We love fuel. It is our lifeblood. It is what we seek on a daily basis. It powers us. It allows us to exist. It comes from a wide range of suppliers. It comes with varying frequency, potency and effect. Certain people are fountains of fuel, faucets of delicious and edifying fuel, super tankers, wells, reservoirs. Those are the people we target, hunt down and ensnare as our primary sources but fuel can be obtained from anyone and everyone. Of course some provide far more fuel than others and it is those people who form the important suppliers to us. Fuel manifests in many different forms, arising from words, gestures, actions and inactions, so long as there is emotion attached, then fuel is generated and we drain it from those we have attached our fuel lines to and suck it up for our greater glory and empowerment. It is also useful for you to understand that fuel also comes in Proximate and Thought or Think forms.
Proximate Fuel is the fuel that is mentioned the most often. It is also the more potent of the two. Proximate Fuel arises from when we witness your emotional reaction to something that we have done. Accordingly, if we see you cry as a result of us calling you horrible names then we receive Proximate Fuel. If we walk into an arena and receive the adoring applause of thousands of people, that is Proximate Fuel. If, as we walk down the road we draw an admiring glance from somebody, that is Proximate Fuel. It is the most important fuel when it comes in this form and is necessary to the good order of our existence.
Thought Fuel is less potent but that is not to suggest that it should be dismissed. There is still considerable potency in this form of fuel and we rely on it frequently and especially so at particular stages in the narcissistic cycle. Thought Fuel arises when we envisage your emotional reaction to something that we have done or not done. In respect of our primary sources the Thought Fuel is strongest. This is firstly because of that person’s high ranking in terms of the Proximity of Supply but also because we know our primary source very well indeed. Our primary source has been researched, targeted and seduced. During seduction we analysed you further, understanding how you behave based on our experience of others of a similar nature to you but with the addition of gaining direct and daily access to all the subtle nuances, behaviourisms and idiosyncrasies that make you what you are. This knowledge enables us to determine how you react. We continue with our observation and scrutiny through the devaluation. Our knowledge bank about how you will react is burgeoning. We know how you will respond to certain situations and we can envisage how you will look and what you will say. Generating that picture is important because when we apply some form of manipulation against you but we are not beside you or viewing you in order to watch your reaction, we instead absorb the Thought Fuel from knowing how you would respond and with the attendant emotion.
Accordingly, when we impose a silent treatment during devaluation and we do so through absenting ourselves, we of course are unable to see your reaction to our disappearance, but we know what it will be. We know you will anxious and anguished. We know that tears will be trickling down your face or that you will be frantic with worry or that you will be pacing up and down angry at our sudden departure. We know you and in so doing we drink of this Thought Fuel and feel powerful in the knowledge that our manipulation has caused this reaction even though we cannot see this. The silent treatment continues and we continue to draw ThoughtFuel from the knowledge of how it will be affecting you. This Thought Fuel is also intertwined with Proximate Fuel because for example, if you send a heartfelt text to us during this silent treatment, we see the emotion in your words and this provides us with Proximate Fuel alongside the enduring Thought Fuel.
Thought Fuel is especially useful when we engage in our manipulations through silent treatment, or denigrating you and then going out somewhere. We are able to conjure up the image of you distraught at home and fearing our return and this Thought Fuel invigorates us. It is evident when we have discarded you in particular as we think of how you will be reacting once you realise that you have been discarded and that we want no more to do with you. When we hoover you through technology, even though we may not receive a response to our first flurry of texts we will still draw Thought Fuel from it because we know how you will be responding to our communication. It may be excitement, it may be apprehension or it may be hatred, but whatever it is, it will be fuelling us nevertheless and that is all that matters to us.
The drawback with Thought Fuel is that the envisaged reaction cannot be maintained for a long time without the need for Proximate Fuel from that same source. If after four or five days of hoovering somebody by text and there is no response, the empowering effects of imagining what your reaction will be, will wane. If you have decided not to respond as part of instigating No Contact, the failure to respond with Proximate Fuel means that the Thought Fuel can only last so long. Once those few days have elapsed, we need a Proximate Fuel response from you. Of course during this period, we may be getting fuel from different sources (both Proximate and Thought) as is our standard approach. In order to revitalise the Thought Fuel with a particular appliance however we need that appliance to provide Proximate Fuel. Thus after five days of silence with no response, the Thought Fuel will wane. If you then telephone us and cry down the ‘phone because we are not speaking to you, we receive a delicious dollop of Proximate Fuel. If then you fall silent even though we are sending texts, your supply of Proximate Fuel has invigorated the Thought Fuel because you have let us know that it is still affecting you. This direct contact by you has not only given us Proximate Fuel but it has breathed new life into the Thought Fuel which will continue to power us from your envisaged reaction until once again it will wane after a few days.
This situation cuts both ways also. If after a few days of enjoying the Thought Fuel we then have direct contact with you but you provide no fuel by responding to us in a neutral fashion, then if there continues silence thereafter we will not derive any further Thought Fuel from that particular manipulation because you have demonstrated that it is not proving effective. We may continue the silent treatment and focus on a different source of fuel, but we are no longer getting any from you, until such time as we witness Proximate Fuel again.
Thought Fuel underlines our power because it demonstrates to us that we can be super charged from knowing about how you will respond even though we do not see your reaction. To us, that is an example of the considerable power that we wield. It also means that even if you somehow are not reacting in the way that we envisage you would (although this is usually unlikely) at least for a number of days we will still gain Thought Fuel because it is based on how we have witnessed you behave and respond on previous occasions.
Thought Fuel is most often obtained from the Primary Source but it can be drawn from other sources. Knowing how a friend will be reacting to our failure to turn up to his birthday celebration or knowing how somebody serving at a bar will react to our dressing down as we walk away with a smile on our face enables us to draw Thought Fuel from these Methods of Delivery also.
This is why fuel is so important to us. This is why fuel is so pervasive and is the object of all our agendas and manipulations.
What Fuel Feels Like To The Narcissist
8 thoughts on “Thought Fuel”
Extremely informative! Wow this explains a lot. Thank you.
You are welcome.
Sorry if this is TMI but HG can you please help me? I need your unique perspective and unmatched ability to discern narcissistic behavior. You know more than anyone if something is a red flag or not.
I just started dated a guy about a month ago and yesterday he texted me while I was at my parent’s house and asked me to secretly not wear panties under my dress while i was at my parents house and for it be our little secret. Would that be an example of thought fuel? Is that boundary testing? Would you consider that a red flag for narcissism or just being horny?
Hello Diana, for him to request that at such an early juncture in the dating relationship demonstrates a degree of entitlement and poor boundary recognition. It is a red flag but only an indicator and not determinative.
Also a test?
Question is …..did you ?
Don’t tell anyone else, it’ll be our little secret 😉
Luv Bubbles xx 😘
I have a question.
If a narcissist sent a text as a follow up hoover, he both imagines a reaction (thought fuel) and anticipates a response.
If the text is ignored I think this would wound, correct?
If so, which would wound more?
1. Ignore the text entirely so it shows delivered but not read.
2. Open the text so it shows delivered and read but no reply.
I’m thinking 2. No ambiguity that the text was received but, a deliberate move not to answer thus demonstrating the victim is not under control.