Death

DEATH

 

It is fair to state somewhat euphemistically that death is an inconvenience for everyone. In respect of my kind and me, it causes all manner of problems and issues which are especially irksome. Death generally only affects people in two respects. Their own death and the death of other people. Our responses to those two aspects are far-removed from that of the reactions of ordinary people and especially those of an empathic nature.

First of all, how do we regard the death of someone else. The demise of a stranger causes to response from us unless we realise that in order to maintain the façade that it would be advantageous to say “the right things” and come out with those empty platitudes that people do so often when they read of a tragedy somewhere. When this happens and somebody makes mention of some loss of life, perhaps the drowning of a toddler who was not being properly supervised and fell into a bath or the consequence of an aeroplane crashing, I observe the reactions of the collective with interest. There are the expressions of shock, the declarations of horror and how this is such a terrible event. As I watch and listen I do wonder who the greater charlatans are in this event. Is it me who does not care and cannot care but pretends to do so in order to maintain my precious façade or is it those who claim to care about somebody they never knew and would never have known?

If the death of someone is closer to home, a friend or a family member then my reaction is no different save that it is laced with irritation and indeed often anger at the loss of someone who was a source of fuel for me. If that person forms a supplementary source, then there is irritation at this loss but this person can readily be replaced with a new member rising to form part of my coterie. If the person who has been lost to the hand of the grim reaper is a primary source of fuel, then I am consumed with fury. How could this person treat me in this fashion? I gave them everything and then they leave me in the most complete fashion, with no chance of that sweet, sweet restoration. This departure amounts to a criticism of me, a reminder that even someone as great and powerful as I was unable to prevent the removal of a potent source of fuel. Thus this criticism ignites my fury and I rage at the injustice of their death. Some who witness this might mistake this response for an outburst of grief at the taking of this person. It is not that. It is the explosion of wrath at someone who was so potent to me escaping me and thus denying me my rightful fuel and denying me the opportunity to put in place a replacement. I do not mourn their passing away. I rage at the passing of my fuel source.

Do not expect to see me attend the funerals of those that are regarded as supposedly close to me and where my attendance might otherwise be expected. I will not be there. I know there are those of our kind who revel in the drama and the high emotion that is attached to a funeral and regard it as a honey pot for the acquisition of fuel. There are those of our kind who will hijack the occasion and make it all about them, wailing and shedding those false tears in order to draw well-meant sympathy from the other attendees. There are those of our kind who will create a scene at the funeral, arriving late, arriving drunk, collapsing part way through the service, making a snide remark in a loud stage whisper in order to draw reactions from everyone else that is there. Yes, many of our kind will attend and exhibit their over-acted grief purely to draw attention to themselves and away from the person who is now lying in the cold, hard ground. Our kind will express their huge sense of loss, how the deceased was such a wonderful father, caring mother, beloved uncle or best friend. Such a shameless performance which is carefully choreographed in funereal black to maximise the opportunity to have the spotlight shine on them and thus drink up all the attendant fuel. A disagreement will be provoked with another family member and harsh words exchanged. Over the top blubbing will take place with cries of “Don’t leave me!” as the coffin is lowered. The occasion of death and the attended ceremony provides a wonderful stage to our kind to perform our sick routines to make it all about us, fashioned from the pretence of actually caring. We do not care. We cannot care. We resent the fact that this person has escaped us. We resent the fact that everybody is turning out to pay their respects to the deceased and not training their attention onto us which is where it should belong. Should you ever witness melodrama at a funeral do not mistake it for the exaggerating effects of grief and loss, you are observing one of our kind milking the moment for all it is worth.

That is the response of many of our kind to the loss of a “loved one” or a “close friend” who has passed away after a full life or taken too soon. It is not my response. I have only ever attended one funeral in my life and that was the funeral of my father. I only broke my own protocol to do this as a consequence of the diktat from my mother and also at the behest of my younger brother who begged me to accede to her request so that she would not erupt and undermine the occasion of our father’s death. I duly obliged, just the one, purely in order to satisfy my desires however. I wanted to rein in my mother’s theatrics and watch how she really responded to the death and subsequent committing to another place of my father. You may well have read elsewhere in my works of that particular day. That was the only time that I have attended a funeral and I did it to further my own understanding and in order to loathe in my own private way the way my mother was behaving. That gave me tremendous satisfaction.

Thus, I only broke my protocol of non-attendance once and shall not do so again. Why is it that I will not attend funerals when there is such a prime opportunity to take centre stage and draw greedily on all the available fuel? It is a simple reason enough. I will not attend funerals because I do not wish to be reminded of my own mortality. Like a medieval monarch who stayed away from funerals, even of the preceding monarch and his own wives and offspring, because it would cause others to contemplate the death of the current monarch, something which was treasonable, I too will not attend. I have no desire to contemplate my demise. I do not want to recognise that one day all of this must end for this offends my notion of omnipotence. I do not wish to linger at the edge of the abyss that is life, staring into the nothingness of oblivion. Such is the finality of the mortal end to one’s existence, it engenders and raises the very prospect of that extinction that I fight against each and every day through the acquisition of fuel to maintain my construct and keep myself from being consigned into oblivion. To contemplate a mortal death is to invite the horrifying reality of the extinguishing of who I wish to be and that which I must not let happen.

I do not fear my mortal death for I will have my legacy in place and thus I shall live on through that. No, what I would rather not be reminded of, through the occurrence of the passing of others and the subsequent surrounding ceremony, is that I sometimes teeter on the brink on annihilation. The thought of that fills me with despair, only for myself and therefore I choose not to engage in that which will so forcefully and rudely remind me of it.

I know death embraces all eventually. I am not a foolish man and that is why I have worked to secure my legacy so that I may out stride death.

I care not, save for the loss of my fuel, when its cold hand snuffs out the life of others. Our type does not mourn the death of others. We are unable to do so. We are not equipped to achieve this. Never expect any sincere mourning to ever be evidenced by our kind.

I care not to contemplate what mortal death signifies for me in my ongoing struggle to keep such annihilation at bay.

202 thoughts on “Death

  1. Truthseeker6157 says:

    To the amazing commenters on this thread,

    I was taking a little wander around Youtube this morning and listened to a video about empaths by another ‘celebrated’ narcissist.

    I was surprised to discover that I don’t exist! Which is strange as I could have sworn that was me looking back at me in the mirror as I blow dried my hair earlier.

    This commenter decided in his wisdom that empaths do not exist. Highly Sensitive People exist but even they are the tiniest minority of the population. (Sensitive to sound, light, crowds etc being key indicators.) He went on to say that ‘empaths’ are merely attention seekers, dead set on outdoing others in their victimhood. That really they demonstrate very little empathy in this sense as they are intent on shining the spotlight only on themselves, (not seeking to support or act to help.) He went on to say that he had spent time in empath chat rooms (funny that) and found them to be filled with narcissistic people or narcissists claiming to be empaths. ( There is an element of truth here as HG has pointed out many of these chat rooms are run by Mid Rangers). He believes that ‘empaths’ are worse than narcissists in terms of attention seeking and these chat rooms demonstrated this was the case. Empaths in his view are just normal people wanting to appear special. After all, everyone is an empath as they have empathy, that isn’t special. Apart from the narcissistic group of course, of which he is one. (Grandiosity)

    So empaths do not exist for the most part. The idea almost a joke in academia.

    Well thank you for those pearls of wisdom. Much appreciated. I would challenge aforementioned narcissist YouTube commenter to do his own research for once and perhaps pay a visit to this blog from time to time. To take this thread as an example, I defy anyone to say that we are not supportive of each other. The stories here are heartbreaking, of that there is no doubt, but, these stories are shared in a safe place in order to demonstrate understanding of each other’s situation. They show real support, real healing and a real desire to move past abuse and on to healthy relationships. We are not like the narcissist, we do not showcase our personal stories. We share them because it helps us to reconcile what happened and it helps us heal. It starts by helping us but very soon that moves to sharing to help others.

    I haven’t commented much on this thread. My experiences are different and I didn’t want to interrupt people sharing experiences with others who had gone through similar. I have been reading though and am in awe of the strength of the commenters on this thread and on the blog as a whole.

    So we showcase but don’t act. Is that so? I beg to differ. We support, we heal and we act in order to help others. Practical support has been offered to Connie here through AAF as well as our thoughts and genuine concern. I really hope she comes back here and gets the help she needs, because of all places, this is where she needs to be.

    So thank you for your ill considered opinion Mr YouTube commenter. To coin a phrase from a far superior specialist in your field.

    “Incorrect.”

    1. HG Tudor says:

      The individual needs some fuel, hence the provocative comments about empaths not existing. Evidently someone who cannot spot Mid Range Narcissists in action either, who are the False Empaths. Empaths exist, there is clear evidence to demonstrate that this is the case. Part of the problem is that there are too many Mid Range Narcissists CLAIMING to be empaths who make a show of caring and then a song and dance to gain fuel. Empaths do not go around lambasting, showing off, crying “look at my good works” – they get on with it.

      1. Truthseeker6157 says:

        I think it was because I expected more from this particular commenter. I wanted to see what the fuss was about to be honest. I’ve tried to listen to him in the past, but he meanders so much. I could never pull out points specifically relevant to me or my situation.

        Now my ET is lower, my own situation largely resolved, I was interested to see if my view would be different. His name is banded around a lot. My view hasn’t changed. I took particular exception to this video though. To understand what has happened in terms of ensnarement, you need to understand the narcissist of course, but you also need to understand yourself, your part in it and without judgement from others. I thought this video was destructive in this context.

      2. Empath007 says:

        Well, this comment affirms suspicions I had about an old friend I recently went no contact with. They claimed to be an Empath (very loudly)! However their pattern of idealizing and devaluing with EVERY relationship in their lives just became too prominent. Finally I’d had enough. Now I’m waiting for my Hoover. Which will likely be indirect through another friend. The only mistake I made was telling my other friend I was annoyed at this other person… old habits die hard. Next time i’ll Keep my mouth shut lol.

        As REAL empaths… I think we always need to remind ourselves “ We have the right to remain silent … anything we say or do a narcissits can use against us”

        1. Truthseeker6157 says:

          I think that’s true Empath007 but like you, I can’t say that I don’t find staying quiet frustrating at times too. I’m not too concerned if someone comes at me personally. I deal with that reasonably well as I have a very high flash point. I do find it almost impossible to stay quiet if I see someone else being treated or referenced unfairly though. That’s why I was so frustrated in this case. I ranted here rather than there to get it out ha ha.

          1. Empath007 says:

            Hello TS, no judgment at all towards any of your responses to your situation. I was simply speaking from my own experience that even with all the knowledge I have on narcissist I still went to blab to my other friend about the narc. It’s funny how instinc rules my life. Had I sat and thought about it more I would have realized that’s pointless !

            My joke to myself has always been – I have the right to remain silent – just not the capacity 😂

    2. Renarde says:

      TS

      Name and shame, if you can x

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Unnecessary to do so.

        1. Renarde says:

          Hg

          Of course people should!

      2. Truthseeker6157 says:

        Renarde, These two comments, HG’s and yours are exactly the debate I had with myself.

        In this case, with this individual, I decided I would be wasting my time as there was no way my comment would cause him to amend his view. Similarly his readers would likely fall in line with him, so I wouldn’t change their views either. His is the wrong forum to do that.

        I think overall, if we see misinformation on our internet travels we have to view it a bit like an argument with a narcissist. State our case once, clearly, concisely, back our point up with evidence, then move on. To go further, given that we are passionate about the subject, and likely in the presence of narcissistic readers we risk actually doing more harm than good. I’m not about to do that.

        Like you Ren, I do get frustrated by what I see sometimes, very frustrated. It’s a case of choosing your battles and your platform to bring about change though I think. When you understand something you just want everyone to understand it too, but similarly, people have to be open minded enough to listen. Many aren’t but some will be.

    3. Sweetest Perfection says:

      TS, that’s why I don’t look for information anywhere else. I read a lot of info by other authors and watched videos too but HG’s work is the only one that helped me. It is also not very intelligent to create a channel to help people that have been victims of narcissistic abuse and start by insulting them and telling them they are attention seekers. Highly sensitive people that care for others exist, the evidence is that this blog is full of them.

      1. A Victor says:

        The sense of blame being put on the victims is what I picked up on last night while watching about 5 min of a video that had popped up on my feed after one of HG’s. The person talking was a name I’d seen here wish prompted my curiosity. 5 min was all I could take. I’m so thankful to have found this site first, the cut and dried aspect of HG’s advice is so much more helpful, for me at least. And the people on the blog are wonderful, so supportive and understanding of what each other have been through our are going through. If the person in the other video helps some, great. I just hope he’s not doing more harm than good, it was depressing.

        1. Truthseeker6157 says:

          A Victor,

          Same here. I’m more aware and visiting other sites/ forums of late because some of the videos and links to these commenters are popping up alongside the Ultra Videos. I was reasonably naive as to the content out there but over the last week or so I have made it my business to know what others have to say on the topic of narcissism, empaths too but to a lesser extent.

          The level of information out there is woeful for the most part. Other times information is good but it gets lost in detail and monologue. It becomes too scientific and less applicable. Sometimes it’s just plain nonsense particularly with regard to empaths. It’s really quite concerning and has further driven it home to me just how valuable HG’s information is and how I really do need to make a concerted effort to share it as and when I can. Otherwise, people out there who desperately need this information are subject largely to an internet lottery. HG fortunately is internet savvy, his site does come up quickly when searching narcissism. The issue is, many aren’t searching the word narcissism to begin with because they don’t understand that’s the root cause of their problem. Catch 22.

      2. Truthseeker6157 says:

        Totally agree SP,

        I see the name mentioned in various areas of the internet and I also see criticism of HG and ourselves as empaths. Interestingly, these same people will admit to not having read HG’s work when commenting negatively. They have heard a part interview or have seen reader comments in a blog somewhere. Similar deal with their views on empaths. No real understanding to speak of other than the fantastical, propagated by internet crazies. People should at least have some foundation for their opinion. So I was curious and in that mind set. I have listened to various videos by this commenter now. Heavy going but job done, my opinion is formed. Not a fan, at all.

        1. Sweetest Perfection says:

          People who criticize an author without having read his/her work is not worth my time or attention.

        2. Sweetest Perfection says:

          *are not worth. Sorry I originally meant to say “someone”.

          1. Truthseeker6157 says:

            That’s a really healthy way to look at it SP. The annoying thing is they can still make noise and do damage. They are the typical sniper you see in work or talking about politics. Quite happy to shoot holes in the work or policies of others but completely clueless when it comes to adding any real value or offering any effective solutions themselves.

          2. Sweetest Perfection says:

            They wouldn’t bother to do that if they were leading the topic. They do it out of jealousy so, let them suffer.

          3. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Ha ha, yes that’s true too.

  2. A Victor says:

    Wow, I just read Connie’s story. It is so amazing to see all the supportive responses! You all are a very caring and impressive group!

    Connie, I have been here for three weeks or so, not from a situation as dire as yours by any means, but I know already that this is a place where you can find help, valuable guidance. Please allow these people to help you. Take the advice that HG has, it will help.

    1. Renarde says:

      AV

      But Empathy, does not exist. Apparently.

      1. A Victor says:

        Not true. Unless you’re following someone besides HG. Lol.

  3. Summer says:

    Really appreciate this thread thanks for sharing everyone. Narcsite is amazing. I lost my mojo & its a long time n getting it back. Skipped my aunts funeral today since my husband would b there so i haven’t achieved Zero Impact yet. Just turned 40 (which doesn’t bother me) & coming up on my 20 year wedding anniversary (both things my husband try’s to use) so appreciate being able to come here & digest Mr Tudor’s work & your contributions. Thanks again

    1. Truthseeker6157 says:

      Hey Summer,

      This will sound odd but well done skipping your aunt’s funeral. That can’t have been an easy decision but if he was going to be there, it was the right decision. Two big dates coming up for you too. You are aware of how he will use them against you so you are well prepared, you will handle it just fine.

      Was your mojo under the bed? That’s where I usually find mine, pushed to the back or under the dog. 😜

      1. Summer says:

        TS6157 Lolol! 😜 thank u so much u make me smile 😄

        1. Truthseeker6157 says:

          Haha! Xx

  4. Kristin says:

    SP & K,
    I shutter at both of your stories, unimaginable and such amazing the strength you both had to have at such a young age. Thank you for sharing and I pray that the abuse did not have a life long affect. 🥰

    1. Sweetest Perfection says:

      Thank you Kristin but K is the true survivor here. Mine was accidental, she however had to suffer abuse from family members and that makes my stomach feel a tremendous void. I can’t tolerate any kind of child abuse. I on the other hand am just prompt to accidents. I always touch what I shouldn’t.

      1. Kristin says:

        SP,
        You and me both! I am always covered in scratches and bruises due to my lack of coordination. Have had my share of stitches as well. I just tell myself it is a sign of intelligence 😀. Have a great week!

        1. Sweetest Perfection says:

          It must be! I like that theory, Kristin!

    2. K says:

      Thank you Kristin,
      There is a silver lining in the insanity of it all; I found narcsite and I will try to make a difference/help, one person at a time, until I give up the ghost (tenacity).

      1. Kristin says:

        You are doing just that K!

      2. Leigh says:

        K, reading your story last night broke my heart. I’m just going to say it, even if its not politically correct. I hope your Aunt got what she deserves. We’re not victims, we’re survivors and you are living proof of that. Thank you for sharing. Your story inspires me.

        1. K says:

          Thank you Leigh,
          Hahahahaha…you can say it (I am not always PC); the Bitch can fry in Hell!

          We are survivors and we reach out and touch other people’s lives, hopefully, making a difference for the better. It’s always a pleasure to share with you and the Readers because it makes me realize that I am not alone anymore.

          1. Leigh says:

            You’ve definitely made a difference for me. Even after all you’ve been through, you still have a positive outlook. That’s the key for me. Focus on the silver lining. See the positive. That’s the one thing they will never take from me. I really need to see your post because I was starting to go to a negative space and seeing your post and the depth of your resilience, brought me out of that space. Thank you!

          2. K says:

            My pleasure Leigh!
            Always look for the positive, sometimes, it takes a while to find it but there is usually a silver lining. Whenever you feel yourself going to a negative space, try reading a few threads here and see if that helps. That’s how I pulled through the tough moments.

            “Positivity. Positive outlook. Optimism. The empathic individual which is the target for our kind is blessed with positivity.” – Sins of the Empath: Positivity.

          3. Leigh says:

            K, I don’t think I’ve ever read that blog post. Its on the top of my list now. Thank you again. 🙂

          4. Leigh says:

            K, I can’t believe I’ve never read that article. That is my life to a tee. 35 years with a man that I constantly made excuses for and still do. Definitely an eyeopening article. Thank you! I don’t know how to thank you enough.

          5. K says:

            You are very welcome Leigh,
            No more excuses! I am happy you enjoyed the article.

            Just in case you missed them, there’s also Sins of The Empath: The Listener, Honesty, Truth Seeker and The Seven Sins of the Empath´s Self Doubt.

            Enjoy the reading!

          6. Leigh says:

            No more excuses is right! The more I think about that article, the more I realize I make excuses for everybody, including my parents. I really don’t feel like an Empath but maybe its time I do the Empath & Trait Detector.

          7. HG Tudor says:

            You will find doing so most beneficial.

          8. K says:

            Leigh
            Go for it! Don’t wait another moment. Do the E & TD. Life is short and you deserve to be free.

  5. Summer says:

    We genuinely care for you Connie. Please update us. Mr Tudor has the best narc advice (it works) & we will help cover any cost incured because we value you. Thank you for your honesty as well. One way or another things change. Please stay here with us. Hugs to u!

  6. Truthseeker6157 says:

    K,

    I read your comment. I’m so sorry you endured such horrific treatment at the hands of a family member. No child should have to go through that, or adult for that matter.

    I’m glad you managed to hold on to yourself. True strength. X

    1. K says:

      Thank you Truthseeker6157,
      No one should have to suffer NPD abuse, especially children. Hahahaha…I am defiant and determined to make a difference for the better.

      1. Truthseeker6157 says:

        Totally right K, that’s how we heal and that’s ultimately how we beat them.

  7. FoolMe1Time says:

    Connie,
    I know it doesn’t seem so at the moment but everything will be ok! Please listen to HG, he can get you through this and on the road to peace of mind and freedom. You took the time to comment on the blog, that was your first step, please follow through and listen to HG. There are many here that will help answer questions and support you through all of this. Please take care of yourself!

    1. lickemtomorrow says:

      Taking the time to comment is a huge step on the road to getting the help that you need. And one of the most difficult at times. I’m glad, Connie, you were able to do that and hope you are also able to follow up on getting support. FM1T is right when she says there are many here who can help and want to as well <3

  8. connie Nelson says:

    I am so lost so the narcissist is in a hospital emergency room and not a single doctor has talked to me about it. If I had a place to go I would be gone I would rather be homeless than deal with this bs. He has deleted everything on both of phones this phone is supposed to be a game phone. He took my debit card and the keys to the truck I own. His boss won’t let me touch the semi to get belongings I have been subjected to so much bs in just 4 days I was holding my gun ready to end it all until my son called me to check on me.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Connie, a gun is not the answer. You have arrived here, this is where you will get all the answers and achieve freedom.

      1. Establish a temporary place to stay.
      2. Involve the police to collect your belongings whilst the narcissist is in hospital, the boss will back down when the police attend to allow you to collect your property.
      3. Implement a no contact regime with regard to the narcissist.
      4. Organise a consultation with me, apply to the AAF if need be.

      1. lickemtomorrow says:

        Please let me know if Connie needs help re:her consult, HG.

        Connie, please stay safe and I urge you to follow up on HGs advice. Maybe a call to a women’s refuge/domestic violence hotline will create options for you in terms of finding temporary accommodation as suggested by HG.

        1. Sweetest Perfection says:

          HG, let us know. I wanna help Connie get out of this situation safely. I will help with her consultation too.

          1. HG Tudor says:

            Most kind of you SP.

          2. Sweetest Perfection says:

            I just want Connie to ask for help. Connie, ask for Angel Assistance, please. And follow HG’s recommendations!

          3. Renarde says:

            SP

            Lovely x

          4. fox says:

            I have also put into the fund to help. Connie, you are in the right place and I really hope you will consult with HG so he can help you through the situation you are in.

        2. Renarde says:

          LEM

          Generous as always lovely.

          1. lickemtomorrow says:

            Thanks, Renarde. The urgency of this situation prompted me along with HGs response. I’m hoping Connie is able to follow through to get the help she needs x

          2. Renarde says:

            LEM

            You did the right thing x

      2. Leigh says:

        I see no response from Connie. Do you know if she is safe? I hope she is safe.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I have no information.

          1. lickemtomorrow says:

            Unfortunately it will be up to Connie to reach out again for the help she needs. She has reached out once, so my hope is she will reach out again. She may have accessed other resources in the interim with regard to the urgency of her situation and need for immediate accommodation. I’m also hoping her son may have intervened at some level to come to the rescue and get her out of there. And that she will circle back around to get the help HG is offering. If/when she does return, she will see how concerned we are for her and that help is very close at hand. She needn’t despair <3 Thinking of you Connie x

        2. Eternity says:

          OMG, I have a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach regarding Connie, I hope that she read our comments regarding helping her with her consult ,but I dont think she did. I pray shes ok !

          1. Leigh says:

            I have that same bad feeling, especially since she hasn’t responded at all. I hope she’s safe.

        3. Kristin says:

          Leigh,
          You sound like me! The ED is something you will not regret and it will help you see yourself in a whole new light 🙂

    2. Bubbles 🍾 says:

      Dear connie Nelson,
      Your story broke my heart into a million pieces
      No one and I mean no one is worth it …..ever ever
      Your son deserves you to be in his life
      We are all here for you Connie
      There is help available and there is always a way …..can your son help you ?
      I know what it’s like to go without and have nothing
      Please don’t give up on life, I was there once, I never knew I would end up having a husband and three kids down the track, I wouldn’t give up on life for quids
      If you end it, the narc wins ……please please don’t
      You are better than you think you are, you just don’t know it yet
      Please let everyone here help you
      Do it for your precious son and most importantly do it for you
      Luv Bubbles xx 😘

    3. Asp Emp says:

      Hi Connie, I really hope you get sorted soon. Hope it goes well for you & your son. HG’s right. Take care 🙂

    4. Kristin says:

      Connie,
      I am so sorry, you are safe here, HG is correct and the best one to help you. Your son obviously loves and needs you. Nobody deserves what you have been through, please continue to post so that you can get the support and advice to escape and contact HG is you are able. 💜

    5. Eternity says:

      Connie , please that is not the way to end it ! Listen to everything HG just said. It seems hard right now but just do it . Your life is precious, think about your son .he needs and loves you . This man is not worth but your life is .

      1. lickemtomorrow says:

        Absolutely right, Eternity. I hope Connie sees the support being offered by everyone here and realizes how precious she is, especially to her son x

        1. Eternity says:

          I hope so too. I was thinking about her yesterday and I hope she sees it as well. We are all here for her and understands what she is going through .She needs to do it for herself and her son.

    6. Renarde says:

      Connie

      Could not read and run on this, I have attempted suicide. Three times. I know what you are going through. I was in so much emotional pain, I simply could not deal with it.

      I am better now but you remain at risk. Is there a US equivalent of The Samaritans? Trust me, they help.

      The second thing is to create a list of friends who you trust absolutely, who do not judge (suicide is triggering for some people, not me though) and the minute the thoughts enter your head, you ring one. That can be enp8gh to stop the ideation.

      Thank God your son rang you in time. Funny how the Universe works, eh?

      Hgs advice is sound. You do need a consult.

      In addition, I’m always free on here to talk about any subject.

      1. lickemtomorrow says:

        Not always easy thoughts or experiences to share, Renarde, and I’m glad that you were able to get through those moments. Also that someone was there to help you when you were in need. As FM1T said, one of the biggest parts is just reaching out for it and since Connie has done that here and HG has offered a number of options to assist, I’m really hoping and praying she is able to take hold of the help being offered. So glad you have people at the other end of the phone, Renarde, and there are organizations that exist to help with some aspects of the journey out of these dire situations. You are living proof it can be done x

        1. Renarde says:

          LEM

          Like I’ve said, you are generous to offer that to her and you are always generous and fair with comments x

          Isn’t it though? The hardest step, reaching out?

          Many times I asked my father for help. Only to be refused, then a
          accepted, then refused then finally after he had his jollies, help.

          Then when you need help as adult you are utterly terrified of asking for it in case someone says, ‘No’. And then you are back, once again. Dealing with the trauma of your present situation and the past. Layers on layers of trauma.

          This is what adult abusers rely upon. Although, they do not know it. They cannot. They sense it though.

          Ive been having some of my thinky thoughts on the last couple of days.

          We are all aware of the three, empathic strands. The very definition of the Cluster Bs, the NPDs is they do not hold Affective. The second. Most hold cog but maybe some hold the third. Contagion. Or rather, just like in Empaths, it can be either over-devloped or under-devlopled. Point is; it’s still there.

          The larger point must be, is Connie safe? Because she could be anyone of us, pushed to the brink.

          I hope she is safe and she’s in my thoughts.

          1. lickemtomorrow says:

            Thank you, Renarde <3

            The dynamic you speak of with your father is a distressing one and discourages us from asking for help. My mother would offer it, I would try to be assured of it, and then she would throw it back in my face with a backstabbing comment designed to wound and belittle me. She knew at times she held the aces and also wanted me to beg for them which often I refused to do. But, there was so much shame attached to asking for help. She despised weakness and that came through loud and clear.

            Taking a leaf from our narcissistic parent's book would mean denying ourselves.

            I'm glad you were able to overcome that. And it does come back to haunt you on those occasions when you want or need to seek help, but have been made to feel despicable for it. I was very glad to hear your 'thinky thoughts' on that x

            Connie could be any one of us pushed to the brink, and my hope is the same as yours, Renarde.

          2. Renarde says:

            LEM

            Horrible what us ACONs have to ho through! Your mother sounds vile! I often think there is a different kind of cruelty presented in females.

            Anyway, I’m in a good mood, so lets laugh at my father. Here are just the edited highlights of some of the incredible things he’s come out with.

            ‘I’m the most empathic person I know’
            ‘H and I were best friends’ (he abused my Grandad, spoken at his funeral)
            I can lecture in thermodynamics at Undergrad level (No he cannot)
            I’m not arrogant! (I rolled my eyes there)
            I’m ruggedly handsome (looks like death warmed up)

            Dealing with father now is intresting. I have to do certain things or he becomes unmanageable. I MUST talk about his health. And quickly too. You know me, I needle him because well just because really. I dont provoke him as I did in my youth, I now see how far I can go.

            I did this with great effect the other day. I especially love it when he ‘chunters down’ when I defeat him with logic. But before he gets too downcast, I switch the topic to his health, his hobbies and off he goes again.

            I do hope NS will enjoy this next bit.

            I was round at theirs and took over from my pretty much disabled mum and started serving their tea.

            They are waiting at the table and hes chuntering on whilst I’m draining the potatoes.

            I do not say this angrily, I’m merely wondering if I can get away with it.

            ‘For HEAVENS sake man, can you stop being a cunt for 5 seconds!!!???’

            ‘Ren!!!’, Mum said.

            I have to turn my back, I’m laughing so hard. Complete. Silence. I serve tea.

            Saying that, he does come out with intresting things at times. We started talking about Nixon. (I know something EXTREMELY interesting about him!).

            ‘Do you know, Nicon and the potato (this is the codes to the weapon) were never allowed on the sane flight?’

            ‘Oh that’s intresting! That must have wounded him’

            ‘I dont care’

            ‘I said, that must have wounded him’

            ‘I said I. Dont. Care’

            He now gets my stare.

            ‘I didnt state that I cared. I said it would have wounded him’.

            I think this perfectly illustrates not only the mindset of the narc but the UMRN. He’s utterly incapable in a one on one of seeing an external perspective. Hence his often ludicrous statements.

            I have to be very careful dealing with him because hes a sly and cunning bugger who is completely capable of making outrageous lies up about me. Especially concerning my children.

            Moreover, since I stepped into my full awareness, I can sense that he perceives me differently but he can’t quite see what it is.

            He never asks after my health. Ever. When he is reminded of this, he then asks.

            Like a clockwork toy and a cliff edge. I enjoy gently winding him up letting him off and before he falls of yank him back and give him a big old false, empathic hug. Before setting him gently down and repeating.

            I am doing this for a reason. I’m trying work out the edge.

            But by God, hes funny!

          3. HG Tudor says:

            Riddled with emotional thinking. You know you are dealing with a narcissist and continue to engage. You are not defeating him with logic, it is inapplicable in his world as I have repeatedly explained. You are giving him fuel, you continue to get frustrated, angry, upset and annoyed by his behaviour (adverse consequences) and you are increasing your emotional thinking. He is winning, you are not.

          4. Renarde says:

            Hg

            I’m sorry. Did you miss the memo when I went into full NC? Based on the back of his and my mothers behaviours and how I’m grieving not just for the loss of them, the people who I wished for them to be but my children also? Who they also control?

            Anyways, be sure to let me see how you respond. Of course, you won’t. And how do you put it, ‘no snake with tits’ can ever speak the truth? Or am I putting words into your mouth? Not that you need them. You’ve pretty much got the OED rammed full in there!

          5. HG Tudor says:

            You are not in full no contact.

            I provided you with a clear and accurate explanation to assist you. The content and nature of your response is duly noted.

            You also have my response despite your passive aggressive comment.

          6. Renarde says:

            Hg

            Sir, I beg to differ. I am now in COMPLETE no contact. I have placed measures in place. How do you percieve you know different?

            I know what I’m doing. I always know what I’m doing.

            Hg, whether you have provided me with clear and expert advice is not in dispute. The point is your own blind spot here.

            I’m grieving.

            Just that. If walk away I lose everything. I have to gamble my own sanity against what my parents are doing to me with my kids.

            Do not attempt to run the MRN argument against me when I’ve not only lost my parents but my children. Perhaps for all time time.

            Jesus, have ever thought of defecting? The Kremlin would love you!

            I’ll even put in a good word.

          7. HG Tudor says:

            You are not. You repeatedly enter Arenas Four and Five.

            You think you know what you are doing, your ET is very high. That is evident, understandable and unarguable given the recent interactions you have had. That is not a criticism, it is the position you are in.

            “Just that. If walk away I lose everything. I have to gamble my own sanity against what my parents are doing to me with my kids.” – Do you mean “you have walked away” rather than “if I walk away”, presumably you have walked away if you have implemented not interacting directly with your parents. If so, that does not mean you lose everything.

            “Do not attempt to run the MRN argument against me when I’ve not only lost my parents but my children. Perhaps for all time time.” – I do not understand what this means.

            “Jesus, have ever thought of defecting? The Kremlin would love you!” I do not understand what this means.

          8. Renarde says:

            Hg

            My ET is so SKY HIGH it’s in geo synchronous orbit!

            You are making completely, unfounded statements. I am not in 4 or 5. Or 1, 2 or 3. Can’t do nowt about 6.

            My so called parents can attempt a proxy through my brother. That is all. You do me a monumental discredit.

            Fundamentally tonight, after everything, you are just being unkind.

          9. HG Tudor says:

            1. I am not making unfounded statements, I operate through logic, free of emotional thinking. You, by your own admission, are not doing so. You are in Arenas 4 and 5.
            2. There is no Arena 6, which suggests you need to revisit what the arenas are (which will in turn cause you to realise you are in Arenas 4 and 5).
            3. I am not being unkind at all.

          10. Asp Emp says:

            Hi Renarde, I understand where you are coming from and what you are trying to achieve. What are your parents doing with your kids that worry you so much? How about a consult with HG and talk with him about it in more detail? Thinking of you x

          11. Bubbles 🍾 says:

            Dearest Renarde and lickemtomorrow,
            The mindset is a very delicate one for sure
            I was on my own and there was no one I could talk to growing up, my brother took off and I never knew where he was, we ended up estranged (although we do send Xmas cards now)
            My mother also despises (with a passion) weakness and addictions ….. absolute zero tolerance, that includes our youngest, she’s only met him once
            I spent my younger days sifting through all the self help books I could muster because I thought I was the problem
            Constantly walked on egg shells with my mum, I could never approach her for advice or help
            I was basically living one day at a time, not knowing what my future held with no family ……I felt like an orphan

            I hope those reading here, extend their hand, there’s nothing to be ashamed of and I hope Connie is still reading and reconnects …….support and help awaits Connie!

            We are the survivors
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          12. Renarde says:

            Very well said, Madame.

            Just reach out because WE are here x

          13. lickemtomorrow says:

            Bubbles, you must have felt very abandoned in the circumstances 🙁 It’s incredibly difficult when you feel you have no one to rely on and I can relate to the self help books x I remember reading books as a teenager trying to work out who I was supposed to be and what I was supposed to do. I felt lost in so many ways. No one seemed to be there for me and at the same time I was trying to be there for others. The sense of abandonment is felt deeply. But it can be overcome. And there is no doubt we are survivors x

          14. Renarde says:

            LEM

            My lovely, you’ve fallen onto the #1 classic trap. We are NEVER abandoned. Ever. Our fuel is far too precious to be wasted.

            My father used to run the AST on bro and I regularly. He always came back. Always. Mum would always forgive without any understanding of how it was devastating her children. Well why could she? Narc.

            One of the marks of Empath is how they absorb the Arts. In various means, ways and forms. Self-expression. This can go in tandem with self-harming. I am certainly guilty of that.

            We are survivours. All I personally want to do is help as many people as I can. Oh and have copious amounts of sex and pull down as many of the unaware narcs as I can. Plus dancing.

            Obviously x

          15. HG Tudor says:

            Emotional thinking.

          16. Renarde says:

            True.

          17. HG Tudor says:

            I know, that is why I wrote it.

          18. Renarde says:

            Hg

            OK, that made me laugh!

          19. Bubbles 🍾 says:

            Dearest lickemtomorrow,
            Yes. I had huge underlying abandonment issues, yet I hid it all throughout my life and pretended I was fine until my mother came into my life after 21 years at the same time being devalued by the weasel ……..then it suddenly hit me !

            All I know is, I wasted a lot of money on my self help books! Haha
            I literally did the same as you ….be there for others

            Yet, here we both are, reading the same pages, but this time with explanations and endings 💕
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          20. lickemtomorrow says:

            Renarde, your ET is running very high and I’m saying this going by the current situation and your subsequent interaction with HG. We are all on your side. And I feel you are fighting invisible foes. The whole experience is very traumatic for you.

            I don’t understand how the element of no contact involves your children. As in having to go no contact with them. But, I do understand the complications. Children can be a conduit the grandparent uses to get to the parent. Maybe this is part of the issue and if so a consult might help with that. I know you are hurting. Please get the support you need x

          21. Violetta says:

            Renarde, I’m going to put this as delicately as possible.

            PLEASE do a fucking consult.

            Your emotional thinking is hurling Molotov cocktails in every direction. HG can read the signs, but I can FEEL them, because I’ve BEEN there. The ideal–which I don’t pretend to have reached–is not to give a flying fornication about past narcs, good or bad. Whether you wish them well, wish them ill, or laugh at them, you’re still engaged. You don’t have to talk to them for that to happen. I googled two narcy bitches I haven’t seen in years just to see if life had punished them yet, and almost immediately regretted doing so. Took me several days to calm down.

            I admit it can be a lot harder to do with bio family than with work narcs or even narc exes, but if we can’t always control our emotions, we can control our actions. I need to stop feeding my addiction by looking up these people, and I’m also not going to do what a priest recommended (and I tried for a while), which is praying for them by name, because that’s just another way of feeding the addiction.

            Whatever you’ve been doing, try a consult instead. If talking to HG has helped in the past, why not do it again?

          22. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Hey Renarde xx

            Tonight was bound to be gut wrenching. I get it.

            To clarify, for HG. Up until last night you were not in no contact. Post a final explosive argument with your mother, you decided that was it and from today you would start full No Contact with your mother and your father.

            This morning you received the first malign hoover from your mother and were anticipating hoover by proxy from your brother.

            You are now in No Contact and understandably heartbroken.

            You admit your ET has shot up this evening. Again totally understandable.

            This is where we are.

            Renarde, bloody ET, pain in the ass. Last time HG called me out on mine I was sure it was low. Positive it was low and honestly I felt embarrassed and really angry actually. HG isn’t being mean, it just feels like he is. He is highlighting your ET to warn you because we just don’t see it ourselves. He is always right. The emotion I can feel reading you, he can’t, so, he’s clear and we aren’t. His strength, not ours.

            Im so glad you started No Contact today. Not an easy decision but you took it. The right decision, and such a brave one Ren.
            Now you are grieving and rightly so. I’d really like to give you a hug or hold up something for you to hit to make you feel better 😉

            Stay NC and wait for your ET to fall. You’ll feel much better in a few days. HG will come up with the best plan in the history of plans. Your parents won’t get their hooks into the children because they will be out manipulated by HG and cut out by you.

            It will be ok Renarde.

            We’re all here for you lovely x

          23. JB says:

            Renarde,

            Just reading the thread on here between you and HG. I don’t know what happened between your kids and your parents and what prompted you to finally say enough, no contact where your parents are concerned, but it’s clear how angry and hurt you are feeling. I have been feeling similar anger (rage like) recently too, as the injustice of things has hit me. I don’t know what the answer is, but, little consolation that it is, you aren’t alone and we are here for you x

    7. JB says:

      Connie, I am so, so, sorry you are feeling lost. But please, please, put away those thoughts of taking your life. You are worth so much more than you think, and your son needs you. Please take HG’s advice as to what to do next, and know that we are all here for you. You aren’t alone, please stay safe and keep strong x

    8. Truthseeker6157 says:

      Hi Connie.

      The narcissist being in hospital is an opportunity for you to escape and get a head start. You owe no loyalty to this man no matter how sick he claims to be.

      One step at a time Connie. Follow the steps in the order set out in HG’s post. His advice is the right advice. Let him help.

      Keep in touch when you can please and let us know how you get on. You can do this Connie. Don’t let him win.

    9. December Infinity says:

      For Connie and everyone else on here, I had to get out of a relationship with a narcissist during the month of March when things went into lockdown because of the pandemic. It was not easy but needed to be done. Domestic violence is on the rise during this time so it is imperative to get yourself out safely and quickly as possible. Depending on where you there are domestic abuse hotlines you can call for assistance/support and counseling. Many towns/cities have community resources available to help people (including access to shelters, moving assistance, obtaining furniture, funds for food, and so on). There are shelters available. If you aren’t comfortable going to a shelter then please find a friend or a family member you can stay with. You will need to involve the police in this matter to get your belongings as HG has mentioned. For additional support there are also distress lines and mental health hotlines to consult in the off times when the municipal agencies aren’t open. Certain police departments also offer off-hour email and/or text message support. I know all of this because I have accessed many of these resources over the past few months. All of this, plus coming on here to consult articles and purchase books to read have been an enormous help for me in understanding what I had been dealing with. I had no idea until I was told by a counselor.

      1. lickemtomorrow says:

        So glad you accessed the supports on offer, DI, including here. It can take multiple resources, but your story shows it can be done and congratulations on making the headway you have. That can’t have been easy and it’s great you are here and able to share your story. Thank you for doing that.

        1. December Infinity says:

          Thank you lickemtomorrow. It took many phone calls and emails to get assistance including police involvement during the first two months. I accessed every resource I could on my own without the assistance of friends or family due to the lockdown. I wanted people to know that there are resources available. I know that going through something like this during a pandemic makes it more challenging.

          1. lickemtomorrow says:

            Hi DI, it’s important for people to know what you have shared, especially during a crisis. And even worse, a crisis in the midst of a pandemic. The times are more challenging and the fact you were able to do it with minimal support might give someone else the encouragement they need to get out and stay out. I hope so.

    10. Sweetest Perfection says:

      Connie, where are you? We are thinking of you, please let us know! Love ❤️

  9. Verity B says:

    HG, I enjoyed your recent  educational articles on death re the lesser narcs. Where can I find your works where  you write about your father’s funeral?
    I attended a funeral last year of an elderly man who’s second wife was a upper mid range narc. She‘d been married to him for over 19 years and  gave an Oscar performance of the  snivelling distraught widow.  The  man’s son and three daughters from his first marriage delivered the eulogy   along with a power point display. The PP featured a horde of photos of their dad  as well as their mum  and family. Only at the very end was there a brief  mention of the narc with one photo of their  dad and the narc together.
    HG would the narc -: 
    1. view this eulogy as a criticism?
    2.  be wounded because she barely rated a mention?
    3. be oblivious  to  being sidelined because she was busy with her pity play  and  consumed with anger that  the husband had escaped her?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you Verity. I do not write specifically about the funeral.

      Turning to your other questions :-

      1. Yes.
      2. Yes.
      3. Unlikely, she would be wounded.

  10. DrHouse says:

    When you cry, why is it?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I do not cry.

      1. Chihuahuamum says:

        Except with onions 😆

        1. HG Tudor says:

          That’s what an IPPS is for.

          1. Eternity says:

            Oh come on HG, you can always wear sunglasses when cutting them.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Ha ha, indeed, but who wants onion fingers?

          3. Asp Emp says:

            Agreed. Can always spice it up with chili intead

          4. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Asp Emp, then remember to not have sex afterwards! Speaking for a friend.

          5. Asp Emp says:

            Why not?! Always a first time for everything 😉 LOLOL

          6. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Ok, good luck! I just warned you!

          7. Asp Emp says:

            LOLOL. (leaves the house to buy some chilis) LOL

          8. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Asp Emp, I grow all kinds of chili peppers: jalapeño, poblano, anaheim, habanero, and even ghost peppers (don’t recommend the latter). My favorite one is habanero. I wish I could send you some to experiment with! Haha

          9. Asp Emp says:

            Wow. I’d love to be able to grow that much choice of them. I don’t mind being ghosted LOL.

          10. Sweetest Perfection says:

            I also have Carolina Reapers. I keep them as a potential weapon of narc destruction.

          11. Asp Emp says:

            Ah, destruction is the wrong word – detection, yes, prevention, yes. Well, SP, thank you for the ‘heated’ discussion, it was pretty ‘hot stuff’ LOL.

          12. Sweetest Perfection says:

            I know but then the pun was lost. I can’t say weapons of mass detection haha thanks for the hot topic, Asp Emp!

          13. Eternity says:

            Ha ha , true but you cant cook without onions. Plus isnt there a saying. A way to a man’s heart is through his stomach

          14. HG Tudor says:

            Only if he has a heart.

          15. Sweetest Perfection says:

            But you do have a stomach. Unlike Melania.

          16. Eternity says:

            Oh yeah , I forgot HG! But you still have a stomach and need someone to make a you a decent meal right?
            So there you go .

          17. Eternity says:

            HG, ha ha I forgot you would much more prefer lady fingers than onion fingers .

          18. Renarde says:

            Hg

            Man, thats harsh!

      2. lickemtomorrow says:

        That always make me want to cry.

      3. Eternity says:

        Not even if you stub your toe?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Ha ha, not even if I tread on an upturned plug or a Lego brick with bare feet.

          1. Eternity says:

            Wow HG. You are made out of steel. Are you perhaps Ironman or should I say Superman.

          2. JB says:

            Not even on a Lego brick with bare feet? Wow, I am now officially in awe of you, HG, that’s double hard!

          3. HG Tudor says:

            Fucking A it is.

          4. Truthseeker6157 says:

            It’s definitely the Lego brick that sets you apart I think.

          5. K says:

            When I was 5, my Aunt used her cigarette to burn my hand and I didn’t cry at all. I tried to pull my hand away, but she held on and burned me a second time and I still wouldn’t cry so she let me go.

            When I was 11, I got hit by a car (they took off) and I didn’t cry or tell anyone, I just walked home like nothing happened.

            I am tough empath!

          6. Sweetest Perfection says:

            K, that is horrific! Your aunt is a monster!! I am very sorry you were abused like that. I don’t cry due to physical pain either. When I was 5 I got electrocuted and my mom found me nearly dead on the floor. I didn’t cry one bit, and I got pretty bad burns. I cry with injustice and with other people’s pain. And very often, out of sublime experiences with music, poetry, art. But those are tears of joy and aesthetic pleasure.

          7. Asp Emp says:

            Bloody hell, that is some tough s**t to deal with. Good to see you bearing up after those experiences.

          8. njfilly says:

            You should always return any remaining lego bricks to the box after building your castle. That’s what I always do. Unless they are Shield Maiden’s legos.

          9. K says:

            Thank you Sweetest Perfection!
            My Aunt was beastly; they all were.

            Welcome to the Tough Empath Club! Getting electrocuted and badly burned, at the age of 5, is pretty serious.

            I cry at injustices (A Time to Kill by John Grisham, Roots by Alex Haley) and other people’s pain, too, and beautiful music, art, nature (the stars) or literature can bring tears to my eyes. Kind acts can make me cry, as well.

            Last night on ABC World News Tonight With David Muir, I cried when they aired the story about Gordon Wayne, a homeless teenager, who walked from Virginia to Boston College to raise money for the homeless.

            He got a full scholarship to his dream school, BC.

            “Now on campus, Wayne said that he’s finally home”

          10. Sweetest Perfection says:

            K, I remember vividly the feeling of electrocution. It hurts in a very strange way. I’m still waiting for my superpowers to show up!! Those stories of personal success after hardship are the best, they make me cry like a baby out of happiness.

          11. K says:

            Sweetest Perfection
            hahahahaha….when your superpowers show up, please share them with us!

            Those stories are bittersweet. I cried because he was homeless (he probably had Lessers as parents) and because he found his home at BC.

            I wish him the best that life has to offer.

          12. K says:

            WhoCares
            I think is was instinct; don’t cry, hide, disappear, survive.

            Hahahahaha…thank you! I have a soft side but I hide it; children see my soft side, however, I can have a stoic/violent side that comes when I am out and about/”On The Street”.

            Also, I recognize people who are non-violent so they don’t get to see that side either and, when I am at the library, I speak Dewey Decimal System and NY Times Best Seller list fluently.

            My behaviour is context driven; it is all instinct.

          13. FoolMe1Time says:

            K,
            I know it was instinct! Don’t cry, don’t tell, hide if you could, disappearing even better. Guess what K? We survived!! 😘💞

          14. Bubbles 🍾 says:

            Dearest Sweetest Perfection,
            I’m so saddened to hear you were electrocuted and nearly died and suffered life threatening burns when you were so little
            I hope your scars are not a negative reminder, but remain a symbol of strength of the person you have become SP

            When you think about it, what we have endured sometimes puts things into perspective and makes us realise we’re a so resilient and we’re tougher than we give ourselves credit for, yet we all still have beautiful hearts
            That in itself, makes us all truly special
            So glad you are still here to tell your story ❤️
            Luv Bubbles Xx 😘

          15. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Thank you, lovely Bubbles. I don’t mind my scars, they have “character.” Plus, it’s not like I look like the Phantom of the Opera! I am definitely resilient -and prompt to accidents-. When I was 17, I went out of the ocean and everyone started to scream around me, I was oblivious. I didn’t notice I had ripped my right leg open with a huge splinter from my surfing board and my whole leg was covered in blood. People immediately thought it was a shark attack! I didn’t even feel any pain! Another good scar full of memories. Scars tell stories, I don’t mind them. 😘

          16. K says:

            FoolMe1Time
            Yes, we did survive. An invisibility cloak (Harry Potter) would have come in handy when we were children!

          17. Bubbles 🍾 says:

            Dearest Sweetest Perfection,
            So glad you didn’t attract a shark with all that loss of blood
            Unfortunately, we were never prepared for the land variety
            It’s the ‘hidden’ scars one doesn’t see
            Thankfully surface scars heal
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          18. Bubbles 🍾 says:

            Dearest K,
            I googled the Navajos and it said they resolved crime punishment with ‘peacemaking’ and ‘talking it out’ with the offenders and their relatives, resulting in keeping strict tabs and usually with an exchange of horses, cows, money or other goods and it worked ……I don’t know if this is still the case

            I’m relieved your aunt can no longer hurt you K

            You did nothing wrong, you didn’t deserve what happened to you, you should never have had had to go through that and it was never your fault

            Leaving your family was the only way to go and extremely brave of you K, that in itself, makes you very special 💕
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          19. Bubbles 🍾 says:

            Dearest K,
            I don’t have a problem with their “unofficial” form of justice to child molesters …..good on em !
            The judges we have here are pithweak
            I understand the judicial system and its intention, however, it’s the sentencing and bail conditions that don’t appear to match the crime in a lot of instances

            I would luv to be a judge for a day ! Narcissistic much…..haha

            We watched Chicago 7, that judge really lost the plot big time !
            I believe in reassessment valuations on job performance, it makes one accountable, complacency comes too easy !

            Pity we can’t do the same with parents haha
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          20. Bubbles 🍾 says:

            Dear A Victor,
            You’ve come to the right place 😉
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          21. Renarde says:

            SP

            Hope you see this.

            Electrocution at 5 plus burns! Wow! True survivour x

          22. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Thanks, Renarde. I got lucky. The current entered one way and left another passing near my heart but didn’t affect it or caused any internal damage. I only got the burns.

          23. Sweetest Perfection says:

            People with kids: baby proof your house, especially electric appliances and cords. My mom didn’t.

          24. Renarde says:

            SP

            I see. And I also see that you understand the danger of it going through your heart. Well done you. Most people do not understand that.

            I’m taking you had an ECG at the time? Worth exploring that, even now, if you havnt.

            What on earth happened?

          25. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Thanks Renarde, my heart is fine. I have had many ECG’s done as a child and as an adult (for anxiety problems). My family was spending their summer vacation in a remote tiny village in Europe, where the current was different than my hometown, so we needed a power converter. I was playing in the patio with a neighbor, we were in an inflatable pool. We went in the house, my neighbor saw the appliance and asked what that was. I said I didn’t know and grabbed the cord to look at it. All I recall is feeling like being shaken and hit by a hundred strokes simultaneously and then feeling really tired. My neighbor got scared and ran away. My mom came to check on us and found me on the floor. Ambulance etc, I don’t remember anything else but the pain of the burns and a lotion. I hated my scars as a child but now I don’t even think of them unless I stop to remember this passage of my life, like now. I also rolled down a third floor in my baby walker because my dad forgot to close the door behind him, got poisoned by a pill I took from my parent’s nightstand thinking it was candy, and was found singing near an open window on the 9th floor of our hotel room. My dad had to move slowly toward me to catch me without startling me. I was a walking accident, Renarde. And my parents were not very experienced either. They did better with my other siblings.

          26. Renarde says:

            SP

            Fucking. Hell. I mean really fucking hell.

            The ‘hundreds strokes simultaneously ‘ is the effect of AC running through you. I’m happy to explain this but its complex. Let me know if you wish that.

            The neighboir running away is bonkers! What a fucking ball-washing coward!

            You felt tired because your body, at that point was in unbelievable flight or flight. The adrenalin was running sky high. When you crash, you feel utter exhaustion. Had something similiar when I totalled my motherbike.

            But let’s examine your family. You had access to pills and you crashed your
            walker down the stairs? How on earth is that even possible? Your parents? Negligent? Much?

            You were ABSOLUTELY NOT a walking accident! Stop that talk missus! Your parents let you down!

            It doesnt take the Brain of Britain to say, all drugs, completely out of the reach of children. Have stair gates on, urm, STAIRS!!

            And the very sad and heartbreaking point is that, yes, they probably were better with your younger siblings. Because they learnt from you.

            I’m so sorry. You deserved far better x

          27. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Haha well the neighbor was 5 years old too, I understand the poor kid got figuratively shocked by seeing me getting shocked literally. I do know my parents were super negligent. My dad is a narc and only cared about hanging out with his friends, partying, drinking. My mom probably was tormented by his behavior and didn’t pay the attention she should have apart from not having any parenting experience. The pill was a regular pain killer, I’m not sure if it was an aspirin or an ibuprofen, but I got an anaphylactic reaction to it. He shouldn’t have left it on the nightstand, though. I, however, am a walking accident with or without parents. I think it’s because I live in fantasy land most of the time and don’t pay attention. Many times I look back and think wtf was I thinking? But I’m here to tell!

          28. Renarde says:

            SP

            But you ARE here! And telling your stories! Your bloody father! Have you done a NDC on him? I would! It really might help.

            You have been through such a lot. I think, it’s time, like I am doing to put that basket down at the wide of the road and move on.

            One of the key things Empaths can do is attract. Some people will be positive, some are negative. Awareness.

            Have you stepped into yours yet? I think you have.

          29. Sweetest Perfection says:

            I don’t want to do it, Ren. I know he’s a narc but the confirmation and the analysis of his school and cadre would break my heart. I already have too much pain inside right now being the first time in my life I’ll be away for Christmas. I can’t tell here everything he has made me and my siblings and mom go through due to his selfishness and his lack of empathy. My sister herself is probably a narc too. I don’t see her often because she lives in another country in Europe and when we finally coincide she doesn’t even hug me, even though I help her financially whenever she needs me.
            But then there’s my mom and my brother and my niece and because of them I can’t go NC.

          30. Renarde says:

            SP

            I don’t know what to say. Its heartbreaking. It is clear, by your post, it’s all very raw and new. Goodness, if I could put myself back to 2016 and I had the choice of a NDC, it would’ve been enough just to know hes a narc.

            I’ve been here since early 2018 and it was only very earlier this year I did two, NDCs pretty much back to back. Neither of which was for my father.

            From that I got the next ‘jolt’ into another stream of ‘awareness’.

            Be very wary of your sister. You know the score. I’d stop giving her money if I was you, she isnt grateful.

            These are only my words but we must trust our instincts as Empaths. They are never wrong. It’s a huge, red flag that she never hugs you despite what you are doing for her.

            I am so sorry you are in pain.

            We are here but beware of that matrix and how easily unaware Empaths and normals are manipulated. But I know you know this.

          31. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Thanks for listening (reading), Renarde. I don’t usually reflect on this much, it is what it is.

          32. K says:

            Sweetest Perfection
            Damn, I am surprised you made it this far! You are like a cat with nine lives.

          33. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Hahaha! True to that, K! I also fainted one night in the bathroom and hit the toilet with my head and broke it. My mom found me unconscious and covered in blood on the floor next to the broken toilet. It was just a tiny cut in my eyebrow, but it looked too spectacular. Playing soccer (football) with some friends I hit the poll of the goal with my head. The following day was picture day at school and I showed up looking like elephant woman. My husband always worries about me when I go for a run listening to music, I don’t blame him! On our first dinner date I set the kitchen on fire while broiling something.

          34. Sweetest Perfection says:

            *pole

          35. njfilly says:

            SweetP:

            All I can say is wow. You have endured a lot.

          36. Bubbles 🍾 says:

            Dearest Sweetest Perfection,
            I’m completely stunned at what happened to you as a child ….. 😱
            When we had our first, I crawled around on all fours looking at all the possible dangers from a baby’s perspective, they’re clever inquisitive little buggars, never turn your back for a second (I also had to safety proof for my mum)
            You are the epitome of one brave survivor
            Big hugs to you Sweetest
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          37. Sweetest Perfection says:

            I never thought about it, always looked at it from the point of view of me being mischievous. I see now my parents were not that careful. They also lost me once. I was able to tell the police that I was the granddaughter of the village’s pharmacist so they took me to my grandma’s. But my parents never did drugs or anything I just think they were not prepared to be parents. If I had children I would be paranoid thinking of possible dangers everywhere. As a child I loved stories of finding secret passages, getting transported to new dimensions, or living in magical worlds. Probably because of my dad’s refusal to act like a father. He took care of us economically but I don’t remember playing with him one single time. Whatever, I refuse psychoanalysis at this moment hahahahaha. One thing is evident: I’m a tough cookie!

          38. Bubbles 🍾 says:

            Dear Sweetest Perfection,
            They lost you as well ???????
            Wow! That sure is some list SP
            Heavens above, they didn’t deserve you at all !
            Some people should never be allowed to have kids or pets
            You’re not just one tough cookie, you’re amazing !!
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          39. Renarde says:

            Bubbles

            SP certainly is.

          40. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Bubbles, Ren, that article where HG tells his childhood memories of being forced to memorize that poem in the snow reminded me of one more thing: My mom attended one play where I had the leading role and had to memorize a huge text. All the other parents were congratulating her at the end for having a child with such a good memory. She said she was super embarrassed the whole performance at how much I was talking. That’s my family, always non-supportive! Hahaha I laugh at it and don’t care much anymore. It hurt me back then but I understand they didn’t receive that love either, especially my dad who was sent to boarding school when he was 6. Don’t say I’m amazing, I’m not. I am just happy to not be like that. There are many commenters here that really had a very horrendous childhood full of physical abuse, mine was full of happy moments with some eventual parental fuckups, that’s all.

        2. Eternity says:

          Sorry I meant ironman

        3. Bubbles 🍾 says:

          Dearest K,
          Sorry my lovely, I’m trying to comprehend and digest this, you’re ” AUNT” used her cigarette to deliberately burn you 😱
          AT 5 YEARS OLD 😱 What the hell ????
          That was pure evil and beyond child abuse

          A hit n run driver, when you were 11 YEARS 😱

          I’m so sorry you endured that K

          I think a lot of we empaths are built tough and immune to a large degree of pain, yet I will easily tear up at a movie or seeing an animal suffer

          Just look at you now, you’re absolutely amazing
          Thank you for sharing that horrendous memory precious one
          Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          1. WhoCares says:

            K,

            “I tried to pull my hand away, but she held on and burned me a second time and I still wouldn’t cry so she let me go.”

            I know you learned, as a child, that crying only elicited further abuse – but, geez K, that’s horrible on the part of your aunt and amazingly stoic on your part.

            These little snippets I learn about those who have endured more overt forms of narcissistic abuse as children always stun me when I see the amazing adult that person evolved into.

            It was nice to hear a little of your softer side as well.

          2. K says:

            Dearest Bubbles,
            They were all pure evil! If a giant chasm opened up and swallowed all the lessers, the world would be a better place for everyone.

            If my memory is correct, my empath sister saw the burns, she was very upset and I remember her putting bandaids (plasters) on the them. My mother didn’t give a shit about me or my siblings, ever.

            Some nice people stopped so I could cross the street and a big white van flew around the car and sideswiped me; the people in the car were horrified. I was a bit shocked by the incident but I just kept walking. Miraculously, I wasn’t physically hurt.

            It’s an empath thing. We are built tough, however, we can easily cry when we witness another’s suffering.

            You are very welcome and thank you! It’s very important that we share our memories so we can validate our experiences, learn from each other and move forward.

            Luv K xoxox

          3. Bubbles 🍾 says:

            Dearest K,
            I agree with you K about the giant chasm……if only
            Just the other day, a ’12 year’ old’ 😱 aboriginal girl killed herself because the justice system released her sexual predator out on bail and she was so fearful he was coming back to rape her again …….the ‘system’ failed the victim, yet again!
            It just mortifies me how humans treat each other …..covid being the lastest example
            If you don’t mind me asking K, “what became of your Aunt and did you ever broach the subject of what she did to you?”

            We’re so regulated on everything we do, yet there’s no regulation or license to have children, makes you wonder doesn’t it ?
            💕
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          4. K says:

            Dearest Bubbles,
            The justice system sucks. My sister, who lives in New Mexico, told me that the Navajo will take matters into their own hands re: pedophiles/child rapists on the rez
            (reservation) and I understand why they would do that.

            There’s a lot of inhumanity in this world and, although I understand it now, it’s still disturbing to see it.

            That Aunt is dead and I never said anything about the incident because my home life was so violent that my main focus was getting away from my family.

            You cannot talk to, reason or argue with violence, ever, just run in the opposite direction.

            Luv K xoxox

          5. K says:

            Dearest Bubbles,
            There is an unofficial form of justice that exists, similar to the type meted out in public housing or prisons towards“Chomos” (child molesters).

            Thank you Bubbles, my home life was miserable and I don’t wish that on any child. The Street was no picnic but it was far better than home and there were aspects of it that weren’t too bad. There was a lot of freedom so I was able to roam all over the place and that was quite enjoyable. It was best to stay out of as many spheres of influence as I could, so I learned to sneak in and out of the house so I wouldn’t be noticed. It’s all about the stealth!
            Luv K xoxox

          6. A Victor says:

            I agree Bubbles, that immunity is why feeling feelings is so hard for me I think. It’s way too dangerous to feel it, much safer to just act on it or to stuff it away. That immunity is how I survived and I’ve spent much of my time as an adult trying to reverse the negative effects so that I can thrive. We are tough but we shouldn’t have had to become so in these horrific ways. Being here and learning about empathy is huge in my process, so, again, I should probably thank the narc that came along, haha, not going to happen!

          7. A Victor says:

            K, your story makes me want to punch your aunt! So sorry this happened to you! Glad you are here now.

          8. K says:

            Thank you A Victor!
            She deserved a good punch in the face. It’s good to be here with you and all the others so we can finally make sense of it all now.

          9. Renarde says:

            It’s not just the Navajo who will ‘take matters into their own hands’.

            I know a community in the UK which would do precisely that.

            Contrary to what people think, this group fiercely protect their children

            I heard this story, relayed by a senior member of the community to me personally.

            A guy and his partner had ‘done a flit’. Leaving rent unpaid.

            When they entered his accommodation, there were letters from the Court there. He was a convicted peadophile. If that community knew that when he was there, I shudder to think what the consequences could have been.

            No matter. His name his known. He wont get very far.

          10. njfilly says:

            K,

            That’s horrible what your aunt did. It sounds like you had a difficult childhood. I’m glad you survived it.

          11. K says:

            Thank you njfilly!
            She was hideous and I made it a point to avoid all the adults in my family as much as possible. My childhood was not good, there was a lot of violence and substance abuse.

          12. Whitney says:

            K, you defeated the Narcissist at only 5 years old. I’m glad she’s off the face of this planet. She deserves nothing else. A non entity. I’m so sorry you were abused like that. I would do anything to change it.

            What a lovely sister you have.

            You are such a remarkable lady.

          13. K says:

            Thank you Whitney!
            She died about 12 years ago and I don’t miss her one bit. It would be nice if we could go back in time and change things, how different it might all be.

            My sister is a very kind and brave person. She would stick up for me and my siblings (challenge fuel) at a substantial risk to herself.

            Thanks again for your kind words Whitney.

  11. lickemtomorrow says:

    “If the person who has been lost to the hand of the grim reaper is a primary source of fuel, then I am consumed with fury.”

    The third paragraph was an eye opener to me and I’m glad to finally see it’s original source, though I’m sure I read it also in one of your books, HG. Perhaps this is an extract? The ignition of fury in the circumstances can be understood if looking at it from a narcissistic perspective, conflating it with an injury resulting in a loss of ever so precious fuel.

    It’s strange, at the same time, to read and try to understand that the loss of an IPPS would only amount to this ‘self centred’ notion of a loss of fuel. I know that is what the narcissism dictates, but it is hard to imagine there would nothing akin to a normal sense of loss and grieving. Just fury at a loss of fuel. I’m not sure how you avoided either of your former IPPSs funerals, but since you say you have only ever attended one which was your father’s, I assume you found a way to avoid them without that affecting your facade. The all important facade could take a major hit in circumstances such as these.

    I didn’t know about the medieval monarchs. That was very interesting to read.

    And words like oblivion and annihilation are very impactful indeed. Apocalyptic almost.

  12. Asp Emp says:

    Death. The Finality. The End. Once we’re dead, it’s gone. But, is it? Nah. I am leaving summat about myself behind in the universe of the internet. Which is actually, in fact, the Black Hole of the universe. Pamela Ewing, are you listening? Yup, you. What are you leaving behind? I’ll be going with a pile of ashes to be scattered somewhere – I’ve too, made plans. But I have left a load of crap in boxes, somewhere. Shit smells good. Sometimes. Depends where it comes from. My friends and remainder of family don’t know. Yet. They will. Eventually. I’m not explaining myself to anybody.

  13. Fieke says:

    I wish someday there will be a tv series like downtown abbey, but more as a downhill, downtown and uptown narc. Where one whole episode is about a narc in the lesser (4), midrange (4) and greater (3) school where we can see it being all acted out! The facade and the furie, the not going to a funeral or wanting to go and taking the spotlight, the smearing and painting black and white. How educational it would be. the cause of narcissism, I am thinking of my cousin who choose my dads funeral ,to introduce his new IPPS, a stunning lingerie model, to be introduced to the whole extended family. So weird. Getting artistically inspired by your work HG!!

    1. Asp Emp says:

      Reading your comment reminded me of the film ‘K-Pax’ (2001) – I thought this film was really odd then years later, I see HG’s article on the actor – explains it all really.

      1. Fieke says:

        Thank you! I will try to look it up!

        1. Asp Emp says:

          It’s worth watching the film and then read HG’s article on the actor. HG’s article on the guy is a shocking read – my jaw was on the floor. (Sorry HG, I cannot recall the title of the article, I know it started with ‘A Very…’).

          1. Fieke says:

            Thank you so much!

          2. Asp Emp says:

            You’re welcome 🙂

          3. Bubbles 🍾 says:

            Dear Asp Emp,
            Thankyou for that, its great when previous links are brought to our attention
            Good ol Kevin, playing his true self ! Haha
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          4. Asp Emp says:

            You’re welcome. Yeah, that’s what I thought – including the ‘disappearing act’ at the end of the film! 😉

          5. Bubbles 🍾 says:

            Dearest Asp Emp,
            It all came out in the end …..as did he 🤣
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          6. Asp Emp says:

            LOL

    2. Renarde says:

      Fieke

      I REALLY like this idea! Brilliant!

      1. Fieke says:

        Yes Renarde, Would be also so much fun!
        We will ask to include the series if HG mauls.
        😂

        1. Renarde says:

          Fieke

          I think this has ‘winner’ all over it!

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