The Empath’s Riposte Grenades

 

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It is important to emphasise that you should obey the First Golden Rule of Freedom and ensure that once you know, you go. You should implement Get Out, Stay Out and ensure you have a solid no contact regime. These Riposte Grenades are only to be used in the event of ambush when the narcissist appears unexpectedly in a place where you could not have anticipated our appearance or on departure as explained below. The aim even then should be to ignore us but if you are backed into a corner they will prove of use to wound with the aim of forcing the narcissist to retreat by adopting an alternative option from The 3 Assertions of Control.

There are occasions when you have been on the receiving end of one of our conversational narc grenades which has been thrown at you as we then walk away from the ensuing carnage, sucking up the fuel and marvelling at our own brilliance. There will of course been times when you wished that you had something which you could lob at us in order to make some kind of impact, a comment or a gesture which does not take much effort but manages to land a blow on us. The problem is, until such time as you have received the benefit of my mentoring I should imagine that your responses to your particular narcissist have been along these lines:-

Shouting and hurling insults at us as you lose your temper

Crying as you call us as many names as you can think of

Throwing something at us with a yell of frustration

Banging a door shut in annoyance

Telling us what you think about us as you bristle with anger

Of course as avid students you will know that all of these responses and more besides have no impact on us other than to provide us with fuel. You can call me as many insults as you can think of but if you do it as you scream at the top of your voice in anger or with tears spilling down your cheeks, the savage words merely fuel me. Now, for the purpose of extracting more fuel and providing me with something to go and complain about to other people (thus gaining more fuel and smearing you into the bargain) I will provoke you even further. Once you have lost yourself to emotion, we will keep pushing, prodding and provoking in order to make you deliver even more fuel to us. We will feign that we are hurt, we will pretend to be angry in response, we may even mimic being frightened of you. It is all fabricated and is just designed to draw more fuel. Accordingly, you should not respond in this fashion. Instead, when deploying these ripostes, you must do so without showing any emotion. If you do, the intended effect will fail. If you do these without expressing any emotion you will not provide and fuel and the effect will be that we will feel criticised and this will wound us. Be aware that when wounded our fury will be ignited. This may mean we withdraw, we may unleash a cold fury (silent treatment) or a heated fury (insults, violence) and therefore you should proceed with caution. You are best performing these ripostes when you are departing so you are leaving your own empathic riposte grenade behind to explode and wound us. In some instances, departure may not be possible and therefore you need to consider carefully the type of narcissist you are with and their likely reaction to criticism. Caveat out of the way, here are the ten critical ripostes for you to use against your narcissist.

  1. Point and Laugh

Point at us and give a hollow laugh. A slow, hollow laugh which is repeated will provide no emotion. Alternatively, point and just say “HAW ha” in an exaggerated manner, akin to the Simpsons’ character, Nelson Muntz. We will not know why you are laughing and the fact you are pointing at us but giving what is a derisory laugh will feel like a significant criticism to us.

  1. “You are big on emotion, low on substance.”

We like to think we are important and of considerable substance. You are the emotional one, not us, even though of course we are the ones which thrive on your emotional attention. To suggest we are emotional (when of course we have a limited range of emotions) implies that we lack control. To suggest we have no substance (which hints at our need to adopt the characteristics of others and also impugns our importance) adds to the criticism. The Lesser will be wounded by the suggestion of being emotive and unimportant, The Greater, knowing what he is will be wounded by the massive hint at knowing what we are, alongside the suggestion of lacking control and lacking importance. A double whammy.

  1. Feign sleep when we are talking

There is no emotion in closing your eyes and emitting a gentle snoring as you are sat down or lying down and we embark on one of our lengthy monologues. Once we realise you are not paying attention the criticism will wound.

  1. “I have to be elsewhere.”

If this is said without emotion you are telling us that our presence is not magnetic and commanding enough. Make your exit and leave us to our ignited fury at this wounding remark.

  1. “Jim has one only his is better.”

Useful for when we are crowing about some material possession. “Jim” may be somebody known to us both or you may make him up, the key thing is to point out that whatever we have, then “Jim’s” is better. It may be that his is a nicer colour, or his is larger, faster, more spacious, tougher, more durable. Whatever it is it will wound us. You can even keep rolling out the fictional Jim on repeated occasions and it will soon dent our crowing and have us wounded.

  1. “I wasn’t listening; can you repeat what you said please?”

You should always be listening to us. We are important. Any suggestion that you are not amounts to a criticism and if you actually tell us that you were not doing so, then it is even worse.

  1. Fall asleep when we are having sex with you

To impugn our Olympic sexual mastery in this way is a massive criticism. It need not be full sexual intercourse either. If you are touching us, drift off or vice versa. Best used with a Mid-Range as they tend to go off in a wounded sulk rather than erupt in a rage.

  1. “It is just not that interesting to me.”

Any suggestion that we are dull or boring when we are demonstrating something to you or regaling you with our latest tale of brilliance will constitute a wounding criticism.

  1. “Let me know when you have finished.”

This can be applied to so many different activities. We expect you to either be a willing and enthusiastic participant or a delighted spectator. If you make this remark when we are showing off about something and then walk away we will be wounded by this criticism.

  1. “No that does not make sense.”

Remember how frustrated you become at our circular conversations and inability to understand the point you are making? Well, this is your chance to turn the tables. You probably do understand but by suggesting we are not articulating ourselves clearly when delivered without emotion will amount to a criticism. We may try and explain again. If so repeat the comment. You can then walk away as our fury ignites and no doubt we insult you for being stupid and thick but who is the one who has just been wounded?

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26 thoughts on “The Empath’s Riposte Grenades

  1. J says:

    Thankfully I have read this several times in the past. I just endured an explosive ambush hoover at the post office. The poor people masked and socially distanced in line did too. Neighbor narc who I had not noticed in line behind me starts yelling at me as I exited. Scared shitless I just waved my hand hello and said “neighbor”. He continued after me yelling in the lobby and as I left the building. Ugh.
    My mask certainly hid most of my horror. His shouts were ridiculous using logical thinking. But it did scare the shit out of me. The narc is quite large.
    So HG since the narc finally caught up with me after over 2 years of no contact from me and vented for all to hear. Will he simmer down? Or will it get worse.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I do not have enough information to provide you with an accurate response J. There are a variety of outcomes and potential factors impacting on this, therefore I recommend you organise a consultation.

  2. DrHouse says:

    Is shouting in their face a helpful tool? Like their parent did.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No.

    2. leelasfuelstinks says:

      That is only Challenge Fuel.

      1. d says:

        I LOVE THIS HAHAHAHAH, I´M HAVING SO much fun ahahahah However, i think that these techniques do not work for all kind of narcissists cause i´m surrounded by 2 of them and i´ve been trying these with both of them, and what it works with one, it doesn’t work with the other one. Or maybe its just timing.

        1. A Victor says:

          d, thank you for the laughter here, I have not been able to stop laughing every time I think of “point at the narcissist and laugh…HAW ha!”. It’s hilarious to think of actually doing such a thing!! But, right now, I’m needing to laugh as much as possible so it’s good.

  3. Asp Emp says:

    Yay, it’s Grenade time.

    Lobbing a rubber chicken at the narcissist will confuse an MRN and a Lesser would eat it.

    “Accordingly, you should not respond in this fashion”. Ah, blast. How dull. For me, as an empath. I enjoy my supanovas 😉

    Thanks for this, HG.

    No doubt these grenades will come in handy for those who are still ‘entangled’ with narcissists. Pity, I didn’t have them to hand in the past.

    1. Truthseeker6157 says:

      Asp Emp,

      Hahaha, you had to launch the rubber chicken didn’t you?!

      Me too, would have been nice to have an arsenal!

      1. Asp Emp says:

        LOL. Of course! The rubber chicken has it’s uses, the batteries too! 😉

  4. JB says:

    I often fell foul of point 10 without even intending to! Never saw what the big deal was in asking what was meant when it wasn’t clear, but this seemed to cause a massive issue for my narcissists! It’s not like I said ‘Ffs talk sense!’ or something similarly abrupt which could be taken the wrong way and considered some kind of personal criticism); I only ever calmly asked for clarification of what had been meant (often apologising for not having understood in the first place), but the nicer and more polite I was, the nastier the response, it seemed!

    1. Truthseeker6157 says:

      Same here JB. I used point 10 but less polite! Some things the narc said were so blatantly untrue, so utterly illogical, I don’t think I quite believed what I was reading. I knew he wasn’t joking but similarly it was just so utterly illogical. Men are supposed to be logical aren’t they? It just didn’t compute. So in those situations by sheer coincidence he would get emotionless responses, statement of fact, not even questioning.

      ‘ That simply makes no sense at all.’
      ‘You are being completely illogical.’

      Circular or repeated conversations:

      ‘We have talked about that already.’
      ‘Are you asking me to repeat myself?’

      I behaved this way more towards the end. I don’t think I was giving up necessarily. I think I was adapting. Being drawn in got me no where, so I adapted to a ‘close this down’ position.

      It was more what he didn’t say than what he did. This drew more emotion. The half answers, the half insinuation, repeated use of ‘posh’. Although in the end I did say. ‘I have answered posh. Posh has been put to bed. Further use of posh will just be ignored.’ Guess what? He tried, I ignored, that was the end of posh. I see it from his side now. ‘Posh manipulation no longer working. Switch to alternative manipulation.’

      Some things we do instinctively to fight back. They always find an ‘in’ though. Silence was my biggest weakness. Just couldn’t stand the silence.

      1. Caity says:

        “things we do instinctively to fight back”

        Which is exactly what the narc does to fight back when they feel they’re losing control. Instinctive, not planned.

        And I agree, the silence was the worst. After HG explained this manipulation, and after time, it didn’t bother me anymore. I took it as a win, eventually. Because I hadn’t done correctly what an appliance was supposed to do. His punishment became his own, when I refused to react and he attempted the initial Hoover.

        I became the most disagreeable appliance. I ignored him and cut him off. When you know (and after reading HG’s books, I certainly did) you go.

        I did.

        1. Truthseeker6157 says:

          Totally right Caity. One thing is for sure, it’s never going to get any better. It would only ever get worse. I’m glad you got out. X

      2. JB says:

        TS6157, I often didn’t have a clue what he was going on about! He would send me long, rambling messages, none of which made sense, and if I didn’t know what it all meant then somehow that meant we weren’t on the same page, etc. And it was my fault for that being the case! I just didn’t get why he didn’t find it a compliment that I asked for clarification – to me, that shows I am interested in what you have to say, rather than just fobbing you off by playing along and pretending to understand! At best he would acknowledge my question by telling me that he had already addressed that point, and again if I am now asking it means I obviously didn’t listen or care, etc. At worst he would acknowledge the question, make an earnest statement promising to answer, and then wouldn’t. Such mindfuck games. Now I have heard the term word salad, the incoherent rambling makes more sense. Every time he felt under threat he would use word salad, followed by annoyance if I started to ask questions, and then he would go into sudden silent treatment (although bizarrely he would announce that he was going to do this!) But yes, the silence, that killed me. Even when announced, it’s just wrong! It’s funny, it seems that the narcissist is wounded more by questioning without emotion; I always thought in a potential argument situation you should keep calm and emotionless, sort the problem out without getting tied up in feelings, but on reflection I think this was why I was discarded in the end, I annoyed him too much with my constant emotionless questions and not taking things lying down!

        1. Truthseeker6157 says:

          I would defend myself too JB. He would project with ‘liar’ a lot too. Red rag to a bull that one. I am honest, I know I’m honest, to call me a liar when I’m sharing something is hurtful to me. When I read ‘understanding word salad’ another piece clicked into place as far as the illogical conversations went.

          When I think about it, given most conversations between the narc and I were written – I only had to scroll up the page to review the conversations and contradictions – I can’t understand how I held on as long as I did. I remember thinking, ‘This isn’t normal.’ ‘This is unacceptable behaviour’, but still I kept going with it. The answer is ET but still it is shocking when I think back.

          One of his pet hates was ‘lol’. We were writing so I would add ‘lol’ if I was playing around, teasing etc. so that he would know I was playing. He would say , ‘Don’t lol me’ (I understand why now). But I would usually read it as him joking back and laughing. One night he said that, and then an image arrived. I opened it and it was a page filled with the word lol in all different colours. Then another image arrived, blank page, tiny lol in the middle. In all 18 image files arrived one after the other, all a variation of ‘lol’. This was one time where I actually felt scared in a strange kind of way. One after the other after the other after the other. My heart beat faster, it felt so strange. Then, stop. Straight back into the conversation as if the images had never been sent. Warm, sweet, funny.

          How do you deal with that? What trains you for that? How could we ever know how to respond to that? The answer is you can’t. But, never ever disregard anything where you instinctively feel scared. Listen to it, act on it.

          Never anyone warmer, never anyone stranger, but above all, never anyone so utterly addictive. The addiction to narcissists is entirely real. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind about that.

          1. JB says:

            Your 2nd paragraph TS, I am sitting here nodding yes, yes, yes, exactly this!

            Don’t think the person I was involved with liked ‘lol’ either! Mind you, hard to recall as I’m not a fan either, so never used it, ha ha! That was weird though, what he sent you. Must have been so scary. I’m not sure what’s scarier, the fact that he sent that or the jump straight back into regular chat!

            The addiction – absolutely real. You are right, no doubt at all. I have never been addicted to anything in my life, so this feeling of a lack of control from addiction doesn’t sit well with me at all. But hoping no contact will do the trick.

          2. Truthseeker6157 says:

            Hey JB,

            No Contact will do the trick JB. Emotional Thinking is the real issue for us and No Contact does cause this to fall. With it, the ache. So increasing your logic through understanding, staying fully No Contact, fully understanding exactly who you were with, understanding how that person was able to do what he did in terms of your susceptibility through your own character traits, falling ET, and giving yourself time, all heals the wound. The damage sustained by the narcissists to date. I still have my triggers and my ET spikes and these have to be managed. Coming here on those days helps.

            Going forward though, relating to this as an addiction, accepting it and understanding it helps to safeguard against future ensnarement. It isn’t water tight though. The addiction to narcissists and my susceptibility to them is something I view as having to monitor consistently going forward. So for me, it’s not a case of, recovered then done. It’s something I will need to be aware of and monitor throughout all of my interactions now. I don’t worry about it. I live my life. I’m aware of it though.

          3. JB says:

            TS6157, I am still not quite sure what the definition of emotional thinking is. I always thought I was a fairly logical thinker but I could be wrong..

          4. HG Tudor says:

            See The Addiction Triple Package.

          5. Truthseeker6157 says:

            JB,

            Re: HG’s suggestion.

            I have bought various items from the Knowledge Vault. Each item has greatly increased my understanding and so helped speed up my recovery. The Addiction Triple Package though; that really grabbed me. I purchased it relatively early on in recovery and it was like someone turning a light on in a dark room. It’s my very favourite piece of work by HG.

            Emotional Thinking impacts everything (even if you are bright and a logical thinker) It’s very important to fully understand what it is, how it works against you and how to recognise it in yourself.

          6. JB says:

            Thank you HG and TS6157, for the recommendation!

      3. Leigh says:

        For me, I love the silence. I look forward to the silence. It means peace. Unfortunately, the silence is never long enough though.

        1. Truthseeker6157 says:

          Are you ok Leigh?

  5. A Victor says:

    Ok, I just listened to this on YouTube tonight, 5-6 times, so good! Glad to have them here so I can refer back in a pinch. The interesting thing is that these are things I wouldn’t do to anyone, I mean, they’re across the board insulting. But in certain, carefully chosen circumstances, we’re to use them against a narc in our life, with intent to insult! Something about that is very funny to me…

  6. Eternity says:

    Priceless piece of information!

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