Something Doesn’t Feel Right

 

SOMETHING-DOESN´T-FEEL-RIGHT

“I am left feeling I am not good enough”

“I am always waiting for him to call.”

“She never seems to listen to me.”

“I feel like I always have to respond straight away.”

“I do not feel settled.”

“I always feel like I am being scrutinised.”

“I feel like I am out of my depth.”

“I am always wondering whether he is serious or joking with me, I struggle to tell.”

“I cannot seem to think about anything other than him.”

“She makes me feel left out.”

“It seems like I am always running around after him.”

“I always feels like I have to please them.”

“I feel like I am on trial.”

“I find myself always having to explain myself.”

“It feels more like an obligation than a friendship.”

“I am often left wondering what is happening.”

“I am left feeling unsure of myself.”

“I feel like I am always on call for her.”

“I keep feeling jealous and that makes me feel bad.”

“I am anxious for him to leave her and be with me.”

“If I express an opinion I feel like I am being unfair in doing so.”

“It is great when we are together, but then am left feeling uncertain when we are apart.”

“I am sure he doesn’t mean to make me feel nervous, but I am.”

“I don’t think I am good enough.”

“I don’t want to let her down.”

“Nothing seems to bother him and I am such a worrier. I will put him off.”

“I don’t understand why he still keeps in touch with her, but I don’t feel I can say anything.”

“I am nervous I will mess this up and he is so wonderful.”

“It´s nothing specific, but there´s something that makes me uneasy. It is probably just me.”

Doubtless many of you will find some of the above comments will resonate with you.

You have been created with emotional empathy. This has formed the bedrock for your worldview and your perspective. This accords with a majority perspective and forms the basis for those subjective qualities of what is deemed as “good” and “bad”. Since you operate within the majority perspective it is your perspective of “good” and “bad” which prevails.

When you encounter something which contrasts with this majority perspective, you often do not see it as a clear, shining example. Instead, you have a “feeling” or a “gut instinct”. This is the manifestation of behaviour which clashes with your empathic world view. This is your alarm bell.

There are those of you whose alarm bell does not often ring at all, although you are limited in number. For most of those who are empathic, the alarm bell rings through some kind of feeling encapsulated by many of the phrases detailed above and more besides.

So far, so effective. You have an established worldview formed by your emotional empathy. When you encounter behaviour which contrasts with this empathic worldview, your alarm bell goes off. Where it is one of our kind (and it almost always is one of our kind) which has caused this alarm bell to sound, this is when the problem starts.

Your alarm bell sounds but you attribute it to the wrong cause.

You either think that the cause is an external reason for this alarm bell, such as

  • The individual is tired or exhausted
  • The individual is drunk
  • The individual is suffering from stress
  • The individual is suffering from grief or bereavement
  • The individual is under some kind of pressure
  • The individual suffers from anger management issues
  • The individual is highly strung

There are others besides.

The alternative is that you think the cause is an internal reason, namely your behaviour, such as

  • You are too sensitive
  • You have been hurt before
  • You are too direct
  • You think badly of people too quickly
  • You are too trusting
  • You were not listening
  • You judged too soon
  • You are tired, upset, stressed
  • You were insensitive to the needs of others
  • You were worried

There are others besides.

Accordingly, when your alarm bell rings, you end up attributing the sensation of something feeling wrong to either an external cause to that you are the problem.

This is incorrect.

It is akin to your burglar alarm going off and you think it was a passing cat or that you tripped the sensor yourself. It was the burglar.

Something which offends your worldview, offends the logic of your world. Your logic seeks to warn you by creating a feeling or a sensation (the alarm bell) so that you take action.

Unfortunately, two factors interfere in this warning system.

The first is a lack of understanding about the nature of the individual that is generating the behaviour which causes the alarm. The red flags that signal that it is a narcissist which is engaging in behaviours which are offending your worldview.

The second is the obscuring nature of your emotional thinking which does not want you to pay attention to the alarm´s actual source and instead diverts you to thinking it is the external source (incorrect) or your fault (also incorrect).

Your emotional thinking does not want you abiding by the logic of your world. It does not want you acting on the alarm by identifying the real cause (the narcissist) and then taking the logical step to avoid further harm (further feelings that something is wrong) by removing yourself from the real cause (the narcissist).

Your emotional thinking does not want to do what is best for you. It does not want you to know the actual source of the alarm nor act on that alarm. It wants you looking in the wrong place,e taking the incorrect course of action so that you remain interacting with the narcissist.

Your emotional thinking does not care about your physical health, your emotional contentment, your mental well-being or the state of your bank balance. It is not interested in you engaging with a healthy, normal and well-adjusted individual. That does not matter to your emotional thinking.

For a very unfortunate few of you, there is no inherent alarm system and you need to build one. It is hard work but achievable.

For the vast majority of you, you have the alarm system but it is infected and caused to malfunction by making you look in the wrong place for the problem and not act on the actual problem. Fortunately for you, this faulty alarm system can be corrected although it requires repeated and ongoing maintenance, which is naturally most worthwhile.

There is a valid reason why you feel something is not right. It is your early warning system, but it is not perfect and it is fundamental that you realise this and understand that it is here that you are able to perfect its operation.

Early Warning Detector

 

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8 thoughts on “Something Doesn’t Feel Right

  1. BC30 says:

    I may be overly cautious and a total bitch at this point. Oops.

  2. leelasfuelstinks says:

    I was around 16 I guess when I realized that something is off with PatriNarc. He treated me like his possession not like his child. I realized that this is not how a PARENT should be. I got more and more disgusted and the hatred towards PatriNarc grew. I instinctively felt, that I should get and stay away from him, that he´s not a good “parent” at all.

    Interestingly with the second narc (upper lesser type A somatic) my alarm bells didn´t ring. I think he mirrored me to well so I didn´t see the truck coming which was going to hit me.

    With the third narc (non-intimate) my alarm bells rang LOUDLY! More than ever! With this middle mid range type A mainly cerebral elite I felt an extreme unease. My gut instinct told me that I am in GREAT DANGER! Deep inside I felt extreme aversion and great fear.

  3. Eternity says:

    Always go with your gut instinct.

    1. lickemtomorrow says:

      I would agree, Eternity, and at the same time recognize how often our emotional thinking will sabotage that gut instinct. When we are not expecting or aware of the narcissist they can be so adept at averting those warning signals (to the point they don’t seem to exist). As HG says, we lack understanding around the nature of the individual we are interacting with while our emotional thinking distracts and diverts us.

      Thankfully we are in the right place to have our alarm systems repaired and maintained 🙂

      1. Eternity says:

        Exactly ! Our ET stops everything sometimes even out gut instinct . We do know something is wrong, but we dont look to the logic. We want to ignore it and try to change things over and over !
        Yes you are right we have HG to repair the damage that has been done.

        1. lickemtomorrow says:

          Logic has always been missing in my life. There are times I want to despise it. Because it gets in the way of my dreams. Ignoring it is not a good idea either. Embracing it is still slightly out of my reach. I’m working on it. But whatever about it, awareness is key.

          Thanks for reminding me about the other side to coin of emotional thinking – logic x

          1. Eternity says:

            My ET always take over so much. I worry a lot!
            I need to know the truth ,I need to know why?,I am always looking for answers to questions. I dont think I can change completely, because that is who we are.. Just like the Narcissist cant change who they are . We can try and alter some of our ways and that’s where we should use logic.
            Take care xoxo

  4. Asp Emp says:

    My “alarm system” is working perfectly. My ESP (sometimes in my mind or my instincts) tells me when something is going on. I do not have alerts on my communications system yet can feel when someone sends something. It could be a message from a friend that has a close connection with me or, previously, a narcissist who I had a “bond” with. I could be watching a TV programme or reading a book when such a “coincidence” occurs. Then, there it is. A message. People can denounce it how they like. They can see it how they like. It’s not my imagination. It’s there. My “alarm system”. It works.

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