narcissists also. I applaud HG for creating that opportunity for parents to protect their children.

        My point goes to a completely different level and understanding. It is that of valuing life and and its potential. I had narcissistic parents, most likely two. I did not become a narcissist. Yes, I suffered. That does not negate the fact that my life has value regardless of who my parents are/were. HG may not have the capability to love. That is heart wrenching to me. It, however, does not reduce his value in my eyes. He is eminently worthwhile as a human being regardless of his diagnosis.

        I more recently watched a number of programs on serial killer Ted Bundy. The Judge in his final comments before sentencing Bundy made one comment which went straight to my heart. He called him an ‘utter waste of a human being’ after telling him how pleased he would have been to have Bundy acting in his Court. This is the dichotomy that must be faced. I’ve read so many comments about narcissists that place them in that category. And on that basis it might be possible to pass such judgments upon the children of narcissists.

        Now, I know I’ve taken us way off track but it’s a place I believe this conversation needs to go. As damaging as they are, narcissists are not a waste of space and consigning any children they may have as being lucky not to be born (which is what the argument amounts to from my perspective) will not wash with me. I have been a victim of several narcissists. I bore three children to one of them. Every one of those children is a worthwhile human being who has made a contribution.

        I accept HG has made his choice for his own reasons. Those reasons, according to what I have read, relate to something that was said to him and not purely based on his narcissism per se. Though his narcissism may have factored into the decision making process. I do not applaud his decision based on the fact of his narcissism. But certainly those aware narcissists are more likely to make such a decision not in order to save a child from suffering, but so that a child may not take any attention away from them. HG has stated before that he does not want this, but gives a different reason for making his original decision. Only he can provide more details around that.

        1. Eternity says:

          HG, would definitely provide for the child as he is very intelligent and the child would have gotten an amazing education,great home and maybe even spoiled rotten. He/she would have 50/50 of probably becoming a Narcissist also. But having a child you would need to focus on all of that and HG did say the he has no interest and that they get in the way. I do see your point completely though .

          1. lickemtomorrow says:

            Hey Eternity, thank you for your response, and I’ve probably pushed the boat out far enough on this one for now so I’ll say no more xox

          2. Eternity says:

            That’s ok ! You have your opinions and they are good ones. I really like reading your what you have to say.
            We are all here to listen.

          3. lickemtomorrow says:

            Thanks, Eternity x

            I just thought I’d treaded long enough on HGs private life not to tread on it any more.

            And I can’t project imaginatively into the future in this case, though no doubt HG would have shared his ample brilliance in the circumstances,

            I’ve got my own progeny to focus on for now <3

  6. Eternity says:

    HG, do you still keep in contact with this man?
    Does he still ask you the same questions?
    Hopefully you can find someone to share your bowl of cherries with and maybe make some cherry pie.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Yes and yes.

      1. Eternity says:

        Ha ha HG, he doesnt know all your dirty little secrets.

    2. Asp Emp says:

      Yes. The pie will probably end up with a lot of holes in it – depends on the number of times that someone is being “challenged” (sniggering) 😉

      1. Eternity says:

        Ha ha , can you imagine? I bet it would end up o the floor . Good luck cleaning it up !

        1. Asp Emp says:

          Oh, and, …. a pot of creme fraiche in one hand and a dessert spoon in the other – one spoonful at a time being lobbed at the “target”….. it would be one hell of a mess and why are are you saying to me “Good luck cleaning it up?”…… RAOFLAMO

          1. Eternity says:

            Ha ha food fight in the kitchen . Hey good looking what’s cooking.

          2. Asp Emp says:

            Who says it’s in the kitchen? 😉 Tomorrow, I’m cooking my version of chili con carne – hence why I shopped earlier today. It’s out of cherry season. No creme fraiche in my house, either. Ehem.

          3. Eternity says:

            Ha ha good one! Today I cooked a steak and has nobody told me it wasnt cooked right. Had red wine and said cheers to myself!

          4. Asp Emp says:

            LOL

          5. Sweetest Perfection says:

            I love that song!

          6. Sweetest Perfection says:

            If I remember correctly I first heard it in the soundtrack of “Blaze,” starring Paul Newman. A movie about the scandalous love affair of a politician who also fought in Louisiana for the right to vote of black locals. Everything is politics for me today!

          7. Eternity says:

            Sorry SP, what song ?

          8. Sweetest Perfection says:

            “Hey, Goodlokin’” https://youtu.be/buzwKM18vdM

          9. Eternity says:

            SP, thank you for sharing:)

        2. Leigh says:

          Eternity, the song is “Hey, Good Looking” by Hank Williams. There’s a verse that goes, Hey, good looking. Whatcha got cooking? How about cooking something up for me?

          1. Sweetest Perfection says:

            *with me. Which I like better because if a guy used “what about cooking something up for me” as a pick-up line on me I know how he would end up: Ghosted! Hahaha

          2. Leigh says:

            Sweetest Perfection, lol, how sad am I? All these years I thought he was saying “for me”. If a guy had used that line on me, I would have thought it was adorable. I’m shaking my head at myself right now.

          3. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Don’t say that, Eternity! You’re not sad at all! Hey, after all I’m a love devotee, I’ve fallen for more idiotic lines. But it all depends on context. I actually love cooking. Imagine the guy thinks I am a wonderful cook and uses that as a compliment and also as a subliminal message meaning: I’d love to try your “cooking.” That would be cute! Now, if it’s more like a troglodyte screaming: “Wilmaaaaa!!!! Bring your cooking!” Then, nope.

          4. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Oh mamma mia! sorry I said Eternity, but I was responding to you, Leigh. Oops I got confused in the thread.

          5. Leigh says:

            Thank you SP. I was just poking fun of myself at how gullible I can be sometimes. I’ve been in a relationship for 35 years with a narcissist, so I would fall for anything at this point.

  7. Asp Emp says:

    This article was the first comment I made on KTN blog…… took a while to gather my courage to utter my first words on this site. It’s been some journey to say the least!

  8. lickemtomorrow says:

    I love this story about your friend. He is an out and out empath and he wants good things for you. From his perspective they are good things. He doesn’t know that you can’t access them and the same sense of satisfaction in your life that he has in his. And that is because you are a narcissist. He cannot see the hole in your cherry bowl and the need to hoard those cherries so that the fuel remains on tap and can be utilized as necessary. He can be generous with his cherries because giving them away doesn’t cause him to have to confront a void which can never be filled. It doesn’t matter how many cherries you garner, it will never be enough. That seething inner sanctum of fury becomes easier to understand with this analogy.

  9. Witch says:

    Why do some people think having children is a good thing for everyone or that you need to share by having your own biological children?
    There’s other ways of sharing

    1. Sweetest Perfection says:

      Witch, sigh. Common questions: “Do you have kids?” “But, do you want kids?” “What if you regret not having kids and it’s too late?” Depending on my mood, I may answer in a neutral manner: “I love kids, but I’ve never felt the instinct to be a mother,” in a feminist manner: “I don’t consider myself childless, but rather, child free,” in a logical manner: “I worry more about what I would do if I regretted having had kids,” or, if Halloween is approaching, using dark humor (this one goes particularly well with your name in the blog): “Of course I like kids, they are yummy.” If the person is clearly nasty and asking me in order to make me feel bad for “being too selfish,” I send the remorse back at them: “oh, believe me, I love kids. It’s a shame I can’t get pregnant.” I am sure I would be a better mom than many narcissists out there, though, but I don’t need to prove anything to anyone so I’ll pass.

      1. Witch says:

        Haha I love your responses.
        I actually do like kids. I think they are funny and sometimes I prefer being around them than adults.
        I just don’t see why I should be pathologically obsessed with my own genes when there are plenty of other children out there who need help.

        What I would say if I were HG’s friend and I did not know that he was a narc would be, “you’re loaded, have you considered adoption?” and I would say that maybe once and not harp on about it.
        Of course being privy to his narc status I know that would be a bad idea.

        Did HG’s friend consider the alternative? Instead of bringing 4 (for gods sake FOUR!) new mediocre people into an 8 billion human ridden world, he could have had the one or the 2 and adopted 2-3 other children in need especially if he had the privilege to do so?

        1. Sweetest Perfection says:

          I agree with you, Witch. I wanted to adopt an immigrant child out of the many whose parents send over the border to escape their horrible lives. I can’t think of anything more painful than sacrificing your own child because the alternative is worse. They don’t make it easy at all so that you know and adopting in those cases is nearly an impossible battle. I also wanted to “adopt” a refugee family at home, at least for a while while they were getting acclimated and found some stability, but my husband said I was crazy. I, like you, believe that there are people in need of a family to be thinking of perpetuating my own genes. I am not that special for humanity, my genes are not that important.

          1. Witch says:

            I have the same perspective as you.
            I want to foster children in the future. Right now it’s not possible because my place is too small and I need a second bedroom. But I’m hoping I’ll be able to do this by the time I’m 40-45.
            And some parents don’t want the kids back or they aren’t allowed them back so it might lead to adoption. There are people who are closer to their foster parents than their real parents so there can be an informal adoptation.
            There are also plenty of people who do have the means to do this but they don’t, they would prefer their own biological children. I mean that’s up to them but they also need to understand that that’s not revelant to some other people and it’s certainly not relevant when it comes to “sharing.”
            We are all biologically related anyway just distantly

    2. BC30 says:

      Childfree is the way to be!

      I’m in my 30s and getting closer and closer to the time the ship will have sailed!

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